Guilt tripping: how do you deal with it?

feralranger22 said:Look, you’ve realized it was a mistake, and there’s no sense in dwelling on the past. Think of it like a bad detour on a highway; you took the wrong exit, but you can always get back on the right track. You didn't act with malice—you were just navigating some confusing emotions. Now that clarity has arrived, choose the path that feels right: commit to the person you truly love, or simply move on from both and start fresh elsewhere.
Regardless, maintain your grace in their presence...

Yeah, I really was lost. I honestly thought I loved both of them, and I couldn't figure out for the longest time which one was actually my person... I used to believe that even if I felt split down the middle, they were still getting enough from me... There are so many different ways to be, yet we're forced to narrow it down to just one person... sometimes it feels totally illogical and just... unnatural.

Honestly, I think you just have to own up to it—especially when your conscience starts eating you alive. It’s better to just come clean... because, let's face it, you really should've thought about the fallout before you did it in the first place.

It might seem like a massive ordeal right now, but honestly, people spend their entire lives searching for answers; we gain true wisdom only through experience. If you open up and speak your truth, the worst-case scenario is that you end up feeling hurt or judged—like you're somehow diminished in their eyes. But ask yourself, what do you actually gain from that? Absolutely nothing. If your motivation is merely to unburden yourself, then that’s a shaky foundation, because it stems from pure selfishness...

So, just bite your tongue and stay quiet!!! I’m telling you this for your own sake; once you move past this situation, you’ll walk away with another valuable life lesson. And believe me, navigating something like this entirely on your own is what truly builds character.

Let’s look at my job title for a second—Executive Assistant...
I honestly have a million instances where I couldn't just tell people the blunt truth because it would have caused absolute chaos. Instead, I had to wrap that truth up in layers of polite packaging just to keep the peace in the office... you know what I mean?

feralranger22 said:So, just bite your tongue and stay quiet!!! I’m telling you this for your own sake; once you move past this situation, you’ll walk away with another valuable life lesson. And believe me, navigating something like this entirely on your own is what truly builds character.

I’m right there with you... sometimes honesty isn't the best policy. To be honest, being blunt in certain moments can actually make you look cold or just totally insensitive to how someone else is feeling. It’s not worth it because nobody wins. If I speak up, I’ll end up feeling twice as guilty—once for saying it, and again because he might end up hating women altogether. He could blame himself, spiral, or turn to drinking... plus, if nothing suspicious happened back when it was all going down, maybe he doesn't even deserve to know the truth.

Aaron Campbell47 said:At this point, I don't think "doing the right thing" matters much because I've already made a massive mistake... actually, a totally immoral and unethical one. But I was wondering what you all think—will bad karma eventually catch up with me? Like some sort of cosmic debt collector coming to settle the score? I don't know. If I actually laid out exactly what I did, I have a feeling I'd just get torn apart by people in here.

Well, you can't blame the dog if the house is on fire, right?😉

If I'm reading you right...

You've chosen someone else, but you're terrified he might find out and everything will blow up in your face...

On the flip side, if you come clean, you'll hurt him and he'll probably walk away from you...

That's just the risk of being alive. You can't dodge it...🤷

Just keep your head down and deal with it. May God give you strength...

There is honestly no need to tell her; there's simply no reason to... and truthfully, speaking up now would be nothing but brutal, destructive, and pointless. If it’s in the past, just move forward. It happened once, a long time ago. One day you'll look back and realize you did the right thing by everyone—by staying silent to protect them from that pain, and by protecting yourself from the unnecessary heartache that comes with it.
I really am quite wise.🤣🤣

Benjamin Hayes6 said:Well, you can't blame the dog if the house is on fire, right?😉

If I'm reading you right...

You've chosen someone else, but you're terrified he might find out and everything will blow up in your face...

On the flip side, if you come clean, you'll hurt him and he'll probably walk away from you...

That's just the risk of being alive. You can't dodge it...🤷

Just keep your head down and deal with it. May God give you strength...

Look, if he had been in this exact spot—having another wife and hesitating for a while before finally choosing me—I don't think I'd ever want to know. I'd much rather live in blissful ignorance. Maybe I can't be totally objective about it right now, but that's how it feels.
At one point, I was actually sitting there with my friends, arguing that sticking to just one person feels unnatural. Like, how is one single person supposed to meet every single one of your needs? We were saying monogamy is basically just leftover religious control and stuff like that.

Honestly, you remind me of my younger self. I used to be just as convinced that committing to a single person was a mistake because one individual simply can't possibly meet every single expectation or fulfill every need... and honestly, that part is true. But the other side of the coin is that we don't actually have the right to demand that from anyone; it’s just too much to ask of one person. That’s why we have other people in our lives to fill those gaps. While finding that one perfect person would be the dream, realistically... well, life happens.
We shouldn't place such heavy demands and expectations on a single partner; it isn't fair.

Aaron Campbell47 said:Look, if he had been in this exact spot—having another wife and hesitating for a while before finally choosing me—I don't think I'd ever want to know. I'd much rather live in blissful ignorance. Maybe I can't be totally objective about it right now, but that's how it feels.
At one point, I was actually sitting there with my friends, arguing that sticking to just one person feels unnatural. Like, how is one single person supposed to meet every single one of your needs? We were saying monogamy is basically just leftover religious control and stuff like that.

Don't sweat it, you might even find yourself in that exact spot someday....😁

The worst part is that women usually start digging for answers, because... look, nobody's out to get me or anything, but still...
and then they end up feeling guilty later on.

Just stay quiet for now.
Don't admit to anything. Just carry that weight on your conscience and light a candle to make sure everything turns out okay.
That could be your reality for the next 50 years (if you're younger and planning a life together).

Over time, none of this really matters that much. Except for the fact that something similar will probably happen to both of you again down the road.
The key is to play the game smart, with as few collateral victims as possible.

So for now, just be the victim yourself and deal with it alone. You can always tell him if you truly reach your breaking point.

Eric White10 said:If being honest is just going to wound them and cause unnecessary heartache, then maybe you shouldn't say anything at all.

That's the kind of thing you hear therapists suggest all the time.

Who cares what some therapist says? If you're certain they'll never find out, keep it to yourself.
Ignorance is bliss.

But watch yourself. Everything comes to light eventually.

Aaron Campbell47 said:I’m just... eaten up by this. I haven't been sleeping, I can't focus on anything, and it's been going on for days now. It’s because I did something truly awful behind the back of someone I really care about. Part of me thinks telling them would be a relief—like a way to clear my own conscience—but I know it would hurt them deeply. Probably devastatingly so. Maybe I even deserve to feel this much pain, if not more. How do you quiet a guilty conscience without causing more damage?

There is zero point in torturing yourself. What matters is that you learn from this and convince yourself it will never happen again. The damage is done. You reacted the only way you knew how at the time—if you had a choice, you would have acted differently (hopefully 😍)... Pay the price for the mistake, then turn your eyes toward the future.