Mediocrity is everywhere

crimsonviper88 said:Maybe I didn't explain myself well... It's not that I want to wildly break away from society. I don't need to be the "star," and I definitely don't want to be like Bernie Sanders 😁
The parts I bolded—that's not how I think. I don't have to stand out just to have value. I just want to escape this monotony I've fallen into. I don't want to be like the people around me (just college-home-party once a week—😠damn cookie-cutter lifestyles!
)

Well, that doesn't sound like much of a problem to me🤷. Just find some more high-energy people and enjoy them🙂
But honestly, everything eventually turns into a routine. Even the stuff you actually love becomes a habit after a while. Life is mostly just one long cycle of repetition, I guess.🤷
Even if you were skydiving every single day, eventually, that would start feeling like a routine too.

hiddenhawk3 said:Well, that doesn't sound like much of a problem to me🤷. Just find some more high-energy people and enjoy them🙂
But honestly, everything eventually turns into a routine. Even the stuff you actually love becomes a habit after a while. Life is mostly just one long cycle of repetition, I guess.🤷
Even if you were skydiving every single day, eventually, that would start feeling like a routine too.

I guess I agree here. Back when I was in college, we weren't just going out once a week; it was every night. And even then, I was still just "average." I was part of a crowd that balanced partying with studying, so I didn't really stand out. Honestly, being average didn't bother me. Why? Because that life worked for me at the time. Some people studied more and went out once a week. Others...

"Average" is probably the wrong word for what you're describing. You’re just looking for a way out of this monotony you say you've fallen into. To break the cycle, you don't necessarily need to book a trip to an African safari. Go to the movies by yourself. Hit up the zoo. Start cooking Chinese food at home... I'm just rambling now. But maybe the best advice is this: start thinking about what you actually want. How specifically would you change your life? Those excuses like "I want to get into fitness, but my friends aren't interested" are pretty lame. If you want something, just do it. Alone. Once you start, you'll quickly find yourself surrounded by people who share your interests. But if you never start, you'll never find them.

Yeah, when it comes to sports, my "friends" were always just a distraction.
Personally, I can't stand ball sports. 😳 Some people live for them, or a few of us would try to get together and work out, but they'd just get in the way with their constant interruptions—and even then, we’d barely get anything done, or at least not the way I pictured it.
I guess you don't really need anyone else when you're doing stuff you actually, truly love...
I agree with what Jerry Martinez5 said; there are a million different ways to break up the monotony.
But life is just one big routine, no matter how you look at it. That's what gets to me, too, but I suppose it's just 🤷

Look, I get it. People have every right to say you need to move on by yourself—social circles aren't some essential requirement for life. But there’s this one thing... I tend to get really attached to people. I invest everything into my relationships, just like I do with my current group of friends. I live in this little bubble thinking we're perfect, that they're my people, and I count on them completely. Then, eventually, it hits me that this group doesn't actually fit who I am. We're just too different. I always end up bending over backwards to suit them because they're the majority, but the second I try to voice my own opinion, they always find some excuse to shut me down. It leaves me feeling totally betrayed. Honestly, I just get so angry at them for never being willing to change anything; it's always the exact same old story.

Small off-topic bit: Jerry Martinez5, are you actually a psychologist or something?

hiddenhawk3 said:Yeah, when it comes to sports, my "friends" were always just a distraction.
Personally, I can't stand ball sports. 😳 Some people live for them, or a few of us would try to get together and work out, but they'd just get in the way with their constant interruptions—and even then, we’d barely get anything done, or at least not the way I pictured it.
I guess you don't really need anyone else when you're doing stuff you actually, truly love...
I agree with what Jerry Martinez5 said; there are a million different ways to break up the monotony.
But life is just one big routine, no matter how you look at it. That's what gets to me, too, but I suppose it's just 🤷

Ha, personally, what kills me is that I can't seem to actually establish a routine at all.😁

I'm not joking: it isn't pleasant when you're stuck in such chaos that you have zero clue what your day will look like tomorrow.

The ideal scenario would probably be finding a balance—having a set ratio of habits and routines on one hand, while leaving enough breathing room for new experiences on the other. And that could be anything: for instance, I'm trying out a new recipe tonight and I'm pretty happy about it. 😉

Habits are great if you actually enjoy them. Take my morning coffee ritual, for example: I definitely don't want to break that "routine," though I'd certainly be more satisfied if my other meals were scheduled, maybe roughly at the same time every day. Or if hitting the gym became a regular thing so I didn't have to force myself to go to the movies or a play: 👍

So, I think it's not the routine itself that kills people, but rather the fact that their routine consists of things they don't even enjoy.

I honestly don't get people who live their entire lives in this endless loop—just commuting to work, coming home, sitting in front of the TV until they pass out, and then doing it all over again the next day. It’s just a cycle of nothingness. I mean, seriously, what kind of existence is that? 😲

crimsonviper88 said:Look, I get it. People have every right to say you need to move on by yourself—social circles aren't some essential requirement for life. But there’s this one thing... I tend to get really attached to people. I invest everything into my relationships, just like I do with my current group of friends. I live in this little bubble thinking we're perfect, that they're my people, and I count on them completely. Then, eventually, it hits me that this group doesn't actually fit who I am. We're just too different. I always end up bending over backwards to suit them because they're the majority, but the second I try to voice my own opinion, they always find some excuse to shut me down. It leaves me feeling totally betrayed. Honestly, I just get so angry at them for never being willing to change anything; it's always the exact same old story.

Small off-topic bit: Jerry Martinez5, are you actually a psychologist or something?

Ha, I guess there are two things at play here: it’s hard to admit your social circle isn't "perfect." It isn't, and no group ever would be. For example, say you love hiking: you're happy if you have a good group for hiking. But nobody is just a hiker; everyone has other interests. You might want to go see U2 with them, but they don't listen to that music, so instead they call you to a Jelene Karleuša or Thompson concert. What now? Nothing. You just have one group for hiking and another for concerts. 🙂

It's the same for me with friends. One is for grabbing coffee, another is for running trails, and with a third, I'll grab a beer, but I could never drag them out into nature... I used to have several different circles. You pick a completely different crowd when you need support studying for exams, or when you want to hit the clubs in NYC.

(not a psychologist)

EDIT: And yeah, it seems like you're afraid you'll have to ditch your old friends if you start expanding your interests and activities. But that isn't necessarily true. Nor should you feel guilty about it: those people probably have other people in their lives that you don't even know about.

Jerry Martinez5 said:Ha, personally, what kills me is that I can't seem to actually establish a routine at all.😁

I'm not joking: it isn't pleasant when you're stuck in such chaos that you have zero clue what your day will look like tomorrow.

The ideal scenario would probably be finding a balance—having a set ratio of habits and routines on one hand, while leaving enough breathing room for new experiences on the other. And that could be anything: for instance, I'm trying out a new recipe tonight and I'm pretty happy about it. 😉

Habits are great if you actually enjoy them. Take my morning coffee ritual, for example: I definitely don't want to break that "routine," though I'd certainly be more satisfied if my other meals were scheduled, maybe roughly at the same time every day. Or if hitting the gym became a regular thing so I didn't have to force myself to go to the movies or a play: 👍

So, I think it's not the routine itself that kills people, but rather the fact that their routine consists of things they don't even enjoy.

I envy you.

Habits are great if you actually enjoy them. Like my morning coffee ritual—I refuse to break that pattern. I’d probably be happier if my meals were more scheduled too, maybe eating at roughly the same time every day. And if hitting the gym was part of the routine so I didn't have to force myself to go to the movies or a play: 👍

Meals and most of the stuff you mentioned are easy; I guess it's all about discipline. I get the meal thing if you're busy, you could just pack a lunch.😍
As for working out, it's just learned behavior. You get into the groove after a few days.🤷 It's a decent way to vent stress.😍
I don't really get the movie or theater thing, though... that's never been a routine for me. More like a treat; I only go when something actually looks interesting.

That's why I think people aren't killed by routine, but by routines made up of things they hate doing.

I don't know, I don't really agree with that... I mean, you have to work, even at jobs you hate, for the sake of money.😍You have to shower, cook, clean, do laundry... but everyone can afford at least half an hour of something they enjoy every day, even if it's just staring at a wall.😁That's what a routine is: a mix of what you have to do and what you want to do.🙂

Dana Morales64 said:I honestly don't get people who live their entire lives in this endless loop—just commuting to work, coming home, sitting in front of the TV until they pass out, and then doing it all over again the next day. It’s just a cycle of nothingness. I mean, seriously, what kind of existence is that? 😲

Well, it depends. If you actually enjoy your job—if it’s challenging and keeps you engaged—that could be a perfectly fine way to live. A huge number of people live like that, especially during certain phases. Like when you're just starting out in your career and you're desperate to prove yourself.

We have this tendency to pigeonhole others far too easily. Dana Morales64, how many people do you actually *know* well enough to claim they just sit around watching TV all day? For all you know, they might be hosting massive parties every other night while you assume they're just bingeing soap operas.😍

Look, take my old man—he lives like that. Even when he’s got a day off, he won't step foot outside the apartment; he just spends the entire day glued to the TV or sleeping. He basically never goes out. I honestly couldn't live that way. He almost never takes a vacation, either—either because he finds it boring when he isn't working, or he'll end up picking up some random side gig for two or three hours a day during his time off just to have an excuse to leave the house, even if it doesn't pay a dime. Maybe that lifestyle works for him, but for me, it's 😲

so, how do you even live 🤷

i just assumed most people were stuck in that whole work-home-bar loop

plus, once you hit a certain age, partying just wears you out. you end up having way more stuff to deal with at home🙂

Casey Williams said:Everything?

Many people end up becoming exactly what you despise because of the "change, excitement, and risk-taking" you mistakenly view as positive, despite the fact that such upheavals frequently break a person. They make him passive. And yet you claim these people simply feel "okay and don't want to change anything"?
You are willing to ditch an old social circle for a new one just to chase some vague idea of "better" or "more," even though you aren't even sure what that better life actually looks like. You are just certain it isn't mediocrity or passivity. Where does this hatred for being passive come from? Are passivity and mediocrity the only traits your circle possesses?
And who exactly is the "real you"?

Well, alright, maybe not literally everything. 😉
It sounds a bit more extreme than what I actually mean when it's written out like that... But I truly am of the opinion that if something in someone's life is seriously not working for them, then it ought to be changed (within the bounds of everyone else's freedom—meaning changing oneself, not others).
Another point to consider is that it is far, far easier to just sit there and moan about life and fate and lash out at other people than it is to actually take action regarding oneself...

Change always carries risk. It always brings with it the possibility that you might not actually like the new thing, and it won't be quite as easy to go back to how things were (read: fine, let her walk away from that old social circle, all those "small, mediocre" people she despises—even if she doesn't know why she hates them—and find something new, but she has to realize there is a very real chance she'll be disappointed, want to come back, and then they'll just shut her out—and rightfully so, if you ask me)... But still, it is better to change than to sow unspoken bitterness everywhere around you, and from these posts, it certainly sounds like that's what's happening. She would be doing herself a favor, and honestly, a favor to them too.

I’m sticking to my old way of thinking—either make peace with things, realize the world isn't perfect and that what you have right now actually suits you, and just grow and live right where you are with the people you have, or if you can't stomach them, change them—but don't fail to change and then proceed to spread bitterness and complain because you didn't have the courage to change something that doesn't work for you.
And there is plenty of bitterness to go around—just look at how much contempt is oozing out of her in the second paragraph of the first post, it really sounds terrible... She should just distance herself from the people she looks down on—it's better for her and for them; nobody wants to be sending out bad vibes.

They have a legitimate right to live what she calls an "average life" without someone who claims to be their friend (!) condescendingly slapping labels on them behind their backs, even if it's done anonymously on a forum. Clearly, something is wrong here.
She has an equally legitimate right to seek out whatever excitement she desires and a social circle that provides what this one cannot. To seek, I say, because I don't know if she can even find it, but okay, she has the right to seek it.

If the issue is purely some sort of life monotony, and she's just using more extreme phrasing than she actually intends, then that is solvable. But if the problem is that she is deeply dissatisfied and truly overflowing with negative feelings toward the people she hangs out with, it would be better for everyone if she just moved on from them.

hiddenhawk3 said:so, how do you even live 🤷

i just assumed most people were stuck in that whole work-home-bar loop

plus, once you hit a certain age, partying just wears you out. you end up having way more stuff to deal with at home🙂

Personally, I’m much more of an outdoorsman. Any spare moment I get, I’m out driving or just wandering around—exploring the area, seeing what’s out there. I can't stand being cooped up indoors or staying stuck in one single spot for too long.

Dana Morales64 said:Personally, I’m much more of an outdoorsman. Any spare moment I get, I’m out driving or just wandering around—exploring the area, seeing what’s out there. I can't stand being cooped up indoors or staying stuck in one single spot for too long.

Fair enough, I get that... but eventually, it all starts feeling pretty much the same.😉>

hiddenhawk3 said:Fair enough, I get that... but eventually, it all starts feeling pretty much the same.😉>

It’s true, but there’s no contest—an active lifestyle out in the world will always beat staying cooped up inside. When you're out there, things are constantly shifting—you meet new people, stumble into new situations, and nothing ever feels quite the same twice. A routine kept indoors? It just stays the same. Always.

Dana Morales64 said:Look, take my old man—he lives like that. Even when he’s got a day off, he won't step foot outside the apartment; he just spends the entire day glued to the TV or sleeping. He basically never goes out. I honestly couldn't live that way. He almost never takes a vacation, either—either because he finds it boring when he isn't working, or he'll end up picking up some random side gig for two or three hours a day during his time off just to have an excuse to leave the house, even if it doesn't pay a dime. Maybe that lifestyle works for him, but for me, it's 😲

And honestly, my dad is the same way when he's home—just eating, lying around, and sleeping. He actually hates having a free day. But he loves his job and is always tinkering with something around the house. I mean, I think it would be much more interesting if, when he got home, he listened to opera, practiced yoga, or knitted socks, but no. He just wants to rest so he can go right back to work tomorrow 😉

jadegardener21 said:Well, alright, maybe not literally everything. 😉
It sounds a bit more extreme than what I actually mean when it's written out like that... But I truly am of the opinion that if something in someone's life is seriously not working for them, then it ought to be changed (within the bounds of everyone else's freedom—meaning changing oneself, not others).
Another point to consider is that it is far, far easier to just sit there and moan about life and fate and lash out at other people than it is to actually take action regarding oneself...

Change always carries risk. It always brings with it the possibility that you might not actually like the new thing, and it won't be quite as easy to go back to how things were (read: fine, let her walk away from that old social circle, all those "small, mediocre" people she despises—even if she doesn't know why she hates them—and find something new, but she has to realize there is a very real chance she'll be disappointed, want to come back, and then they'll just shut her out—and rightfully so, if you ask me)... But still, it is better to change than to sow unspoken bitterness everywhere around you, and from these posts, it certainly sounds like that's what's happening. She would be doing herself a favor, and honestly, a favor to them too.

I’m sticking to my old way of thinking—either make peace with things, realize the world isn't perfect and that what you have right now actually suits you, and just grow and live right where you are with the people you have, or if you can't stomach them, change them—but don't fail to change and then proceed to spread bitterness and complain because you didn't have the courage to change something that doesn't work for you.
And there is plenty of bitterness to go around—just look at how much contempt is oozing out of her in the second paragraph of the first post, it really sounds terrible... She should just distance herself from the people she looks down on—it's better for her and for them; nobody wants to be sending out bad vibes.

They have a legitimate right to live what she calls an "average life" without someone who claims to be their friend (!) condescendingly slapping labels on them behind their backs, even if it's done anonymously on a forum. Clearly, something is wrong here.
She has an equally legitimate right to seek out whatever excitement she desires and a social circle that provides what this one cannot. To seek, I say, because I don't know if she can even find it, but okay, she has the right to seek it.

If the issue is purely some sort of life monotony, and she's just using more extreme phrasing than she actually intends, then that is solvable. But if the problem is that she is deeply dissatisfied and truly overflowing with negative feelings toward the people she hangs out with, it would be better for everyone if she just moved on from them.

I never said I despise the people around me, and I didn't say I hate them. I love them. I want to stay on good terms with them, and I don't go around spreading bitterness in my actual life. What irritates me is that they have zero desire to step outside their little bubbles and break the monotony. Since I hang out with them and cater to their preferences, I feel like I'm being forced to act the same way. (Yeah, yeah, I get it, I can change society, they aren't responsible for anything, etc...).

And please, what is so terrible about it? Where exactly am I seeing contempt in the second paragraph of the first post?

Look, what you want and the intentions you have... they're completely legitimate.
You’re just looking for something more out of life. You don't want to settle for the same boring routine everyone else seems happy with...
But I guess you need some serious guts to actually break out of that cycle... to follow a vision or whatever. And yeah, maybe a little luck helps too, but honestly, I think luck only shows up after you've already found the courage to jump.

crimsonviper88 said:I never said I despise the people around me, and I didn't say I hate them. I love them. I want to stay on good terms with them, and I don't go around spreading bitterness in my actual life. What irritates me is that they have zero desire to step outside their little bubbles and break the monotony. Since I hang out with them and cater to their preferences, I feel like I'm being forced to act the same way. (Yeah, yeah, I get it, I can change society, they aren't responsible for anything, etc...).

And please, what is so terrible about it? Where exactly am I seeing contempt in the second paragraph of the first post?

You’re basically a reflection of the crowd you run with.
If you weren't, you wouldn't be hanging out with them in the first place.
Guess what... you've got much deeper issues at hand, and you're just using this as an excuse to play the victim and take your frustrations out on everyone else.