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Getting stuck in impossible relationships

Started by Nicholas Moore2 · · 👁 8 views · 28 replies

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Participants Nicholas Moore2Lawrence Allen49Amy Castillo8wiredjackal4Steven Miller80Chloe Booth72stormypilot87Dana Harris2Sean Vaughn8silentjackal52Kevin Wilson3Eric Gray2
Chloe Booth72 Chloe Booth72 Member
14 messages
joined Dec 2010
#21 ·
Nicholas Moore2 said:For the sake of actually keeping this conversation going, let's stick to our forum handles... mine is Nicholas Moore2!

My last "case" happened over the last month and went something like this: he shows me he's interested, and I feel the same way. We spend an evening out at a concert, laughing our heads off, having a blast. We kiss at the end of the night and go our separate ways. Two days later, he surprises me by asking me out for coffee. During the date, I'm cracking jokes, trying way too hard to be cool, nonchalant, funny, whatever... he’s getting totally confused because nothing makes sense, but he kisses me again at the end. Later that day, I text him to see if he wants to grab a drink, and he says yes. A few days later, I'm out with friends and feeling pretty "festive," so I text him to see if he's out. He says he's out with his crew, so being all "high-spirited," I head to the bar where they are. I think I overdid it there. I ended up following him and his group to another bar, and then he basically sent me home with a couple of other people after giving me a goodbye kiss... instead of taking that as enough, I send him a text asking: "Coming over in 5?" ☕ He didn't reply until much later saying he saw the message too late, and since then, things have gone cold.☕
We hung out one more time over the weekend, where he told me I don't seem sincere and that I don't act like I actually care when we're out. Part of that is true, because I act the exact opposite of how I actually feel... this past weekend he asked me if he was boring me, or if I looked like I was just tolerating him... that's how it looks to him. I want to know how to stop these defense mechanisms, like my fake lack of interest in someone I actually like. 🤷

🤣 🤣

No issue here.

Nicholas Moore2 said:For the sake of actually keeping this conversation going, let's stick to our forum handles... mine is Nicholas Moore2!

My last "case" happened over the last month and went something like this: he shows me he's interested, and I feel the same way. We spend an evening out at a concert, laughing our heads off, having a blast. We kiss at the end of the night and go our separate ways. Two days later, he surprises me by asking me out for coffee. During the date, I'm cracking jokes, trying way too hard to be cool, nonchalant, funny, whatever... he’s getting totally confused because nothing makes sense, but he kisses me again at the end. Later that day, I text him to see if he wants to grab a drink, and he says yes. A few days later, I'm out with friends and feeling pretty "festive," so I text him to see if he's out. He says he's out with his crew, so being all "high-spirited," I head to the bar where they are. I think I overdid it there. I ended up following him and his group to another bar, and then he basically sent me home with a couple of other people after giving me a goodbye kiss... instead of taking that as enough, I send him a text asking: "Coming over in 5?" ☕ He didn't reply until much later saying he saw the message too late, and since then, things have gone cold.☕
We hung out one more time over the weekend, where he told me I don't seem sincere and that I don't act like I actually care when we're out. Part of that is true, because I act the exact opposite of how I actually feel... this past weekend he asked me if he was boring me, or if I looked like I was just tolerating him... that's how it looks to him. I want to know how to stop these defense mechanisms, like my fake lack of interest in someone I actually like. 🤷

What you’re describing can barely be called a relationship. It ended before it even started.

You saw him three times, and then he told you he wasn't interested.
Honestly, the reason he gave doesn't even matter, because there hasn't been enough time for him to actually get to know you.

Based on what you said, I can only assume he isn't into girls who hang out with him and his crew. 🤷

I don't really get why you're stressing over this.

Relax, live your life, and try to actually get to know a person before you start overthinking everything.

If you want my opinion, this latest guy is just a total flake. 😁
How are you supposed to behave toward him?
You guys barely know each other, for god's sake.

You don't actually have a problem at all. 🙂
Things don't have to happen with every single person who shows interest.🙂
Nicholas Moore2 Nicholas Moore2 MemberOP
16 messages
joined Dec 2010
#22 ·
Chloe Booth72 said:🤣 🤣

No issue here.

What you’re describing can barely be called a relationship. It ended before it even started.

You saw him three times, and then he told you he wasn't interested.
Honestly, the reason he gave doesn't even matter, because there hasn't been enough time for him to actually get to know you.

Based on what you said, I can only assume he isn't into girls who hang out with him and his crew. 🤷

I don't really get why you're stressing over this.

Relax, live your life, and try to actually get to know a person before you start overthinking everything.

If you want my opinion, this latest guy is just a total flake. 😁
How are you supposed to behave toward him?
You guys barely know each other, for god's sake.

You don't actually have a problem at all. 🙂
Things don't have to happen with every single person who shows interest.🙂

That’s exactly why I titled this thread "Entering the IMPOSSIBLE RELATIONSHIP." 😁

I'm with you on everything. That’s exactly why I’ve started questioning things—the speed at which these connections accelerate until people just... vanish. Honestly, when that happens, why not just let it play out? Let it happen naturally and slowly.🤷 I'll give myself some damn time to see if I even like the person first!

Once I step outside, I just lose it. My behavior becomes totally erratic—complete chaos—and it’s the polar opposite of how I act at my desk. 🤷
Chloe Booth72 Chloe Booth72 Member
14 messages
joined Dec 2010
#23 ·
Nicholas Moore2 said:That’s exactly why I titled this thread "Entering the IMPOSSIBLE RELATIONSHIP." 😁

I'm with you on everything. That’s exactly why I’ve started questioning things—the speed at which these connections accelerate until people just... vanish. Honestly, when that happens, why not just let it play out? Let it happen naturally and slowly.🤷 I'll give myself some damn time to see if I even like the person first!

Once I step outside, I just lose it. My behavior becomes totally erratic—complete chaos—and it’s the polar opposite of how I act at my desk. 🤷

What entrance? You haven't even reached the doorstep yet.😬

Nicholas Moore2 said:That’s exactly why I titled this thread "Entering the IMPOSSIBLE RELATIONSHIP." 😁

I'm with you on everything. That’s exactly why I’ve started questioning things—the speed at which these connections accelerate until people just... vanish. Honestly, when that happens, why not just let it play out? Let it happen naturally and slowly.🤷 I'll give myself some damn time to see if I even like the person first!

Once I step outside, I just lose it. My behavior becomes totally erratic—complete chaos—and it’s the polar opposite of how I act at my desk. 🤷

Why the desperate rush to force a relationship?
For all you know, one of them could actually make a decent friend.

But hey, you pretty much answered your own question.🙂
Nicholas Moore2 Nicholas Moore2 MemberOP
16 messages
joined Dec 2010
#24 ·
Chloe Booth72 said:What entrance? You haven't even reached the doorstep yet.😬

Why the desperate rush to force a relationship?
For all you know, one of them could actually make a decent friend.

But hey, you pretty much answered your own question.🙂


It seems like when someone doesn't have a clear definition of what a "relationship" actually is, they develop this totally warped perception. They end up charging blindly into things and crossing lines they really shouldn't. Honestly, I think it ties back to self-respect and unresolved childhood or teenage trauma.

As for the whole sense of moranje regarding getting into a relationship—I've noticed a lot of girls in my circle act that way, so maybe I just "picked up" that pattern. I don't know. A relationship isn't even on my radar right now. I'm hoping that once I work on myself, I'll naturally start surrounding myself with different kinds of people.🤷
Chloe Booth72 Chloe Booth72 Member
14 messages
joined Dec 2010
#25 ·
Nicholas Moore2 said:It seems like when someone doesn't have a clear definition of what a "relationship" actually is, they develop this totally warped perception. They end up charging blindly into things and crossing lines they really shouldn't. Honestly, I think it ties back to self-respect and unresolved childhood or teenage trauma.

As for the whole sense of moranje regarding getting into a relationship—I've noticed a lot of girls in my circle act that way, so maybe I just "picked up" that pattern. I don't know. A relationship isn't even on my radar right now. I'm hoping that once I work on myself, I'll naturally start surrounding myself with different kinds of people.🤷

I'm not sure how old you are, but you seem incredibly young.
Just go out, have fun, meet people, and eventually, you'll run into someone you actually want to be serious with. 🙂
Just relax...
Nicholas Moore2 Nicholas Moore2 MemberOP
16 messages
joined Dec 2010
#26 ·
Chloe Booth72 said:I'm not sure how old you are, but you seem incredibly young.
Just go out, have fun, meet people, and eventually, you'll run into someone you actually want to be serious with. 🙂
Just relax...

I'm 26. Not sure if that's young or old,🙂 but it feels way too much if I'm constantly running into the same pattern where things end before they even get off the ground.🙄

Look, I get that I need to chill and just live my life. I *am* doing that, honestly. It's just when this stuff happens, I'm stuck. I know something has to change, I just can't pinpoint if it's my mindset, my actions, or just how I approach life.🤷

Anyway, thanks for the input.👍
silentjackal52 silentjackal52 Member
10 messages
joined Feb 2013
#27 ·
Amy Castillo8 said:I honestly burst out laughing when I read this...

Honey, that isn't an issue. It is simply the reality of living in a world full of foolish men.😁

No, jokes aside. Perhaps the issue is that you attempt to secure a commitment too quickly. You give everything away too soon. Once they feel they have fully conquered you, they flee.

Your comment about waiting until you see that a man "likes" you suggests something else. Are you perhaps projecting an air of desperation? Do they run because they feel trapped?

And then there is the matter of being intoxicated. What kind of sane man would look for a serious partner after meeting someone while drunk? You are looking for romance in all the wrong places.

How is the author unaware that she keeps picking the wrong, problematic men?🤷
Kevin Wilson3 Kevin Wilson3 Newcomer
1 message
joined Apr 2013
#28 ·
Nicholas Moore2 said:For the sake of actually keeping this conversation going, let's stick to our forum handles... mine is Nicholas Moore2!

My last "case" happened over the last month and went something like this: he shows me he's interested, and I feel the same way. We spend an evening out at a concert, laughing our heads off, having a blast. We kiss at the end of the night and go our separate ways. Two days later, he surprises me by asking me out for coffee. During the date, I'm cracking jokes, trying way too hard to be cool, nonchalant, funny, whatever... he’s getting totally confused because nothing makes sense, but he kisses me again at the end. Later that day, I text him to see if he wants to grab a drink, and he says yes. A few days later, I'm out with friends and feeling pretty "festive," so I text him to see if he's out. He says he's out with his crew, so being all "high-spirited," I head to the bar where they are. I think I overdid it there. I ended up following him and his group to another bar, and then he basically sent me home with a couple of other people after giving me a goodbye kiss... instead of taking that as enough, I send him a text asking: "Coming over in 5?" ☕ He didn't reply until much later saying he saw the message too late, and since then, things have gone cold.☕
We hung out one more time over the weekend, where he told me I don't seem sincere and that I don't act like I actually care when we're out. Part of that is true, because I act the exact opposite of how I actually feel... this past weekend he asked me if he was boring me, or if I looked like I was just tolerating him... that's how it looks to him. I want to know how to stop these defense mechanisms, like my fake lack of interest in someone I actually like. 🤷

Personally, I think you went a bit overboard; you're coming on way too strong. If I were in his shoes, I would have felt some serious pressure—first the text, then showing up at the pub, and then another text.🤷
It’s the same thing with when he surprised you for coffee; you really shouldn't have called him for another drink that very same day. It makes a person start to look desperate, or at least that’s how it would look to me.🤷
Eric Gray2 Eric Gray2 Regular
254 messages
joined Jul 2014
#29 ·
This topic is from back in 2010—let’s just let it rest in peace.

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