I'm feeling really lost right now

That’s perfectly standard.
I suppose nobody truly knows for certain, 😍

Though I will say, this often stems from youth—from suppressing one's true nature. Once a person finally achieves self-awareness (which is far more difficult than people care to admit), they might actually find their own company quite pleasant.

Throughout my entire childhood and adolescence, I was constantly drifting, driven by a desperate fear of being alone.

In short, you are simply suppressing some part of yourself because you are young.

Does any of that ring a bell?

It stands to reason that when you haven't fully formed your identity yet, you crave social connection.The desire to meet others, is natural. If you are an extrovert—and I certainly am—it doesn't bother me anymore to just stay home by myself; I actually enjoy it.😛

There was a time when I would have been breaking out in a cold sweat over it; I felt this frantic, desperate need to be somewhere, anyone, else.

Dana Morales64 said:This has been an issue for as long as I can remember—I’ve always been a social creature, someone who thrives in a crowd. When I'm out with people, everything feels effortless; time flies, there's no boredom, and life just seems manageable. But the second I walk through my front door, I’m lost. I’ll step into my room, and within two minutes, the restlessness kicks in. If the house is quiet, it’s even worse—this wave of paranoia and anxiety just hits me out of nowhere. If I go a few days without seeing anyone, things start getting weird; I feel like I'm losing my grip, I get hit with this intense fear when I'm out walking, sweating, constantly looking over my shoulder, terrified that I’m eventually going to end up completely alone. Then, I hang out with friends and suddenly everything is fine again. It’s like I have these social batteries that drain incredibly fast—if I don't "recharge" by being around people every couple of days, I hit some kind of internal social crisis. It’s possible I’m more attached to certain people than I let on, even though I’m never clingy or overbearing in a group setting. As far as actual life decisions go, though, I’m fine—I can handle pressure and I usually know exactly what the right move is.
The core of it, though, is purely social—this constant, nagging fear that I’ll end up isolated, even if there isn't a logical reason to feel that way since I have plenty of friends and a solid support system.
Has anyone else dealt with this kind of cycle, and if so, how did you manage it?

Well, you drifted over to the forum, because if there aren't any real people around, virtual ones will do the trick, right?🙂 Man, your mind is really running circles around you. There are plenty of different kinds of dependencies, and this is one of them. None of the folks on these forums can actually help you until you turn inward and start digging—and I mean digging deep. You shouldn't be afraid of yourself. At the end of the day, you're either your own best friend or your own worst enemy.

Excellent advice!

It’s true, though—the internet wears everyone down eventually. It’s really just a question of by how much.
Those "boundaries" are starting to blur... I don't even want to imagine what it's like for someone growing up with nothing but this constant stream

You aren't alone when it comes to the internet 😬

Hi, Cross....🙂
There is no such thing as two. There is only one, which sometimes—if we’re lucky—mirrors itself in another simultaneously, making us feel as though we aren't alone or isolated. Or so it seems.
To truly inhabit your own solitude is to actually exist. It means being lonely deep within, being alone with yourself, being entirely and without reservation present within your own skin.
These are thoughts from a friend of mine who studies philosophy; I find them quite profound and true.
You have to begin the journey of self-discovery, starting from the smallest details and working upward.
I have never, ever truly been alone. Even when I found myself physically solitary for a few days, my first instinct was to feel exactly like you do. But over time, I tried to fill that emptiness within myself, digging deep into my own interior to search for those hidden, unknown parts of my soul. Loving yourself, knowing yourself, filling your inner void and then stepping back out into the world... it's a process. A continuous process that lasts a lifetime.
Just imagine what happens when you are left alone... where are we, where are we going, where have we even been?
We live in the 21st century. Soon, we’ll probably be living on planets beyond the Moon. We drive cars, fly in planes, we have the internet, massive ocean liners, TV, radio... we've dropped atomic bombs, we've been at war since humanity began, we've preached "love, not war," we were the children of the flower power era, we listen to electronic music... etcetera, etcetera.
All of this, and a billion other little things, was built by someone, by one person, or by many... by Man. Where do you fit into all of this? Me, him, her?
What can you do, change, or add to the world?
Absolutely nothing if you don't first realize who you are, what you're striving for, and what kind of person you actually are. To achieve that, you have to be alone with yourself, once or many times, to fill that inner space and reflect. And you can only do that if you are truly, completely alone.
You're twenty years old. That feels like both a tiny amount of time and an eternity all at once. Someone mentioned here that just being aware of your situation is a great start, but it isn't enough. You have to start doing the work. There are endless methods depending on the person, but personally, my favorite is meditation. Sign up for a course, learn a technique; I'm certain it will help. Or, there is the simple joy of running or cycling through nature. Try it. When you reach those moments where you don't know how to deal with yourself, go outside and run, or ride your bike—but try to stay present with yourself while you do it. In time, it will become essential. It's healthy to spend at least half an hour a day being alone with your own thoughts. Make time for yourself, just for you, to do something you love... I don't know... maybe I love a hot bath with some good music, or baking my favorite cake (you know, they say the best chefs are men), 🙂or just sitting in the car and driving with no destination in mind... there is so much you can do alone and actually enjoy it. Believe me... just start. Good luck on your journey!🙂