Besties for life

For the longest time, I actually convinced myself I had found my ride-or-die, my absolute best friend in the entire world. If I were typing this out a year ago, I probably would’ve been bragging about how she was there through thick and thin... but hey, life happens, things go south, and suddenly they're gone too. And honestly? Good riddance. At least now I'm not deluding myself into thinking anyone's got my back; I've always been on my own, but at least the reality check is finally here, and I’m feeling pretty damn good about it, no cap. I've started making new connections lately that actually feel more solid than whatever we had—people who operate on a completely different level altogether.🙂

Not too long ago, I genuinely believed I had found my absolute best friend.
We’ve known each other since the first grade—that’s 14 years of history. For seven of those years, we were inseparable, hanging out almost every single day through all the highs and lows. I truly considered her my soul sister. Honestly, I felt like one of the lucky ones; they say if you have even one friend like that in your life, you’ve made it.
But lately, I’ve started to realize that this whole connection might just be a one-way street.
We used to go out constantly. We listened to each other, shared our deepest secrets, and stood by each other during the most pivotal moments of our lives. We even got matching tattoos to commemorate our bond and remind us of one of the best summers we ever spent together...
But here’s the thing: I’m going through a rough patch right now. I’m struggling, feeling pretty low... and when I’m in that headspace, I just need someone to listen, to show me they understand, so I can feel a little lighter. And who else am I supposed to turn to if not my best friend? So, I call her to vent, and she barely even listens before we hang up. She *knows* I’m falling apart... yet she won't even check in on me for the next three days. She won't call to ask, "Hey, are you okay?" Instead, she only calls to tell me we have plans she’s canceling because she can't make it.
What kind of friend does that? Someone who can't hold space for me when things get heavy? Someone who can't spare three minutes on the phone to see how I am? And once she landed a boyfriend, suddenly there’s no time for coffee dates anymore. Even when she *does* find the time, either her boyfriend tags along or the whole meeting feels like a formal business appointment rather than a catch-up.
Meanwhile, I’m still the one calling her whenever things go south, asking how she is, and actually caring about her life.
Maybe this sounds trivial or petty, but it’s in these small, quiet moments that you realize someone simply doesn't care.
It leaves me wondering: was everything over these past fourteen years just an illusion? Was I just making the whole friendship up in my own head?

Christian Wells6 said:Splendid.
Personally, I haven't the slightest clue how I would manage such a vast collection of these friends, though I never harbor the illusion that labeling someone as the 'best' is strictly necessary.

I can cook with whomever I choose, even enemies.
I seek employment from my neighbors.
I prepare soup for a chronic alcoholic who is nobody's friend, least of all his own.
I can discuss relationship woes with a total stranger; in fact, that is often the most rational approach.
To me, calling someone to gossip about shopping trips is quite the nuisance.

None of that, my dear, has anything to do with friendship.

I get that having a male friend and a female friend is tough, and you probably feel the same way about both, but what exactly defines friendship for you?
The whole "not having illusions" thing... maybe it's just because you don't bother going deep with people, so it doesn't matter if you're cooking with them or talking about yesterday's trip to Target.
Being superficial is easy. You don't even have to try; it's just there without any effort or giving anything of yourself. But building deeper connections—starting within yourself first and then letting that show outwardly—that takes real work. If you do that, your relationships change because you actually have something to offer, so you end up getting something back.
That's how you get real friendships, or even love.

Megan Jones4 said:For the longest time, I actually convinced myself I had found my ride-or-die, my absolute best friend in the entire world. If I were typing this out a year ago, I probably would’ve been bragging about how she was there through thick and thin... but hey, life happens, things go south, and suddenly they're gone too. And honestly? Good riddance. At least now I'm not deluding myself into thinking anyone's got my back; I've always been on my own, but at least the reality check is finally here, and I’m feeling pretty damn good about it, no cap. I've started making new connections lately that actually feel more solid than whatever we had—people who operate on a completely different level altogether.🙂

If she truly was your best friend, she wouldn't have turned her back on you. Clearly, she wasn't.
And don't go blaming her. Blame yourself. In my opinion, it's just a bad call on your part.

If these new connections turn into actual solid friendships, it just means you've grown and learned more about yourself... which makes it easier to read other people too. Your judgment will be better next time.

I think I finally found my "soulmate" bestie at college.
We just clicked instantly, you know? Like, total transparency from day one. It was awesome.
With everyone else—old friends from middle school or high school—things stay polite, but we aren't close. I can't even tell some of them what I really think because they couldn't handle it. People grow up and change, so I'm way more careful about how I talk to people now, but with this girl, I can say anything. We have a blast, and most importantly, I can call her out on her crap without worrying she'll take it personally. And I know she'll do the same to me. We can roast each other constantly without anyone getting their feelings hurt or acting salty. We haven't hit any major life crises yet, but I'm pretty sure she’d have my back, just like I’d have hers. We'll see, I guess. Either way, I really hope I don't lose a friendship like this. 🙂

Morgan Hernandez5 said:I get that having a male friend and a female friend is tough, and you probably feel the same way about both, but what exactly defines friendship for you?
The whole "not having illusions" thing... maybe it's just because you don't bother going deep with people, so it doesn't matter if you're cooking with them or talking about yesterday's trip to Target.
Being superficial is easy. You don't even have to try; it's just there without any effort or giving anything of yourself. But building deeper connections—starting within yourself first and then letting that show outwardly—that takes real work. If you do that, your relationships change because you actually have something to offer, so you end up getting something back.
That's how you get real friendships, or even love.

And those, quite clearly, are romantic relationships, which in my experience fall strictly under the category of men. I find it impossible to find depth in shared domestic tasks like cooking or discussing retail therapy—in fact, I find the whole notion rather grating.

Haven't we wandered right back to my own point? 😉

Look at other examples instead, and stick to friendship—don't go trying to turn it into romance 😁