Are the first three years of life really the most important?

brightpuma28 said:It’s honestly wild how those first three years are supposedly the most vital stages of development, yet we don't even have a clue what actually happened back then. But if you ask me, that's exactly when kids start carving out their entire personalities, at least from everything I've seen with my own kids

Of course they do. They just soak it all up without even realizing it.
Maybe someone who feels things deeply without quite understanding why is more vulnerable—those experiences tend to stick a bit harder.
Subconscious learning might actually be more effective than trying to teach something on purpose.

A lot of parents probably cut corners during those early years because they assume the kid doesn't get it, so it doesn't matter. They don't realize they're missing the chance to instill things that are nearly impossible to undo later.
I guess it isn't just about whether kids understand or not... It might be worse if they don't.
They're almost certainly making connections somehow. Linking their experiences and how people react to them to something else.
Whether those connections are right or wrong, they still sink in deep.

It seems pretty hard to go back later, realize what happened, and try to fix the damage.

None of us are anything like him; if anything, we’re all pretty reserved and sensitive to what people say about us, which is saying something considering my kid is only three. He doesn't recognize any form of authority, constantly pushes buttons, acts like a complete goofball just to be difficult, and possesses this fearless, stubborn streak where he knows exactly what he wants. Even his preschool teachers mentioned they’ve never encountered a toddler with this level of sheer self-assurance. We actually went to see a specialist, and the psychologist basically gave us a grim forecast that we're in for a rough ride ahead—so much for helpful advice. Does anyone out there have it even more intense than this?

wearybear10 said:None of us are anything like him; if anything, we’re all pretty reserved and sensitive to what people say about us, which is saying something considering my kid is only three. He doesn't recognize any form of authority, constantly pushes buttons, acts like a complete goofball just to be difficult, and possesses this fearless, stubborn streak where he knows exactly what he wants. Even his preschool teachers mentioned they’ve never encountered a toddler with this level of sheer self-assurance. We actually went to see a specialist, and the psychologist basically gave us a grim forecast that we're in for a rough ride ahead—so much for helpful advice. Does anyone out there have it even more intense than this?

Why on earth would a confident kid cause problems? Honestly, I can't believe that woman even managed to graduate from college through actual studying.
That sounds great, you just have to teach him respect for his parents and basic manners, and then he'll be fine.

How on earth is he developing that fast when it’s supposed to take 18 years to reach maturity?

Besides, almost all babies are raised using pretty much the same methods. What kind of "special" technique are you people planning to use that'll somehow yield better results?

And yet, everyone loves to talk about how kids just "transform" into someone else over the course of a few years.

I’m telling you, every single thing a kid runs into in this life ends up shaping who they become, even if just a little bit!

neontrucker41 said:Why on earth would a confident kid cause problems? Honestly, I can't believe that woman even managed to graduate from college through actual studying.
That sounds great, you just have to teach him respect for his parents and basic manners, and then he'll be fine.

Nothing touches him, really. You try to discipline him, and he doesn't care; you insult him, and he won't even flinch; you try to lecture him, and he just laughs in your face. Even if you put him in time-out, it means absolutely nothing to him—he’ll just go off and cause chaos somewhere else. If you attempt to explain things calmly and logically, he either tunes you out completely or pretends he can't hear a word you're saying. He is quite simply living in his own little cinematic universe, entirely unaffected by reality!

wearybear10 said:Nothing touches him, really. You try to discipline him, and he doesn't care; you insult him, and he won't even flinch; you try to lecture him, and he just laughs in your face. Even if you put him in time-out, it means absolutely nothing to him—he’ll just go off and cause chaos somewhere else. If you attempt to explain things calmly and logically, he either tunes you out completely or pretends he can't hear a word you're saying. He is quite simply living in his own little cinematic universe, entirely unaffected by reality!

The issue isn't actually him; the issue is that you haven't established true authority, and you don't seem to know how to command it. If you believe that shouting and making a scene is the way to get results, then you are deeply mistaken. You need to possess an inner strength that makes a child feel a sense of respect—not a fear of the parent, but genuine respect.
I honestly can't explain it any other way... for instance, my own child can be absolutely impossible and refuses to listen to his father, his grandmother, or his grandfather, but when I give an order, he knows it must be followed. Everyone else in the house is baffled, wondering why he listens to me and not them...🙂

I honestly can't recommend Jesper Jullo enough to anyone looking for something worth their time.

wearybear10 said:None of us are anything like him; if anything, we’re all pretty reserved and sensitive to what people say about us, which is saying something considering my kid is only three. He doesn't recognize any form of authority, constantly pushes buttons, acts like a complete goofball just to be difficult, and possesses this fearless, stubborn streak where he knows exactly what he wants. Even his preschool teachers mentioned they’ve never encountered a toddler with this level of sheer self-assurance. We actually went to see a specialist, and the psychologist basically gave us a grim forecast that we're in for a rough ride ahead—so much for helpful advice. Does anyone out there have it even more intense than this?

Psychologists are real geniuses, aren't they? Instead of actually designing useful workshops or giving parents practical tools, they just drop a heavy comment like that and call it a day. Unbelievable.

brightpuma28 said:I’m telling you, every single thing a kid runs into in this life ends up shaping who they become, even if just a little bit!

This is the only thing actually making sense here.
And it’s not just kids—it applies to adults too.

The basics are already set, though; you pretty much know what life throws at you from birth to old age.
Life is technically "easier" for kids today than it was for previous generations. Because information moves so fast now, they've likely adapted to be quicker verbally and more resourceful. But they're also incredibly narrow-minded. All this info is way too simplified and just repeats itself constantly. Nowadays, you can barely find a song or a movie that feels truly original. It's all just cloning information because everyone consumes so much of it. Then you have the bureaucracy stepping in to try and control everything. The end result? You get a hollow generation—one that doesn't know how to think outside the box, only how to parrot what they were taught. You end up with this weird brand of perfectionism, which is a dead end because nobody ever taught them that life isn't about being perfect. That mindset just isolates you and prevents you from actually adapting to reality.

jadetinker85 said:Does anyone have more insight into why psychologists insist those first three years are the make-or-break period? What’s the actual advice for parents? I'm curious about the specific studies out there and what they actually found. If you've got some info, lay it on us. 🙂

It is quite interesting—I can still recall certain details from my own life during that period, and they certainly weren't pleasant.
What should be recommended to parents? Perhaps that they take the responsibility of parenthood seriously—that they prioritize both the physical and mental health of the child. It seems the core advice is to place the child's needs above one's own for at least those initial few years.