How to deal with hypocrites?

lonegardener said:🤷 I honestly can't wrap my head around it. To build up that level of trust over such a long period, only to suddenly realize someone was being two-faced the entire time? It’s infuriating. This wasn't some accidental slip of the tongue or a simple "oops" moment—this felt calculated. It feels like they went out of their way to be deceptive, specifically with the intention of causing harm.

Give it a shot. Honestly, I don't see what kind of "effect" there could possibly be from sharing secrets. The only real impact comes from the act itself. For it to actually work, the person you’re talking to just needs to meet two simple criteria: you have to genuinely care about them, and they have to be someone you can trust. I keep hearing examples that suggest the exact opposite. 😬

It’s entirely possible. There’s a massive difference between simply choosing not to share something and being deeply, fundamentally hurt when you eventually do. If you're feeling that level of pain, you can't just brush it off as "minor details I'd rather keep private." It clearly matters. And if it matters that much, you really have to be careful about who you trust. 🤷

Exactly. You have to be incredibly careful about who you trust with information that could potentially be used against you. 😍

I get the difference between a slip of the tongue and doing it on purpose
Actually, I’m not just sticking to the word "secret"—you see how I keep putting it in quotes, so let's expand the idea of hypocrisy... it isn't just about leaking "secrets," it feels a bit silly to say 😁
that you misjudged someone; after all this time, it happens, why wouldn't it? I accept that and don't view it as some massive catastrophe
what interests me more is the reaction that follows that realization
And honestly, this whole idea of building trust over a "long time" is debatable too, because where is that period when everything moves so fast?
But hey, anything is possible
I was just thinking, you know 🤔... I have someone I trust, though I won't claim that trust is absolute. We've established it, so to speak, but it’s not set in stone for me (can anything ever be?) and doubts creep in constantly, so I'd say... the thing is, this person doesn't get "offended," but then there are those who practically blow a whistle the second you even hint at a lack of trust
So now I'm wondering... is it a bigger mistake to withhold trust than it is to give it to the wrong person? 🤷
It’s like with the first one, you never really see the fallout, whereas the second one hits you right in the face and is very tangible, but what about distrust itself and how destructive can it actually be?
(just typing this out quickly...🙄)

Quincy:

Give it a shot. Because I don't see what kind of 'effect' there could possibly be from sharing secrets. The only effect lies in the act of sharing itself; the person you tell needs to meet just two criteria: you have to care about them (and vice versa), and they have to be reliable. I hear plenty of examples where that isn't the case. 😬

True, the effect is in the act of sharing, which means that's the priority... the sharing... there's satisfaction in that, and those two conditions become secondary
Then again, they say every pleasure comes with a price, so if you set those conditions aside, you pay for it—like choosing to take a risk consciously

And how big is the risk of staying silent? If those two conditions are met

Quincy:

Exactly—be careful who you confide in when you know the information could be used against you. 😍

The point is, there is no specific "topic" that can hurt you.
It’s the act itself that does the damage (once those 😛 conditions are met), if you catch my drift.

Sean Cruz said:I am fully aware of what you're saying. I've dealt with my fair share of hypocrites—from high school and college drama to those "friends" who would try to steal your boyfriend, 😁 all the way up to colleagues in the workplace. Usually, my gut instinct kicks in immediately; I can spot those types from a mile away because their patterns are so predictable. However, there are certain people you actually *do* let in. I don't make friends with just anyone, but then a betrayal happens. You realize someone was being calculated, mapping out your vulnerabilities just to exploit them and win you over. People like that aren't everywhere, but they're definitely present. How do you learn to trust again? Honestly, I'm already hard enough on myself as it is. 🤣 I know not everyone is like that—I have real, genuine friends—but once you've been burned, you tend to be wary of even the simplest things, right?

To me, the danger lies in that constant state of paranoia.

Quincy:

...And that’s the thing eating at me—how do I actually trust my own judgment again?

Look, you don't need total, blind faith in your own calls, and that's really the answer 👍
you can always mess up.
I honestly think it's more honest to give yourself some breathing room to be wrong rather than constantly second-guessing every single move you make.
Though, personally, I'm struggling to pull that off.😠

Sean Cruz said:It’s quite simple, really. I am—for the most part—an honest person. I don't say much, but when I do, I mean it. My father still insists that being this way is a virtue and how one ought to carry themselves. 🙄
Quincy:

Furthermore, it seems to me that the most effective manipulation strategy is to convincingly play the part of an honest person. Rather than, say, acting mysterious.

😁

What makes you say that?

Quincy:

Now that I think about it, all of this was actually covered in one great movie: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093223/

I haven't seen that one, but I'll look for it. Thanks. 🙂

Quincy:

I don't quite follow... the whole issue is precisely that you can't tell if there are games being played or not.

I'm fairly certain there were games at play. Though, perhaps not. 🤣

Quincy:

Somewhere in between difficult and impossible, I'd wager... 😢

If you figure it out, let me know. It's eating at me, and I can't seem to help myself—at least not right now.

I wouldn't go so far as to say "how someone should be."

That’s really the million-dollar question, isn't it? The ultimate question: how *should* we be? I honestly have no clue. I know what I like; but whether that's how one "ought" to act—I just don't know.

Sean Cruz said:It’s quite simple, really. I am—for the most part—an honest person. I don't say much, but when I do, I mean it. My father still insists that being this way is a virtue and how one ought to carry themselves. 🙄
Quincy:

Furthermore, it seems to me that the most effective manipulation strategy is to convincingly play the part of an honest person. Rather than, say, acting mysterious.

😁

What makes you say that?

Quincy:

Now that I think about it, all of this was actually covered in one great movie: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093223/

I haven't seen that one, but I'll look for it. Thanks. 🙂

Quincy:

I don't quite follow... the whole issue is precisely that you can't tell if there are games being played or not.

I'm fairly certain there were games at play. Though, perhaps not. 🤣

Quincy:

Somewhere in between difficult and impossible, I'd wager... 😢

If you figure it out, let me know. It's eating at me, and I can't seem to help myself—at least not right now.

I'm judging based on my own experience. Since I have zero interest in mystery, I'd probably be the easiest person to fool with some brilliantly acted "honesty."

(It would be easy, sure, but still—not exactly a walk in the park. 😍 )

Sean Cruz said:It’s quite simple, really. I am—for the most part—an honest person. I don't say much, but when I do, I mean it. My father still insists that being this way is a virtue and how one ought to carry themselves. 🙄
Quincy:

Furthermore, it seems to me that the most effective manipulation strategy is to convincingly play the part of an honest person. Rather than, say, acting mysterious.

😁

What makes you say that?

Quincy:

Now that I think about it, all of this was actually covered in one great movie: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093223/

I haven't seen that one, but I'll look for it. Thanks. 🙂

Quincy:

I don't quite follow... the whole issue is precisely that you can't tell if there are games being played or not.

I'm fairly certain there were games at play. Though, perhaps not. 🤣

Quincy:

Somewhere in between difficult and impossible, I'd wager... 😢

If you figure it out, let me know. It's eating at me, and I can't seem to help myself—at least not right now.

Ah, were you talking about the past? I didn't realize...

Sean Cruz said:It’s quite simple, really. I am—for the most part—an honest person. I don't say much, but when I do, I mean it. My father still insists that being this way is a virtue and how one ought to carry themselves. 🙄
Quincy:

Furthermore, it seems to me that the most effective manipulation strategy is to convincingly play the part of an honest person. Rather than, say, acting mysterious.

😁

What makes you say that?

Quincy:

Now that I think about it, all of this was actually covered in one great movie: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093223/

I haven't seen that one, but I'll look for it. Thanks. 🙂

Quincy:

I don't quite follow... the whole issue is precisely that you can't tell if there are games being played or not.

I'm fairly certain there were games at play. Though, perhaps not. 🤣

Quincy:

Somewhere in between difficult and impossible, I'd wager... 😢

If you figure it out, let me know. It's eating at me, and I can't seem to help myself—at least not right now.

Sure thing, but don't hold your breath. I'm not feeling particularly optimistic about that...

Sean Cruz said:I am fully aware of what you're saying. I've dealt with my fair share of hypocrites—from high school and college drama to those "friends" who would try to steal your boyfriend, 😁 all the way up to colleagues in the workplace. Usually, my gut instinct kicks in immediately; I can spot those types from a mile away because their patterns are so predictable. However, there are certain people you actually *do* let in. I don't make friends with just anyone, but then a betrayal happens. You realize someone was being calculated, mapping out your vulnerabilities just to exploit them and win you over. People like that aren't everywhere, but they're definitely present. How do you learn to trust again? Honestly, I'm already hard enough on myself as it is. 🤣 I know not everyone is like that—I have real, genuine friends—but once you've been burned, you tend to be wary of even the simplest things, right?

But look, there isn't a single soul on this planet who hasn't been burned at some point. Not one.

That’s why every living person eventually has to learn the hard way: how to read people, how to set boundaries, and how to manage expectations.

lonegardener said:I wouldn't go so far as to say "how someone should be."

That’s really the million-dollar question, isn't it? The ultimate question: how *should* we be? I honestly have no clue. I know what I like; but whether that's how one "ought" to act—I just don't know.

I'm judging based on my own experience. Since I have zero interest in mystery, I'd probably be the easiest person to fool with some brilliantly acted "honesty."

(It would be easy, sure, but still—not exactly a walk in the park. 😍 )

Ah, were you talking about the past? I didn't realize...

Sure thing, but don't hold your breath. I'm not feeling particularly optimistic about that...

I face the same dilemma; I have no idea who I am supposed to be. Everyone seems to have their own grand theories on how one should conduct themselves, but I simply am who I am. I have no intention of undergoing any radical transformations. 😁
Quincy:

I judge based on my own experience. Since I have no interest in mystery, the easiest way to deceive me would be through a brilliantly performed display of "sincerity." (The easiest way, perhaps, though still quite a challenge. 😍 )

Are you aware that you are posting this publicly? Someone might just take advantage of that. 😍 🤣
Quincy:

Ah, were you referring to the past? I didn't realize...

If it weren't in the past, I wouldn't even be able to write about it—I'd be eating my own heart out.

Quincy:

Certainly, but don't hold your breath. I'm not feeling particularly optimistic about it...

Perhaps Sandra Parker3 will find a solution. She is far more optimistic than we are. 😍

Sandra Parker3 said:I get the difference between a slip of the tongue and doing it on purpose
Actually, I’m not just sticking to the word "secret"—you see how I keep putting it in quotes, so let's expand the idea of hypocrisy... it isn't just about leaking "secrets," it feels a bit silly to say 😁
that you misjudged someone; after all this time, it happens, why wouldn't it? I accept that and don't view it as some massive catastrophe
what interests me more is the reaction that follows that realization
And honestly, this whole idea of building trust over a "long time" is debatable too, because where is that period when everything moves so fast?
But hey, anything is possible
I was just thinking, you know 🤔... I have someone I trust, though I won't claim that trust is absolute. We've established it, so to speak, but it’s not set in stone for me (can anything ever be?) and doubts creep in constantly, so I'd say... the thing is, this person doesn't get "offended," but then there are those who practically blow a whistle the second you even hint at a lack of trust
So now I'm wondering... is it a bigger mistake to withhold trust than it is to give it to the wrong person? 🤷
It’s like with the first one, you never really see the fallout, whereas the second one hits you right in the face and is very tangible, but what about distrust itself and how destructive can it actually be?
(just typing this out quickly...🙄)

Quincy:

Give it a shot. Because I don't see what kind of 'effect' there could possibly be from sharing secrets. The only effect lies in the act of sharing itself; the person you tell needs to meet just two criteria: you have to care about them (and vice versa), and they have to be reliable. I hear plenty of examples where that isn't the case. 😬

True, the effect is in the act of sharing, which means that's the priority... the sharing... there's satisfaction in that, and those two conditions become secondary
Then again, they say every pleasure comes with a price, so if you set those conditions aside, you pay for it—like choosing to take a risk consciously

And how big is the risk of staying silent? If those two conditions are met

Quincy:

Exactly—be careful who you confide in when you know the information could be used against you. 😍

The point is, there is no specific "topic" that can hurt you.
It’s the act itself that does the damage (once those 😛 conditions are met), if you catch my drift.

To me, the danger lies in that constant state of paranoia.

Quincy:

...And that’s the thing eating at me—how do I actually trust my own judgment again?

Look, you don't need total, blind faith in your own calls, and that's really the answer 👍
you can always mess up.
I honestly think it's more honest to give yourself some breathing room to be wrong rather than constantly second-guessing every single move you make.
Though, personally, I'm struggling to pull that off.😠

Why? Should I become more cautious? It seems being honest and open doesn't exactly pay off. Then again, I'm not sure I want to—or even can—change those traits.

Quincy:

You don't need to have absolute confidence in your own judgments; that's the answer. 👍 You can always mess up. I think it’s actually healthier to be kinder to yourself—giving yourself some breathing room for mistakes, rather than constantly obsessing over being perfect. But honestly, I’m just not good at it. 😠

🤣

We can't help ourselves, can we? I know I have the right to make mistakes, but I hate dealing with the fallout. 😁

Jerry Martinez5 said:But look, there isn't a single soul on this planet who hasn't been burned at some point. Not one.

That’s why every living person eventually has to learn the hard way: how to read people, how to set boundaries, and how to manage expectations.

Everyone trips up sometimes... it’s practically part of the job description. 😁

Sean Cruz said:I face the same dilemma; I have no idea who I am supposed to be. Everyone seems to have their own grand theories on how one should conduct themselves, but I simply am who I am. I have no intention of undergoing any radical transformations. 😁
Quincy:

I judge based on my own experience. Since I have no interest in mystery, the easiest way to deceive me would be through a brilliantly performed display of "sincerity." (The easiest way, perhaps, though still quite a challenge. 😍 )

Are you aware that you are posting this publicly? Someone might just take advantage of that. 😍 🤣
Quincy:

Ah, were you referring to the past? I didn't realize...

If it weren't in the past, I wouldn't even be able to write about it—I'd be eating my own heart out.

Quincy:

Certainly, but don't hold your breath. I'm not feeling particularly optimistic about it...

Perhaps Sandra Parker3 will find a solution. She is far more optimistic than we are. 😍

Why? Should I become more cautious? It seems being honest and open doesn't exactly pay off. Then again, I'm not sure I want to—or even can—change those traits.

Quincy:

You don't need to have absolute confidence in your own judgments; that's the answer. 👍 You can always mess up. I think it’s actually healthier to be kinder to yourself—giving yourself some breathing room for mistakes, rather than constantly obsessing over being perfect. But honestly, I’m just not good at it. 😠

🤣

We can't help ourselves, can we? I know I have the right to make mistakes, but I hate dealing with the fallout. 😁

Everyone trips up sometimes... it’s practically part of the job description. 😁

Hmm. Actually, I don't mind changing... maybe even making some radical shifts? The issue is that I really *dislike* about 90% of what people claim is the "ideal" way to be.😍 Don't you agree? Even if I were open to self-improvement, there is no way I’d want to morph into someone I currently find unappealing (to put it mildly).

Sean Cruz said:I face the same dilemma; I have no idea who I am supposed to be. Everyone seems to have their own grand theories on how one should conduct themselves, but I simply am who I am. I have no intention of undergoing any radical transformations. 😁
Quincy:

I judge based on my own experience. Since I have no interest in mystery, the easiest way to deceive me would be through a brilliantly performed display of "sincerity." (The easiest way, perhaps, though still quite a challenge. 😍 )

Are you aware that you are posting this publicly? Someone might just take advantage of that. 😍 🤣
Quincy:

Ah, were you referring to the past? I didn't realize...

If it weren't in the past, I wouldn't even be able to write about it—I'd be eating my own heart out.

Quincy:

Certainly, but don't hold your breath. I'm not feeling particularly optimistic about it...

Perhaps Sandra Parker3 will find a solution. She is far more optimistic than we are. 😍

Why? Should I become more cautious? It seems being honest and open doesn't exactly pay off. Then again, I'm not sure I want to—or even can—change those traits.

Quincy:

You don't need to have absolute confidence in your own judgments; that's the answer. 👍 You can always mess up. I think it’s actually healthier to be kinder to yourself—giving yourself some breathing room for mistakes, rather than constantly obsessing over being perfect. But honestly, I’m just not good at it. 😠

🤣

We can't help ourselves, can we? I know I have the right to make mistakes, but I hate dealing with the fallout. 😁

Everyone trips up sometimes... it’s practically part of the job description. 😁

You think one of the four or five people reading this is going to jump on that? LOL.
Besides, I don't have anything particularly valuable for someone to "exploit." If someone wanted to use this against me, it would just be out of pure, mindless malice, and I’m fairly confident I would have noticed that kind of character trait in them by now.😍

Sean Cruz said:I face the same dilemma; I have no idea who I am supposed to be. Everyone seems to have their own grand theories on how one should conduct themselves, but I simply am who I am. I have no intention of undergoing any radical transformations. 😁
Quincy:

I judge based on my own experience. Since I have no interest in mystery, the easiest way to deceive me would be through a brilliantly performed display of "sincerity." (The easiest way, perhaps, though still quite a challenge. 😍 )

Are you aware that you are posting this publicly? Someone might just take advantage of that. 😍 🤣
Quincy:

Ah, were you referring to the past? I didn't realize...

If it weren't in the past, I wouldn't even be able to write about it—I'd be eating my own heart out.

Quincy:

Certainly, but don't hold your breath. I'm not feeling particularly optimistic about it...

Perhaps Sandra Parker3 will find a solution. She is far more optimistic than we are. 😍

Why? Should I become more cautious? It seems being honest and open doesn't exactly pay off. Then again, I'm not sure I want to—or even can—change those traits.

Quincy:

You don't need to have absolute confidence in your own judgments; that's the answer. 👍 You can always mess up. I think it’s actually healthier to be kinder to yourself—giving yourself some breathing room for mistakes, rather than constantly obsessing over being perfect. But honestly, I’m just not good at it. 😠

🤣

We can't help ourselves, can we? I know I have the right to make mistakes, but I hate dealing with the fallout. 😁

Everyone trips up sometimes... it’s practically part of the job description. 😁

Do you mean less informed?🤣

Sean Cruz said:I face the same dilemma; I have no idea who I am supposed to be. Everyone seems to have their own grand theories on how one should conduct themselves, but I simply am who I am. I have no intention of undergoing any radical transformations. 😁
Quincy:

I judge based on my own experience. Since I have no interest in mystery, the easiest way to deceive me would be through a brilliantly performed display of "sincerity." (The easiest way, perhaps, though still quite a challenge. 😍 )

Are you aware that you are posting this publicly? Someone might just take advantage of that. 😍 🤣
Quincy:

Ah, were you referring to the past? I didn't realize...

If it weren't in the past, I wouldn't even be able to write about it—I'd be eating my own heart out.

Quincy:

Certainly, but don't hold your breath. I'm not feeling particularly optimistic about it...

Perhaps Sandra Parker3 will find a solution. She is far more optimistic than we are. 😍

Why? Should I become more cautious? It seems being honest and open doesn't exactly pay off. Then again, I'm not sure I want to—or even can—change those traits.

Quincy:

You don't need to have absolute confidence in your own judgments; that's the answer. 👍 You can always mess up. I think it’s actually healthier to be kinder to yourself—giving yourself some breathing room for mistakes, rather than constantly obsessing over being perfect. But honestly, I’m just not good at it. 😠

🤣

We can't help ourselves, can we? I know I have the right to make mistakes, but I hate dealing with the fallout. 😁

Everyone trips up sometimes... it’s practically part of the job description. 😁

Especially when you’re swimming in murky waters... 😬

Sean Cruz said:I face the same dilemma; I have no idea who I am supposed to be. Everyone seems to have their own grand theories on how one should conduct themselves, but I simply am who I am. I have no intention of undergoing any radical transformations. 😁
Quincy:

I judge based on my own experience. Since I have no interest in mystery, the easiest way to deceive me would be through a brilliantly performed display of "sincerity." (The easiest way, perhaps, though still quite a challenge. 😍 )

Are you aware that you are posting this publicly? Someone might just take advantage of that. 😍 🤣
Quincy:

Ah, were you referring to the past? I didn't realize...

If it weren't in the past, I wouldn't even be able to write about it—I'd be eating my own heart out.

Quincy:

Certainly, but don't hold your breath. I'm not feeling particularly optimistic about it...

Perhaps Sandra Parker3 will find a solution. She is far more optimistic than we are. 😍

Why? Should I become more cautious? It seems being honest and open doesn't exactly pay off. Then again, I'm not sure I want to—or even can—change those traits.

Quincy:

You don't need to have absolute confidence in your own judgments; that's the answer. 👍 You can always mess up. I think it’s actually healthier to be kinder to yourself—giving yourself some breathing room for mistakes, rather than constantly obsessing over being perfect. But honestly, I’m just not good at it. 😠

🤣

We can't help ourselves, can we? I know I have the right to make mistakes, but I hate dealing with the fallout. 😁

Everyone trips up sometimes... it’s practically part of the job description. 😁

Well, I don't know about you... but I definitely am when it comes to lonegardener, mostly because he's such a cynical pessimist, though he’d probably describe himself differently. 🤷

Quincy:

Why? I guess I have to be more guarded, since it clearly doesn't "pay off" to be honest and open. Then again, I'm not even sure if I want to—or even can—change those parts of myself.

Oh right, you guys really aren't getting it; you're totally checked out... the emphasis was on the word "cold," which I tried my best to explain, even if I am a little scattered. 😍But I wasn't so incoherent that it should have been impossible to understand. 🙄

To put it briefly (ugh, what a word), how much does it actually "pay off" to withhold trust just because someone's blowing smoke in your face?

Regarding that last sentence... you should ask yourself why you don't want to change, there's always a reason.
But yeah, you pretty much answered it yourself below...

Quincy:

We just can't help ourselves, can we? I know I have the right to make mistakes, but I just hate dealing with the fallout. 😁

It's all connected, there's no separating the two, so you decide what you're going to do.
And honestly, it sounds a lot like that old saying, "no regrets after the fact," doesn't it?
You actually enjoy making mistakes; it's that whole process of trading things away without meeting both requirements (two, according to lonegardener).

lonegardener said:Hmm. Actually, I don't mind changing... maybe even making some radical shifts? The issue is that I really *dislike* about 90% of what people claim is the "ideal" way to be.😍 Don't you agree? Even if I were open to self-improvement, there is no way I’d want to morph into someone I currently find unappealing (to put it mildly).

You think one of the four or five people reading this is going to jump on that? LOL.
Besides, I don't have anything particularly valuable for someone to "exploit." If someone wanted to use this against me, it would just be out of pure, mindless malice, and I’m fairly confident I would have noticed that kind of character trait in them by now.😍

Do you mean less informed?🤣

Especially when you’re swimming in murky waters... 😬

Hehe, no... I'm plenty informed, I just stick to my guns and deal with the consequences of being open much easier than anyone else does, you know?

Sandra Parker3 said:Well, I don't know about you... but I definitely am when it comes to lonegardener, mostly because he's such a cynical pessimist, though he’d probably describe himself differently. 🤷

Quincy:

Why? I guess I have to be more guarded, since it clearly doesn't "pay off" to be honest and open. Then again, I'm not even sure if I want to—or even can—change those parts of myself.

Oh right, you guys really aren't getting it; you're totally checked out... the emphasis was on the word "cold," which I tried my best to explain, even if I am a little scattered. 😍But I wasn't so incoherent that it should have been impossible to understand. 🙄

To put it briefly (ugh, what a word), how much does it actually "pay off" to withhold trust just because someone's blowing smoke in your face?

Regarding that last sentence... you should ask yourself why you don't want to change, there's always a reason.
But yeah, you pretty much answered it yourself below...

Quincy:

We just can't help ourselves, can we? I know I have the right to make mistakes, but I just hate dealing with the fallout. 😁

It's all connected, there's no separating the two, so you decide what you're going to do.
And honestly, it sounds a lot like that old saying, "no regrets after the fact," doesn't it?
You actually enjoy making mistakes; it's that whole process of trading things away without meeting both requirements (two, according to lonegardener).

Hehe, no... I'm plenty informed, I just stick to my guns and deal with the consequences of being open much easier than anyone else does, you know?

Personally, my skepticism is pretty evenly balanced between myself and everyone else. It just makes sense, doesn't it? You don't know anyone better than you know yourself, so you have plenty of reason to doubt your own motives just as much as you doubt others. 😬

Sandra Parker3 said:Well, I don't know about you... but I definitely am when it comes to lonegardener, mostly because he's such a cynical pessimist, though he’d probably describe himself differently. 🤷

Quincy:

Why? I guess I have to be more guarded, since it clearly doesn't "pay off" to be honest and open. Then again, I'm not even sure if I want to—or even can—change those parts of myself.

Oh right, you guys really aren't getting it; you're totally checked out... the emphasis was on the word "cold," which I tried my best to explain, even if I am a little scattered. 😍But I wasn't so incoherent that it should have been impossible to understand. 🙄

To put it briefly (ugh, what a word), how much does it actually "pay off" to withhold trust just because someone's blowing smoke in your face?

Regarding that last sentence... you should ask yourself why you don't want to change, there's always a reason.
But yeah, you pretty much answered it yourself below...

Quincy:

We just can't help ourselves, can we? I know I have the right to make mistakes, but I just hate dealing with the fallout. 😁

It's all connected, there's no separating the two, so you decide what you're going to do.
And honestly, it sounds a lot like that old saying, "no regrets after the fact," doesn't it?
You actually enjoy making mistakes; it's that whole process of trading things away without meeting both requirements (two, according to lonegardener).

Hehe, no... I'm plenty informed, I just stick to my guns and deal with the consequences of being open much easier than anyone else does, you know?

"Worth it" is another one of those terms that means nothing without a personal value system behind it. 😍

Sandra Parker3 said:Well, I don't know about you... but I definitely am when it comes to lonegardener, mostly because he's such a cynical pessimist, though he’d probably describe himself differently. 🤷

Quincy:

Why? I guess I have to be more guarded, since it clearly doesn't "pay off" to be honest and open. Then again, I'm not even sure if I want to—or even can—change those parts of myself.

Oh right, you guys really aren't getting it; you're totally checked out... the emphasis was on the word "cold," which I tried my best to explain, even if I am a little scattered. 😍But I wasn't so incoherent that it should have been impossible to understand. 🙄

To put it briefly (ugh, what a word), how much does it actually "pay off" to withhold trust just because someone's blowing smoke in your face?

Regarding that last sentence... you should ask yourself why you don't want to change, there's always a reason.
But yeah, you pretty much answered it yourself below...

Quincy:

We just can't help ourselves, can we? I know I have the right to make mistakes, but I just hate dealing with the fallout. 😁

It's all connected, there's no separating the two, so you decide what you're going to do.
And honestly, it sounds a lot like that old saying, "no regrets after the fact," doesn't it?
You actually enjoy making mistakes; it's that whole process of trading things away without meeting both requirements (two, according to lonegardener).

Hehe, no... I'm plenty informed, I just stick to my guns and deal with the consequences of being open much easier than anyone else does, you know?

Let me say it again: giving trust is much easier (at least for me) than receiving it. Earning someone's trust is a massive responsibility...

lonegardener said:Hmm. Actually, I don't mind changing... maybe even making some radical shifts? The issue is that I really *dislike* about 90% of what people claim is the "ideal" way to be.😍 Don't you agree? Even if I were open to self-improvement, there is no way I’d want to morph into someone I currently find unappealing (to put it mildly).

You think one of the four or five people reading this is going to jump on that? LOL.
Besides, I don't have anything particularly valuable for someone to "exploit." If someone wanted to use this against me, it would just be out of pure, mindless malice, and I’m fairly confident I would have noticed that kind of character trait in them by now.😍

Do you mean less informed?🤣

Especially when you’re swimming in murky waters... 😬

If I were to make one radical move, it would be to pack up everything and relocate to finally chase my lifelong dream. But honestly? That path comes with a heavy set of consequences. Trapped by societal expectations, I simply can't afford that kind of upheaval—not for myself, and certainly not for the people I care about. Beyond that, I’m a pretty stagnant person when it comes to other types of change; I tend to resist it quite stubbornly. And don't even get me started on how much I dislike certain things—I have absolutely zero interest in changing my ways just to suit someone else's agenda. 🙄

Quincy:

I bet there are only about four or five people actually reading this, LOL.

I often find myself thinking that very few people actually read what I write, so it comes as quite a surprise when they do...😁 🤣

The point I’m making is simple: I have absolutely nothing of value worth "exploiting."The only possible motive for something like that would be pure, senseless malice—and honestly, I’m pretty sure if someone had a character trait like that, I wouldn't have missed it.

Are you already starting to distance yourself from potential "attacks"? 🤣 You’re quite confident—I used to be exactly the same way.

Sandra Parker3 said:Well, I don't know about you... but I definitely am when it comes to lonegardener, mostly because he's such a cynical pessimist, though he’d probably describe himself differently. 🤷

Quincy:

Why? I guess I have to be more guarded, since it clearly doesn't "pay off" to be honest and open. Then again, I'm not even sure if I want to—or even can—change those parts of myself.

Oh right, you guys really aren't getting it; you're totally checked out... the emphasis was on the word "cold," which I tried my best to explain, even if I am a little scattered. 😍But I wasn't so incoherent that it should have been impossible to understand. 🙄

To put it briefly (ugh, what a word), how much does it actually "pay off" to withhold trust just because someone's blowing smoke in your face?

Regarding that last sentence... you should ask yourself why you don't want to change, there's always a reason.
But yeah, you pretty much answered it yourself below...

Quincy:

We just can't help ourselves, can we? I know I have the right to make mistakes, but I just hate dealing with the fallout. 😁

It's all connected, there's no separating the two, so you decide what you're going to do.
And honestly, it sounds a lot like that old saying, "no regrets after the fact," doesn't it?
You actually enjoy making mistakes; it's that whole process of trading things away without meeting both requirements (two, according to lonegardener).

Hehe, no... I'm plenty informed, I just stick to my guns and deal with the consequences of being open much easier than anyone else does, you know?

It depends on my mood—you know how I am. 😍 Sometimes, people try to convince themselves that things aren't quite as bleak as they seem, but reality usually has a way of shutting that optimism down pretty quickly.

Oh, please. It’s obvious you guys just aren't getting it. You’ve clearly had one too many drinks.

🤣

Quincy:

The emphasis is on the word "cold." I tried to explain that earlier, though I admit I was being a bit scattered 😍—but not so much that it should have been incomprehensible.

I caught your drift, but then something else popped into my head and pulled me away... honestly, I'm even more distracted than you are. 😍
Quincy:

To sum up (what a mouthful), what is the actual "payoff" for refusing to trust someone just because they're playing it safe?

I haven't a clue. I'll probably end up trusting someone again and potentially mess it up, but life wouldn't be worth living without that kind of risk, would it? Right now, I'm leaning toward playing it safe, but that doesn't mean I want to become "cold." I don't want that at all; I wouldn't feel alive anymore.

Quincy:

They are inextricably linked; there's no separation, so you have to decide for yourself and it reminds me of that old saying, "No regrets after the fact," right? You actually enjoy making mistakes; it’s that process of exchange where both conditions aren't met (two, according to AP.).

That's exactly the issue: I love "making mistakes." 😁 🤣

lonegardener said:Personally, my skepticism is pretty evenly balanced between myself and everyone else. It just makes sense, doesn't it? You don't know anyone better than you know yourself, so you have plenty of reason to doubt your own motives just as much as you doubt others. 😬

"Worth it" is another one of those terms that means nothing without a personal value system behind it. 😍

Let me say it again: giving trust is much easier (at least for me) than receiving it. Earning someone's trust is a massive responsibility...

That’s what I was thinking, or rather... if you want to get technical... you seem more suspicious of yourself than of others, maybe just a tiny bit more... but anyway, that's beside the point.🙄

Quincy:

And honestly—doesn't that make sense? You don't know anyone as well as you know yourself, so you definitely have enough reason to doubt yourself just as much as you doubt anyone else.😬

Well, doubting yourself is fine; a certain amount of suspicion is actually healthy, you just have to find that "decent" line where it doesn't turn into total self-destruction.

Quincy:

'Worth it' is just another word that means nothing without a personal value system.😍

Did you miss the quotation marks around "worth it"?.... I assume I had my reasons.😠....🙏

Let's try this one more time: how much skepticism and lack of trust is too much?
It couldn't be simpler.🤷

Because it absolutely wrecks me when I can't trust someone, but it's just as bad when people don't trust me.
Doesn't that bother you?

Quincy:

To reiterate: giving trust is much easier (at least for me) than receiving it. Having someone's trust is a massive responsibility...

But isn't it also a huge responsibility to give your trust away? It's a responsibility to yourself; I don't see any difference here, since you aren't somehow less important than anyone else.🤷
But that's not what I meant, so forget it—clearly we're just talking past each other.🙄

Sean Cruz said:If I were to make one radical move, it would be to pack up everything and relocate to finally chase my lifelong dream. But honestly? That path comes with a heavy set of consequences. Trapped by societal expectations, I simply can't afford that kind of upheaval—not for myself, and certainly not for the people I care about. Beyond that, I’m a pretty stagnant person when it comes to other types of change; I tend to resist it quite stubbornly. And don't even get me started on how much I dislike certain things—I have absolutely zero interest in changing my ways just to suit someone else's agenda. 🙄

Quincy:

I bet there are only about four or five people actually reading this, LOL.

I often find myself thinking that very few people actually read what I write, so it comes as quite a surprise when they do...😁 🤣

The point I’m making is simple: I have absolutely nothing of value worth "exploiting."The only possible motive for something like that would be pure, senseless malice—and honestly, I’m pretty sure if someone had a character trait like that, I wouldn't have missed it.

Are you already starting to distance yourself from potential "attacks"? 🤣 You’re quite confident—I used to be exactly the same way.

It depends on my mood—you know how I am. 😍 Sometimes, people try to convince themselves that things aren't quite as bleak as they seem, but reality usually has a way of shutting that optimism down pretty quickly.

Oh, please. It’s obvious you guys just aren't getting it. You’ve clearly had one too many drinks.

🤣

Quincy:

The emphasis is on the word "cold." I tried to explain that earlier, though I admit I was being a bit scattered 😍—but not so much that it should have been incomprehensible.

I caught your drift, but then something else popped into my head and pulled me away... honestly, I'm even more distracted than you are. 😍
Quincy:

To sum up (what a mouthful), what is the actual "payoff" for refusing to trust someone just because they're playing it safe?

I haven't a clue. I'll probably end up trusting someone again and potentially mess it up, but life wouldn't be worth living without that kind of risk, would it? Right now, I'm leaning toward playing it safe, but that doesn't mean I want to become "cold." I don't want that at all; I wouldn't feel alive anymore.

Quincy:

They are inextricably linked; there's no separation, so you have to decide for yourself and it reminds me of that old saying, "No regrets after the fact," right? You actually enjoy making mistakes; it’s that process of exchange where both conditions aren't met (two, according to AP.).

That's exactly the issue: I love "making mistakes." 😁 🤣

😍

Quincy:

I honestly have no clue. I’ll probably just go out and trust someone again, only to end up screwing myself over, but hey—if you don't take those kinds of risks, what's even the point of living? Right now, I’m just playing it safe and keeping my distance, but that doesn't mean I want to become cold-hearted. I definitely don't want to go down that road, because then I wouldn't feel alive anymore.

So, can we all just agree that the exhaust is basically useless when it's freezing out?😛It’s actually a hair's breadth worse than... what was I saying? 🤔 Is he actually suggesting we just hand over our trust blindly to his opposites—like, without doing any actual due diligence or basic analysis?
And of course, there are consequences to consider, because you've finally realized that this side of things carries its own set of unintended side effects too.
I know you knew what was going on; you were just a little scattered.

Quincy:

The real issue is that I actually enjoy making mistakes. 😁 🤣

Then I don't see what the issue is, so why are you complaining? 🤷 🙄

Sandra Parker3 said:That’s what I was thinking, or rather... if you want to get technical... you seem more suspicious of yourself than of others, maybe just a tiny bit more... but anyway, that's beside the point.🙄

Quincy:

And honestly—doesn't that make sense? You don't know anyone as well as you know yourself, so you definitely have enough reason to doubt yourself just as much as you doubt anyone else.😬

Well, doubting yourself is fine; a certain amount of suspicion is actually healthy, you just have to find that "decent" line where it doesn't turn into total self-destruction.

Quincy:

'Worth it' is just another word that means nothing without a personal value system.😍

Did you miss the quotation marks around "worth it"?.... I assume I had my reasons.😠....🙏

Let's try this one more time: how much skepticism and lack of trust is too much?
It couldn't be simpler.🤷

Because it absolutely wrecks me when I can't trust someone, but it's just as bad when people don't trust me.
Doesn't that bother you?

Quincy:

To reiterate: giving trust is much easier (at least for me) than receiving it. Having someone's trust is a massive responsibility...

But isn't it also a huge responsibility to give your trust away? It's a responsibility to yourself; I don't see any difference here, since you aren't somehow less important than anyone else.🤷
But that's not what I meant, so forget it—clearly we're just talking past each other.🙄

Actually, I find the lack of trust intriguing. 😍 Subconsciously, it almost drives me to try and "break through" that skepticism... though my sense of responsibility keeps me from taking too many risks with it. 🤷

Sandra Parker3 said:That’s what I was thinking, or rather... if you want to get technical... you seem more suspicious of yourself than of others, maybe just a tiny bit more... but anyway, that's beside the point.🙄

Quincy:

And honestly—doesn't that make sense? You don't know anyone as well as you know yourself, so you definitely have enough reason to doubt yourself just as much as you doubt anyone else.😬

Well, doubting yourself is fine; a certain amount of suspicion is actually healthy, you just have to find that "decent" line where it doesn't turn into total self-destruction.

Quincy:

'Worth it' is just another word that means nothing without a personal value system.😍

Did you miss the quotation marks around "worth it"?.... I assume I had my reasons.😠....🙏

Let's try this one more time: how much skepticism and lack of trust is too much?
It couldn't be simpler.🤷

Because it absolutely wrecks me when I can't trust someone, but it's just as bad when people don't trust me.
Doesn't that bother you?

Quincy:

To reiterate: giving trust is much easier (at least for me) than receiving it. Having someone's trust is a massive responsibility...

But isn't it also a huge responsibility to give your trust away? It's a responsibility to yourself; I don't see any difference here, since you aren't somehow less important than anyone else.🤷
But that's not what I meant, so forget it—clearly we're just talking past each other.🙄

It isn't about value; it's about something else entirely. If you're driving a semi-truck, you obviously have a much higher level of responsibility toward others than you do toward yourself—it's different from riding a bicycle, where you mostly just need to look out for your own safety. That doesn't mean the truck driver is worth less than the cyclist, right? 😍

Anyway, we've completely veered off track...

Sandra Parker3 said:😍

Quincy:

I honestly have no clue. I’ll probably just go out and trust someone again, only to end up screwing myself over, but hey—if you don't take those kinds of risks, what's even the point of living? Right now, I’m just playing it safe and keeping my distance, but that doesn't mean I want to become cold-hearted. I definitely don't want to go down that road, because then I wouldn't feel alive anymore.

So, can we all just agree that the exhaust is basically useless when it's freezing out?😛It’s actually a hair's breadth worse than... what was I saying? 🤔 Is he actually suggesting we just hand over our trust blindly to his opposites—like, without doing any actual due diligence or basic analysis?
And of course, there are consequences to consider, because you've finally realized that this side of things carries its own set of unintended side effects too.
I know you knew what was going on; you were just a little scattered.

Quincy:

The real issue is that I actually enjoy making mistakes. 😁 🤣

Then I don't see what the issue is, so why are you complaining? 🤷 🙄

A bit more than that. I'm with you on everything. I can't talk much tonight, though—my brain is totally fried. 🤣

If there isn't a problem, then I don't see why you're complaining, 🤷 🙄

I'm not complaining, nor am I expressing regret... things happened the way they had to. 😉 I was simply using our chat to weigh different perspectives and viewpoints. 🙂

lonegardener said:Actually, I find the lack of trust intriguing. 😍 Subconsciously, it almost drives me to try and "break through" that skepticism... though my sense of responsibility keeps me from taking too many risks with it. 🤷

It isn't about value; it's about something else entirely. If you're driving a semi-truck, you obviously have a much higher level of responsibility toward others than you do toward yourself—it's different from riding a bicycle, where you mostly just need to look out for your own safety. That doesn't mean the truck driver is worth less than the cyclist, right? 😍

Anyway, we've completely veered off track...

I ride my bike constantly, but now it looks like I'll have to try driving a truck too—just to get the full picture. 🤣 Now I just need to find someone willing to hand me the keys to their rig. 🤔

Sean Cruz said:A bit more than that. I'm with you on everything. I can't talk much tonight, though—my brain is totally fried. 🤣

If there isn't a problem, then I don't see why you're complaining, 🤷 🙄

I'm not complaining, nor am I expressing regret... things happened the way they had to. 😉 I was simply using our chat to weigh different perspectives and viewpoints. 🙂

I ride my bike constantly, but now it looks like I'll have to try driving a truck too—just to get the full picture. 🤣 Now I just need to find someone willing to hand me the keys to their rig. 🤔

I'm a little wiped out tonight, so I didn't really feel like getting into the replies.

Look, if you’re out there hauling a passenger on a bike, you're basically operating with the same level of responsibility as driving a tractor, so... 🤔 It finally dropped. 😛 That whole explanation from AP was basically just a bunch of nonsense. 😁

Jerry Martinez5 said:First off, what does "hypocrite" even mean to you? Are you aware that you probably present a different face to the world—one for acquaintances and strangers, and a totally different one internally?

Second, human relationships just involve getting hurt sometimes. Maybe you have a great friend, you've been close for years, and then she gets married, has kids, and suddenly doesn't have time for you anymore. Okay, that isn't hypocrisy; life priorities just shifted.

There are a million possibilities here. You didn't write much in your opening post, so we're all just guessing what you meant. We would actually need to know what "hypocrisy" looks like to you and how these people specifically hurt you.

In principle: if you gossip about others while hanging out with a group, you can be certain they’ll gossip about you the second you walk away. Are they hypocrites? In my opinion, no. I enjoy gossiping too, even about my closest friends. But strictly within a tight circle.

Basically, neither you nor anyone else is a saint. There's less disappointment when you align your expectations with reality. If you met someone six months ago and they seem great, there's an equal chance they could become a best friend or turn their back on you. You just don't know them well enough yet. As for people you've known for years, you really should understand their behavior and try to grasp why they did whatever it was that hurt you.

wow, I totally skipped over this one... a little hint of philosophical debate here. 👍