What's the deal? Always together, but "just friends"?

hollowraven3 said:How exactly do you think timing played a role here?
I’m hesitant to take that leap, not just because I’d risk ruining—or at least seriously damaging—our friendship, but because I honestly don't know if my heart is truly in it. I suspect the issue is simply that we spend way too much time together. Between our morning commitments and going out nearly every single night (it’s usually just the two of us, though friends jump in occasionally; I can count on one hand the number of times I've been out without her), we are constantly inseparable. We even end up sharing a room or a bed, all the time. I don't know about anyone else, but if it were anyone else, I would have grown bored ages ago. With her, it's the opposite—I always have a blast. Even when I happen to go out with someone else, I find myself missing her. It isn't that she bothers me; rather, it scares me. I've started subconsciously nitpicking small, trivial things, hoping it might give me an excuse to pull away, when the truth is, I don't actually want to.

Timing is everything. Whatever way you look at it, I meant that it's time for a shift, and the real question is what that shift looks like for you. You need to act—and I don't mean just doing "something," but rather trying to get on the same wavelength and explain where your head is at. I truly believe a relationship can't be deep unless there's total honesty involved. So, you're looking at either cutting ties completely (which, based on what you said, doesn't seem likely) or you guys will eventually realize you're meant to be together, or maybe you'll stay friends with just a slightly different dynamic regarding how much time you spend together. Man-woman friendships have always been a gray area with no set rules; it all depends on the vibe, the intensity, and that weird subconscious communication. Statistics don't matter here because every situation is totally unique.

Anyway, I'm rambling too much now, so let me wrap this up. What I'm really saying is that it's time for a change—specifically, an honest conversation that you need to initiate. Whether you're ready for it or not, it's coming soon, judging by what you've told me. Also, don't stress too much about how the talk turns out; I'm pretty convinced that staying in limbo will do more harm than good. When you're stuck not knowing where you stand, just remember what language is actually for: having smooth, easy conversations, being totally real, and making sure the energy flows both ways. That last part is the hardest thing to nail, but honestly, I think a sincere, chill conversation is the universal fix.

http://fliiby.com/file/353194/yy91an0xi8.html
It’s beautiful while it lasts, isn't it? But nothing stays perfect forever... They say that once the pain becomes too much to bear, you realize just how fleeting everything was—and usually, by then, it's already too late. Still, there are happy endings out there if you know where to look; check under section 5.

bluemaker52 said:http://fliiby.com/file/353194/yy91an0xi8.html
It’s beautiful while it lasts, isn't it? But nothing stays perfect forever... They say that once the pain becomes too much to bear, you realize just how fleeting everything was—and usually, by then, it's already too late. Still, there are happy endings out there if you know where to look; check under section 5.

I don't think it's really about being "in love" (though they certainly care, in whatever capacity), it feels more like an obsession with one specific person that's been dragging on for way too long. You can't really be jealous of a friend—not like this. When it's just a friend, you aren't bothered when they hang out with others; you don't feel rejected or abandoned because you know the connection is still there. Friendship always leaves room for independence. Friends don't need to see each other every single day, spend every night together, or share every tiny detail of their lives; everyone keeps their own sense of self. You can't truly be someone's soulmate in that way. When you're younger, you tend to crave that intense closeness before you finally head out into the real world. A mature adult learns how to exist on their own. Truly alone. And only then are they actually ready for deeper connections with others. It isn't even about love at that point—you give love to friends, partners, your mom, your kids... it's different. But a mature, friendly kind of love allows the other person to grow and move in their own direction, even if you eventually drift apart completely. At least you'll know you had a friend. This whole thing still feels like a phase of depending on others, like being part of a pack, as if the umbilical cord of total belonging hasn't been cut yet. It’s only once that cord is severed—once you feel completely solitary, and through that, feel strong and secure—that you can actually start building serious relationships on a real foundation...

It seems to me that these kinds of relationships are just an extension of those "best friend" dynamics. It happens to guys too, I guess, but it feels way more common with girls having that one "bestie" they spend every waking second with. Just like Maher put it, they’re basically attached at the hip.

cosmictinker21 said:I don't think it's really about being "in love" (though they certainly care, in whatever capacity), it feels more like an obsession with one specific person that's been dragging on for way too long. You can't really be jealous of a friend—not like this. When it's just a friend, you aren't bothered when they hang out with others; you don't feel rejected or abandoned because you know the connection is still there. Friendship always leaves room for independence. Friends don't need to see each other every single day, spend every night together, or share every tiny detail of their lives; everyone keeps their own sense of self. You can't truly be someone's soulmate in that way. When you're younger, you tend to crave that intense closeness before you finally head out into the real world. A mature adult learns how to exist on their own. Truly alone. And only then are they actually ready for deeper connections with others. It isn't even about love at that point—you give love to friends, partners, your mom, your kids... it's different. But a mature, friendly kind of love allows the other person to grow and move in their own direction, even if you eventually drift apart completely. At least you'll know you had a friend. This whole thing still feels like a phase of depending on others, like being part of a pack, as if the umbilical cord of total belonging hasn't been cut yet. It’s only once that cord is severed—once you feel completely solitary, and through that, feel strong and secure—that you can actually start building serious relationships on a real foundation...

🙏
I think that hits the nail on the head. We've spent an incredible amount of time together, especially this past year. That’s probably why I'm so confused; we've become far too close for people who are "just" friends. Honestly, the only way to keep things at this level is to create some distance, even though I hate the idea. I'm getting exhausted from constantly having to explain to everyone that we aren't dating; I suspect most people don't believe me anymore.
It's not her old social circle or her boyfriend that I'm jealous of—it's these new people, and I can't quite put my finger on why. Then again, it confuses me that she's actually pretty jealous herself, even though she's fully aware of it and doesn't bother hiding it.

Don't sweat it too much, you've still got a long way to go before you're actually an adult. Maturity isn't a destination, it's more of a lifelong process of learning how not to mess things up... You'll find plenty more girlfriends, "friends," and casual flings along the way, and honestly, you'll probably be better at navigating them each time. Things tend to get clearer eventually.👍 My advice? Just let this one wash over you. Don't dwell on it. Instead, try finding some new circles, meet some different people, and get into some new hobbies. Variety is the spice of life, after all.☕

Alright, I'm bringing this post back... Everything seems fine, really. Honestly, I could probably just let things stay strictly platonic; I agree with that sentiment. It’s just that there's this intense fixation on one specific person because we spend way too much time together. If I could just get some breathing room, I'd likely realize what's going on and settle for being just friends. It matters too much to me to cut her out of my life entirely just because things can't evolve past friendship.
But here's the kicker: what am I supposed to make of it when her friend tells me she gets jealous whenever I "try" talking to another girl? She says this right to my face, yet the friend was never actually around to witness any of it—so how does she even know? On top of that, she actually admitted to me that she was in love with me once...

Jacobs, where exactly are you standing right now?

Are you trying to figure out if you’d actually have a shot if you dared to ask for more?