Reflex retention

hiddenhound3 said:It isn't actually shame he's feeling, but rather fear... which was my exact motivation for starting this thread, to gather different perspectives on what might drive children to hold their bowel movements, given that we haven't encountered any such difficulties with our little one.

Probably some irrational fear... maybe hypnosis could work? Not sure if that actually does anything for kids this young, but worth a shot if you're desperate..

Could be... honestly, having the kids along actually makes it easier.

nimbleviper142 said:Probably some irrational fear... maybe hypnosis could work? Not sure if that actually does anything for kids this young, but worth a shot if you're desperate..

They are also considering the possibility of hypnosis, though they are grappling with the exact same uncertainty regarding whether such a method is even viable for a child so young..

Look, I thought I already said it was doable... fine, I'll say it again: it's possible 😍

But personally? I’d much rather take a kid to a therapist or a psychologist than mess around with hypnosis. Especially if some "alternative" healer gets their hands on them and makes everything ten times worse—it happens all the time here in Cleveland.

hiddenhound3 said:Thank you for sharing that with us. It always feels a little easier knowing you aren't alone,
no matter how terrible it may sound.🙂

That is precisely the concern—that their entire intestinal system could become permanently deformed over time, potentially leading to serious complications.

Quincy:

redharbor9 As specified by hiddenhound3: That kid needs some discipline.

Honestly, I’d hurry things along. If he’s acting out of shame instead of fear, that’s even worse. Or maybe someone just spooked him—who knows. Either way, he needs a boost. We need to tread carefully, step by step, until we find exactly what kind of encouragement will get him back to behaving normally and actually growing.
He’s constantly poisoning himself, little by little. He’s forced to build an entire defense system just to deal with what’s happening to him.
Waking up in a soaked diaper isn't exactly ideal. Not when you're already four years old.
When you're just a tiny thing, only a few months old, all you can do is cry when something hurts. That's it.
But later... just help the kid as soon as possible.

Forget about him "poisoning" his psyche. Whatever kind of fear he’s dealing with... poor kid.

hiddenhound3 said:They are also considering the possibility of hypnosis, though they are grappling with the exact same uncertainty regarding whether such a method is even viable for a child so young..

What the hell is that supposed to mean? Look, I'm just throwing out suggestions and ideas, trying to be helpful... maybe it never crossed your mind to actually go ask around, which might actually help. Why do I even bother? 🙄

@redharbor9: I mean, it's not like they're gonna drag the kid to the first alternative practitioner they stumble upon. Sure, things might be desperate, but anyone with half a brain is going to do some research first. Though, most people don't really buy into that hypnosis stuff, so I doubt the OP is even considering it. Honestly, there's no point in arguing at this point.

nimbleviper142 said:What the hell is that supposed to mean? Look, I'm just throwing out suggestions and ideas, trying to be helpful... maybe it never crossed your mind to actually go ask around, which might actually help. Why do I even bother? 🙄

@redharbor9: I mean, it's not like they're gonna drag the kid to the first alternative practitioner they stumble upon. Sure, things might be desperate, but anyone with half a brain is going to do some research first. Though, most people don't really buy into that hypnosis stuff, so I doubt the OP is even considering it. Honestly, there's no point in arguing at this point.

Please, calm down. 🙂

I am merely inquiring whether such a thing is feasible and if you happen to have any prior experience with it.

nimbleviper142 said:What the hell is that supposed to mean? Look, I'm just throwing out suggestions and ideas, trying to be helpful... maybe it never crossed your mind to actually go ask around, which might actually help. Why do I even bother? 🙄

@redharbor9: I mean, it's not like they're gonna drag the kid to the first alternative practitioner they stumble upon. Sure, things might be desperate, but anyone with half a brain is going to do some research first. Though, most people don't really buy into that hypnosis stuff, so I doubt the OP is even considering it. Honestly, there's no point in arguing at this point.

It’s all just guesswork, and guesswork is how you end up screwed... 🙂
Just look at the mess people with actual brains make every single day...

If therapy hasn't moved the needle, maybe the kid isn't the only one struggling here. It’s possible the entire family dynamic is out of whack. Holding onto a bowel movement is essentially an attempt at impulse control. Why would someone be that terrified of letting go? We could speculate—maybe they're harboring aggression toward a parent that they don't feel safe expressing, so they choose rigidity over losing control. Or, if there's pain involved, they might interpret it as a punishment, viewing their own bodily functions as some sort of sign that they're doing something wrong (again, purely hypothetical). There's also the chance the parents are just too rigid, overly strict, or haven't built a truly close connection with the child...
There are plenty of other angles to consider. This needs a professional to sit down and break it all down systematically—and ideally, sooner rather than later.

It might be worth seeing a pediatric psychiatrist, especially since this has been dragging on for a while. And honestly, it wouldn't be surprising if the whole family needed to jump into therapy or at least a structured counseling session together. You have to de-escalate the tension surrounding the issue before you can actually start fixing it.

By the way, the clinical term for this is enkopresis. I don't think anyone has mentioned that yet.

hiddenhound3 said:To clarify the situation, he consulted with a highly experienced child psychologist in Boston. He underwent approximately ten sessions, which even incorporated the use of laxatives, yet nothing yielded any significant results. Ultimately, the specialist herself admitted her limitations in this specific case, suggesting that they simply have to wait until puberty begins.

However, I am certain that this is by no means an isolated incident.

Wait, is that psychologist's name John Doe by any chance?

Does the kid have any other issues going on? Like, maybe with their speech or motor skills?
And did they deal with failure to thrive at some point?

Kyle Nelson2 said:Does the kid have any other issues going on? Like, maybe with their speech or motor skills?
And did they deal with failure to thrive at some point?

Absolutely nothing at all. My little one speaks wonderfully, and his motor skills are quite advanced for his age... there isn't anything unusual about him; in fact, he is remarkably witty for a child of this stage.

placidorca16 said:Wait, is that psychologist's name John Doe by any chance?

I haven't the slightest idea, as I didn't inquire about that specific detail.🙂

@thanks Keith Jones76

I still don't get the point of this thread. If the therapist didn't know how to handle him, she should've just moved on. Honestly, I would've walked out and found someone else the very same day...

Ignoring advice and diagnoses isn't going to help the kid, and it sure as hell won't help the parents..

hiddenhound3 said:Absolutely nothing at all. My little one speaks wonderfully, and his motor skills are quite advanced for his age... there isn't anything unusual about him; in fact, he is remarkably witty for a child of this stage.

I haven't the slightest idea, as I didn't inquire about that specific detail.🙂

@thanks Keith Jones76

Any chance you could ask them, if it’s not too much trouble?

placidorca16 said:Any chance you could ask them, if it’s not too much trouble?

I certainly can, though I have no intention of posting that here on the forum; I will send it to you via private message instead.

Got it, thanks.

Keith Jones76 said:If therapy hasn't moved the needle, maybe the kid isn't the only one struggling here. It’s possible the entire family dynamic is out of whack. Holding onto a bowel movement is essentially an attempt at impulse control. Why would someone be that terrified of letting go? We could speculate—maybe they're harboring aggression toward a parent that they don't feel safe expressing, so they choose rigidity over losing control. Or, if there's pain involved, they might interpret it as a punishment, viewing their own bodily functions as some sort of sign that they're doing something wrong (again, purely hypothetical). There's also the chance the parents are just too rigid, overly strict, or haven't built a truly close connection with the child...
There are plenty of other angles to consider. This needs a professional to sit down and break it all down systematically—and ideally, sooner rather than later.

It might be worth seeing a pediatric psychiatrist, especially since this has been dragging on for a while. And honestly, it wouldn't be surprising if the whole family needed to jump into therapy or at least a structured counseling session together. You have to de-escalate the tension surrounding the issue before you can actually start fixing it.

By the way, the clinical term for this is enkopresis. I don't think anyone has mentioned that yet.

It's entirely possible this all stems from daycare.
Those teachers sometimes don't want to deal with the messy cleanup, and honestly, there's so much room for trauma there.
They force kids to eat things they don't want to, too.
Even those fancy private preschools that claim to use "alternative" methods—half the time that's just marketing bullshit to justify the tuition.
The environment and the other kids play a huge role; bullying can wreck a kid's psyche in a heartbeat.
Personally, I'd keep fighting and try working with different psychologists.

Hannah White2 said:It's entirely possible this all stems from daycare.
Those teachers sometimes don't want to deal with the messy cleanup, and honestly, there's so much room for trauma there.
They force kids to eat things they don't want to, too.
Even those fancy private preschools that claim to use "alternative" methods—half the time that's just marketing bullshit to justify the tuition.
The environment and the other kids play a huge role; bullying can wreck a kid's psyche in a heartbeat.
Personally, I'd keep fighting and try working with different psychologists.

Maybe they punished him for mistakes he actually made, or maybe they just forced him to act a certain way.
The kid wasn't exactly succeeding like that—what does a two-year-old know? He was still just figuring out how to use a spoon.
Maybe it’s just one woman...

Hannah White2 said:It's entirely possible this all stems from daycare.
Those teachers sometimes don't want to deal with the messy cleanup, and honestly, there's so much room for trauma there.
They force kids to eat things they don't want to, too.
Even those fancy private preschools that claim to use "alternative" methods—half the time that's just marketing bullshit to justify the tuition.
The environment and the other kids play a huge role; bullying can wreck a kid's psyche in a heartbeat.
Personally, I'd keep fighting and try working with different psychologists.

Maybe she shamed him for what happened—some kind of failure or something he "lost control of." If the kids joined in and mocked him too, things could have gone from bad to worse. Maybe it was even more brutal than that.
Time to start looking.

I’m no expert on this subject, but I remember reading somewhere a while back that most kids go through a phase with potty training during those really early developmental stages. Apparently, there's even a psychological angle to it—something about the fear of losing their sense of self or feeling like they're losing a part of their identity during the whole process of learning to go. 🤷

Honestly, it doesn't matter who you tell or how you approach it, as long as you don't wait until puberty hits. I actually posted here recently about a somewhat related—though much less serious—issue, and it isn't quite as if hitting those teenage years just magically fixes things either. 😢

I even know a woman who dealt with a similar situation during her early childhood; while it did eventually get resolved, she’s spent her entire adult life struggling with chronic constipation and the resulting physical toll, to the point where she genuinely worries about whether she'll even make it to fifty.