Is it wrong to enjoy someone else's misfortune?

darkhawk30 said:As Shakespeare put it: "New pain will drive out the old."
But he meant your own, not someone else's.
It's that feeling when you're already hurting, then something even worse hits you, and suddenly your previous misery doesn't seem so heavy after all.
When I'm going through a rough patch, I actually try to avoid other people's drama. I prefer to hunt for something that might actually lift my mood, even if it's just catching a glimpse of someone else's joy.
It doesn't always work, but more often than not, it does.

echoes Nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so. 🙂

Depends on whether you're looking for an ego boost. If so, then yeah—definitely. But honestly? You probably shouldn't care anyway.

William Nelson7 said:If that's how you operate, you're a genuinely good person.

Oh, sure!
I think most people walk around thinking they're just fine.
But I’m fully aware of both my strengths and my flaws.
Perfection? It's a myth. You never actually get there.🤣🤣🤣

placidranger said:echoes Nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so. 🙂

Here’s my take on it:
Absolutely nothing in this world holds inherent value. Things only carry weight because I decide they do.
I was walking around town yesterday, watching people react to the weather—some were grumbling about the rain while others seemed genuinely thrilled by it.
Sometimes, it’s better to just sit back and be an observer.

Samuel Miller21 said:When we are struggling with depression, the most common way people try to comfort us is by pointing out those who have it even worse—as if witnessing someone else's misery is supposed to somehow lift our spirits...

Those of us prone to depression are often also prone to intense feelings of guilt, which usually results in—or at least in my case, exacerbates—an even deeper depressive state.

Similarly, I constantly receive these chain emails filled with slideshows about starving children or the destitute, always paired with some lofty message about harmony, happiness, and finding peace.
Most of them feature that overused, award-winning photo of a malnourished child waiting for a vulture, all seasoned with these hollow humanitarian platitudes about enjoying life and appreciating the little things.

Is it just me, or is there something deeply perverse about this approach?
Should someone else's tragedy really be used as a motivator for our own happiness?

Yeah, I'm with you on that, it honestly makes me sick... I can't remember exactly which video I watched, but they were always filled with messages about how we should be grateful and stop wasting food, backed up by photos of starving children... and then there's that whole bit about how we ought to be thankful and happy! Like, hold on a second... how
can you actually feel happy when you're looking at how much other people are suffering? It just doesn't make any sense to me!

Lisa Barnes3 said:Yeah, I'm with you on that, it honestly makes me sick... I can't remember exactly which video I watched, but they were always filled with messages about how we should be grateful and stop wasting food, backed up by photos of starving children... and then there's that whole bit about how we ought to be thankful and happy! Like, hold on a second... how
can you actually feel happy when you're looking at how much other people are suffering? It just doesn't make any sense to me!

The logic is a little mixed up here.

Basically, forcing yourself to eat things when you're already full isn't going to help a single hungry kid; all it's going to do is make you overweight.🙄

The mindset should be different—like, don't hoard food you know you won't finish, or maybe just eat bread that's a couple of days old instead of tossing it... though I honestly have no clue how doing that helps anyone else.

And look, I hate wasting food too; it actually makes me feel physically sick whenever I do it, but I truly don't see the connection between my trash can and feeding the hungry.🤷

Sandra Parker3 said:The logic is a little mixed up here.

Basically, forcing yourself to eat things when you're already full isn't going to help a single hungry kid; all it's going to do is make you overweight.🙄

The mindset should be different—like, don't hoard food you know you won't finish, or maybe just eat bread that's a couple of days old instead of tossing it... though I honestly have no clue how doing that helps anyone else.

And look, I hate wasting food too; it actually makes me feel physically sick whenever I do it, but I truly don't see the connection between my trash can and feeding the hungry.🤷

Obviously, it won't help them.
It’s the same as talking about wishes; wishing isn't enough. You have to actually want something intensely, and then life sort of figures out a way to make it happen.
Total nonsense, really. But if you want something badly enough, maybe your motivation hits a level where you actually find a way to pull it off.
It’s the same deal with people who are starving. Starving yourself won't help them.
But, if you take a little from your excess—if you save money by not wasting food or by skipping that 58th shopping trip for clothes or shoes (I've always been terrible with shoes)—then you might actually be able to donate something. You could drop things off at a local food bank or the Red Cross, or give to the homeless, or perhaps even an elderly neighbor down the street..
That’s how it works.

Yeah.
Honestly, I wouldn't mind if someone actually found joy in my misfortune.

----------------
Now playing on Winamp: Marc Marberg with Kyau vs Albert - neo Love ( original Short EDIT

Sandra Parker3 said:The logic is a little mixed up here.

Basically, forcing yourself to eat things when you're already full isn't going to help a single hungry kid; all it's going to do is make you overweight.🙄

The mindset should be different—like, don't hoard food you know you won't finish, or maybe just eat bread that's a couple of days old instead of tossing it... though I honestly have no clue how doing that helps anyone else.

And look, I hate wasting food too; it actually makes me feel physically sick whenever I do it, but I truly don't see the connection between my trash can and feeding the hungry.🤷

straight up—exactly🤷

my conscience eats at me too... but at least I feed the pigeons or some hungry animal... or I'll give my buddies half a sandwich or something... that's how I handle it... because I feel for them... I know how much it would mean to someone... but these kinds of posts---🙄

just don't make any sense to me

James Jackson79 said:Cause I need to watch things die... from a distance
Vice Media I live while the whole world dies
You all need it too, don't lie

This is a line from Tool's "Vicarious." The entire song hits on exactly what you're asking about... as soon as I read this thread, the lyrics came straight to mind. 😁

In theory, that kind of mindset is pretty twisted. Personally, when I see someone going through a harder time than me, it just pulls me down further and sends me into a depressive spiral. I don't think anyone should actually find joy in someone else's misfortune, but then again, people who have been dealt nothing but bad hands—who have faced constant injustice and pure bad luck—tend to get numb over time. They lose their empathy, and honestly, they might even find a sort of grim comfort in seeing others struggle.

It’s a fantastic track. Honestly, one of the few absolute highlights on that album. 🙏

Personally, I don't think someone else's suffering should bring us joy, nor should we feel "better" about our own lives just because someone on the other side of the country—or even the other side of the planet—is having a much harder time than we are.

Perhaps we should focus more on being grateful for the things we have, especially those little blessings we often take for granted.

Perhaps we should approach this question from a different angle: when those closest to you—your true friends and family—hit a massive winning streak where everything just seems to click perfectly into place, do you feel a genuine sense of joy for them?
I recall someone once making a rather cynical observation: There are two kinds of misfortune in this life; the bad luck that hits you personally, and the good luck that happens to everyone else!
I'm curious to hear your perspectives on that.

Samuel Miller21 said:When we are struggling with depression, the most common way people try to comfort us is by pointing out those who have it even worse—as if witnessing someone else's misery is supposed to somehow lift our spirits...

Those of us prone to depression are often also prone to intense feelings of guilt, which usually results in—or at least in my case, exacerbates—an even deeper depressive state.

Similarly, I constantly receive these chain emails filled with slideshows about starving children or the destitute, always paired with some lofty message about harmony, happiness, and finding peace.
Most of them feature that overused, award-winning photo of a malnourished child waiting for a vulture, all seasoned with these hollow humanitarian platitudes about enjoying life and appreciating the little things.

Is it just me, or is there something deeply perverse about this approach?
Should someone else's tragedy really be used as a motivator for our own happiness?

I guess when you start thinking that you could've been that starving kid waiting for the vulture, you realize things might not actually be that bleak.

David Green11 said:Perhaps we should approach this question from a different angle: when those closest to you—your true friends and family—hit a massive winning streak where everything just seems to click perfectly into place, do you feel a genuine sense of joy for them?
I recall someone once making a rather cynical observation: There are two kinds of misfortune in this life; the bad luck that hits you personally, and the good luck that happens to everyone else!
I'm curious to hear your perspectives on that.

👍
That is an absolute truth. It is incredibly difficult for a person to stomach someone else's success, especially when it involves someone they can't quite relate to. I believe one of the hardest hurdles in life is learning how to move past the envy triggered by another person's happiness. 🤷

Samuel Miller21 said:👍
That is an absolute truth. It is incredibly difficult for a person to stomach someone else's success, especially when it involves someone they can't quite relate to. I believe one of the hardest hurdles in life is learning how to move past the envy triggered by another person's happiness. 🤷

Well, now we’ve crossed a line. We shouldn't generalize like that. I'm certain at least 40% of people actually feel happy when others succeed. People aren't quite that much of an idiot.

William Nelson7 said:Well, now we’ve crossed a line. We shouldn't generalize like that. I'm certain at least 40% of people actually feel happy when others succeed. People aren't quite that much of an idiot.

I wouldn't be so quick to bet against that, 🤣

In my own experience, I could list plenty of people whose happiness truly brings me genuine joy, and there are quite a few of them—I'm certainly not some kind of total bitch😁... but those individuals are mostly people with whom I can identify within a specific context.
Perhaps I view them as an extension of myself.
Or perhaps I am simply the catalyst for their happiness, which happens to feed my own narcissistic fantasies of being all-powerful.

But if you take a closer look at any friendship... you'll find that friends frequently sabotage one another's happiness, wrapping their interference in a million excuses disguised as "concern."

I believe a person comes closest to the ideal of being a true humanitarian precisely when they realize how difficult it is for them to witness someone else's success.

Think about it: when people are happy, they don't actually need us (unless we are the ones generating that happiness). In moments of joy, people are strong, radiant... so, when you do the math, you have individuals who are powerful, shining, and entirely self-sufficient. Wouldn't that trigger even a tiny flicker of fear or envy in any reasonable person?

The real question is how a person chooses to respond to that feeling. Will they accept it as a natural human emotion, acknowledge it, and move toward a state of tolerance for others' happiness? Or will they suppress it and unconsciously work to bring that person down, claiming things like "it didn't end well," "they've changed," or "they've become too selfish"? 🙂

Samuel Miller21 said:I wouldn't be so quick to bet against that, 🤣

In my own experience, I could list plenty of people whose happiness truly brings me genuine joy, and there are quite a few of them—I'm certainly not some kind of total bitch😁... but those individuals are mostly people with whom I can identify within a specific context.
Perhaps I view them as an extension of myself.
Or perhaps I am simply the catalyst for their happiness, which happens to feed my own narcissistic fantasies of being all-powerful.

But if you take a closer look at any friendship... you'll find that friends frequently sabotage one another's happiness, wrapping their interference in a million excuses disguised as "concern."

I believe a person comes closest to the ideal of being a true humanitarian precisely when they realize how difficult it is for them to witness someone else's success.

Think about it: when people are happy, they don't actually need us (unless we are the ones generating that happiness). In moments of joy, people are strong, radiant... so, when you do the math, you have individuals who are powerful, shining, and entirely self-sufficient. Wouldn't that trigger even a tiny flicker of fear or envy in any reasonable person?

The real question is how a person chooses to respond to that feeling. Will they accept it as a natural human emotion, acknowledge it, and move toward a state of tolerance for others' happiness? Or will they suppress it and unconsciously work to bring that person down, claiming things like "it didn't end well," "they've changed," or "they've become too selfish"? 🙂

Believe it or not, there are people who will actually share in your joy. Personally, I'm one of those people—I wasn't always, but I've worked hard at it—and I know a few others who are the same. It all depends on the individual. Some people find fulfillment in another's happiness because they identify with them. Sometimes, seeing someone else succeed makes you think that if it can happen for them, it can happen for you too, and you find yourself genuinely celebrating with them. 🙂 I probably didn't express my thoughts perfectly; sometimes it's difficult to distill a complex opinion into a single post. 🙂

Quincy Jones

Samuel Miller21 said:I wouldn't be so quick to bet against that, 🤣

In my own experience, I could list plenty of people whose happiness truly brings me genuine joy, and there are quite a few of them—I'm certainly not some kind of total bitch😁... but those individuals are mostly people with whom I can identify within a specific context.
Perhaps I view them as an extension of myself.
Or perhaps I am simply the catalyst for their happiness, which happens to feed my own narcissistic fantasies of being all-powerful.

But if you take a closer look at any friendship... you'll find that friends frequently sabotage one another's happiness, wrapping their interference in a million excuses disguised as "concern."

I believe a person comes closest to the ideal of being a true humanitarian precisely when they realize how difficult it is for them to witness someone else's success.

Think about it: when people are happy, they don't actually need us (unless we are the ones generating that happiness). In moments of joy, people are strong, radiant... so, when you do the math, you have individuals who are powerful, shining, and entirely self-sufficient. Wouldn't that trigger even a tiny flicker of fear or envy in any reasonable person?

The real question is how a person chooses to respond to that feeling. Will they accept it as a natural human emotion, acknowledge it, and move toward a state of tolerance for others' happiness? Or will they suppress it and unconsciously work to bring that person down, claiming things like "it didn't end well," "they've changed," or "they've become too selfish"? 🙂

What kind of sane person doesn't feel an immediate sense of repulsion toward people who are constantly weak, perpetually weeping, and perpetually miserable, yet somehow insist that we "boringly" need to be there to pick up their pieces? 😲
The way you’re painting this picture makes it sound like he’s just infinitely, unconditionally happy on his own, without any actual need for anyone else to step in and fill his life or provide that sense of fulfillment by making him feel good.
Are there actually people out there who are strong, brilliant, and absolutely, positively zero percent necessary to us? Haha, I guess that's just an "ideal" we'll never actually reach. 😉

Quincy Jones

Samuel Miller21 said:I wouldn't be so quick to bet against that, 🤣

In my own experience, I could list plenty of people whose happiness truly brings me genuine joy, and there are quite a few of them—I'm certainly not some kind of total bitch😁... but those individuals are mostly people with whom I can identify within a specific context.
Perhaps I view them as an extension of myself.
Or perhaps I am simply the catalyst for their happiness, which happens to feed my own narcissistic fantasies of being all-powerful.

But if you take a closer look at any friendship... you'll find that friends frequently sabotage one another's happiness, wrapping their interference in a million excuses disguised as "concern."

I believe a person comes closest to the ideal of being a true humanitarian precisely when they realize how difficult it is for them to witness someone else's success.

Think about it: when people are happy, they don't actually need us (unless we are the ones generating that happiness). In moments of joy, people are strong, radiant... so, when you do the math, you have individuals who are powerful, shining, and entirely self-sufficient. Wouldn't that trigger even a tiny flicker of fear or envy in any reasonable person?

The real question is how a person chooses to respond to that feeling. Will they accept it as a natural human emotion, acknowledge it, and move toward a state of tolerance for others' happiness? Or will they suppress it and unconsciously work to bring that person down, claiming things like "it didn't end well," "they've changed," or "they've become too selfish"? 🙂

It’s just that eternal, restless dissatisfaction baked into our DNA. It’s a lose-lose situation: you feel useless when people don't need you, but then you can't stand it when they actually do. Honestly, it feels like we're just poking the bear, trying to throw everyone off balance because we can't handle seeing someone else looking all happy and independent without us—it makes us want to stir the pot just to see them stumble. But then you realize if you push too hard, you end up stuck carrying the whole damn mess yourself, dealing with someone who's suddenly acting selfishly just because they need you now, whereas before, they acted like you didn't exist. 😁.
I honestly think it’s best to just leave things alone and stop messing with stuff that isn't our business; eventually, it’ll all go south on its own regardless of how much we try to force some "spontaneous" change. But man, it’s exhausting when it feels like everyone is constantly poking their nose into everything we do. 🙄

I guess I’ve started feeling like we don't just enjoy watching other people hit rock bottom, but we actually kind of love being the ones to trigger it... well, provided it isn't too risky, of course, or when there's no real fear of someone coming back to get us. If there's even a tiny chance of retaliation, we much prefer just sitting back and watching someone else take the shot at them, mostly because it feels a whole lot safer for us... I'm definitely not saying this is how humans are naturally wired, far from it, but man, maybe we really are just that kind of messed up...
Now, I’m obviously just speaking from my own perspective here, especially since I finally stopped lying to myself and actually found the guts to look at how things truly are. And honestly, it’s pretty terrifying.