People who never make the first move

Donna Wood52 said:Have you ever dealt with someone like this? You know the type—the kind of person where it’s always on you to reach out first, to check in, to ask how their week was or what’s new...

For instance, you’re the one initiating the calls and keeping the conversation going—doing it several times, actually—and then you eventually hit a wall and think, "Alright, I'm done calling; let's see if they even bother to pick up the phone or reach out once I stop." And then? Silence. Forever.

What’s your take on this behavior? Does it drive you absolutely crazy, or am I just being overly sensitive?

I actually act like that, but only with one specific person—mostly because they are incredibly draining and, frankly, boring. I don't answer when they call, either. Maybe you're reacting to them for a reason, though that's just my two cents.🤷

Brenda Cooper3 said:I’ve been sitting here reflecting on this lately... I find myself stuck in this cycle where I’m simultaneously pulling away from people and trying to escape my own company because being alone is unbearable. It’s a mess. I genuinely enjoy socializing—I love a good laugh and just hanging out—but there’s this constant, nagging anxiety that I’m going to screw something up. I’m terrified people will judge me, decide I’m "bad news," and start avoiding me. Honestly, I can't handle seeing that look of disappointment in someone's eyes anymore. It cuts too deep.
I am not a bad person. I don't gossip, and I don't go looking for trouble, but I am incredibly clumsy and slow on the uptake. When people label me as the "scatterbrain" of the group, it turns into laughter at my expense, and everything...
For as long as I can remember, I’ve felt like that awkward kid everyone mocks just because I’m inherently a bit ridiculous...
I don't know. I'm just scared.😢
I crave connection and friendship so much, but that's where the catch is...
If I lean too hard on casual acquaintances, they’ll just think I’m needy or weird.
That sense of security and belonging is something I should have gotten from my parents, but that ship has sailed...
I’m just really confused about how all this works.
And another thing... people are incredibly perceptive. They can read you like an open book, which is a double-edged sword. If I ever hit a low point or spiral into a depression, people will see it written all over my face and run for the hills. So, instead, I hide my gaze. I act like I'm indifferent to making contact—by which I mean, I pretend I don't care about socializing.

Sorry for the fragmented parts; these are just a few snippets stuck in my head.
(By the way: thanks for this brave post. It helps to read about others. Makes things feel less lonely.)

What parents failed to provide, or simply couldn't give, we can find for ourselves, 😉and in each other.. 😉.. right?
That’s why we have forums, books—plenty of books.. 😉 and professionals, if you choose them..

Anyway: thank you for such a brave, beautiful post..

Kyle Sanders2 said:usually, people with less value tend to mess with those who have more,😳

I'm talking about the balance of value that gets established

in any friendship or relationship, right at the very beginning

because that's just how it's always been, whether we like admitting it or not,

in every single connection, there's one person who is more dominant

and that friend you reached out to a bunch of times, only for them to

ghost you later, they probably weren't even a friend to begin with.

they were just an acquaintance you wanted to turn into a friend

or maybe something more, which they clearly didn't want to be!!!!☕🙂

Hm. Sometimes it really is like that.

But other times, it's just shyness or something similar,
or disorganization and a lack of time, or just being confused and forgetful..

Also, some people just know how to work a crowd, organize an event, a meetup..
they know how to maintain group dynamics,
or start a group from scratch..
Those types, naturally, reach out, make calls, stay active..
And no serious person would say they are less valuable—on the contrary,
nor would others say so..

Playing games about who goes first or who is next... that makes sense, proven enough,
but there's plenty of other stuff happening between people...

I'm glad I've occasionally nudged someone shy or indecisive to speak up,
explaining that maybe that person was just too timid to impose themselves,
and I'm glad because that has sparked love, friendship..
or at least nice moments during a meeting..

Speak up! Talk! Others are also confused, discouraged, or weighed down by their own imperfections..
And they might just be waiting for your call.

Kevin Bailey2 said:People like that just come off as incredibly pretentious.
I know plenty of folks like them—people who genuinely believe they’re somehow superior to everyone else, almost untouchable.

I steer clear of those types. I'm not the kind of person who’s going to chase anyone down or try to convince them to care.
If you show me once that you aren't interested, that's it. I’m not wasting my energy on you.

edit—well, unless it's an extreme case.
See, my husband used to be exactly like that back when we first started dating.
But with him, putting in the work actually paid off. It took a long time, though, to finally break through his shell and get him to be real with me.
I mean... he’s still full of himself and thinks his intellect is basically unmatched by anyone on the planet... but he has these good qualities that outweigh that whole "I'm invincible" attitude. So, yeah... I love him anyway.

......man, I once knew a guy who was exactly like your description.....
....totally stuck up and obsessed with his own ego......
....it wasn't like he wasn't smart.....or well-educated.....
.....but he acted like he was God's gift to the world......even though he actually seemed a little insecure... almost shy, really...
.....later on, I realized it was all just a massive fear of failing.....
... and that's exactly why he thought he could just boss everyone else around whenever he felt like it...
.....he didn't have an ounce of respect for anyone.....
.....everyone else was just there to serve him.....
....and it made me wonder.....
.....was he actually intelligent ......
...or just someone who spent way too many years in school ...
...without ever learning the actual important things in life....

It’s actually pretty healthy to try looking at things from the other side of the fence. I’ve got friends who think just like this, and honestly, I’ve spent way too much time wondering why they operate the way they do.
I tried the whole "silent treatment" tactic once—you know, just not reaching out to see if they'd notice—but I realized pretty fast that those kinds of friendships just wither away and die.
Real friends are hard to come by, period. You have to accept that everyone is wired differently, so I don't feel bad about being the one to pick up the phone. Besides, I’ve got plenty of other buddies who are just as proactive as I am, so there's still some balance in the universe somewhere.