Man, I'm feeling so down.

ironwolf82 said:My mom actually understands what I’m going through and she’s fully behind me, but at the end of the day, the decision has to be mine. Selling the land isn't the issue itself. It's more about how people would see me if I did. In my community, if you sell your family property, people look at you like you've completely failed. They see selling land as a sign of weakness, like you're someone who just can't make it on their own. Finding steady work is already such an uphill battle in my field, so it feels risky. I’d really love to pivot toward something in tech, maybe something involving computers...
To be totally honest, I’m terrified of making a move. I'm scared of being judged by everyone and losing the little stability I actually have. Ideally, I’d love to start my own small business, but I just haven't hit on a solid idea yet.

First off, figure out what actually matters—what *you* think you should do versus what your neighbors think you should do—and then just go with that. 😉

If you’re already this miserable with how things are, how much worse can it actually get by trying to change something?

It’s better to take a shot and fail than to spend your whole life wondering "what if" because you were too afraid to try.

ironwolf82 said:People don't realize how tough this work actually is if they haven't had any real experience with it. It’s one thing to live in a big city and head out to a farm in rural Iowa once in a while to help your grandparents or just do it as a hobby. The real issue is that when you're managing crops or livestock, everything has to be done within these strict, narrow windows of time, and you need serious manpower to pull it off. I can't do it all by myself along with my mom; you just can't maintain quality, and honestly, you end up working without any heart in it. Ugh. Personally, I dabble in ranching, but anything with fewer than five head of cattle is just too small to be viable, and scaling up requires an incredible amount of effort...
There is definitely money to be made in agriculture—I don't make a fortune myself, but it's there. But then you see the people who are out there grinding 15 hours a day. Their entire existence revolves around the job. Maybe they don't want it to be that way, but the nature of farming just doesn't allow them to organize their lives any other way. They never take vacations, their bodies break down quickly, and there's so much envy among them, neighbor against neighbor. They lack basic manners and act like they're always right and everyone else is wrong. It makes talking to them pretty difficult. At least, that's how it is in my neck of the woods, not that I'm making a rule for everyone everywhere...
Folks working the land often have zero stamina because they're constantly exhausted. And the idea of "healthy living" on a farm is mostly a myth since there's such heavy use of pesticides and herbicides. They end up poisoning themselves first, and then everyone else. Plus, standing out in the sun when it hits 100 degrees? That’s just brutal...
Where am I getting this impression?
It's what I see whenever I head back into the city and just sit back to observe. You can spot people from rural areas easily; they look drained, weathered, sun-scorched, and honestly, a bit worn down. It’s almost hard to watch. They stand out so much from the rest of the urban crowd. And they always have that same excuse: "Oh, I have to rush home to finish some chores." They can never truly relax; they're always tense because farming demands it—if you miss a window today, you might never get that chance back...
I have a degree in chemistry...

It’s actually quite interesting reading your perspective. Please, for God's sake, don't spend the rest of your life doing something you hate. Don't be afraid to venture into the unknown or take a risk. Be a dreamer and chase your own vision, regardless of what anyone else thinks. Plenty of massive entrepreneurs and titans of industry were considered dreamers or "crazy," but they took the leap and believed in themselves. There’s a businessman in my town—maybe one of the most successful ceramic manufacturers in the country—who arrived in Chicago decades ago from overseas with nothing but a single suitcase. He was practically starving and penniless. People called him a dreamer and a fool, but today he owns a factory that supports dozens of families.

David Nelson74 said:It’s actually quite interesting reading your perspective. Please, for God's sake, don't spend the rest of your life doing something you hate. Don't be afraid to venture into the unknown or take a risk. Be a dreamer and chase your own vision, regardless of what anyone else thinks. Plenty of massive entrepreneurs and titans of industry were considered dreamers or "crazy," but they took the leap and believed in themselves. There’s a businessman in my town—maybe one of the most successful ceramic manufacturers in the country—who arrived in Chicago decades ago from overseas with nothing but a single suitcase. He was practically starving and penniless. People called him a dreamer and a fool, but today he owns a factory that supports dozens of families.

That kind of leap was possible in the past, but nowadays, it's a much steeper climb.
If you don't absolutely have to, I wouldn't recommend selling off your farmland; since joining the European Union, the value of agricultural land has shot way up.
Maybe consider pivoting toward more profitable and manageable crops, like growing strawberries in greenhouses instead.😕

ironwolf82 said:My mom actually understands what I’m going through and she’s fully behind me, but at the end of the day, the decision has to be mine. Selling the land isn't the issue itself. It's more about how people would see me if I did. In my community, if you sell your family property, people look at you like you've completely failed. They see selling land as a sign of weakness, like you're someone who just can't make it on their own. Finding steady work is already such an uphill battle in my field, so it feels risky. I’d really love to pivot toward something in tech, maybe something involving computers...
To be totally honest, I’m terrified of making a move. I'm scared of being judged by everyone and losing the little stability I actually have. Ideally, I’d love to start my own small business, but I just haven't hit on a solid idea yet.

Sell the land. Seriously, don't give a second thought to what the neighbors are whispering. Most of that chatter is just noise anyway. 😉
Invest in what truly matters to you. You mentioned wanting to get into the tech world—do you already have some foundational knowledge there, or is it more of a dream you're hoping to chase?

Do you feel any sense of guilt about letting go of the property, especially considering (if I'm following your story correctly) that both your father and grandfather worked that soil?

Hey, ironwolf82!
Honestly, I live out in the sticks, and most of my business contacts—including my own family—are in agriculture. The perk is that we deal with a mountain of paperwork and logistics alongside the actual farming. Plus, I’m constantly on the move, traveling everywhere from major US cities to rural towns and even abroad. And trust me, there is nothing worse than looking like someone who’s been completely swallowed by the city—just exhausted, suffocating in smog, and cramped in some tiny studio apartment. Sure, running away from stuff you hate feels great initially, but everything gets old eventually. Out here, switching careers every five years is pretty standard, but if you did that in some traditional parts of the country, people would act like you committed a crime.
Here’s my suggestion—and don't take this as actual advice, just a thought—but maybe look into a different niche. Based on how you talk, you seem to have interests that lean a certain way. Since your area is actually a powerhouse for berries and wild fruit production, why not lean into that? Blackberries, raspberries, blueberries... you could build a solid foundation for a specialty bakery or a jam business, which could eventually tie back into your professional background. It also frees up your schedule quite a bit (except during harvest season). If you make a high-quality blackberry wine, you can sell that right now.😁 😁
Besides, that would give you enough downtime to tinker with computers on the side.😁 😁 That might be just the thing to keep you satisfied.😁 😁

ironwolf82 said:My mom actually understands what I’m going through and she’s fully behind me, but at the end of the day, the decision has to be mine. Selling the land isn't the issue itself. It's more about how people would see me if I did. In my community, if you sell your family property, people look at you like you've completely failed. They see selling land as a sign of weakness, like you're someone who just can't make it on their own. Finding steady work is already such an uphill battle in my field, so it feels risky. I’d really love to pivot toward something in tech, maybe something involving computers...
To be totally honest, I’m terrified of making a move. I'm scared of being judged by everyone and losing the little stability I actually have. Ideally, I’d love to start my own small business, but I just haven't hit on a solid idea yet.

If you're looking to start something of your own, why not give beekeeping a shot? I mean, yeah, it's technically agriculture, but it beats breaking your back dealing with a pile of useless sticks in a field, doesn't it?

Thanks so much for all the replies and for genuinely wanting to help!
I want to apologize for not being totally upfront at the start—it just felt a bit awkward to bring this up!
But seeing how everyone is offering such thoughtful advice makes me feel silly for keeping it bottled up. Sorry again about that.
I guess the real reason I’ve been avoiding farming is because of how much it affects my appearance, which isn't exactly perfect to begin with.
My facial skin is incredibly sensitive; it turns bright red the second I deal with any physical exertion, sun exposure, or even just the wind. After working out in the fields, my face gets so flushed I feel like I’m actually burning. My cheeks just radiate heat. That’s why I originally brought this up from a psychological perspective. It’s hard to ignore when you’re standing there looking so conspicuous, and I haven't really found a way to just accept it. Even if I try to blend in, I end up drawing attention because I’m practically glowing with heat, like a little red sun. It makes me feel so self-conscious whenever I have to head into town or leave the rural areas. As I get older, the redness seems to be getting more intense, and honestly, I’m feeling less and less prepared to handle it, especially the outdoor labor. I’ve seen a dermatologist, but their take was basically that this is just my skin type and I have to live with it. But I can't... it’s really taking a toll on me. It’s affecting my daily life because I find myself avoiding people, especially when my face is flared up. It's just tough...

ironwolf82 said:Thanks so much for all the replies and for genuinely wanting to help!
I want to apologize for not being totally upfront at the start—it just felt a bit awkward to bring this up!
But seeing how everyone is offering such thoughtful advice makes me feel silly for keeping it bottled up. Sorry again about that.
I guess the real reason I’ve been avoiding farming is because of how much it affects my appearance, which isn't exactly perfect to begin with.
My facial skin is incredibly sensitive; it turns bright red the second I deal with any physical exertion, sun exposure, or even just the wind. After working out in the fields, my face gets so flushed I feel like I’m actually burning. My cheeks just radiate heat. That’s why I originally brought this up from a psychological perspective. It’s hard to ignore when you’re standing there looking so conspicuous, and I haven't really found a way to just accept it. Even if I try to blend in, I end up drawing attention because I’m practically glowing with heat, like a little red sun. It makes me feel so self-conscious whenever I have to head into town or leave the rural areas. As I get older, the redness seems to be getting more intense, and honestly, I’m feeling less and less prepared to handle it, especially the outdoor labor. I’ve seen a dermatologist, but their take was basically that this is just my skin type and I have to live with it. But I can't... it’s really taking a toll on me. It’s affecting my daily life because I find myself avoiding people, especially when my face is flared up. It's just tough...

Yeah, not happening.
Redness is a health issue, though you could hop over to the US forums where they'd also understand why you can't find a girlfriend... plus we have the computer subforum... you can go anywhere! 😬😁😉😁😁🙂🙂🙂

ironwolf82 said:Thanks so much for all the replies and for genuinely wanting to help!
I want to apologize for not being totally upfront at the start—it just felt a bit awkward to bring this up!
But seeing how everyone is offering such thoughtful advice makes me feel silly for keeping it bottled up. Sorry again about that.
I guess the real reason I’ve been avoiding farming is because of how much it affects my appearance, which isn't exactly perfect to begin with.
My facial skin is incredibly sensitive; it turns bright red the second I deal with any physical exertion, sun exposure, or even just the wind. After working out in the fields, my face gets so flushed I feel like I’m actually burning. My cheeks just radiate heat. That’s why I originally brought this up from a psychological perspective. It’s hard to ignore when you’re standing there looking so conspicuous, and I haven't really found a way to just accept it. Even if I try to blend in, I end up drawing attention because I’m practically glowing with heat, like a little red sun. It makes me feel so self-conscious whenever I have to head into town or leave the rural areas. As I get older, the redness seems to be getting more intense, and honestly, I’m feeling less and less prepared to handle it, especially the outdoor labor. I’ve seen a dermatologist, but their take was basically that this is just my skin type and I have to live with it. But I can't... it’s really taking a toll on me. It’s affecting my daily life because I find myself avoiding people, especially when my face is flared up. It's just tough...

Oh, don't be so hard on yourself! 🙂

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to look your best.
It is a plain fact that people working heavy manual labor jobs often seem to age much faster physically, especially when they're out there dealing with the relentless sun, wind, and unpredictable American weather.
Whatever the underlying reason is for wanting to leave that line of work, it’s completely valid if you just don't feel comfortable in your own skin anymore.
At the end of the day, feeling confident and comfortable is the whole point, isn't it? 🙂

So, while we're on the subject, I'd love to hear a bit more about those computers you mentioned. 😍

ironwolf82 said:Thanks so much for all the replies and for genuinely wanting to help!
I want to apologize for not being totally upfront at the start—it just felt a bit awkward to bring this up!
But seeing how everyone is offering such thoughtful advice makes me feel silly for keeping it bottled up. Sorry again about that.
I guess the real reason I’ve been avoiding farming is because of how much it affects my appearance, which isn't exactly perfect to begin with.
My facial skin is incredibly sensitive; it turns bright red the second I deal with any physical exertion, sun exposure, or even just the wind. After working out in the fields, my face gets so flushed I feel like I’m actually burning. My cheeks just radiate heat. That’s why I originally brought this up from a psychological perspective. It’s hard to ignore when you’re standing there looking so conspicuous, and I haven't really found a way to just accept it. Even if I try to blend in, I end up drawing attention because I’m practically glowing with heat, like a little red sun. It makes me feel so self-conscious whenever I have to head into town or leave the rural areas. As I get older, the redness seems to be getting more intense, and honestly, I’m feeling less and less prepared to handle it, especially the outdoor labor. I’ve seen a dermatologist, but their take was basically that this is just my skin type and I have to live with it. But I can't... it’s really taking a toll on me. It’s affecting my daily life because I find myself avoiding people, especially when my face is flared up. It's just tough...

Nobody is perfect, and you're certainly no exception to that rule.
It really isn't the massive flaw that you're making it out to be in your mind.
If you lean into your strengths and focus on your positive traits, they can easily overshadow a little physical quirk like this.
At the end of the day, women aren't going to be fixated on some redness if they're genuinely drawn to who you are as a person.

There’s definitely some truth to what you're saying, Eric White10; I’m not saying you aren’t right. I’ve actually experienced this firsthand. On the flip side, I’ve found myself being avoided quite a bit because of my redness. People seem uncomfortable talking to me because they have to stare at a flushed face, which isn't something they see every day. It's also possible that I project a certain amount of insecurity, fear, or confusion during conversations because I'm so preoccupied with the blushing. The discomfort is intense, and having such a heated face really drains my energy quickly, so I don't feel my best. I'm not just making things up, either—that's truly how it feels. I wish I could just forget about the redness, but I can't; that heat in my cheeks is a constant reminder, and it's so unsettling...
I honestly can't function normally. I find myself avoiding the sun, the wind, and even the cold. How am I supposed to live a normal life? Most of the time I only go out at night, but I can't limit my entire existence to the nighttime hours. Often, I need to meet people during the day, but showing up all red feels ridiculous. If this had waited until I was 40, maybe it would be different, but dealing with this in my twenties—when life should be at its peak—is tough.
Life feels pretty tense, everyone. There isn't a single moment where I feel truly relaxed.
How am I supposed to accept this? I really don't know. It's incredibly difficult.
As for computers, I know a little bit about setting up systems, removing viruses, and I'm decent with PHP, HTML, a bit of CSS and JavaScript, plus MySQL and database management. However, design is a major weak point for me. I'm still learning, but I love it; it really fulfills me.

I actually used to know this butcher back in my hometown who I’m pretty sure dealt with the exact same redness issues you're talking about.
He was actually quite a local staple—really well-liked by all his regulars, had a wife, kids, the whole suburban family setup...🤷

ironwolf82 said:I feel so lost because I’m stuck in a career I absolutely hate, and right now, I don't have a choice. Honestly, it’s embarrassing to me—I dread going to work every single day, and it just leaves me feeling empty. This isn't really living; it feels more like a constant struggle. Most people around here are in farming, and man, it’s just draining the life out of me. I feel numb, like I’m barely breathing, just totally unhappy. Being out in the sun working the fields physically breaks me down. I even feel ashamed to hang out with friends because I feel like some rural laborer, even though deep down, that's not who I am. I just don't know how to change my circumstances. Living in this small village where 99% of the population is in agriculture isn't for me... I don't want to follow the crowd; I want something new, something that actually makes me happy. I've been doing this since I was 12, ever since my dad passed away. I grew up working alongside my mom and grandpa. It’s been such a grind, and I think I’ve finally hit my limit. I'm 26 now, living with my mom who works full-time. I’ve worked so hard, trying to balance college while working these long hours, but it feels like my best years have just been wasted on manual labor in the dirt.
The real issue is figuring out how to find a different job—honestly, any job would do, even if it’s not in my field of study. But the hardest part is the mental hurdle of walking away from the land and letting it go fallow. This is the land my grandfather and father poured their lives into, but I just can't bring myself to keep doing it.
I’m just at a total loss...
Has anyone else ever found themselves in a spot like this?
Maybe this sounds dramatic, but it feels like I’m just watching my life pass me by instead of actually living it...

That is quite the "sexy" dilemma you have there. 😍
You aren't the first person destiny has cruelly handed a life you didn't ask for, and I suspect those cases are rare enough that, according to some sexy theory, you belong to the majority. udarenko, you seem like a decent person. If physical labor isn't your thing, and you'd rather be sitting in an office doing whatever it is office workers do, it’s never too late to pivot. Honestly, it’s a luxury just ( 😍 ) having a job at all. If you can read, you’re already ahead of a huge chunk of the global population. If you have two friends, a job, and a roof over your head, you're probably in the top billion. You could find a partner to share the load with, and sometimes you can vent frustrations in ways that don't involve talking. 👍

And, uh... by the way, there's a rumor that farmers are actually quite attractive.
So, you decide. 🙏🙏🙏

Everything is "sexy" these days, I guess.