How do I tell her she's wrong without starting a fight?

...so... yeah... I really hope these changes stick for the long haul... and that she finally manages to strip away all that nonsense she spent years reading about and mimicking from those old books... I just want her to actually find some peace at the end of it all... without feeling the need to broadcast how happy she is... just let her exist, you know?

Congrats, Rebecca Scott3 😉

I'm glad you pulled it off, though I guess I was more than a little skeptical.

The main thing is that you told her how you felt without making it some huge deal where you can't hang out anymore. Who knows what happens next, maybe. People don't just change overnight. But once someone actually realizes where they messed up, most of the work is done, I suppose!

casualscout6 said:Has she ever even asked you to help her fix those problems?
Did she ask for your take on what went wrong?

If those two aren't in the picture anymore, I’d be pretty annoyed if I were in her shoes dealing with you trying to step in. Your friend isn't perfect. Look, forget her flaws for a second. You're already calling her arrogant, and now you're going to lecture her on how she can have a great love life and basically save her from herself. 🤣
Does that not set off a little alarm in your head?

Look, if she asks, be a decent person and a friend—tell her the truth as you see it. If you're stuck between a yes or no, when she brings it up, just ask her straight out if she wants support or if she's ready for some brutal honesty. Then respect whatever she says. People will still get their feelings hurt, but hopefully, real friendship matters more than a bruised ego (and it pays to be tactful but direct).

Otherwise, you just look like the "friend" who's convinced she knows what's best for everyone else and is now going to tell this woman how to live her life. She's fifty. Since when are you the authority on her romantic life? I mean, you get me—dumping unsolicited advice on someone is basically acting superior to them, and that's something people generally hate.
Personally, it would drive me insane if a friend tried to dictate what I should or shouldn't do in my own life. I have zero tolerance for people who try to play boss over their social circle.

If you're her friend, then just be her friend, even if she keeps making the same stupid mistakes forever. It's not your job to fix her (even in some crazy hypothetical world where you actually had the power to do so. Let's be real—you don't. You aren't going to "save" her by pointing out her flaws. You can't help; she's the only one who can help herself if she decides she needs it). Your only real choice is deciding whether or not you want to hang out with someone like that. If you do, be a friend, not a mother.

And if you're really itching to "explain" her mistakes to her, I suggest you at least ask if she even wants to hear your opinion first. Or wait until her next venting session about her current guy; if she's coming to you for advice then, just give it to her straight.

I'm reading and learning. Very beautifully put.👍

Jerry Martinez5 said:Congrats, Rebecca Scott3 😉

I'm glad you pulled it off, though I guess I was more than a little skeptical.

The main thing is that you told her how you felt without making it some huge deal where you can't hang out anymore. Who knows what happens next, maybe. People don't just change overnight. But once someone actually realizes where they messed up, most of the work is done, I suppose!

....and listen.....there's going to be plenty of bumps in the road ahead....but what gives me hope is how different she was twenty years ago.....back when that divorce hit her hard.....she started swallowing all those nonsense ideas about how she "had" to think about herself and being successful at any cost....constantly telling herself she was fine, that she was winning, that she felt great......you know the drill......and she grabbed onto that like a drowning person grabs a life raft. She found this group that acted as a sort of sanctuary for her.....but it went to an extreme because her fears and loneliness were so intense.......so that's how it went.....after all these years, we finally reconnected and started talking again, looking back and trying to make sense of everything now.
....I think she's slowly shedding all that junk she picked up over the years.....but it’s going to take some time.....and I'll be right here for her.....plus, her partner is a level-headed guy who understands what she's been through, so she really does have the support she needs to get herself sorted out.
....My conscience is clear. I tried my best... and I'm always here if she needs to talk.
....We'll just have to see how things play out.

...it’s been about seven months now... my close friend finally moved in with her new partner... and honestly? I don't think I've ever seen her this happy, this centered... or just so incredibly full of love...🙂