Schizophrenia - General Discussion

What exactly happened that they had to carry you into the hospital by your arms and legs?

electricpanther4 said:So, what actually happened that they had to physically carry you into the hospital?

Well, first off, I wasn't about to go by myself—that's just how it goes sometimes.
I ended up getting lost in my neighborhood twice, and I'd been hosting these late-night house parties all week.
There were five of us staying at the house back then, and with the music playing until 4 AM, sleep just wasn't happening. Here’s what my discharge summary actually said:

Patient was admitted via emergency services due to psychotic decompensation, characterized by restlessness, insomnia, inappropriate behavior, disorganization, pressured speech, and verbal aggression. Also noted: F20.0.

You are an intriguing individual from what I can gather at a distance... one might assume your aura is quite intense. On the bright side, at least they are engaging with you. They have a penchant for playing games, provided you allow them the space to do so.😁

briskgull27 said:Well, I didn't want to go by myself at first, you wicked sister, that's for sure.
I actually got lost twice just wandering around my own neighborhood, and then there was that week where we had a full-on disco going on in the house at night;
there were five of us staying there at the time, and around 4 AM the videos would be cranking away, though I wasn't even sleeping anyway. Let me just quote my discharge papers for you:

Patient admitted via emergency services due to psychotic decompensation, manifesting as restlessness, insomnia, inappropriate behavior, disorganization, logorrhea, and verbal aggression; continuing follow-up for F20.0.

schizophrenia is actually such a fascinating phenomenon—well, I won't call it a disease, maybe it's better described as a specific state of consciousness... if I were a psychiatrist, I’d take a group of people living with schizophrenia and have them read this book... purely because I'm curious about how they would process it, how much they would truly grasp, and whether it would impact their perspective...

By the way, the author is a guy who started out as a psychologist but ended up getting totally swept up in his faith and lives his life as a Jesuit... he's quite famous globally, though perhaps less so here in the States...

If you ever find some free time, give it a read...

swiftsurfer27 said:You seem like an interesting person... from what I can tell... your aura must be pretty intense. Well, look on the bright side—at least they’re engaging with you. People just love to play games, don't they? As long as you let them.😁

They really managed to convince me that I can't function without medication, yet after trying ten different times, I just can't find the willpower to stop taking them.

I just hope my aura isn't gray. If it's colorful with a few holes in it, I think I can handle that.

Rachel Ruiz39 said:Schizophrenia is actually a fascinating phenomenon—or perhaps more accurately, a unique state of consciousness rather than just an illness. If I were a psychiatrist, I’d take a group of people living with schizophrenia and hand them this book... Why? Simply because I'm curious how they would perceive it, how much they would truly grasp, and whether reading it would shift their perspective...

By the way, the author is a psychologist who eventually underwent a massive spiritual transformation and dedicated his entire life to being a Jesuit. He's quite famous globally, though he isn't talked about as much here in the States...

If you have some free time, give it a read...

Thanks so much. It really is compelling. One day you're doing great, the next you're a total wreck, the third you're at your breaking point, and by the fourth, you're busy getting everything ready for New Year's Day.☕

Rachel Ruiz39 said:schizophrenia is actually a really fascinating phenomenon—or maybe it’s better described as a specific state of consciousness rather than just an illness. If I were a psychiatrist, I’d take a group of people living with schizophrenia and have them read this book... why? Simply because I’m curious about how they would process it, how much they would understand, and if it would change their perspective...

By the way, the author is a psychologist who eventually went through a massive spiritual transformation and dedicated his entire life to being a Jesuit. He’s quite famous globally, though he isn't as widely discussed here in the States...

If you find some free time, give it a read...

Anyway, I’ve been reflecting on this for a while now, and I can't help but feel there must be a reason behind it.
Why am I experiencing this? I don't think it's a coincidence that God put this in my path.
Am I doing the right thing? Honestly, I don't know.
I know for a fact that no country is going to accept me for immigration, not even Zimbabwe,☕
And at least I don't have a legal guardian.
It's like knowing how to plow a field perfectly, but having no idea how to fly a plane.

All those people mean well when they say, "Just push through it, you can overcome this with willpower."
But after ten years of dealing with this, I know firsthand that it doesn't work that way.

briskgull27 said:Well, thanks a lot. It’s certainly an interesting subject, I'll give you that. One day you're feeling perfectly fine, the next you're completely falling apart, then you're struggling just to survive, and by the fourth day, you're busy getting everything ready for New Year's Day.☕

I mean, when I say it's "interesting," I mean it would be an interesting field of study for me professionally, not that it's an enjoyable experience for the people who actually have to live with schizophrenia every single day....

briskgull27 said:They convinced me I'm helpless without my meds, yet here I am, ten attempts later, still unable to find the willpower to stop taking them.

I just hope my aura isn't gray. If it’s colorful with holes in it, I think I can handle that.

I'm positive your aura is the full spectrum. It might sound bizarre, but tell me—have you noticed any internal shifts, like heightened senses or anything? I mean, during those periods when you're lucid and things aren't spiraling.

Rebecca Flores5 said:I’m positive your aura covers the entire color spectrum. It might sound a bit out there, but tell me—have you noticed any changes within yourself? Like, perhaps an intensification of your senses or something similar? I mean, specifically during those times when you're feeling clear-headed and aren't experiencing an episode.

Well, if we're talking about being sensitive, I actually didn't realize my cousin even had a diaphragm until I mentioned feeling a cooling sensation in that area and she confirmed it!

It definitely has its downsides, too; I can't spend even five minutes with someone carrying negative energy.
If I have to spend an evening with someone like that, it takes me two full days to recover.

It feels a bit unbalanced. I genuinely love people, but it's as if social norms just feel foreign to me.
Especially when the situation calls for staying quiet.😂

I’ve always believed—and seen it firsthand in others—that those living with schizophrenia possess heightened senses, feeling the world more intensely and differently than everyone else. It isn't just some "hallucination"... I suspect things can be incredibly difficult for you, but at least you perceive and experience life on a deeper level than most... if there's any silver lining to be found, that's it.

Rebecca Flores5 said:I’ve always believed—and seen it firsthand in others—that people living with schizophrenia actually have heightened senses. They experience the world more intensely and differently than most, and I don't think it's just "hallucinations"... I imagine it can be incredibly difficult sometimes, but at least you perceive and feel the world more deeply than everyone else. That has to be one silver lining, right?

Thank you.

I wonder, why doesn't anyone living with schizophrenia ever step forward to share their story?🙂

For instance, we look at history and see how Einstein's son dealt with schizophrenia,
then there was Abraham Lincoln's wife, and of course, John Forbes Nash.

briskgull27 said:Why doesn't a single person with schizophrenia have the guts to speak up?🙂

Back in 1999, after one psychotic episode, a psychiatrist slapped me with an F20 diagnosis. For a long time, I actually believed it was real. But then FFE mentioned here on the forum that she didn't think she had it, which got me thinking. I ended up taking my entire medical history from 1996 to a private psychiatrist just to get a second opinion. After a full hour and a half of intense discussion and a deep dive into every single scrap of my records since the start of my treatment, he told me straight to my face: I don't have schizophrenia. He went even further, calling my previous medication nothing more than a joke and warning me that if I had stayed on it, I would've suffered constant psychotic episodes instead of just the one back in '99.

Right now, I'm only taking 1mg of Risperdal in the morning, and that’s it. In fact, I’m planning to stop even that once I coordinate with this new private doctor. Why would I ever go back to the guy I've been seeing since 1999? He doesn't listen to a damn word I say.

No123 said:Back in 1999, after a psychotic episode, a psychiatrist gave me an F20 diagnosis. I genuinely believed it was true, until FFE mentioned here on the forum that she didn't think it fit me. That prompted me to take my entire medical history dating back to 1996 to a private psychiatrist for a second opinion. After spending an hour and a half going over all my records from the start of my treatment, he told me straight up that I don't have schizophrenia. He actually said my previous medication was practically useless and that if I had stayed on it, I probably would have dealt with many more episodes instead of just the one in 1999.

Right now, I'm only taking 1mg of Risperdal in the morning. It feels like I might even be able to stop that soon, provided I stay in sync with this new private doctor. I've stopped seeing my old doctor since 1999 because, honestly, he just wouldn't listen to anything I had to say.

A friend of mine was on 2 mg of Risperdal, but even though it’s a newer generation drug,
it didn't help her much at all. She has switched over to Haldol now.

As for me, I am currently taking Lithium and Cipralex (an antidepressant). ☕

briskgull27 said:First off, I didn't want to go alone—and honestly, you devilish sister, that’s probably for the best.
I got lost in my own neighborhood twice—and that’s after hosting a full-on house party all last week. I guess I’m just losing my edge.
Back then, there were five of us in the house—it was around 4:00 AM when the video started playing, though I wasn't sleeping anyway. Let me quote their termination letter for you:

The patient was admitted via the ER due to acute psychotic decompensation—manifesting as restlessness, insomnia, inappropriate behavior, disorganization, pressured speech, and verbal aggression. Following that, there’s the discharge summary, and of course, an F20 diagnosis.

Lost in your own neighborhood? 🤔 What does that even imply about my mental state? I guess you’re asking what my headspace would be like—though I'm not entirely sure why that matters. Maybe it's just a way of questioning my sanity, but I don't see the point. 🤔
Or when you just can't sleep?
So, how exactly does it feel now—looking back at that forced hospitalization, for instance—and how do you view yourself in that situation today? 😁
Do I fear anything regarding my "condition"? — I suppose that’s a loaded question. I don't really dwell on it—not in the way people expect—but there's always that underlying awareness. Maybe it’s more about the uncertainty of it all than the diagnosis itself. I wouldn't call it fear, exactly—more like a calculated caution. 😁

briskgull27 said:It’s messed up. I actually like people—I just find social norms to be... strange.
Especially when you're expected to just shut up.😂

That isn't a low-level disorder😁

electricpanther4 said:Do you ever get lost in your own neighborhood? 🤔 If so, what does your mental state feel like in those moments? 🤔
Or what about when you can't sleep?
I mean, how exactly do you feel during those times (like during that forced hospitalization), and how do you view yourself now looking back at that situation? 😁
Are you afraid of anything regarding your "illness"? 😁

When I got lost, pure terror gripped me. Insomnia isn't actually the disease itself; it's just a symptom,
so it’s usually best to just take one extra sleeping pill.

During my first forced hospitalization, I was absolutely livid, pacing the halls like crazy. When they locked me behind those glass-and-wire doors, I actually ended up breaking them.
They had to remove the shattered glass, and once they replaced the door, I actually went ahead and pulled out another little shard myself.

During subsequent hospitalizations—oh my God—that orange bed in the ER would always
remind me of the chairs being thrown around at a Los Angeles Dodgers game.
Still, it's always hard when you're waiting for an injection to kick in.

My fear is ending up stuck in a hospital for years, and if that happens, fearing I won't have any way to end my life.
An older lady just passed away recently, and someone else took their own life.😢

LOOKING back now, I honestly can't believe I'm doing this well after all the heavy stuff
I've dealt with in my short life. But in those moments back then... there was just no help. The Matrix swallows you whole; you can't fight everyone alone. Still, my favorite little saying remains: damn it, sister.

And just how many psychotic episodes have you actually dealt with, and how long have you been on medication??

No123 said:How many psychotic episodes have you actually had, and how long have you been undergoing treatment?

I've been in treatment since 1996, starting when I was 18.
I've dealt with about 15 psychotic episodes.
I've been hospitalized 11 times; stays have ranged from two weeks up to three months, with an average stay of about one month.

So, how are you actually doing? Are you feeling happy? 😘
......I think you mentioned something about being married? How is he handling all of this?😘