Our "higher" self...

Here’s a little glimpse into what I’ve been processing, hoping to connect with anyone who might have walked a similar path:

I’m in a relationship that just can't seem to find its footing. When we're together, I feel this constant sense of unrest—this underlying anxiety where I’m afraid to truly open up, feeling nervous or even pulling away right when I need him most. I constantly worry that I’m being too much for him, even though he’s never actually said so 😉. There’s this strange sense of relief whenever we finally part ways until the next time we meet. Right now, we’re apart again. He’s acting cold, and while it hurts because I love him, I honestly feel an incredible sense of peace. I can finally breathe. Why is it that I feel such relief while the person I love is completely falling apart? Without the pressure of being with him, I feel like my old self again—interesting, engaging, and at ease. Is this just our subconscious trying to protect us, nudging us toward a different, more authentic path? Is my higher self gently telling me that this person needs to leave my heart and mind for good because they aren't meant to stay? Thanks for listening!

Is anyone else here going through something similar? 🙂

That’s some deep stuff to chew on. Just wanted to jump in so I don't leave you hanging... here's my take.

I'm pretty much in the same boat, honestly. I get all tense and caught up in this constant loop of anxiety and "what ifs" whenever I'm around this one person. It’s weird... when we haven't seen each other in a while, I actually feel this wave of relief, like I can finally breathe again. But then, immediately after, I just crave being near them. And once we're finally together? That's when it hits me—like, wow, I really missed this. We aren't in some traditional relationship, and honestly, we probably won't be for a long time... maybe even never.

The only thing I've figured out is that I need to soak up every single second I get with her, because you never know if the next time you meet will be the last. You just gotta have patience... I mean, there was this whole seven-month stretch where we barely spoke, let alone saw each other.

If you ask me, it's worth the headache if it's for someone you love. Sure, it might be easier to just stay home and keep things peaceful, but man, that gets boring fast. There's nothing better than giving your heart to someone, so seriously... just reach out. 😉

Patrick Sullivan3 said:Here’s a little glimpse into what I’ve been processing, hoping to connect with anyone who might have walked a similar path:

I’m in a relationship that just can't seem to find its footing. When we're together, I feel this constant sense of unrest—this underlying anxiety where I’m afraid to truly open up, feeling nervous or even pulling away right when I need him most. I constantly worry that I’m being too much for him, even though he’s never actually said so 😉. There’s this strange sense of relief whenever we finally part ways until the next time we meet. Right now, we’re apart again. He’s acting cold, and while it hurts because I love him, I honestly feel an incredible sense of peace. I can finally breathe. Why is it that I feel such relief while the person I love is completely falling apart? Without the pressure of being with him, I feel like my old self again—interesting, engaging, and at ease. Is this just our subconscious trying to protect us, nudging us toward a different, more authentic path? Is my higher self gently telling me that this person needs to leave my heart and mind for good because they aren't meant to stay? Thanks for listening!

Is anyone else here going through something similar? 🙂

That state can be described in just one word: immaturity.
It doesn't matter. Time will heal this. You will mature and learn how to truly love.

Douglas Brown4 said:That state can be described in just one word: immaturity.
It doesn't matter. Time will heal this. You will mature and learn how to truly love.

Come on, man, don't be like that... she can be totally mature for being twenty, you know? She doesn't have to act like someone ten years older than her. If she's acting her age and doing her thing, we should still respect her when we talk to her... seriously.

And honestly? We're probably never gonna be mature enough or wise enough to handle this kind of stuff anyway... 🙂

Andrew Stewart2 said:Come on, man, don't be like that... she can be totally mature for being twenty, you know? She doesn't have to act like someone ten years older than her. If she's acting her age and doing her thing, we should still respect her when we talk to her... seriously.

And honestly? We're probably never gonna be mature enough or wise enough to handle this kind of stuff anyway... 🙂

I won't get into the whole respect debate. I'm just saying she might not be ready for love yet.

Patrick Sullivan3 said:Here’s a little glimpse into what I’ve been processing, hoping to connect with anyone who might have walked a similar path:

I’m in a relationship that just can't seem to find its footing. When we're together, I feel this constant sense of unrest—this underlying anxiety where I’m afraid to truly open up, feeling nervous or even pulling away right when I need him most. I constantly worry that I’m being too much for him, even though he’s never actually said so 😉. There’s this strange sense of relief whenever we finally part ways until the next time we meet. Right now, we’re apart again. He’s acting cold, and while it hurts because I love him, I honestly feel an incredible sense of peace. I can finally breathe. Why is it that I feel such relief while the person I love is completely falling apart? Without the pressure of being with him, I feel like my old self again—interesting, engaging, and at ease. Is this just our subconscious trying to protect us, nudging us toward a different, more authentic path? Is my higher self gently telling me that this person needs to leave my heart and mind for good because they aren't meant to stay? Thanks for listening!

Is anyone else here going through something similar? 🙂

It isn't about destiny. It sounds more like you aren't ready for a serious commitment yet. You might just need to pour that energy back into yourself—focusing on your own growth, discovering new interests, and finding who you are outside of a partner. Maybe deep down, you feel like being in a relationship means losing yourself. 🙂

Patrick Sullivan3 said:Here’s a little glimpse into what I’ve been processing, hoping to connect with anyone who might have walked a similar path:

I’m in a relationship that just can't seem to find its footing. When we're together, I feel this constant sense of unrest—this underlying anxiety where I’m afraid to truly open up, feeling nervous or even pulling away right when I need him most. I constantly worry that I’m being too much for him, even though he’s never actually said so 😉. There’s this strange sense of relief whenever we finally part ways until the next time we meet. Right now, we’re apart again. He’s acting cold, and while it hurts because I love him, I honestly feel an incredible sense of peace. I can finally breathe. Why is it that I feel such relief while the person I love is completely falling apart? Without the pressure of being with him, I feel like my old self again—interesting, engaging, and at ease. Is this just our subconscious trying to protect us, nudging us toward a different, more authentic path? Is my higher self gently telling me that this person needs to leave my heart and mind for good because they aren't meant to stay? Thanks for listening!

Is anyone else here going through something similar? 🙂

I wouldn't call it your "higher" self—more like your "lower" self, subconscious. It's the primal part of us that absorbs everything from our environment and reacts emotionally. The only message you're getting is that this person isn't working for you right now for some reason. Maybe the issue is you, maybe it's him—most likely it's both.

Try focusing on the root causes of those feelings—what specifically is he doing that makes you feel this way?

Well, here is my own little example of a "wonderful" relationship... I find myself wondering what kind of toxic mess constitutes a bond where you’re certain you don't actually love the person the way one ought to—yet, if you even momentarily entertain the thought that you could exist without them, you spiral into this hysterical state, clutching at a branch so flimsy that a mere light breeze would snap it. That isn't love; that's just being a prisoner—and true love is supposed to be liberating, inspiring, something that lifts you up, not drags you down. And if it’s true that we shape our own destinies and actually possess the agency to make choices, then I have to ask: what sane person would ever choose this? Why? For what godforsaken reason? Do I even possess a will of my own, or am I simply destined to rot and dismantle my own life until I finally realize I refuse to live this way anymore? Must I really be pushed to the very precipice of a nervous breakdown every single damn time before I can see that I'm playing a dangerous game and that perhaps it is time for a change? Apparently, yes—because I seem to be so foolishly wired that this is the only path I am allowed to take. So, that is the subject at hand, when we really should be discussing love—that sweet, pure, untainted kind that probably doesn't even exist anymore...

Ugh, you guys just want everything to be easy and filled with love. Go ahead, enjoy being alone then... if that's what you want. Love takes patience, and honestly? That means dealing with some real pain too.

And seriously, why have you all been riding this author for years? She can love however she wants at her age. It doesn't have to look like some fifty-year-old's version of romance where they're just happy to have a warm meal and clean laundry...

If she's twenty, she should love like a twenty-year-old—all passion, zero overthinking. Just living in the moment.

Hey, Patrick Sullivan3, mind sharing how old you actually are? Just so we know how much to aim our useless advice... 😉

Everyone hits a point in their lives where they just need some solo time to recharge the batteries🙂 .. it’s totally normal...

You all are truly wonderful, thank you so much 🙂

Andrew Stewart2, I’ll be turning 35 soon 😘

So, everyone’s out here yapping about how she isn't ready to love or whatever, acting like it's some huge deal just because she's 35.

Anyway, don't let him go... you'll seriously regret it. I mean, what else are you even gonna do? Just sit around the house overthinking everything?

Just soak up the love while you've got it, honestly. Not everyone gets lucky enough to feel that way!

Andrew Stewart2 said:So, everyone’s out here yapping about how she isn't ready to love or whatever, acting like it's some huge deal just because she's 35.

Anyway, don't let him go... you'll seriously regret it. I mean, what else are you even gonna do? Just sit around the house overthinking everything?

Just soak up the love while you've got it, honestly. Not everyone gets lucky enough to feel that way!

😘

Andrew Stewart2 said:Ugh, you guys just want everything to be easy and filled with love. Go ahead, enjoy being alone then... if that's what you want. Love takes patience, and honestly? That means dealing with some real pain too.

And seriously, why have you all been riding this author for years? She can love however she wants at her age. It doesn't have to look like some fifty-year-old's version of romance where they're just happy to have a warm meal and clean laundry...

If she's twenty, she should love like a twenty-year-old—all passion, zero overthinking. Just living in the moment.

Hey, Patrick Sullivan3, mind sharing how old you actually are? Just so we know how much to aim our useless advice... 😉

And what do we know about suffering? Honestly, if there’s one thing I can claim to be a world-class expert in, it’s definitely that.🙄

I find this whole thing a bit off. What kind of love is it where you don't feel right or can't just be yourself? Maybe you're trying too hard to look better in his eyes, and in the end, the whole thing just feels forced.

Nah, I’d say you’re more of a championess than a champion. That's just my two cents... 😬

>, seriously, with all those kisses today, aren't you overdoing it just a little bit? 😍

Ugh, okay, now I see... I definitely need to add F 51.2 to the list too... ☕

My main struggle is this constant feeling of being suspected of something, which leads to an endless cycle of hyper-vigilance. It’s like I’m always braced for impact, waiting for the day everything finally falls apart. He’ll complain if I don't check in for a while, but then he just goes silent himself. I honestly can't tell what's going on. Eventually, you realize he was probably harboring those same doubts about me, which is exactly why he stopped reaching out. No matter how much he tells me verbally that he appreciates my need for space, there's always this underlying layer of caution inside me. I’ve reached a point where I don't want to give myself away completely or surrender without some kind of safety net—because when I do, I lose who I am. Is this just typical for people in their 30s?

Patrick Sullivan3, you’re laying on the kisses pretty thick today, don't you think? 😍

Just hush up and enjoy the ride 🤣

Patrick Sullivan3 said:My main struggle is this constant feeling of being suspected of something, which leads to an endless cycle of hyper-vigilance. It’s like I’m always braced for impact, waiting for the day everything finally falls apart. He’ll complain if I don't check in for a while, but then he just goes silent himself. I honestly can't tell what's going on. Eventually, you realize he was probably harboring those same doubts about me, which is exactly why he stopped reaching out. No matter how much he tells me verbally that he appreciates my need for space, there's always this underlying layer of caution inside me. I’ve reached a point where I don't want to give myself away completely or surrender without some kind of safety net—because when I do, I lose who I am. Is this just typical for people in their 30s?

The clock is ticking, 😁
so you feel like there's no room left for making a bad call.
Just let yourself "mess up."
Take the risk.
Don't be afraid.
Everyone screws up constantly, and they just call it living.😁

The reality is that I’m not getting what I truly need from this relationship. It’s possible we actually have love—we’ve both been incredibly brave in telling one another how much we care—but we just can't seem to maintain any kind of consistency. We have these beautiful stretches where we're happy and deeply connected, constantly texting and checking in, but then, out of nowhere, all contact just vanishes. He disappears, only to resurface later, acting frustrated and blaming me for not reaching out during his silence. But I *did* reach out. I tried to find him, yet he wouldn't respond, only to turn around and claim I was the one ignoring him. It’s this endless, exhausting cycle that has been going on for years now. Honestly, I just can't do this anymore. Living in this constant state of "limbo" is draining the life out of me; it’s heavy on my spirit and my soul. This isn't meant to be. It will never evolve into the mature, rock-solid partnership that we both want (or at least, that I want). There is truth in that old saying: love alone isn't enough. People who haven't lived through this won't get it; they’ll judge us easily and try to offer quick, shallow fixes. But those of you standing in my shoes know exactly how confusing and utterly exhausting this really is... and how heartbreaking it feels. 😢I wouldn't wish this on anyone, truly!