How to build better social skills?

But I totally get the big picture here... social phobia was basically the wall stopping you from getting out there and making things feel natural. And look, training your social skills isn't quite the same thing as sitting down for therapy sessions. I've mentioned this before, but it could really be a game-changer for you. It often happens in group settings with people facing similar struggles, where the whole point isn't just digging into the "why" behind the anxiety, but actually taking those tiny, practical steps toward a solution.

I'm rambling, I know! Just really hoping any of this helps you out even a little bit,,,

Thomas Morales752 said:Look, grabbing coffee on campus is a killer way to break the ice, but man, it can be tough—especially if the group is pretty tight-knit. You kind of have to push yourself a little, which is hard when your self-confidence is hitting a low point. But, honestly? You might be looking at it a little sideways. I had this friend who dealt with the exact same thing. We'd be in the middle of a discussion, she'd stay quiet and only chime in once in a while, and then she'd get upset because nobody asked her what she thought. Truth is, people aren't going to stop and ask you for your opinion. In a real conversation, you just gotta jump in! One trick I suggest for joining the flow is maybe reading the news. When someone brings up a topic, you can always go, "Oh, hey, I actually just read about that today..."

When you guys are swapping study guides or tackling schoolwork together, don't let the conversation die the second the work is done. Once you're more than just strangers, try heading out for coffee during a break. If you vibe, it might actually turn into a real friendship...

And hey, if you really don't click with the crowd or the stuff they talk about, I highly recommend finding a club based on something you actually enjoy. Even if you don't have a specific hobby, there are general clubs out there, like Every student, where random students show up to debate topics, watch movies, give presentations, and all that good stuff.

I agree that you have to assert yourself, but how? Like I said before, whenever I try to "assert" myself, I usually end up overdoing it. I seriously need to figure out how to actually participate in a conversation properly.😢
As for clubs, I actually have an idea of something I could join—hopefully, I'll manage to actually speak up once I'm there. :/

Sam Hall59 said:I agree that you have to assert yourself, but how? Like I said before, whenever I try to "assert" myself, I usually end up overdoing it. I seriously need to figure out how to actually participate in a conversation properly.😢
As for clubs, I actually have an idea of something I could join—hopefully, I'll manage to actually speak up once I'm there. :/

That’s why I think trying some subtler approaches helps... like bringing up news stories that tie into the topic at hand. Don't sweat it too much, you'll get the hang of it with practice. It feels awkward now, I know, but I really believe you'll shake off that fear. Just don't give up on yourself.

With the club stuff, just take baby steps and set small goals for yourself... for example, maybe you just listen at the first meeting, then try to chip in a little at the next one. If you bite off more than you can chew, you might fail and feel discouraged, and nobody wants that. You're the best judge of your own pace.

Before you know it, you'll be the one acting like a therapist for all your socially awkward friends! 🙂

Thomas Morales752 said:That’s why I think trying some subtler approaches helps... like bringing up news stories that tie into the topic at hand. Don't sweat it too much, you'll get the hang of it with practice. It feels awkward now, I know, but I really believe you'll shake off that fear. Just don't give up on yourself.

With the club stuff, just take baby steps and set small goals for yourself... for example, maybe you just listen at the first meeting, then try to chip in a little at the next one. If you bite off more than you can chew, you might fail and feel discouraged, and nobody wants that. You're the best judge of your own pace.

Before you know it, you'll be the one acting like a therapist for all your socially awkward friends! 🙂

haha, I already am 🙂 thanks a lot for the help.

Nothing much on my end... just keep me posted on how things are moving along, any roadblocks you hit... I'll be hanging out right here 😉

I just wanted to add that you strike me as an incredibly sharp individual, and I truly believe you have what it takes to make it happen. So, don't you dare give up now! 🙂

Roger Morgan4 said:I just wanted to add that you strike me as an incredibly sharp individual, and I truly believe you have what it takes to make it happen. So, don't you dare give up now! 🙂

I'm not giving up—not quite. I’ve actually mapped out a little master plan to finally become a functional social human being. Here’s the strategy:

1. Join a club or some kind of organization that actually requires (at least above-average) social skills.

2. Pick up a summer job through a campus employment office that forces interaction
(think telemarketing, door-to-door surveying—basically anything where talking to strangers isn't optional).

3. Get out there—hit up concerts, meet people in the wild, find a crew.

4. ? (If anyone has any actual suggestions for step four, feel free to drop them below.)

Sam Hall59 said:I'm not giving up—not quite. I’ve actually mapped out a little master plan to finally become a functional social human being. Here’s the strategy:

1. Join a club or some kind of organization that actually requires (at least above-average) social skills.

2. Pick up a summer job through a campus employment office that forces interaction
(think telemarketing, door-to-door surveying—basically anything where talking to strangers isn't optional).

3. Get out there—hit up concerts, meet people in the wild, find a crew.

4. ? (If anyone has any actual suggestions for step four, feel free to drop them below.)

That’s awesome... you've got the drive and the strategy... honestly, I’m rooting for you! 😁

Just don't forget what I said about not biting off more than you can chew...

I actually think point number two is a brilliant move (alongside everything else, obviously). Even if you end up tripping up occasionally, it doesn't really matter; you just shake it off and move on. You’re in a place where nobody knows your history, and you don't know them either. It’s a clean slate, yet it provides that essential hands-on experience needed to actually build some social muscle.

Your strategy is honestly solid. Just take a page out of Thomas Morales752's book and take things one step at a time. I know the urge to see immediate results is probably overwhelming, but even those tiny, incremental shifts are massive wins. In my view, having this plan in place is already a success in itself. Just keep at it!

Roger Morgan4 said:I actually think point number two is a brilliant move (alongside everything else, obviously). Even if you end up tripping up occasionally, it doesn't really matter; you just shake it off and move on. You’re in a place where nobody knows your history, and you don't know them either. It’s a clean slate, yet it provides that essential hands-on experience needed to actually build some social muscle.

Your strategy is honestly solid. Just take a page out of Thomas Morales752's book and take things one step at a time. I know the urge to see immediate results is probably overwhelming, but even those tiny, incremental shifts are massive wins. In my view, having this plan in place is already a success in itself. Just keep at it!

To be completely honest, the thing that scares me most is joining a local nonprofit. 😲

But hey, it’ll all work out.🙂🙂

Sam Hall59 said:The question in my title 😢—also, how does one actually become more likable, approachable, and social? Any tips would be much appreciated.

It’s quite simple, really. It comes down to practice. 😉 If you deliberately throw yourself into situations where you’re forced to interact with strangers, then move on to acquaintances, and eventually find yourself rubbing elbows with the heavy hitters... behavioral techniques can be incredibly effective there.

Sam Hall59 said:I think I need to handle this myself because, being a psychotherapist, I can hold a relatively normal conversation. Like talking to a friend. A therapist isn't going to follow me to campus or hang out when I'm out and about. The problem is strangers. I always freeze up—it used to be much worse, actually. Literally terrifying. I used to have panic attacks when I had to go to gym class, so I'd just skip it because I didn't know anyone there. During my freshman year, I always sat far away from everyone else. I wasn't even capable of asking for a syllabus or what happened during the last lecture. I've managed to get over the fear now, but I'm still inexperienced when it comes to communication. I honestly don't know how "normal," social people talk—what they even talk about... I'll admit, I often find myself eavesdropping on conversations (since I can't seem to join them) and thinking that even if I were right there in the middle of them, I wouldn't know what to say.

I went out for coffee with some colleagues the other day. It wasn't even uncomfortable, just deeply unsettling because nobody acknowledged me. I only went along because they said, "Let's grab coffee," while I was mid-conversation with a girl from your group. I tagged along thinking they were inviting me too. Except, the whole time, they just talked amongst themselves about their lives, their nights out, pop stars, whatever. I would chime in on topics where I actually had something to contribute, and they'd just nod and leave it at that. Nobody asked me a single thing. It was like I didn't exist—and when I did speak... it was just "aha, okay." In those moments, I constantly feel like a parasite. Bad company. It's like I just latched onto them and they couldn't bring themselves to say, "Hey, maybe don't come with us." 😢

Why does this sound so familiar to me... Back during my freshman year of college, I think I tried far too hard to fit in with certain people, perhaps even overcompensating, only to eventually realize that it was the wrong crowd for me entirely, which led me to find a different group... It's funny, though, how those same people from freshman year eventually started whispering about how quiet I was and wondering why I stopped hanging out with them, even though they barely noticed I existed in the first place...

Sam Hall59 said:I'm not giving up—not quite. I’ve actually mapped out a little master plan to finally become a functional social human being. Here’s the strategy:

1. Join a club or some kind of organization that actually requires (at least above-average) social skills.

2. Pick up a summer job through a campus employment office that forces interaction
(think telemarketing, door-to-door surveying—basically anything where talking to strangers isn't optional).

3. Get out there—hit up concerts, meet people in the wild, find a crew.

4. ? (If anyone has any actual suggestions for step four, feel free to drop them below.)

Just step away from the screen and go touch some grass for once...

Peter Phillips32 said:Just step away from the screen and go touch some grass for once...

Haha, funny thing is, I actually was out earlier... 😁

Seriously though, if anyone actually has some useful advice, feel free to drop it...

I realized tonight that meeting people out in the real world is surprisingly easy—just by paying a little attention to your surroundings—and honestly, there isn't even that much depth required for the conversation. 😁 Clearly, I need to work on my social skills... (haha, just talking to myself here, ignore me... 🙂 )

Sam Hall59 said:Haha, funny thing is, I actually was out earlier... 😁

Seriously though, if anyone actually has some useful advice, feel free to drop it...

I realized tonight that meeting people out in the real world is surprisingly easy—just by paying a little attention to your surroundings—and honestly, there isn't even that much depth required for the conversation. 😁 Clearly, I need to work on my social skills... (haha, just talking to myself here, ignore me... 🙂 )

Oh, so you actually do go outside... In that case, I imagine social skills won't be much of an issue for you... 🙂

frozencanyon10 said:Oh, so you actually do go outside... In that case, I imagine social skills won't be much of an issue for you... 🙂

Look, I’m a big fan of just throwing everything into the fire when it comes to solving problems 😁—I mean, who knows? Tonight, some girl actually came up to me because she wanted to meet me (!!!), so I guess meeting people isn't the terrifying monster everyone makes it out to be. 😂

Sam Hall59 said:Look, I’m a big fan of just throwing everything into the fire when it comes to solving problems 😁—I mean, who knows? Tonight, some girl actually came up to me because she wanted to meet me (!!!), so I guess meeting people isn't the terrifying monster everyone makes it out to be. 😂

Well, I suppose you really are one of those lucky ones...

frozencanyon10 said:Well, I suppose you really are one of those lucky ones...

That sounds great and all, but honestly? I’m just trying to figure out how to do the exact opposite. 😉

Sam Hall59 said:That sounds great and all, but honestly? I’m just trying to figure out how to do the exact opposite. 😉

I’d love to manage that too, though I have to admit, it hasn't exactly been coming easy to me...🤷

Sam Hall59 said:Look, I’m a big fan of just throwing everything into the fire when it comes to solving problems 😁—I mean, who knows? Tonight, some girl actually came up to me because she wanted to meet me (!!!), so I guess meeting people isn't the terrifying monster everyone makes it out to be. 😂

You must have come off as really friendly and easygoing! 😉 It’s all about the vibe you put out there. If you’re nervous or feeling awkward, people can tell—it’s like you’re building a wall around yourself. But if you stay relaxed, you seem way more approachable... just keep doing what you're doing! 👍