I feel numb to other people's suffering

I honestly lost it for weeks after my cat passed away

I used to spend so much time just sitting there talking to him in the living room—telling him he was my only real friend. I mean, that’s the thing about pets, right? He’d just sit there, listening, playing, never judging me, just wanting to hang out and get some scratches behind the ears. He genuinely loved being around me, so when he died... man, it felt like losing my absolute best friend.

I take pleasure in seeing others suffer, because I know they’d do the exact same thing to me.

I think modern society is fundamentally broken. We’re seeing a massive surge in people lacking any semblance of empathy, even for those closest to them. It’s grim. People have become incredibly selfish, obsessed with nothing but their own interests and personal gain.
If everyone actually cared about helping others—even complete strangers who offer them absolutely nothing in return—the world would be a much better place. But let’s be real: that’s a total utopia.

Regarding this specific issue, it might actually function as a defense mechanism. I was exactly like that during my teenage years. Honestly, if my own mother had passed away back then, I probably wouldn't have shed a single tear (much like the protagonist in Camus's *The Stranger*). I was just completely indifferent to everything. It all stemmed from deep frustration, social alienation, and general dissatisfaction. Eventually, you start caring about the whole world, venting that bottled-up rage onto everyone else and trampling over anyone in your path.
I highly doubt anyone is "naturally" heartless. You just have to look inward and do the work. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to seek out some psychotherapy 🙂

PS The last time I found myself taking pleasure in someone else's misfortune was back in elementary school. Maybe that's normal at that age. If I felt that way now, I'd be seriously concerned. 🤷

It’s been happening for years now—it feels like every single tragedy that hits my life just cranks the volume up even higher

I guess it’s some kind of defense mechanism, or maybe I'm just trying to make sense of why everything hits me so hard while other people seem to glide through life so effortlessly

Honestly, I’ve been dealt a losing hand since day one—just constant hardship from everyone around me. My dad passed away, my mom almost died, and there was a point where I nearly checked out myself. My grandma is gone, an aunt who was basically my whole world when I was a kid moved halfway across the country, my brother is sitting in a federal penitentiary, my mom can't stand my boyfriend, and we’re constantly broke. Sometimes I’m just paralyzed by fear, and I can't wrap my head around what I could have possibly done to deserve this much chaos. I don't know... maybe this numbness is just my brain's way of protecting itself. Who knows

The more indifferent I become, the easier things actually feel, I guess. It doesn't hit quite as hard when things go south, and I still try to fight and push through, but most days nothing really seems to matter. The only thing keeping me going is the simple fact that I have to exist—so how or why I do it doesn't seem to be all that important anymore

There you go. You basically just answered your own question about why you feel this way.
It’s clearly a defense mechanism. You’re avoiding emotional investment by taking the path of least resistance. It’s just easier to stay indifferent while being unhappy with your life than it is to actually do something about it.
Life hasn't been kind to you. You don't want to deal with more pain, and you lack empathy for others because maybe you didn't get enough support when you were struggling. Perhaps you felt overlooked or pushed aside back then—so now, you're paying it forward.
I’m sure you aren't a bad person, let alone a heartless one. This is just a byproduct of what you've been through. You've recognized there's an issue here, so my advice is to find a therapist.

Look, I don't think you're to blame for any of this—not even a little bit. You got burned by people you actually cared about, and now it’s just bleeding into everything else. Maybe once you find someone worth your time who can help you move past it, things will settle down. Honestly, I really hope that happens for you. 🙂

You’ve actually got all the right ingredients to become a total cold-blooded sociopath... 🙂
Honestly, I don't even blink at news articles unless they're happening right here in my own backyard... but seriously, imagine if we actually lost our minds and felt devastated for every single person who gets killed, harassed, or loses everything... you've gotta protect your own peace of mind somehow...

And look, when the moment actually hits you—when you have a real, valid reason to feel something—you'll feel it... it'll happen naturally...

Besides, there's nothing helpful about telling someone "well, at least it could be worse" when their life is being torn apart by some tragedy... comparing your own luck or misery to someone else's absolute nightmare doesn't fix anything, it just leads to a massive clusterfuck...

George Clark19 said:I don't know... I guess I just hold myself to these massive, impossible standards—like, I always feel this crushing need to do the right thing, even if it ends up screwing me over in the long run.
It’s like, in my own head, I can't even let myself have a single wrong thought. I can't even think, "wow, this person is being an idiot," because, you know, we're all human and we all mess up and stuff... that whole deal.

@Linda Taylor11, yeah, it's happened a bunch of times lately—more than I really want to talk about, honestly—but I just don't know what to make of it anymore. It seems like someone close to me is always messing up or going through some disaster, and then I'm just left there, stuck cleaning up everyone else's mess. I never have anyone to actually step up and look out for me, you know? So, I guess I've felt pretty much alone in this world for as long as I can remember—though, I suppose we're all kind of alone deep down anyway.

My only real goal in life is just to be a good person, but somehow I always trip over something. And as for being cold or unfeeling? Honestly, I just worry that maybe I'm some kind of psycho.😁

You aren't a psychopath. 🙂You just sound exhausted. As if you’ve simply run out of the capacity to care. Given everything you've written, can we really blame you? It seems life has placed quite a heavy burden on your shoulders.
Imagine trekking around all day with a 50-pound backpack, only to end the night performing a high-intensity folk dance. Is that supposed to be a workout? 😍 After that, you wouldn't have any energy left for anything else; you'd be forced to just sit down and recover. 🙂

As for this second wave of exhaustion, a pillow and a blanket aren't doing much to help. What actually works? I haven't the slightest clue. 😢

Samuel Reed2 said:You aren't a psychopath. 🙂You just sound exhausted. As if you’ve simply run out of the capacity to care. Given everything you've written, can we really blame you? It seems life has placed quite a heavy burden on your shoulders.
Imagine trekking around all day with a 50-pound backpack, only to end the night performing a high-intensity folk dance. Is that supposed to be a workout? 😍 After that, you wouldn't have any energy left for anything else; you'd be forced to just sit down and recover. 🙂

As for this second wave of exhaustion, a pillow and a blanket aren't doing much to help. What actually works? I haven't the slightest clue. 😢

A week off at a beach house or somewhere deep in the mountains without a phone, zero internet, and absolutely no annoying people 😍😍... man, I'd go straight to the mountains right now... or maybe just head to the coast...

It sounds a bit like a personality disorder. Generally speaking, the symptoms you're describing are pretty common in people who have dealt with intense emotional trauma in the past. It often starts with being hyper-sensitive and eventually swings all the way over to feeling totally numb. If you’re looking to change that, giving psychotherapy a shot might help. It can be effective depending on how long this has been going on and what the actual root cause is—which isn't always what you'd first assume. The good news is that you actually want to change this, which means there's definitely hope. Good luck!

It’s not like I spend my whole day dwelling on it,
but look—when someone else is killing it, you know, landing a killer job at some big firm or whatever, I get jealous. I won't deny it. But honestly? It’s not everyone. Not all of them. I mostly feel that way about people I think don't actually deserve it—which, let's be real, feels like a pretty huge chunk of the population. Most people are just plain rude, if you ask me. Of course, if I’m getting good vibes from someone, how could I even be mad? I can't wish them bad luck or feel bitter when they're decent folks; I just sort of hope that maybe, eventually, I'll reach that same level myself.

Then you’ve got those people who just drive me up the wall with their sheer passivity—always whining, always complaining, but never actually wanting to change a single thing. They just end up draining everyone around them and ruining the vibe for the whole day. They aren't necessarily jerks, per se, but they’re just... exhausting.

I used to be so incredibly sensitive. I mean, seriously, I used to suffer over everything and everyone, every single person on this planet. But now? Seeing how people refuse to change and how nothing ever seems to actually get better... I don't know, I’ve just kind of checked out. I don't care anymore.

I guess I just love being cynical. I’m super critical of people—and yeah, I’m just as hard on myself, too—even though I know deep down that perfection is a total myth.

It’s just like... I’m sick of feeling like I’m constantly at rock bottom. I’m exhausted by it. And instead of actually doing the work to change myself, it’s like I’m waiting for the entire world to shift and just accommodate me. Sometimes I wonder if I’m secretly some massive narcissist, which is weird because I’ve never been the center of attention in my life. People actually think I’m this totally stoic, phlegmatic person, but that isn't even remotely close to the truth.

Even stuff like seeing an ambulance fly past on the highway—it scares me instantly, thinking maybe someone I know got hurt or something.

The thing is, I compare myself to others way too much, and it makes me feel like absolute garbage. I get this sinking feeling that everyone else has it so much easier. Like, even when things go south for them, they just keep moving forward while I just keep sinking. Maybe it’s some kind of twisted compensation mechanism, but part of me almost wants everyone else to feel my pain, too.

I spent so many years just swallowing everything—taking the hits, enduring the disrespect and whatever else came my way—that I guess it finally had to come out somehow.
And I just want it to stop. I don't want to dwell on this stuff, and I really don't want to be a bad person. The guilt gets so heavy sometimes that I honestly worry I’m headed straight for hell.

I get it, logically. Other people's lives have nothing to do with mine, even the ones closest to me. But when I start comparing, I just feel like trash and the envy creeps in. Even though, more often than not, it turns out the person I'm envying isn't even that perfect. Everyone has their own mess to deal with, more or less. It's all normal, and I should be okay. Life is actually pretty good, and there’s no point in comparing ourselves to others or being bitter and miserable over the past and all that.

Honestly, I don't feel any pity at all. I’m actually starting to wonder if there's something wrong with me, so I'm pretty glad this topic even exists. Pity? I've just never felt that way. Not for anyone, really. And I definitely don't want anyone feeling worthless or "less than" because of me. Period.☕

Last Friday, I found myself sitting on a bench at a bus stop next to a woman who was, to put it mildly, sobbing. Instead of saying anything, I just looked away and took a sip of my water. I didn't ask if she was okay—which, let's be honest, was clearly not the case 😁—or if there was anything I could do to help. Now, I can't stop beating myself up over it. It felt cold. Honestly, just plain rude.☕

I don't really have an overwhelming amount of empathy, I guess—not that I'm cold or anything. I can sit down and talk with someone, offer some advice, and I'm happy to listen, but it doesn't exactly hit me deep in the soul. I know people who will agonize for days over a problem someone shared with them, but for me? It just evaporates after five minutes. Even with people I was actually dating—once a relationship ends, it’s almost like I'm breaking up with a total stranger.

I wouldn't say I feel pity, but I don't think that makes me a bad person—I still help out whenever I can. It’s not about sympathy; it’s just that helping people makes me feel good. Besides, I tend to stay much calmer in unexpected situations than most people do.

To be honest, my empathy levels are pretty low. When a close relative passed away, nobody else could even bring themselves to go identify the body. Everyone was falling apart, yet there I was at twenty years old, handling the whole thing without any trouble at all. The only time I truly feel empathy is when I've actually wronged someone (which isn't often), and then I feel absolutely terrible about it.

As for these minor human struggles, I don't really feel any pity. My first thought is usually just how incompetent people are being, though I make sure to act supportive regardless.

brisksailor8 said:I take pleasure in seeing others suffer, because I know they’d do the exact same thing to me.

But honestly? You aren't getting anything out of it besides feeling a little bit more wicked than usual. 😁

George Clark19 said:It’s not like I spend my whole day dwelling on it,
but look—when someone else is killing it, you know, landing a killer job at some big firm or whatever, I get jealous. I won't deny it. But honestly? It’s not everyone. Not all of them. I mostly feel that way about people I think don't actually deserve it—which, let's be real, feels like a pretty huge chunk of the population. Most people are just plain rude, if you ask me. Of course, if I’m getting good vibes from someone, how could I even be mad? I can't wish them bad luck or feel bitter when they're decent folks; I just sort of hope that maybe, eventually, I'll reach that same level myself.

Then you’ve got those people who just drive me up the wall with their sheer passivity—always whining, always complaining, but never actually wanting to change a single thing. They just end up draining everyone around them and ruining the vibe for the whole day. They aren't necessarily jerks, per se, but they’re just... exhausting.

I used to be so incredibly sensitive. I mean, seriously, I used to suffer over everything and everyone, every single person on this planet. But now? Seeing how people refuse to change and how nothing ever seems to actually get better... I don't know, I’ve just kind of checked out. I don't care anymore.

I guess I just love being cynical. I’m super critical of people—and yeah, I’m just as hard on myself, too—even though I know deep down that perfection is a total myth.

It’s just like... I’m sick of feeling like I’m constantly at rock bottom. I’m exhausted by it. And instead of actually doing the work to change myself, it’s like I’m waiting for the entire world to shift and just accommodate me. Sometimes I wonder if I’m secretly some massive narcissist, which is weird because I’ve never been the center of attention in my life. People actually think I’m this totally stoic, phlegmatic person, but that isn't even remotely close to the truth.

Even stuff like seeing an ambulance fly past on the highway—it scares me instantly, thinking maybe someone I know got hurt or something.

The thing is, I compare myself to others way too much, and it makes me feel like absolute garbage. I get this sinking feeling that everyone else has it so much easier. Like, even when things go south for them, they just keep moving forward while I just keep sinking. Maybe it’s some kind of twisted compensation mechanism, but part of me almost wants everyone else to feel my pain, too.

I spent so many years just swallowing everything—taking the hits, enduring the disrespect and whatever else came my way—that I guess it finally had to come out somehow.
And I just want it to stop. I don't want to dwell on this stuff, and I really don't want to be a bad person. The guilt gets so heavy sometimes that I honestly worry I’m headed straight for hell.

I get it, logically. Other people's lives have nothing to do with mine, even the ones closest to me. But when I start comparing, I just feel like trash and the envy creeps in. Even though, more often than not, it turns out the person I'm envying isn't even that perfect. Everyone has their own mess to deal with, more or less. It's all normal, and I should be okay. Life is actually pretty good, and there’s no point in comparing ourselves to others or being bitter and miserable over the past and all that.

You're totally normal. Nobody expects you to be in agony just because someone else is. Just don't take it out on others because your life is hitting a rough patch—that's enough of a burden on its own.

Nathan Kelly5 said:I wouldn't say I feel pity, but I don't think that makes me a bad person—I still help out whenever I can. It’s not about sympathy; it’s just that helping people makes me feel good. Besides, I tend to stay much calmer in unexpected situations than most people do.

To be honest, my empathy levels are pretty low. When a close relative passed away, nobody else could even bring themselves to go identify the body. Everyone was falling apart, yet there I was at twenty years old, handling the whole thing without any trouble at all. The only time I truly feel empathy is when I've actually wronged someone (which isn't often), and then I feel absolutely terrible about it.

As for these minor human struggles, I don't really feel any pity. My first thought is usually just how incompetent people are being, though I make sure to act supportive regardless.

looks like we're cut from the same cloth😁

I don't know if it's sad that there are so many of us who are basically the same, or if this is just... normal, I guess.

To be totally honest, I was pretty terrified to come here—I was scared I'd just get jumped by a bunch of hateful comments—but I finally worked up the nerve.😁

A lack of empathy isn't actually your flaw—it’s a problem for the people expecting it from you when it doesn't show up.
That whole story about the kid in the news? That's just standard media fare. You aren't responsible for a child passing away, and honestly, kids die way more often than the headlines would have you believe. If we actually stopped to grieve every single tragedy, we'd all be walking around dehydrated. It's a harsh reality, but it's true. 🤷
Anyway, judging by your post, you clearly have a conscience. These days, there are plenty of people performing "empathy" for an audience, but very few who actually possess a genuine sense of right and wrong.
So, you're actually ahead of the curve here. Besides, empathy is easy enough to fake if the situation ever really calls for it. 😉

velvetharbor47 said:A lack of empathy isn't actually your flaw—it’s a problem for the people expecting it from you when it doesn't show up.
That whole story about the kid in the news? That's just standard media fare. You aren't responsible for a child passing away, and honestly, kids die way more often than the headlines would have you believe. If we actually stopped to grieve every single tragedy, we'd all be walking around dehydrated. It's a harsh reality, but it's true. 🤷
Anyway, judging by your post, you clearly have a conscience. These days, there are plenty of people performing "empathy" for an audience, but very few who actually possess a genuine sense of right and wrong.
So, you're actually ahead of the curve here. Besides, empathy is easy enough to fake if the situation ever really calls for it. 😉

Yeah, exactly. 😉

I’m highly empathetic—by some definitions, anyway. I can practically feel what someone else is going through, and honestly, it gets on my nerves sometimes. But trying to comfort someone, or heaven forbid, crying because someone else is hurting? That’s never been my thing... and I don't really try to change that. I just think when someone is down, they usually move past it faster if you don't dwell on it or keep rehashing everything that went wrong... 🤷