Schizophrenia - General Discussion

Man, that sounds like straight-up discrimination. You might want to look into filing a formal complaint or reaching out to someone about it.

The thing is, psychotropic meds can definitely mess with your motor skills, so doctors might just be playing it safe when it comes to your driver's license.

For most of my life, from 1999 until just last year, they were only renewing my driver's license every one to three years. But last year, they finally bumped it up to a five-year term. I take 1 mg of Rispolept in the evening.

Deda 27
Man, I just read what you wrote and I saw myself in your shoes... this hit home. For me, this was basically my life back in 2002. I had zero clue which way was up... I was completely lost. Everything turned into this massive distrust of people, these huge, over-the-top ideas, crazy fantasies... just totally losing touch with reality. But look, if we're talking about the mental health struggle... I honestly think it’s the one thing where you can actually walk away with something useful. Just try to dose those "epiphanies" carefully, okay? And please, don't stop your meds, even when it feels like they aren't the whole answer
..bottom line is... keep fighting!

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy using Reddit

Joshua Lewis9 said:HEY FRIENDS! BIG GREETINGS FROM PRINTA AND JACK!

I’ve got a question for you all—if you've experienced anything unusual, please share your story here on the forum! THANKS!

Has anyone else seen bright lights or "men in black" and wondered if they were just hallucinating? Whether it's something you see or hear (anything visible or invisible), I've been dealing with old memories resurfacing for years now. You have to stay cautious. When I mentioned some of this to my local Priest, he pointed me toward the Apostles' Creed since he works closely with mental health patients. It’s actually pretty fascinating how this ties into Catholicism if you're a believer. There are even saints dedicated to specific struggles, like St. Acharius for nerve issues, or others linked to anxiety or mental distress. It's like looking through a spiritual lens at things like recurring thoughts or delusions. You can find more about these connections in the book *Holy Health* by Ante Škrobonja, or check out the "Catholic Saints" page on Facebook.

I wouldn't call myself a super devout person, but I find all of this so interesting. I remember talking briefly with Pastor Zvezdan, and he just made the sign of the cross on my forehead—suddenly, all that heavy energy just drained out of me, and I was left desperately thirsty for a glass of water!

Of course, you still need to take your medication. But if they aren't working, or if they make you gain or lose weight unexpectedly, you really have to speak up. If a med has weird side effects, it needs to be changed because every single one plays a role in stabilizing your condition.
The best approach is honest confession plus the Apostles' Creed, combined with your meds and getting anointing every six months.

Man, I've seen it all, friends!

Well, just like you mentioned, seeing those lights and figures in black... I guess you can only really experience that when you're right on the edge of life itself. I don't think it's about hallucinations at all; it's more like your brain becomes way more sensitive due to some kind of underlying damage, which lets you perceive much more subtle things. Honestly, if you went to a psychiatric ward, they might just try to steal your soul while you're there. That's what happens to people in that state. It's like the connection between your subtle body and your physical body gets interrupted, so you could just exhale and lose your soul entirely, or whatever—because once that subtle body detaches from you, you'll never be able to heal that soul again. Just, please, don't go to any psychiatrists, because they are practically just waiting for someone in your exact position. I really hope you haven't gone already.

Jeremy James3 said:Well, just like you mentioned, seeing those lights and figures in black... I guess you can only really experience that when you're right on the edge of life itself. I don't think it's about hallucinations at all; it's more like your brain becomes way more sensitive due to some kind of underlying damage, which lets you perceive much more subtle things. Honestly, if you went to a psychiatric ward, they might just try to steal your soul while you're there. That's what happens to people in that state. It's like the connection between your subtle body and your physical body gets interrupted, so you could just exhale and lose your soul entirely, or whatever—because once that subtle body detaches from you, you'll never be able to heal that soul again. Just, please, don't go to any psychiatrists, because they are practically just waiting for someone in your exact position. I really hope you haven't gone already.

Most psychiatrists don't act this way out of malice, but simply because of their own ignorance.

I would love to elaborate further regarding the subtle body from a Vedic perspective.

We are essentially spiritual beings. Or, to put it in the terms used by Hare Krishna practitioners, we are spiritual souls. Because our true nature is spiritual, the soul is far too subtle to reside within a coarse physical body without various intermediary layers or sheaths. Therefore, in addition to the gross physical body, there exists a subtle material body composed of the Ego (ahamkara), Intelligence (budhi), and the Mind (manas). I find the Sanskrit term for the Ego particularly fascinating. Ahamkara is derived from two words: Adam = I and kara = do. The Ego seeks out titles, status, and designations, maintaining a defensive posture necessary for self-preservation; however, it serves to make us, as spiritual souls, identify ourselves with this coarse material body. The Mind governs the senses and gathers information, while Intelligence processes it. This subtle material body remains inseparable from the soul until the soul is finally liberated from material bondage.

I stumbled upon some scientific research regarding the link between Vitamin D levels and schizophrenia, such as this: https://www.vitamindcouncil.org/vita...schizophrenia/

I can't quite wrap my head around one thing:

1. Is a deficiency in Vitamin D actually a potential trigger for developing schizophrenia?
2. Or is it more likely that people already living with schizophrenia simply have low Vitamin D levels, making the deficiency a mere byproduct of the illness?

Jeremy James3 said:Well, just like you mentioned, seeing those lights and figures in black... I guess you can only really experience that when you're right on the edge of life itself. I don't think it's about hallucinations at all; it's more like your brain becomes way more sensitive due to some kind of underlying damage, which lets you perceive much more subtle things. Honestly, if you went to a psychiatric ward, they might just try to steal your soul while you're there. That's what happens to people in that state. It's like the connection between your subtle body and your physical body gets interrupted, so you could just exhale and lose your soul entirely, or whatever—because once that subtle body detaches from you, you'll never be able to heal that soul again. Just, please, don't go to any psychiatrists, because they are practically just waiting for someone in your exact position. I really hope you haven't gone already.

You're talking nonsense!

Roger Sanders said:I stumbled upon some scientific research regarding the link between Vitamin D levels and schizophrenia, such as this: https://www.vitamindcouncil.org/vita...schizophrenia/

I can't quite wrap my head around one thing:

1. Is a deficiency in Vitamin D actually a potential trigger for developing schizophrenia?
2. Or is it more likely that people already living with schizophrenia simply have low Vitamin D levels, making the deficiency a mere byproduct of the illness?

There’s research out there suggesting that kids born during the late winter or early spring months—think February, March, or April—seem to have a higher risk of developing schizophrenia and similar conditions. It likely comes down to the lack of sunlight exposure during pregnancy, which is something you can't really control. Once we're all born, we're pretty much all getting exposed to the same amount of sunshine, right? Plus, we know vitamin D deficiency is super closely tied to depression and those heavy, low moods. Just as a personal note, I was diagnosed with F20, and since I was born in March, it fits the pattern. My godfather and a close buddy of mine both have MS, and they were born in February and April respectively.http://www.livescience.com/20237-bir...disorders.html

Joseph Fowler33 said:There’s research out there suggesting that kids born during the late winter or early spring months—think February, March, or April—seem to have a higher risk of developing schizophrenia and similar conditions. It likely comes down to the lack of sunlight exposure during pregnancy, which is something you can't really control. Once we're all born, we're pretty much all getting exposed to the same amount of sunshine, right? Plus, we know vitamin D deficiency is super closely tied to depression and those heavy, low moods. Just as a personal note, I was diagnosed with F20, and since I was born in March, it fits the pattern. My godfather and a close buddy of mine both have MS, and they were born in February and April respectively.http://www.livescience.com/20237-bir...disorders.html

On the other hand, taking excessive amounts of Vitamin A and D during pregnancy is generally discouraged by medical professionals.

I don't suffer from schizophrenia, though I do require Vitamin D supplements to manage certain endocrine issues. I was born in January.

I have someone very dear to me who is living with a diagnosis of schizophrenia. To be honest, I don’t know much about the condition itself, but I find myself desperately wanting to figure out how to help them. It’s an incredibly heavy situation to navigate because I’m certainly no doctor, and they refuse to take the medications prescribed by their physician; they claim the meds make them feel like a "zombie," leaving them in a constant state of sleepiness where they just can't function normally in daily life. I wanted to write everything out here in detail, so if anyone has walked a similar path or dealt with something like this, I would truly appreciate it if you could reach out and share your experience with us...
So, looking back, about twenty years ago—right during the height of the war—this person was brought into a clinic. At that time, their speech was completely incoherent and disjointed, and their physical presence was totally withdrawn, almost coiled inward. They were talking about being persecuted by people... though I honestly have no clue how we even got to that point. Everything changed from that moment on. From the time they hit their twenties all the way through to today—they’re 42 now—they’ve only managed about three years of steady employment. In the town where they grew up, it was nearly impossible to hold down a job because word travels fast, and everyone knew they had mental health struggles. The thing is, this is an exceptionally intelligent individual. They’ve had several serious relationships over the years, but they always seem to fizzle out after about eighteen months or maybe two years at most. People who don't know them intimately—those who just meet them and perhaps spend a little time together by chance—can sense that something is "off," even if they can't quite put a finger on what it is. They frequently stir up conflict and constantly speak ill of those closest to them—the very people who have offered them the most support and unconditional love. There is absolutely no logical reason for them to lash out like that, which is the great mystery to me. Is their perception warped? Are they blurring the lines between reality and illusion? I can’t peer inside their mind to understand why, and that leaves me feeling lost. Right now, they’ve found work in another state, doing some kind of intense physical labor, working 15-hour shifts. They claim to possess a level of strength that makes everyone else admire them. Their ego is through the roof; they have this overwhelming drive to prove themselves to the world. They try so hard to present the best possible version of themselves, yet simultaneously pick fights with coworkers, claiming an "inner voice" tells them these people are negative influences, and that only they can know the truth. They used to use alcohol, which acted as a massive trigger and accelerated the onset of their illness, but they haven't touched it in a long time. No one at the job really understands why they act the way they do, but they've already started labeling them as frustrated or unstable. People see the cracks, even if they don't understand the cause. They’ve pushed away their mother and refuses to take her calls. They even cut off their best friend, claiming they felt "persecuted" simply because the friend reached out with a simple, caring text asking, "Hey, how are you?" Even when his mother asked for a small amount of financial help, he shut her out. There wasn't some grand betrayal or specific reason; it just happened. Meanwhile, they have this new friend who seems okay for now, to whom they vent all this negativity about the family members who stood by them when they had nothing—back when they couldn't even afford a cup of coffee or a pack of cigarettes. Lately, they've entered a phase of boasting about their achievements—they are quite the writer, actually, a true artist—and they carry this sense of superiority, as if they are above everyone else. They spend money recklessly, throwing it around as if they've forgotten that just six months ago, they were completely broke. Any time they form a connection with someone, it tends to sour quickly because they develop a certain image of that person—or create one entirely in their own head. They often seek out conflict as a way to force a break in communication; if someone bothers them or a situation feels uncomfortable, they'll spark a fight just so they have an excuse to stop interacting with that person. And then there’s the emotional aspect, which is my biggest puzzle. How can someone seemingly lack emotion, or at least refuse to show it, when just a week ago they were being tender and kind? It’s like a light switch flips. One day they are perfect, the next they are bitter and negative. One day they might treat you like the most important person in the world, and the next, they treat you with pure disdain. I can't wrap my head around how that behavior fits into any kind of "normal" framework. It’s not normal, obviously, but it’s so jarring. Either they are intentionally playing games with people, or they are struggling so deeply within themselves that they can't find peace. They’ve been doing this grueling physical work for two months now. About seven days ago, they complained that they had lost their "spark"—that joyful side of them that used to make people laugh at work—and that they just didn't have the energy to be the life of the party anymore. When they first started the job, they complained about stiffness in their hands, but that seems to have passed. Still, they won't touch medication and have no desire to. Communication is almost entirely one-sided; they talk incessantly but rarely listen. It’s mostly monologues about work or complaints about their loved ones. They have this uncanny ability to pretend everything is under control when it clearly isn't. Deep down, I know they are a good person, but being their friend is incredibly taxing. When you weigh the good against the bad, the bad side carries so much more weight. They reject any help from medical professionals because they believe their intellect alone is enough to manage their own life. And while they are undeniably brilliant and highly articulate, the conversations are often so bleak and heavy that people end up avoiding them or mocking them, which they perceive as further persecution. If anyone has dealt with a similar situation with a loved one, please reach out. I need to know what to do and how to actually help. They abruptly cut contact with me recently, but I know it might not stay that way—in a week or a month, they might just reappear as if nothing ever happened.
edit: It’s honestly wild how often he does something, and then later tries to turn it around and claim everyone else is doing it and that *they're* the ones in the wrong. It’s such a bizarre cycle. He’ll try to mimic people he actually admires, but he just ends up doing a terrible job of it, almost like he's wearing a costume that doesn't fit. And the jealousy? It’s palpable. Seeing other people build genuine connections clearly eats him alive, and instead of trying to build his own, he just burns bridges with everyone because he can't handle seeing those bonds exist. I don't know, maybe I'm overthinking it, but I can't quite put my finger on what this behavior is—it just feels fundamentally broken. You can sit him down for hours, have all the deep conversations you want, but talk alone isn't going to fix this kind of mindset... it just isn't right.

slybison6 said:I have someone very dear to me who is living with a diagnosis of schizophrenia. To be honest, I don’t know much about the condition itself, but I find myself desperately wanting to figure out how to help them. It’s an incredibly heavy situation to navigate because I’m certainly no doctor, and they refuse to take the medications prescribed by their physician; they claim the meds make them feel like a "zombie," leaving them in a constant state of sleepiness where they just can't function normally in daily life. I wanted to write everything out here in detail, so if anyone has walked a similar path or dealt with something like this, I would truly appreciate it if you could reach out and share your experience with us...
So, looking back, about twenty years ago—right during the height of the war—this person was brought into a clinic. At that time, their speech was completely incoherent and disjointed, and their physical presence was totally withdrawn, almost coiled inward. They were talking about being persecuted by people... though I honestly have no clue how we even got to that point. Everything changed from that moment on. From the time they hit their twenties all the way through to today—they’re 42 now—they’ve only managed about three years of steady employment. In the town where they grew up, it was nearly impossible to hold down a job because word travels fast, and everyone knew they had mental health struggles. The thing is, this is an exceptionally intelligent individual. They’ve had several serious relationships over the years, but they always seem to fizzle out after about eighteen months or maybe two years at most. People who don't know them intimately—those who just meet them and perhaps spend a little time together by chance—can sense that something is "off," even if they can't quite put a finger on what it is. They frequently stir up conflict and constantly speak ill of those closest to them—the very people who have offered them the most support and unconditional love. There is absolutely no logical reason for them to lash out like that, which is the great mystery to me. Is their perception warped? Are they blurring the lines between reality and illusion? I can’t peer inside their mind to understand why, and that leaves me feeling lost. Right now, they’ve found work in another state, doing some kind of intense physical labor, working 15-hour shifts. They claim to possess a level of strength that makes everyone else admire them. Their ego is through the roof; they have this overwhelming drive to prove themselves to the world. They try so hard to present the best possible version of themselves, yet simultaneously pick fights with coworkers, claiming an "inner voice" tells them these people are negative influences, and that only they can know the truth. They used to use alcohol, which acted as a massive trigger and accelerated the onset of their illness, but they haven't touched it in a long time. No one at the job really understands why they act the way they do, but they've already started labeling them as frustrated or unstable. People see the cracks, even if they don't understand the cause. They’ve pushed away their mother and refuses to take her calls. They even cut off their best friend, claiming they felt "persecuted" simply because the friend reached out with a simple, caring text asking, "Hey, how are you?" Even when his mother asked for a small amount of financial help, he shut her out. There wasn't some grand betrayal or specific reason; it just happened. Meanwhile, they have this new friend who seems okay for now, to whom they vent all this negativity about the family members who stood by them when they had nothing—back when they couldn't even afford a cup of coffee or a pack of cigarettes. Lately, they've entered a phase of boasting about their achievements—they are quite the writer, actually, a true artist—and they carry this sense of superiority, as if they are above everyone else. They spend money recklessly, throwing it around as if they've forgotten that just six months ago, they were completely broke. Any time they form a connection with someone, it tends to sour quickly because they develop a certain image of that person—or create one entirely in their own head. They often seek out conflict as a way to force a break in communication; if someone bothers them or a situation feels uncomfortable, they'll spark a fight just so they have an excuse to stop interacting with that person. And then there’s the emotional aspect, which is my biggest puzzle. How can someone seemingly lack emotion, or at least refuse to show it, when just a week ago they were being tender and kind? It’s like a light switch flips. One day they are perfect, the next they are bitter and negative. One day they might treat you like the most important person in the world, and the next, they treat you with pure disdain. I can't wrap my head around how that behavior fits into any kind of "normal" framework. It’s not normal, obviously, but it’s so jarring. Either they are intentionally playing games with people, or they are struggling so deeply within themselves that they can't find peace. They’ve been doing this grueling physical work for two months now. About seven days ago, they complained that they had lost their "spark"—that joyful side of them that used to make people laugh at work—and that they just didn't have the energy to be the life of the party anymore. When they first started the job, they complained about stiffness in their hands, but that seems to have passed. Still, they won't touch medication and have no desire to. Communication is almost entirely one-sided; they talk incessantly but rarely listen. It’s mostly monologues about work or complaints about their loved ones. They have this uncanny ability to pretend everything is under control when it clearly isn't. Deep down, I know they are a good person, but being their friend is incredibly taxing. When you weigh the good against the bad, the bad side carries so much more weight. They reject any help from medical professionals because they believe their intellect alone is enough to manage their own life. And while they are undeniably brilliant and highly articulate, the conversations are often so bleak and heavy that people end up avoiding them or mocking them, which they perceive as further persecution. If anyone has dealt with a similar situation with a loved one, please reach out. I need to know what to do and how to actually help. They abruptly cut contact with me recently, but I know it might not stay that way—in a week or a month, they might just reappear as if nothing ever happened.
edit: It’s honestly wild how often he does something, and then later tries to turn it around and claim everyone else is doing it and that *they're* the ones in the wrong. It’s such a bizarre cycle. He’ll try to mimic people he actually admires, but he just ends up doing a terrible job of it, almost like he's wearing a costume that doesn't fit. And the jealousy? It’s palpable. Seeing other people build genuine connections clearly eats him alive, and instead of trying to build his own, he just burns bridges with everyone because he can't handle seeing those bonds exist. I don't know, maybe I'm overthinking it, but I can't quite put my finger on what this behavior is—it just feels fundamentally broken. You can sit him down for hours, have all the deep conversations you want, but talk alone isn't going to fix this kind of mindset... it just isn't right.

You hit the nail on the head. His perception of reality is totally warped—who knows how deep that goes? Only he knows how intense it feels. It’s the same for anyone going through something like this; some people handle the mental anguish better than others, but it varies so much. In my opinion, he’s basically in a state of psychosis right now. His brain is under massive strain and isn't functioning normally. That explains why he has this insane burst of energy where he can pull 15-hour days of manual labor, but that can't last forever. The body has its limits, and his brain is essentially running on "high voltage," forcing his body toward a total collapse. His mind isn't listening to what his body needs; it's just driving it straight off a cliff. No sane person could work 15 hours a day of heavy physical labor without killing themselves in a very short amount of time. Personally? I wouldn't last a single week doing that. That also explains the social issues you mentioned—he's just not there right now. And about the medication—that part is true. I've been in a similar spot myself, where the meds just completely numb you and knock you out. It's unfortunate, but really, the best thing you can do is try to convince him to talk to a professional—like a psychiatrist—who can get him on the right treatment plan. He needs something adjusted so he can actually function, because he won't be able to keep this pace up for much longer...

Whether antipsychotics actually "kill" someone's spirit is a debate that could go on forever—it’s one of those things where everyone sees it differently. For people caught in the grip of psychosis, that state *is* their reality. To them, being pulled back down to Earth—to having those hallucinations and delusions stripped away—feels less like healing and more like an execution of the only world they know. It feels like being numbed out. You have manic and psychotic patients who fight against their meds tooth and nail because they’d much rather stay in their own version of "normal," even if to an outside observer, they look like they're on some terrifying, hyper-speed high.

The bulk of readmissions happens for this exact reason: patients just stop taking their antipsychotics. They don't want to be "normalized"—they want to stay psychotic. It leads to these situations where forced hospitalization becomes necessary, which is a complete 180 from how we handle chronic physical conditions like diabetes or high blood pressure. With those, you try to get people to take their meds to stabilize; with mental health, the struggle is often trying to stop them from drifting away entirely.

Nicole Barrett76 said:While searching for alternative or complementary ways to manage my thyroid issues, I stumbled upon an incredibly intriguing, albeit somewhat lengthy article regarding methylation. It suggests that for a vast majority of people, the methylation process occurs far too slowly. To avoid getting too boggedly in the weeds, methylation is essentially a biochemical process where a CH3 group of atoms is added to a massive array of substances, which fundamentally alters both the composition and the behavior of the molecule being modified. Interestingly, it mentions that individuals living with schizophrenia also experience sluggish methylation processes and carry high levels of histamine.

Which leads me to wonder... if you don't mind my asking... has anyone here actually had their histamine levels tested? Is there even a standard practice of measuring specific blood chemistry markers during a psychotic episode? After all, one could easily slip into psychosis simply as a reaction to consuming certain drugs.

Drank way too much Starbucks.
They found morphine in my urine results, but I haven't touched any.
Does anyone know where one would even get that stuff, or who's out there actually using it?

I have no clue what else they were looking for.
They didn't even bother returning my lab results.

Carol Barrett2 said:Drank way too much Starbucks.
They found morphine in my urine results, but I haven't touched any.
Does anyone know where one would even get that stuff, or who's out there actually using it?

I have no clue what else they were looking for.
They didn't even bother returning my lab results.

Let me correct myself.

Most people are likely supplementing with B-complex vitamins.

One theory regarding schizophrenia suggests it may stem from autointoxication caused by drugs like LSD.

Joseph Fowler33 said:You hit the nail on the head. His perception of reality is totally warped—who knows how deep that goes? Only he knows how intense it feels. It’s the same for anyone going through something like this; some people handle the mental anguish better than others, but it varies so much. In my opinion, he’s basically in a state of psychosis right now. His brain is under massive strain and isn't functioning normally. That explains why he has this insane burst of energy where he can pull 15-hour days of manual labor, but that can't last forever. The body has its limits, and his brain is essentially running on "high voltage," forcing his body toward a total collapse. His mind isn't listening to what his body needs; it's just driving it straight off a cliff. No sane person could work 15 hours a day of heavy physical labor without killing themselves in a very short amount of time. Personally? I wouldn't last a single week doing that. That also explains the social issues you mentioned—he's just not there right now. And about the medication—that part is true. I've been in a similar spot myself, where the meds just completely numb you and knock you out. It's unfortunate, but really, the best thing you can do is try to convince him to talk to a professional—like a psychiatrist—who can get him on the right treatment plan. He needs something adjusted so he can actually function, because he won't be able to keep this pace up for much longer...

Over these past twenty years of dealing with this illness, he’s gone to all sorts of counseling sessions. He even worked for an organization for people with mental health issues once. But unfortunately, it always comes down to the same thing: he talks to a professional, and then he just goes right back to doing things his own way. To him, everyone else he talks to seems to be operating on their own separate agendas too. Thank you so much for writing to me and explaining all of this; it really helps me make sense of things a bit better now. He’ll jump into any job offered to him, but it's always short-lived. He can't stick with anything; nothing holds his interest. As soon as he starts something, he’s already looking for the next gig or the next exit strategy. Right now, he’s working abroad where the pay is decent, but he’s already been hunting for something else for a month. He tries to be social, but only in this calculated way where he thinks, "I'll be extra nice to this person because they might be useful to me later." He has this knack for manipulating people into feeling sorry for him just so they'll hand over some cash. He never turns anything down. He uses the old line about his mother being elderly and sick and living off her Social Security, yet he doesn't send her a single cent. Instead, he spends money on expensive designer clothes, living entirely for the moment and acting incredibly immaturely. Zeljan is obsessed with proving himself, but honestly, all that posturing usually falls flat because it's just so over the top. I honestly can't tell if all of this stems from his condition or if it's just his fundamental character. He wants to charm and impress everyone, trying to dazzle them with his stories. Sometimes he doesn't even realize how much he's hurting people, and I suspect people will eventually start avoiding him. His situation is a complete mystery to me—I truly have no idea what's driving him or why he feels this need to insult and belittle those closest to him. What’s worse is that he talks trash about his own family to his new coworkers; someone who didn't know him would think, "Man, what a pathetic life he leads." I don't know what he's saying about me to whom, but I'm certain there's someone out there he's venting to or mocking me in front of. Unfortunately, it often comes back to haunt him—people end up making fun of him because of his tall tales, and eventually, he realizes it too...

I survived a psychotic episode during my time as an active member of a political party.
My own psychosis was fueled by the paranoia of several others, all convinced we were being followed.
I turned my phone off because I was worried about being tapped. Honestly, I’d go as far as pulling the battery out and stripping the whole thing down to the parts.
I haven't. I don't leave the house without a knife and pepper spray.
To be clear, I’ve actually experienced a dream where someone was following me. It felt incredibly real. That experience only served to fuel my existing paranoia.
I used to dread stepping outside after dark. Once the sun went down, I wasn't going anywhere.
I've stopped hitting the clubs. It feels like if I show up, everyone will recognize me and start judging.
She let her appearance slip and neglected basic hygiene.
Back when I was sitting in a lecture hall at some big state university, if someone even glanced my way, my mind would immediately jump to one conclusion: maybe he’s one of them.

Nightmares hit me last night. I had this unsettling feeling that someone could actually step into my dreams just to interrogate me.
She messaged me to recap how they interrogated her. She was basically walking me through her dreams and detailing exactly what they asked her.
In essence, we collectively suppressed our own psychedelia, mistaking it for normalcy.

I shared everything with my other friend. It was the most natural thing in the world. Now, they’re haunting my dreams and interrogating me.
She gave me this pale, worried look. But I didn't budge. I figured she just doesn't get it since it isn't her concern.
.
I've been having some rather peculiar dreams lately:
I was walking from my bedroom to the bathroom when I stopped by the mirror. A hand suddenly lunged out from the glass, trying to drag me inside. I'm holding my ground.
And then, suddenly, there's nothing left. I told her, "Mom, did you see that? Someone was trying to pull me under."
I fear you might be suffering from schizophrenia.
------------
Second dream: My aunt, my mom, and I are standing in a hospital hallway, just waiting our turn. I mention to them that I was just talking to my father. My aunt turns to my mother and says, "He has schizophrenia."
----------
Out of nowhere, the word just hit me: DELUSIONS.
------------
I missed my lecture today. My professor informed me that absences aren't permitted.
The coffee is gone.
I walked into Target today and found myself caught in one of those endless mental loops, blaming myself for everything. I eventually had to tell myself: Get it together.
It isn't about my own self-reflection. It's more like I just told myself to get my act together.
When she said that, my mind went completely blank for a solid two minutes.
It felt exactly like turning off a radio mid-sentence.
Like flipping a light switch to off.

My departure from psychosis only occurred when I faced yet another death in the family.
That was when I finally decided to address the depression and suicidal ideation. I realized I needed professional help. The thoughts were harrowing. In my dreams, I found myself lecturing myself to stay positive—an attempt to reclaim control once everything had spiraled out of my grasp. It felt less like a mental struggle and more like a literal curse. My focus at college vanished completely; my professor noted that after just two sentences, my mind was already miles away.
I’ve dealt with that exact same situation at my office.
I get this sensation like someone is watching me from behind, yet I’m just lost in my own thoughts. It’s unsettling. My gaze goes completely vacant, almost as if I'm sleepwalking with my eyes wide open.

I missed my psych evaluation.
But I want to.
I have moved past those thoughts of persecution; I now view them as nothing more than a paranoid whim.

I fear that might be gone for good.
I find myself wondering if this is merely a fleeting anomaly or if we should prepare for its inevitable return.

Decision-making isn't my strong suit. I tend to vacillate quite often.
I am, quite simply, both capable and industrious.
During my teenage years, I was quite combative and irritable with my family.
I have reached a state of calm. I am neither agitated nor truly joyful as I once was.
That was quite a lengthy composition.
The psych test will reveal everything.

To be honest, my parents used to hold entire conversations with one another right in front of me, as if I weren't even in the room.
It’s quite a sight, watching people hold entire conversations with themselves. ☕
I consider myself an optimist, generally speaking. However, everyone knows me as the life of the party—that bubbly, quick-witted girl who keeps things lively.
Note: during my psychotic episode, I tended to dress provocatively.
It felt as though I had stepped entirely outside the boundaries of society.
I can wander through downtown and burst into song without a second thought. I simply don't care what the neighbors think.
One might assume I am a free spirit because I am largely unburdened by social norms. In reality, I am simply lost for words.
It isn't that I talk to myself or sing aloud; rather, it’s that when I am waiting for a bus at a terminal in a foreign country, I can lie down on the floor without a second thought for what anyone thinks—whether they view me as some vagrant or not.
I have written far too much here.
Perhaps this is entirely off-topic.
But it is all circling my mind.
Living a conventional life becomes difficult once you see the bigger picture. It feels absurd to play the role of a diligent employee when the entire system is fundamentally broken, yet one must go on.
Edit: I just remembered being at a music festival once. I found myself staring at the crowds jumping around with such mindless joy...
So, I walked out.
I ended up getting into an argument with the police officers who were just out on a routine patrol.
I grabbed onto the roof racks of a car.
And I refused to let go.
My logic was simple: if I held onto those roof racks, they couldn't move me, and eventually, the officers would leave. A female officer tried to pull me loose.
Instead, I clung to the racks and screamed.
I was intoxicated and belligerent.
In the end, they hauled me away in handcuffs.
-----

Listen, I’ve read through everything you wrote... but you completely glossed over one crucial detail: did you actually reach out to a psychiatrist? Look, I get it—stress can absolutely wreck a person. It can push someone so far past their breaking point that it genuinely alters your mental state, leading to auditory or visual hallucinations, or sudden behavioral shifts that are totally out of character. There are even phases where these episodes either stabilize or flare up again unexpectedly. But regardless of the cause, you—or someone in your family—needs to have a professional on speed dial if this starts happening again.

Andrew Doyle said:Listen, I’ve read through everything you wrote... but you completely glossed over one crucial detail: did you actually reach out to a psychiatrist? Look, I get it—stress can absolutely wreck a person. It can push someone so far past their breaking point that it genuinely alters your mental state, leading to auditory or visual hallucinations, or sudden behavioral shifts that are totally out of character. There are even phases where these episodes either stabilize or flare up again unexpectedly. But regardless of the cause, you—or someone in your family—needs to have a professional on speed dial if this starts happening again.

I’m doing okay now. Once my political activism stopped being my main focus, the psychosis and paranoia began to recede.
I started breathing easy again and taking walks.
That psychotic episode lasted about a year or two.
Physically, I had completely let myself go. I was self-harming (dealing with dermatillomania and trichotillomania—which I still struggle with today).
When the suicidal ideation became intense, I realized I couldn't fight it alone.
-I haven't told anyone this. But I did talk about the abuse and bullying I faced during my childhood (a family member used to beat me and threatened my life; it almost turned fatal). I also opened up about the hair pulling and the suicidal thoughts, how terrified I am of the future, and my financial struggles. I told her I didn't want to die; I just wanted to blow these thoughts away. She just stared at me in shock and referred me to a psychiatrist. He prescribed Xanax for anxiety and some other issue, then told me to get a referral for psychological testing. I was terrified of the testing.
In daily life, I function fine. I’ve started wearing makeup again. I no longer live in a toxic environment.
To an outsider, you would never guess what I went through.
I am a good, intelligent, and quite resourceful person. Independent.
All of this taught me that I need to make myself my own highest priority.
It’s just me and my mother. And she’s struggling with depression and is completely overwhelmed. I’m planning to complete the psych testing, pay for a therapist, start exercising, and fix my diet.
My mom was hospitalized in a psychiatric ward before I was even born. It was for a month because she had a hysterical episode and was talking incoherently. She was given Leponex.
Once, when I was sixteen, she tried to jump through a window right in front of me.
We are both struggling.
I’m not a danger to anyone; I just feel directionless.
I want the freedom of a bird.
But I want to direct myself toward a goal and stick to it.
I don't want to be tapping in the dark. I lack support. I know what I want; I just need someone to listen and stand by me.
It is devastating to carry the weight of past abuse and feel like it doesn't matter.
Like it's ancient history. Like nobody cares.
Perhaps my psychotic obsession with changing the world was just a form of rebellion against a broken childhood that I had no power to change.

George Cook said:I’m doing okay now. Once my political activism stopped being my main focus, the psychosis and paranoia began to recede.
I started breathing easy again and taking walks.
That psychotic episode lasted about a year or two.
Physically, I had completely let myself go. I was self-harming (dealing with dermatillomania and trichotillomania—which I still struggle with today).
When the suicidal ideation became intense, I realized I couldn't fight it alone.
-I haven't told anyone this. But I did talk about the abuse and bullying I faced during my childhood (a family member used to beat me and threatened my life; it almost turned fatal). I also opened up about the hair pulling and the suicidal thoughts, how terrified I am of the future, and my financial struggles. I told her I didn't want to die; I just wanted to blow these thoughts away. She just stared at me in shock and referred me to a psychiatrist. He prescribed Xanax for anxiety and some other issue, then told me to get a referral for psychological testing. I was terrified of the testing.
In daily life, I function fine. I’ve started wearing makeup again. I no longer live in a toxic environment.
To an outsider, you would never guess what I went through.
I am a good, intelligent, and quite resourceful person. Independent.
All of this taught me that I need to make myself my own highest priority.
It’s just me and my mother. And she’s struggling with depression and is completely overwhelmed. I’m planning to complete the psych testing, pay for a therapist, start exercising, and fix my diet.
My mom was hospitalized in a psychiatric ward before I was even born. It was for a month because she had a hysterical episode and was talking incoherently. She was given Leponex.
Once, when I was sixteen, she tried to jump through a window right in front of me.
We are both struggling.
I’m not a danger to anyone; I just feel directionless.
I want the freedom of a bird.
But I want to direct myself toward a goal and stick to it.
I don't want to be tapping in the dark. I lack support. I know what I want; I just need someone to listen and stand by me.
It is devastating to carry the weight of past abuse and feel like it doesn't matter.
Like it's ancient history. Like nobody cares.
Perhaps my psychotic obsession with changing the world was just a form of rebellion against a broken childhood that I had no power to change.

So, you've got a clear history of mental health struggles running in your family. Honestly, it isn't even surprising that you reacted the way you did under all that intense pressure. It is genuinely good that you are actively considering making changes and that you still maintain some level of self-esteem. Most importantly, make sure you find a solid therapist to work with... just whatever you do, don't quit. This isn't a path that offers quick fixes, but I promise you, the effort pays off in the end.🙂

Andrew Doyle said:So, you've got a clear history of mental health struggles running in your family. Honestly, it isn't even surprising that you reacted the way you did under all that intense pressure. It is genuinely good that you are actively considering making changes and that you still maintain some level of self-esteem. Most importantly, make sure you find a solid therapist to work with... just whatever you do, don't quit. This isn't a path that offers quick fixes, but I promise you, the effort pays off in the end.🙂

Exactly. There is. And it makes me hesitant to even take a pill.
Though it might be better to just take a sedative once in a while, if only to avoid the fear of becoming dependent on them.

Which specific reaction are you referring to?

Yes, precisely.
But I am thinking it would be wise to consult several psychiatrists and therapists.
Just to see their individual perspectives.
After all, one doctor might offer one diagnosis, while another offers something entirely different.