Jack of all trades?

I’m currently navigating my teen years, and talking to people my age, I’ve noticed something pretty strange and kind of unsettling.
One group of kids around me seems to have it all figured out—straight A's, sports, hobbies, they look good, they have huge social circles, and they're always dating someone.
Then there’s this other group. They don't do anything outside of school, yet they study their heads off, only to end up with mediocre grades. They rarely go out, they barely have any friends, and nobody seems interested in dating them.

I guess I’m wondering if this is just down to the individuals themselves—like, can they actually control their trajectory—or if it’s more like some kind of psychological glitch in the system?

Why would anyone call it a psychological disorder just because people move through life with a 3.0 GPA, don't have a huge social circle, or aren't in a relationship?
I mean, let's be honest—having true, lifelong friends is pretty rare anyway. You might only have one or two real ones, while everyone else is just a "passing acquaintance." And I really don't think academic grades should ever be used as a reason to label someone with a "disorder."
It really just comes down to the fact that some people are more multifaceted than others, while some are less so... or maybe some people just don't fit those categories at all. But that’s just how it is; we're all different.

I didn't mean they were mentally ill or anything, I just couldn't find the right way to put it
but it feels like I'm constantly surrounded by that first group of people, while I clearly belong to the other one. It makes me feel pretty stupid and useless standing next to them, I guess

It’s all just a matter of coincidence, really. I mean, there are probably a million different factors that shape who a person turns out to be and what they're actually capable of becoming, right? Anyway, I was wondering—do you actually like these first guys? Like, would you even want to be in their shoes?

Not really, but when I say mental disorder, I mean something I can't just switch off. It's more like I was just born this way and it isn't really within my control to change it, I guess.

Maybe it’s just a phase, I guess... Everyone goes through these shifts where they suddenly want to start going out more, dating, or actually putting in the effort to get better grades..
At least, that’s been my experience so far 🤷

Henry Lopez14 said:Not really, but when I say mental disorder, I mean something I can't just switch off. It's more like I was just born this way and it isn't really within my control to change it, I guess.

So you're saying it's out of your control whether you hang out with people, make friends, go out, or play sports?

Jerry Martinez5 said:So you're saying it's out of your control whether you hang out with people, make friends, go out, or play sports?

I have to say, I'm struggling to wrap my head around that too...

Jerry Martinez5 said:So you're saying it's out of your control whether you hang out with people, make friends, go out, or play sports?

Well, I mean, sure, he can decide if he wants to play a sport or whatever, but the rest of it? That's a bit tougher, I guess. Maybe the kid is just shy, or maybe he’s just not into those kinds of social scenes like everyone else is. Or who knows, maybe he has parents who are constantly breathing down his neck to focus on schoolwork. It could even be stuff he can't help at all—like how tall he is, his build, or even his hair color. Honestly, some of that isn't really under his control at all.

Jessica James3 said:It’s all just a matter of coincidence, really. I mean, there are probably a million different factors that shape who a person turns out to be and what they're actually capable of becoming, right? Anyway, I was wondering—do you actually like these first guys? Like, would you even want to be in their shoes?

OF COURSE.

Henry Lopez14 said:Not really, but when I say mental disorder, I mean something I can't just switch off. It's more like I was just born this way and it isn't really within my control to change it, I guess.

Are you talking about fate? 🤔

Look, obviously there are things we can't change. Like, if you grow up in a broken home or if you just don't fit the standard look, those factors make it way more likely that you'll end up in that "other" group. That's just how life works, and honestly, it's totally natural for things to go that way under those circumstances. Emotions play a massive role in this—maybe even the biggest one. But it's not like you're strictly forbidden from fighting those feelings to try and break into the first group. The real kicker is just how hard it is to ignore what you're feeling deep down. Especially since we're all out here just trying to chase the things that actually make us feel whole. 🙂

Jessica James3 said:Well, I mean, sure, he can decide if he wants to play a sport or whatever, but the rest of it? That's a bit tougher, I guess. Maybe the kid is just shy, or maybe he’s just not into those kinds of social scenes like everyone else is. Or who knows, maybe he has parents who are constantly breathing down his neck to focus on schoolwork. It could even be stuff he can't help at all—like how tall he is, his build, or even his hair color. Honestly, some of that isn't really under his control at all.

Well, then let him pick a sport! That’s an automatic way to make new friends.

Even if your parents completely forbid you from going out (which, I hope, isn't really a thing anymore), you can still hang out at school or during breaks... It's not true that only the "tall, blond jocks" get to have a social life. Anyone can, I guess, as long as they actually put in the effort. If you just sit there waiting for someone to invite you out, 👎

I’ve got zero talent when it comes to sports, but I guess I could give the gym a shot. It seems okay enough.

I keep trying to get my friends to actually hang out, but they constantly blow me off. Eventually, I just lost interest and decided to stay home and sink into the online world instead.

Lately, I’m starting to wonder if there’s something inherently off about me—something that just pushes people away.
It feels like whenever I speak up in a group, everyone gives me this weird look, like they're wondering if I'm even sane. Even in public places—like at Starbucks or on the bus—I feel people sizing me up. And at school, my teachers don't take anything I say seriously, no matter how much sense I make. Meanwhile, someone else can walk up and whine about a grade and they just get whatever they want.
So, who's the crazy one here?

I don't think it’s really about how someone looks... I mean, I catch myself people-watching all the time on the subway or at Target. It doesn't necessarily mean I'm judging their outfit or thinking, "Wow, look at what they're wearing." It's more just observing. People observe me too, though I guess I don't always notice it unless the people I'm hanging out with point it out to me.
I honestly can't tell you what might be off-putting about them. And when it comes to teachers... man, they can be such a specific breed. It feels like they always have that one "favorite" student in the class that they dote on. They only seem to actually listen to arguments or opinions from that one person, just like you were saying.
Maybe the best move is to just head out and find some new friends? Because, I guess, if they're constantly shutting you out, they aren't really your friends to begin with.

Chris Harris20 said:I don't think it’s really about how someone looks... I mean, I catch myself people-watching all the time on the subway or at Target. It doesn't necessarily mean I'm judging their outfit or thinking, "Wow, look at what they're wearing." It's more just observing. People observe me too, though I guess I don't always notice it unless the people I'm hanging out with point it out to me.
I honestly can't tell you what might be off-putting about them. And when it comes to teachers... man, they can be such a specific breed. It feels like they always have that one "favorite" student in the class that they dote on. They only seem to actually listen to arguments or opinions from that one person, just like you were saying.
Maybe the best move is to just head out and find some new friends? Because, I guess, if they're constantly shutting you out, they aren't really your friends to begin with.

Where, though?
Where I live, there are plenty of people, but everyone feels like a clone.
I always regret not being born in a massive, multicultural city like New York or something.

Is it okay to ask how old you are?

16

Aha. I I don't know. I was actually pretty much exactly like you described back in freshman year. I didn't really care about anything, I just scraped by with Bs, and I had zero interest in going out or being social... but then everything shifted during sophomore year. I started dressing differently—like, wearing bright colors—changed my hair, and actually started putting in the effort with my schoolwork. I also got to know some people in my class better who ended up becoming my actual friends, and I even found a boyfriend... So, I’m a completely different person now than I was back then. It was definitely just a phase, I guess.
That's probably why I think you're going through the same thing too.

Socializing seems to be harder for you than a final exam in advanced calculus. It takes an exhausting amount of effort just to catch onto a joke. Maybe try a few months of actual work:

Something tangible: pick some guy from your class you’d actually want as a friend—and no, not the most popular or successful kid in school—and see what he’s into. What’s his thing? A specific band, gaming, whatever? Just start getting into it yourself.

It’s easier if you just look at what *you* actually care about, then go find people who share those interests. There’s a massive difference between listening to country music and heavy metal when it comes to picking your crowd.

As for that feeling that everyone is staring at you: that’s just standard insecurity talking. It has nothing to do with reality. If you're really paranoid, imagine being at a Madonna concert right when she strips down on stage; everyone is staring at her chest, yet you'll still be convinced that everyone is looking at you instead. Think about it.

Chris Harris20 said:Aha. I I don't know. I was actually pretty much exactly like you described back in freshman year. I didn't really care about anything, I just scraped by with Bs, and I had zero interest in going out or being social... but then everything shifted during sophomore year. I started dressing differently—like, wearing bright colors—changed my hair, and actually started putting in the effort with my schoolwork. I also got to know some people in my class better who ended up becoming my actual friends, and I even found a boyfriend... So, I’m a completely different person now than I was back then. It was definitely just a phase, I guess.
That's probably why I think you're going through the same thing too.

Well, I'm finally wrapping things up myself.

I might just lay low over the summer and then try to make some moves this fall.