Schizophrenia - General Discussion

Jason Kim6 said:Well, look at that, my dear piskavac—who exactly are these criminals and charlatans? Honestly, maybe it isn't even worth seeing a psychiatrist. You should probably just handle everything yourself—with friends and acquaintances, I guess.

If psychiatrists cannot handle a patient's emotions after spending four years in medical school studying the individual psyche, then who on earth is capable of managing them???

darksurfer4 said:Unknown psychosis likely means you aren't showing overt symptoms of schizophrenia, like hearing voices or having visual hallucinations. AT LEAST THAT'S MY GUESS, SINCE "MANIFEST" SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING BEING SHOWN OR DISPLAYED PUBLICLY.

Perhaps I am mistaken; history has always been a stronger suit of mine than psychology. All things considered, the Nazis truly believed various conspiracies were being plotted against Germany, even if there is zero historical evidence to support those claims—they launched attacks and committed genocide largely because they were convinced by their own delusions. So, I ask you, what kind of diagnosis would you even assign to the Nazis?🤔

I honestly cannot fathom how she could have written that; I don't know what kind of impression you give off in person, but based on your posts, it's blindingly obvious that you aren't anywhere near being intellectually disabled...

During my elementary school years in America, I was subjected to significant hardship. Consequently, whenever I was bullied, I would simply smile directly in their faces, unable to formulate a better response to the harassment while simultaneously fearing that any sign of tears would merely provide them with more motivation to continue their torment.

I have even caught myself smiling at times when facing immense stress or when I am compelled to admit an incredibly uncomfortable truth.

I recounted this to a psychiatrist regarding an incident where I lashed out at a young girl—I was shouting at her and striking her with my palm—only to discover that she wasn't actually responsible for the mistake I thought she had made; it was someone else entirely. A group of children had actually orchestrated the mischief, knowing full well that my vision is quite poor. She simply found herself in the wrong place at the wrong time, having had no involvement with the group whatsoever.

In short, I was smiling at her while explaining the situation. I suppose, because of that smile, she concluded that I am an Unknown.

However, the issue isn't really about her incorrect conclusion. Rather, the point is that one cannot simply write a heavy diagnosis for a patient, withhold the news from them, and leave them to discover it themselves through a specialist's report or medical history.

For instance, consider oncologists; when they must inform a patient of a cancer diagnosis, despite likely not studying much psychology, they are required to tell the patient the truth to their face rather than just noting it in a file and leaving the patient to struggle through it however they can.

This case carries extra weight because I sought out the psychiatrist voluntarily as part of my journey toward spiritual growth and achieving financial independence.

Nicole Barrett76 said:During my elementary school years in America, I was subjected to significant hardship. Consequently, whenever I was bullied, I would simply smile directly in their faces, unable to formulate a better response to the harassment while simultaneously fearing that any sign of tears would merely provide them with more motivation to continue their torment.

I have even caught myself smiling at times when facing immense stress or when I am compelled to admit an incredibly uncomfortable truth.

I recounted this to a psychiatrist regarding an incident where I lashed out at a young girl—I was shouting at her and striking her with my palm—only to discover that she wasn't actually responsible for the mistake I thought she had made; it was someone else entirely. A group of children had actually orchestrated the mischief, knowing full well that my vision is quite poor. She simply found herself in the wrong place at the wrong time, having had no involvement with the group whatsoever.

In short, I was smiling at her while explaining the situation. I suppose, because of that smile, she concluded that I am an Unknown.

However, the issue isn't really about her incorrect conclusion. Rather, the point is that one cannot simply write a heavy diagnosis for a patient, withhold the news from them, and leave them to discover it themselves through a specialist's report or medical history.

For instance, consider oncologists; when they must inform a patient of a cancer diagnosis, despite likely not studying much psychology, they are required to tell the patient the truth to their face rather than just noting it in a file and leaving the patient to struggle through it however they can.

This case carries extra weight because I sought out the psychiatrist voluntarily as part of my journey toward spiritual growth and achieving financial independence.

This is a bit of a tangent from the main topic, but if I may ask why you reacted to bullying with a smile? Let me guess—was that advice handed down to you by your mother or grandmother? They are notorious for giving that kind of advice, and frankly, it’s idiotic. Bullies can see perfectly well that you aren't actually laughing. Violence should be met with strength, nothing less; furthermore, the men in the family—fathers, older brothers, uncles—should be stepping up to handle these matters instead of letting bullied young boys listen to some grandmother's senseless platitudes. A boy being bullied needs to be encouraged to stand his ground against aggressors, and in extreme cases, having an older male figure issue a direct warning to those little bullies is exactly what's needed...

darksurfer4 said:This is a bit of a tangent from the main topic, but if I may ask why you reacted to bullying with a smile? Let me guess—was that advice handed down to you by your mother or grandmother? They are notorious for giving that kind of advice, and frankly, it’s idiotic. Bullies can see perfectly well that you aren't actually laughing. Violence should be met with strength, nothing less; furthermore, the men in the family—fathers, older brothers, uncles—should be stepping up to handle these matters instead of letting bullied young boys listen to some grandmother's senseless platitudes. A boy being bullied needs to be encouraged to stand his ground against aggressors, and in extreme cases, having an older male figure issue a direct warning to those little bullies is exactly what's needed...

Not one of them ever told me to laugh, nor were they even in a position to offer any advice at all. My mother used to claim that it was happening because I was provoking them. As for those little bullies, they went as far as labeling my smirk as "slutty."

The response to violence should be a slightly greater level of force. There is no merit in excessive violence or trying to play the hero, because fools driven by wounded egos can simply regroup and launch an even more massive assault.

I had no one to protect me back then; I was living in a group home in rural Nebraska during an era when we didn't even have a landline, let alone access to support organizations like a child advocacy group or anything of the sort. The teachers acted like they were Gods, while the victims were blamed because they supposedly provoked the aggressors.

I honestly don't even know where to start, Nicole Barrett76—I am just so incredibly sorry you had to go through that.
To be perfectly honest, I completely get why you reacted the way you did.

I just wanted to jump in and add my two cents to what was being said earlier. I don't quite follow the logic—how can his specific diagnosis be considered any less severe if certain symptoms aren't even present? It’s almost like calling it "half" of a paranoid condition or something along those lines. 🤷

@Angela Stewart6 I posted this at exactly 12:00 PM sharp. What’s your take on that?

Angela Stewart6 said:I honestly don't even know where to start, Nicole Barrett76—I am just so incredibly sorry you had to go through that.
To be perfectly honest, I completely get why you reacted the way you did.

I am somewhat uncertain as to which specific reaction of mine you are referring to.

Are you speaking of my behavior during moments of intense stress and hardship, or perhaps my particular perspective regarding that psychiatrist?

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P. S. If we are discussing the recent case of schizophrenia, is it not possible that it represents a milder variation than what we typically consider standard schizophrenia?

Angela Stewart6 said:I just wanted to jump in and add my two cents to what was being said earlier. I don't quite follow the logic—how can his specific diagnosis be considered any less severe if certain symptoms aren't even present? It’s almost like calling it "half" of a paranoid condition or something along those lines. 🤷

Honestly, I think your take on this whole situation is pretty much pointless and frankly a bit naive. Just because there are fewer symptoms present doesn't mean we’re looking at some "mild" case. You can't just brush that off. Depression is such a massive, heavy component of this illness; one day everything seems fine, and the next, a patient might decide to end it all—which wouldn't be surprising in the slightest given how this works. But sure, let's just go ahead and label him a "lighter case." It’s also worth pointing out that his quality of life is absolutely abysmal, which, if you know anything about people struggling with depression, shouldn't come as any shock at all.
Here we have a post from Harold Anderson3—who, let’s be honest, is definitely dealing with a confirmed diagnosis of schizophrenia—and he was actually laying it all out on the previous page, explaining how the most brutal part of his condition isn't even the psychosis, but the crushing depression that comes along with it.🍿

On the other hand, I happen to know this one guy—a complete nutcase, really—who’s actually keeping an atomic bomb stashed away in his basement. He claims he knows exactly who was responsible for the assassination of Princess Diana, and he’s using that intel to blackmail the entire US political establishment, among other things. From everything he says, it’s blindingly obvious the man is absolutely losing his marbles, but strangely enough, he’s usually in high spirits; in fact, he’s quite a cheerful fellow most of the time.🍿 Is he actually a more severe case? I mean, if he were dealing with those combined episodes—you know, that volatile mix of depression and mania—would we be looking at a much more critical patient? If you just count up the symptoms on a checklist, then sure, the answer is yes. But when you look at his actual mood, his temperament, his vibe... honestly, it doesn't really feel that different.

darksurfer4 said:Honestly, I think your take on this whole situation is pretty much pointless and frankly a bit naive. Just because there are fewer symptoms present doesn't mean we’re looking at some "mild" case. You can't just brush that off. Depression is such a massive, heavy component of this illness; one day everything seems fine, and the next, a patient might decide to end it all—which wouldn't be surprising in the slightest given how this works. But sure, let's just go ahead and label him a "lighter case." It’s also worth pointing out that his quality of life is absolutely abysmal, which, if you know anything about people struggling with depression, shouldn't come as any shock at all.
Here we have a post from Harold Anderson3—who, let’s be honest, is definitely dealing with a confirmed diagnosis of schizophrenia—and he was actually laying it all out on the previous page, explaining how the most brutal part of his condition isn't even the psychosis, but the crushing depression that comes along with it.🍿

On the other hand, I happen to know this one guy—a complete nutcase, really—who’s actually keeping an atomic bomb stashed away in his basement. He claims he knows exactly who was responsible for the assassination of Princess Diana, and he’s using that intel to blackmail the entire US political establishment, among other things. From everything he says, it’s blindingly obvious the man is absolutely losing his marbles, but strangely enough, he’s usually in high spirits; in fact, he’s quite a cheerful fellow most of the time.🍿 Is he actually a more severe case? I mean, if he were dealing with those combined episodes—you know, that volatile mix of depression and mania—would we be looking at a much more critical patient? If you just count up the symptoms on a checklist, then sure, the answer is yes. But when you look at his actual mood, his temperament, his vibe... honestly, it doesn't really feel that different.

Man, you just don't get it. And honestly, thank God for that—you don't have schizophrenia. What you're describing isn't constant, lifelong depression; it comes and goes. When you're on medication and it finally starts working after some trauma or whatever led to your diagnosis, you're going to experience symptoms similar to any healthy person. This isn't chronic depression that drowns you for two years—or heaven knows how long depression has to last to be called "chronic"—but it certainly isn't just two or three days. It hits, and then it passes, just like it does for most people. Sure, maybe the symptoms feel heavier than they would for someone without this condition, but that varies wildly from person to person depending on their circumstances, their health, everything. Look at Harold Anderson3; he writes a post saying he's in a total mess, and then the very next day, he's fine. He wrote that he needed an outlet, even if it was just posting here to share his thoughts, but the body naturally fights off depression. Depression is that state where you just can't face living or doing anything, but when you're on your meds and in remission, your body instinctively pushes back. That survival instinct is stronger than anything else, whether it's hurting yourself or, God forbid, someone else. For most of us in remission, we bounce back after a day or two.

I guess there's still more I wanted to say about people living with schizophrenia, since darksurfer4 and I both deal with it.

It’s actually pretty fascinating. When I look into famous figures who struggled with schizophrenia, there seems to be this recurring pattern—a specific type of personality that eventually develops the condition. For instance, almost all of them have a deep love for vaping; they feel this intense sense of emptiness when they aren't doing it. They also can't stand unpredictability. They might even have an almost obsessive craving for justice or truth. People in remission are often incredibly kind, polite, and driven toward success, yet they tend to be quite vain—they really love catching their own reflection in the mirror. What’s truly interesting about our situation, besides everything else I could list, is that these traits seem to surface very early on. You start noticing them in early childhood, but after a diagnosis and starting on meds like Risperdal, these personality quirks become even more pronounced. They always claim they are brilliant and capable; they just need someone to step in and show them the way. People don't call someone a genius or an unknown without reason. It's a fine line. The absolute worst part of this hellish disease is the paranoia. When it hits you, it's devastating. I'm lucky it hasn't fully taken me down for ten years now, but when it does, you live with this constant, crushing sensation that someone is out to get you. That they want to poison you, or hurt you, or simply wish you harm. It feels like a group of people—or even a specific circle you know—is conspiring against you until the very end. When you aren't on your medication, that fear—that feeling that everyone is in a conspiracy against you—is the ultimate nightmare. You just can't move forward in life with those thoughts dragging you down. It's the hardest thing. It’s like someone needs to sit me down and explain it so I can actually process and accept it. Look, nobody is out to get you. There is no reason to be afraid. Maybe it’s just a lack of self-confidence, but that’s something I can't physically control. You know? Or maybe you can... I've never tried. Maybe if I could master that, I wouldn't even need the pills anymore.

unknown; it’s honestly tough to say who has it harder, but I have to agree with Jose Ward4 when he mentions that depression is often just a passing phase. From what I recall, Dr. Harold Anderson suggested that antidepressants might be a necessary step forward. Ultimately, it’s the doctor’s call—that was certainly the case for me after going through those long stretches of low moods or whatever you want to call them.

@Jose Ward4, I think I'll skip giving you my direct take on that 12:00 PM timeframe—not because I don't have one!—but rather because I have a broader perspective on that time of day in general. And you make an excellent point regarding famous figures; there are so many quotes from Marilyn Monroe out there that really resonate—you can almost feel her mental state bleeding through the words. I highly recommend giving them a read.

@Nicole Barrett76, cut me some slack! Sometimes, a person just doesn't know the right way to react.

I figured I’d weigh in on the whole debate regarding how depression behaves within schizophrenia.
It tends to move in cycles, where you experience these alternating waves of low and high moods. Even after spending ten years navigating mental health diagnoses—eight of which have been specifically with schizophrenia—I still find that whenever the depression hits, it isn't just "feeling down." It’s total despair, pure misery, and genuine torment that often leaves me wishing I weren't here at all. But then, after a few days, everything settles back to normal and the cycle just starts all over again.
I’ve definitely dealt with my fair share of productive symptoms too; for instance, I remember posting on a forum once because I was genuinely convinced I was the mastermind behind bringing down George W. Bush back in 2009. That delusion landed me in a six-month hospital stay, which was one of the longest stretches that facility had ever seen.
Since then, I’ve only had a couple of milder psychotic episodes because I made sure never to stop taking my Risperdal. Looking back over these eight years, I’d say I spent about 10% of my time in psychosis, 40% in depression, and roughly 50% feeling relatively normal. So, if you ask me which one is actually worse and does more damage to your ability to function, is it the psychosis or the depression?

Angela Stewart6 said:unknown; it’s honestly tough to say who has it harder, but I have to agree with Jose Ward4 when he mentions that depression is often just a passing phase. From what I recall, Dr. Harold Anderson suggested that antidepressants might be a necessary step forward. Ultimately, it’s the doctor’s call—that was certainly the case for me after going through those long stretches of low moods or whatever you want to call them.

@Jose Ward4, I think I'll skip giving you my direct take on that 12:00 PM timeframe—not because I don't have one!—but rather because I have a broader perspective on that time of day in general. And you make an excellent point regarding famous figures; there are so many quotes from Marilyn Monroe out there that really resonate—you can almost feel her mental state bleeding through the words. I highly recommend giving them a read.

@Nicole Barrett76, cut me some slack! Sometimes, a person just doesn't know the right way to react.

Honestly, women can see through just about everything. It’s like a superpower. Me? I can usually spot when a guy is being shady or feeding me lines just by the way he phrases things. You can hear the dishonesty in the subtext. Speaking of things being off, I finally stopped taking my Risperdal. Even though I only had to take it once every three months, I’ve been totally off it for about five months now. But lately, I’ve noticed my voice sounds different. It feels like my vocal cords have tightened up or something. When I was on the medication, my voice felt more relaxed, and breathing just felt... easier. Now that this change is happening, it’s actually getting on my nerves. It’s frustrating. Maybe I should try some throat lozenges or maybe some honey and propolis or something? My voice just lacks its usual strength, and my throat feels incredibly dry. Aside from that, I feel alright—well, as alright as one can feel given the circumstances. And about that noon deadline? Please. I’m basically just a giant kid who loves to mess around.

Dr. Harold Anderson3 Asks:
I figured it was about time I weighed in on this whole debate regarding whether depression in schizophrenia is actually something you can move past.
It’s like I’ve said before—it just comes in waves. These cycles of highs and lows, they just keep looping. Even after dealing with psychiatric diagnoses for ten years—eight of those being schizophrenia—I still can't fully wrap my head around it. When that depression hits me, it isn't just "feeling down" or having a bad day. It’s pure, unadulterated despair. It’s misery. It’s agony. There are moments where I honestly just want everything to end, where I feel like I can't go on. But then, after a few days, the clouds clear, everything feels fine again, and we're right back at square one.
I’ve definitely had my fair share of "productive" symptoms. I actually posted on here once about how convinced I was that I was the mastermind behind bringing George W. Bush down in 2009. It felt so real at the time. After that episode, I ended up being hospitalized for six months—one of the longest stays that ward has ever seen.
On top of all that, I’ve dealt with maybe two or three milder psychotic episodes because, let's be honest, I haven't ever actually stepped away from my antipsychotic medication. But looking back over these last eight years, the math breaks down like this: I was psychotic about 10% of the time, stuck in a depressive slump about 40% of the time, and felt relatively normal for maybe 50%. So, you tell me—which one is actually worse? Which one does more damage to your ability to actually live your life? Is it psychosis or just deep depression? Honestly, I’ve been sitting here staring at the wall for twenty minutes trying to untangle the two. It feels like such a fine, blurry line sometimes, doesn't it? One minute you're just drowning in that heavy, soul-crushing weight where even getting out of bed feels like climbing Everest, and the next, the world starts looking... wrong. Like the colors are off or the shadows are moving when they shouldn't. I remember back in college, during finals week, I hit a wall so hard I thought my brain had actually short-circuited. I couldn't tell if I was losing touch with reality or if I was just so exhausted that my mind was playing tricks on me. It's a terrifying gray area. You want to reach out, but how do you even frame the question? "Hey, am I just sad, or am I losing it?" It’s a heavy thing to carry. Just something on my mind today.??

I’ve never really had that kind of confidence myself. If I were being honest—and I mean truly, deeply honest—I’d say I spend most of my time believing I am someone, or something, that I’m actually not. You mentioned you were the one who essentially brought down George W. Bush. That’s heavy stuff. For me, it’s more about the daydreaming. I think my head is constantly in the clouds because I’m lacking real connection and the kind of attention a person needs. Lately, I've been throwing all my energy into work, but even then, I find myself hanging out here with friends from the forums. It hits me hard sometimes, especially when I woke up this morning. I can't help but wonder: is it even possible to actually turn those dreams into reality? I think I dream so much because there are so many things in my life that feel completely out of reach. It happens often, though. I’ll be sitting there in my apartment, totally alone, and I'll just start thinking... man, it would be so nice if she were just here. To have someone cook a meal, sit down together, watch some TV, and just exist. That’s what I’m missing. Just that sense of a normal, quiet life.

Forty percent depression? That’s a heavy number. Honestly, I don't even know how you're managing to stay afloat right now. It’s exactly what I was saying before—everyone processes this kind of thing differently. There isn't a one-size-fits-all manual for dealing with depression. Maybe you really ought to touch base with your therapist if you haven't already. It might be worth seeing if they want to adjust your treatment plan or perhaps dial back the dosage. You never truly know if you're overmedicated until you check. Then again, it could be the other way around. Dealing with both psychosis and depression at the same time is just... it's a lot. It's a massive weight to carry. But people fight through it. They really do. Hang in there. I'm rooting for you.

@Jose Ward4, they say we’re just eternal children.
I truly believe that depression sets in when we suddenly view our life events through a completely different lens—trying to wrap our heads around them—when, in reality, there's absolutely no reason to be so negative about it.

Angela Stewart6 said:@Jose Ward4, they say we’re just eternal children.
I truly believe that depression sets in when we suddenly view our life events through a completely different lens—trying to wrap our heads around them—when, in reality, there's absolutely no reason to be so negative about it.

I guess so. I definitely feel like a big kid myself sometimes.🙂

If that's what you mean, I think I get where you're coming from. It's like when you meet someone or have a conversation, and then you spend hours later dissecting it—trying to figure out what actually went down, or what that person was truly thinking in that exact moment. If that's what you're talking about, then yeah, I get it. But lately, my experiences have been mostly positive. I haven't had enough bad ones to spiral into a depression over them. For instance, the other day I was at the local Post Office and I was in such a rush. I was pushing to get things done fast, and looking back, I wasn't exactly being a saint; I probably came off as some arrogant jerk. But then today, my neighbor—who has known me since I was a little kid—dropped by. She needed a signature for some chimney inspection paperwork, and everything was perfectly fine. She knows who I really am and how I react. That matters more to me these days: who accepts me for who I actually am. Also, I think my voice sounds a bit different because I've been working out too much. I started doing push-ups and a little Pilates, so I guess my testosterone levels are up.

@Angela Stewart6 Oh, I almost forgot to ask you—what’s your take on those 12:00 PM vibes?

It’s incredibly difficult, almost impossible, to be 100% certain about a diagnosis sometimes. I actually doubted my own... once I received it, I spent so much time trying to find excuses to prove it wrong, convinced the doctor had just made a mistake and that I was perfectly "normal." But honestly, the hardest part is facing the truth. And even then, you still find yourself lying to yourself occasionally because—well, what kind of life would you have if you were constantly telling yourself, "Hey, you have the worst mental illness possible? It's like cancer for the soul?" I feel like life would lose all meaning if you lived in that reality, stuck between doubting, hoping, or just straight-up denying it.
I don't think it's an exaggeration; it really is all in your head... that phrase isn't used for nothing, and that's why it's written that way.

I was having some good days until recently, but then "they" came back... those feelings. When I'm sitting or lying down, I can just stay motionless for hours. I won't eat, and I simply do nothing because I feel absolutely nothing except the total absence of my own being. It's as if my soul has left me, leaving my body behind to just sit there, cold, waiting for the end... but I fight because of everyone else. I look at my family and I know I have to keep moving forward.

When severe depression hits, it’s so heavy that you just want to die. But when that total lack of will takes over, you don't even have the strength to die; you already feel dead... like a corpse just rotting away, waiting to be consumed completely.
This illness is brutal, and everyone fights it in their own way. But in this struggle, you don't really "win"—you're already gone. Maybe some of us were born feeling like we're already dead.

Patience pays off.

@Jose Ward4, I’m pretty sure there’s actually a scientific theory out there regarding the "twelve o'clock" concept—you know, in terms of the Earth's century cycle!

@Rebecca Rivera3, hang in there! How have you been holding up?