Schizophrenia - General Discussion

Andrew Doyle said:Look, you don't exactly have much time during those kinds of appointments. Doctors are often forced to churn through an overwhelming number of patients, and that's a direct failure of the healthcare system itself. I'm not trying to make excuses for anyone, but I want you to understand that this isn't always about the individual doctor-patient relationship. There is a massive, systemic machine behind it all, and ultimately, it's the patients who end up suffering the consequences.
Jose Ward4, any chance you can change your profile picture?

Man, I don't even know what to tell you. I don't know how much longer I can keep going like this. Everything is just getting under my skin. I feel lost here. It feels like everything is wrong. I have this damn feeling that we were all meant to be healthy, but we’ve just drifted too far away from nature. I don't know. Part of me wants to just pack up and go somewhere beautiful—somewhere with nothing but sunshine and health where you can actually live naturally—but I'm terrified. I don't know what's waiting for me out there, and I'd be all alone. If I leave, I have nowhere to come back to. To make matters worse, my business is struggling right now, and I have no idea how long I can hold on. And if I do manage to pull myself together, only to end up right back in this same cycle... then I'll be sitting there in retirement facing cancer, thinking, "I gave it everything I had, now it's your turn." Does that even make sense? Every morning when I wake up, I have this urge to just sink into a river. Nature has always pulled at me. I truly don't know what to do. Maybe I'll leave, or maybe I'll just grit my teeth and stay.

This is exactly what I'm talking about,
Azzura! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=

I need more of this, not just endless shopping malls and industrial parks.

Hey everyone.
So, I just got back from my check-up with my specialist.
She started me on 150 mg of Adobe SR and referred me to a local outpatient clinic for more intensive care. On top of that, I’ve swapped out my Xanax for Paxil. My Zoloft dosage is staying right where it was at 30 mg.
I have to admit, dealing with all these different medications and constant adjustments has left me feeling pretty drained—almost like I’ve hit a saturation point. It isn't necessarily that the meds themselves are the issue, but rather that I'm starting to lose hope that any of this will actually make a difference. Maybe this move to the outpatient clinic will provide some relief, since it feels like a more significant shift in my treatment plan.

@Rebecca Rivera3 hang in there. Of course it’s you—I know how your mind works, and you aren't losing it. 😉

I thought I’d stir up some memories by revisiting the very beginning of this thread. This was the opening post, and I decided to highlight the specific part that always sticks with me.

briskgull27 said:This condition is honestly so overwhelming that even doctors hesitate to officially write down an F20 diagnosis on your medical records.
I personally can't wrap my head around what exactly makes my experience so "abnormal," and truthfully, I don't even want to find out since it's a lifelong journey.
I've been dealing with this for ten years now.
People often compare managing it to living with diabetes.
It’s such a heavy burden that you'll occasionally run into someone offering "alternative" cures just to get their foot in the door.
A doctor friend of mine once explained that it's sometimes referred to as "cancer of the soul."
As for me, I don't really have any desire to fully embrace that "reality."
That's all for now! 👏
Would you actually want to have a close friend or a family member living with schizophrenia?

So, what would your answer be to that question? Could you embrace someone with schizophrenia as a close friend or bring them into your family circle?

I guess I might even tolerate a psychopath in a close friendship—provided they actually try to be a decent person despite their flaws—let alone someone dealing with schizophrenia. lol

Harold Anderson3, how are you doing? Are you still heading to the outpatient clinic? How are you handling those new medications?
The changing weather and my high blood pressure are really making things worse lately...
Anyway, I'm still fighting the good fight, just pushing through... facing everything on my own.

Rebecca Rivera3 said:Harold Anderson3, how are you doing? Are you still heading to the outpatient clinic? How are you handling those new medications?
The changing weather and my high blood pressure are really making things worse lately...
Anyway, I'm still fighting the good fight, just pushing through... facing everything on my own.

Hey, Rebecca Rivera3,🙂
it feels like it's been forever since we last chatted. I'm doing alright, thanks for asking.
I haven't actually started at the outpatient center yet, though I'm hoping to get things moving there this coming Monday. And yeah, I totally hear you. Personally, the weather shifts don't hit me quite as hard, but I know how unpleasant it can be.
I definitely go through stretches where I just feel constantly drained—maybe it’s the seasonal change, who knows?

I was going through some paperwork yesterday and stumbled upon all my records from seeing various specialists over the last five years. It made me pause for a moment... and realize how much I've managed to hold it together so far. I'm doing as well as can be expected, but there's still this underlying fear, wondering just how long I can maintain this.
Looking back at all those clinical notes and prescriptions, it feels like I've just been running in circles. Everything eventually led to a recommendation for hospitalization, which I declined because it turned out that none of the medications, therapies, or counseling sessions actually worked for me.
I could push myself to the absolute breaking point, but I don't think I'll ever step foot in a psychiatric ward. Maybe that's the wrong way to look at it. Perhaps hospitals aren't inherently bad—they offer help and medicine—but going there would mean admitting the problem is officially "real." Plus, the stress that would put on my family would be far too much.

I haven't posted in a while... mostly because I haven't been sleeping. :-) Which is fine. Usually, when I'm in this state, I disappear for weeks at a time. I stayed away recently because I was trying to just live my life—closing my eyes to the fear and functioning as if none of this internal struggle exists. Of course, I eventually hit a wall... but I held my own for a while. Maybe one day I'll feel truly okay again.

Harold Anderson3, let me know how things are going at the outpatient clinic and how college is treating you?

I honestly wish I knew where all my medical records were hiding; I know they exist since I’ve been in treatment for ten years now. I haven't a clue where any of my discharge papers are, which is quite a mess considering I've been hospitalized six times so far.
Being hospitalized isn't the end of the world, but I suppose it’s better to avoid it whenever possible. In my experience, I’ve had three involuntary stays and three voluntary ones. You can't really avoid the involuntary ones, obviously, but looking back, they were all ultimately for my own good.
Sure thing, I'll let you know how things go at the outpatient clinic... everything is going fine at college, though it would be absolutely ideal if I could just find a way to study a little more effectively, haha. 😁
I'll shoot you a private message later! 😉

Harold Anderson3 said:I actually spotted him over in my neighborhood recently, so if I run into him again, I'll definitely try to strike up a conversation. That is, assuming he remembers me—we used to hang out back when we were both patients at the hospital, so hopefully he does. To be fair, I was feeling pretty wiped out back then too, so I wasn't exactly in the mood to be social.

Hey Harold Anderson3, I'm pretty sure we were stuck on the same ward for maybe two or three weeks—it was the acute psychiatric unit over at the local VA hospital. By any chance, did you have red and white nail polish on? Sorry if I'm totally off base here, I haven't been on the forums much lately. This was back this past winter, maybe around December or January. Cheers!

Consider this some friendly advice: think twice before you hit "post" and be extremely careful about the personal details you leave lying around on these forums. For certain topics, you're much better off just sending a private message. 🙂

Joseph Fowler33 said:Hey Harold Anderson3, I'm pretty sure we were stuck on the same ward for maybe two or three weeks—it was the acute psychiatric unit over at the local VA hospital. By any chance, did you have red and white nail polish on? Sorry if I'm totally off base here, I haven't been on the forums much lately. This was back this past winter, maybe around December or January. Cheers!

Oh yeah... I definitely remember you now. Man, it feels like a lifetime ago. You’ve got a much sharper memory than I do; honestly, half of what happened during that stretch is just a blur to me, especially those little "details" people tend to notice.
How have you been doing? Maybe it would be better if we moved this to private messages, just like Azzura suggested...🙂

Andrew Doyle said:Consider this some friendly advice: think twice before you hit "post" and be extremely careful about the personal details you leave lying around on these forums. For certain topics, you're much better off just sending a private message. 🙂

Honestly, I don't feel like I've shared anything too personal about myself or my partner Harold Anderson3. I definitely wasn't trying to offend anyone or start any drama. I was just reminiscing about back in the day when the younger crew at the office were all tight and used to hang out constantly... but hey, I guess I should listen to the wisdom of you veteran forum users. 😵

Harold Anderson3 said:Oh yeah... I definitely remember you now. Man, it feels like a lifetime ago. You’ve got a much sharper memory than I do; honestly, half of what happened during that stretch is just a blur to me, especially those little "details" people tend to notice.
How have you been doing? Maybe it would be better if we moved this to private messages, just like Azzura suggested...🙂

That was actually my second time being hospitalized. It wasn't against my will this time, though. It's been about four months since I was discharged, and things are looking up—I'm on my meds, I managed to land a job, and I've been going back to see the same psychiatrist who handled my first stint ten years ago. Basically, the first time, I actually tried to bolt from the hospital. My whole world just came crashing down right after. I had such a massive panic attack that I ended up surrendering to the specialists from the local precinct that afternoon, since they'd already started a search for me. Honestly, I could probably write a book about that whole mess. But my biggest gripe? It was my neighbor who realized something was seriously wrong with me, yet the psychiatrist I saw for the intake released me the very same day... It's a long story, but my doctor says I've made huge strides. He thinks he can get me off the medication in a year, which, in doctor-speak, usually means two. 👏👏:

Andrew Doyle said:Consider this some friendly advice: think twice before you hit "post" and be extremely careful about the personal details you leave lying around on these forums. For certain topics, you're much better off just sending a private message. 🙂

Look, the truth is...

Harold Anderson3 said:I thought I’d stir up some memories by revisiting the very beginning of this thread. This was the opening post, and I decided to highlight the specific part that always sticks with me.

So, what would your answer be to that question? Could you embrace someone with schizophrenia as a close friend or bring them into your family circle?

Harold Anderson3, I don't get why anyone wouldn't just roll with it. It’s kind of like asking if you’d let someone with diabetes join the family or be your best friend. At the end of the day, it's just a health condition—some days are easier than others, sure, but that's life.
Keep your head up and stay strong!

There is a compelling video on YouTube where Jacob (IhaveSchizophrenia1) discusses his preference for a partner living with illness, as well as a child facing health challenges. It is a heavy subject, certainly, but I find myself in agreement with him: I would choose a partner with struggles over someone who is perfectly healthy. The same logic applies to a child. At least, that is my position. sry if anyone disagrees.

blueheron7 said:There is a compelling video on YouTube where Jacob (IhaveSchizophrenia1) discusses his preference for a partner living with illness, as well as a child facing health challenges. It is a heavy subject, certainly, but I find myself in agreement with him: I would choose a partner with struggles over someone who is perfectly healthy. The same logic applies to a child. At least, that is my position. sry if anyone disagrees.

I have to disagree. Honestly, I think you’re missing the bigger picture here. That’s just a theoretical assumption, but real life is a completely different beast. Illness doesn't care about your plans, and it can absolutely tear a family apart. You’re looking at this through some sort of romantic lens, like there's some kind of "happiness" to be found in having a sick child or a sick partner. Trust me, it’s much better when everyone is healthy. I really don't get the philosophy behind wanting a child to be sick either. Sure, maybe a partner is fine now, but what happens down the road? In the beginning, they are supposed to be your rock. Life gets messy. You fight, you argue, whatever—but at the end of the day, who’s going to hold you? Who’s going to take care of the house or look after the kid if everyone is struggling?

Hey, just give me an honest answer here. If you actually had schizophrenia—just for the sake of the argument—what would be your move? Regardless of the diagnosis, would you rather date a caricature of a woman who works in big pharma? You know, someone who looks incredible, is clearly loaded, and probably knows her way around the bedroom, if you catch my drift? Or would you go for someone more low-key and down-to-earth? Like, maybe someone who dresses simply and works at a local boutique or a small shop?