Schizophrenia - General Discussion

Richard White8 said:Risperidone is genuinely toxic. I was visiting a friend in the hospital when his psychiatrist told him she wouldn't prescribe Risperidone because, in younger men, it causes severe fatigue—basically, it completely crushes you.

Curses don't exist. That's nonsense. You even have university professors who believe in curses and carry chestnuts in their cars for luck. It's superstition. My issue was that I spent four years in a psychosis fueled by curses, voices, and demons. If I hadn't believed in curses, maybe I would have avoided the psychosis, or maybe not. It was inevitable. You can't control it, and you can't be self-aware enough to know you're in a psychosis. Because when you're in a psychosis, everything is real, and there is no other way to perceive it.

It’s not that we "believe" in it—it’s more like life is just constant pressure and stress, and so it happens. But it’s true, I am a curse to them. They just have to put up with me. Honestly, I can barely stand myself. That's why I say I'm a curse.

As for magnesium, I’ve heard the buzz. But honestly? I don't bother. It’s just one of those things—between the junk food we eat and the general chaos of modern life, everything feels a bit toxic anyway. That's just how it goes, I guess.

Harold Anderson3 said:Hey, I mentioned in the post above that I’m actually on the maximum dose of that medication, though I take it in pill form. They say it doesn't bring your mood down quite as much as other antipsychotics, but when you're hitting that top dosage, I find myself drifting into some pretty depressive thoughts. To be fair, I can't be entirely certain if it's the medication itself, since I've been struggling with depression for quite a while now regardless of what I'm taking. As for the shot, they likely gave you the injection because it's the most reliable way to ensure you stay consistent with your treatment. I actually stayed on Risperdal for seven years for that exact same reason. Don't worry too much, things will turn out okay. All things considered, it's a solid medication, and it's actually one of the newer ones being widely used here in the States.

They gave me 200mg/1ml, so I suppose that’s a lower dose. Before this, I was taking 5mg tablets twice a day. I’m just hoping everything works out okay.

bluedrifter45 said:They gave me 200mg/1ml, so I suppose that’s a lower dose. Before this, I was taking 5mg tablets twice a day. I’m just hoping everything works out okay.

Yeah, that is definitely a smaller dose, staying under 10 mg a day. Personally, I take 30 mg daily, though if I start feeling like it’s too much and I can't stop sleeping, I'll drop down to 15 mg for a few days, just to be safe. Honestly, I'm not really vibing with this new doctor I was assigned after my hospital stays back in December and January. I think I might try to switch back to my old physician.

By the way, this thread has really started picking up lately; there used to be times when ten posts in a row would all be mine, but now we've got about five different people contributing. Please, keep posting—it feels good to have this space where we can share our experiences and look out for one another. 👍

I mean, seriously, why don't you guys just meet up in person?

George Cook said:@goldentip how are you holding up socially these days? How do you spend your downtime?

I went through a psychotic episode that dragged on for nearly two years. Looking back, if I had actually sought psychiatric help at the time, would I have ended up with schizophrenia?
Back then, I’d keep my phone powered off because I was convinced it was being tapped. I was terrified of walking outside at night, constantly spinning around thinking someone was following me. To make matters worse, some creep actually *was* stalking me and my friend, which just poured gasoline on the fire of my paranoia.
I was certain my coworkers were enemies spying on my every word.😵
Once, during a meeting at the office, I suddenly blurted something out. Everyone turned to look at me with pale faces, and I just burst out laughing—honestly, I had no idea what I’d even said. It was as if my mouth moved faster than my brain could process a sentence. It happened again, too. I just told them, "Sorry, I'm tripping over my words," though I truly hadn't a clue what had come out of my mouth.🤔
My focus at university was nonexistent.
Then, about six months later, my colleagues ran into me and started recounting these hilarious things I’d said—things I didn't remember saying at all, despite usually being the life of the party. I was also plagued by dreams where a hand tried to pull me toward a mirror; I’d fight it and turn toward my mother, who would say in the dream, "What hand? You have schizophrenia." Just another dream centered on that diagnosis.
It wasn't until I finally read about schizophrenia that I realized the phone-switching and the stalking paranoia (which my friend had fueled, and I had fully believed!) were classic symptoms. I looked at my friend, who was staring at me blankly, and said, "Wait, this is schizophrenia, isn't it?"
Is it possible for one person to influence another's consciousness? To convince someone else to adopt their psychotic delusions?
My friend, who was sane throughout this, just stared at me, white as a sheet, unable to comprehend my talk of dream intrusion and loss of control.😵
@goldentip I feel the same way because I was dealing with massive stress and paranoia at the time. But I suppose there's no use crying over spilled milk.
How can you ever be sure it won't happen again?
Oh, and during that period, I suffered from constant nightmares, lucid dreams, and visions of demons. I was terrified to sleep.

I’ve finally started reintegrating. I reached out to some old friends whom I cut off during my last psychotic break, and they actually responded—things are looking up. One friend in particular has been a huge help; he’s also going through mental health treatment. He struggles with persecutory delusions—he’s convinced people are out to kill him, that the bus driver is an assassin, or that he’ll choke if he tries to eat alone. Interestingly, despite being admitted to psychiatric hospitals five times, they’ve never officially diagnosed him with schizophrenia. They just keep labeling him with F29—unspecified non-organic psychosis.
I can handle being social. There was a period when I was constantly out every Saturday night, drinking heavily—that was during my psychosis. Once I started my medication, my desire for alcohol just vanished. Now, I mostly just grab coffee with a friend, maybe a beer, or head to the movies or out for pizza.
My father's cousin helps me out quite a bit. She’s significantly older than I am, but she’s a legitimate therapist, so we often grab coffee or I’ll head over to her place for lunch. However, I can't handle long conversations. If I have to sit through hours of talking, it wears me down.
I have finally come to realize that these voices are nothing more than products of my own mind—just like those other figures, demons, and Satan. I truly hope this doesn't happen to me again. God forbid.
If it starts up again, I’ve gained enough experience to recognize it for what it is: an illness, not reality. My plan is to attend the support groups organized by my psychiatrist—it isn't some deep psychoanalysis session, just practical discussions about how we feel and how our medications are working.

Harold Anderson3 said:Yeah, that is definitely a smaller dose, staying under 10 mg a day. Personally, I take 30 mg daily, though if I start feeling like it’s too much and I can't stop sleeping, I'll drop down to 15 mg for a few days, just to be safe. Honestly, I'm not really vibing with this new doctor I was assigned after my hospital stays back in December and January. I think I might try to switch back to my old physician.

By the way, this thread has really started picking up lately; there used to be times when ten posts in a row would all be mine, but now we've got about five different people contributing. Please, keep posting—it feels good to have this space where we can share our experiences and look out for one another. 👍

What is interesting about antipsychotics is how they can be a nightmare for one person and perfectly fine for another. For me, taking 30 mg of Azolar daily was pure torture; I couldn't sit or lie down, I just had to pace constantly. I eventually had to get off it entirely. The side effects of these medications are intense and vary wildly from person to person. The most important thing is finding the right medication through trial and error.

Richard White8 said:What is interesting about antipsychotics is how they can be a nightmare for one person and perfectly fine for another. For me, taking 30 mg of Azolar daily was pure torture; I couldn't sit or lie down, I just had to pace constantly. I eventually had to get off it entirely. The side effects of these medications are intense and vary wildly from person to person. The most important thing is finding the right medication through trial and error.

I suppose I agree. I was reading online that for something like Abilify, you really should take it orally for at least two weeks before switching to an injection just to gauge potential side effects—which, I haven't really experienced yet, aside from perhaps some insomnia—but my doctors seemed to rush the process, so I'm feeling a bit uneasy about it. Then there's Zyprexa, which causes such terrible weight gain all on its own, even if you set aside the fact that it drives your appetite through the roof. Like you said, these medications feel so ungrateful; I suspect that even the most seasoned psychiatrist in the country couldn't accurately predict how any individual might react. It seems to me that, much like antibiotics don't cure the root cause, these drugs mostly just mask the symptoms, and I have to admit I harbor a deep aversion toward antipsychotics specifically because I know I can function without them, and maybe what I actually need is talk therapy rather than a pill that could potentially cause unpredictable, long-term issues. I am generally quite happy with my psychiatric care, but I'm considering seeing someone privately—does anyone happen to have recommendations for a specialist in Cleveland or New York City?

How much did hospitalization actually help you? I wasn’t admitted myself, though I should have been. Based on what my friend went through, they just crank up the antipsychotics to the absolute limit during stays—for instance, hitting him with 10 mg of Haldol until his jaw locked up, then having to give him an Akineton injection to fix it. That’s the routine for two weeks: just stacking massive doses of antipsychotics. Then, they send you home. In places like the psychiatric ward in Cleveland, they won't keep anyone longer than three weeks. For more severe cases, they ship you off to specialized facilities—like my friend, who was sent to a state hospital near Little Rock or maybe Naperville for another month. The fundamental issue is that there is zero psychotherapeutic approach. It’s nothing but rounds, brief check-ins on how you're feeling, and upping the medication dosage. I don't understand why they don't implement some form of psychotherapy. Instead of helping a patient realize they've lost touch with reality, they just leave everything to the drugs. The end result is just sleeping 12 hours a day, only to repeat the same cycle all over again.

bluedrifter45 said:I suppose I agree. I was reading online that for something like Abilify, you really should take it orally for at least two weeks before switching to an injection just to gauge potential side effects—which, I haven't really experienced yet, aside from perhaps some insomnia—but my doctors seemed to rush the process, so I'm feeling a bit uneasy about it. Then there's Zyprexa, which causes such terrible weight gain all on its own, even if you set aside the fact that it drives your appetite through the roof. Like you said, these medications feel so ungrateful; I suspect that even the most seasoned psychiatrist in the country couldn't accurately predict how any individual might react. It seems to me that, much like antibiotics don't cure the root cause, these drugs mostly just mask the symptoms, and I have to admit I harbor a deep aversion toward antipsychotics specifically because I know I can function without them, and maybe what I actually need is talk therapy rather than a pill that could potentially cause unpredictable, long-term issues. I am generally quite happy with my psychiatric care, but I'm considering seeing someone privately—does anyone happen to have recommendations for a specialist in Cleveland or New York City?

For private options in Cleveland, I know of a practitioner through a friend who attended group therapy with Dr. Girotto for five years. My friend claims it was helpful, despite being hospitalized five or six times during that period. When he was in the hospital, his psychiatrist advised him to stop attending that group because they utilize psychodynamic methods (based on Freud), which she claimed involves too much introspection and psychological digging, potentially causing harm in certain cases.
Subsequently, my friend saw Dr. Petris, also privately in Cleveland. He is quite expensive. One session costs $133. He went about five or six times. Primarily, the psychiatrist does all the talking while you occasionally chime in. He isn't seeing anyone now, and he is doing fine.

Richard White8 said:For private options in Cleveland, I know of a practitioner through a friend who attended group therapy with Dr. Girotto for five years. My friend claims it was helpful, despite being hospitalized five or six times during that period. When he was in the hospital, his psychiatrist advised him to stop attending that group because they utilize psychodynamic methods (based on Freud), which she claimed involves too much introspection and psychological digging, potentially causing harm in certain cases.
Subsequently, my friend saw Dr. Petris, also privately in Cleveland. He is quite expensive. One session costs $133. He went about five or six times. Primarily, the psychiatrist does all the talking while you occasionally chime in. He isn't seeing anyone now, and he is doing fine.

A truly skilled psychiatrist actually functions in the opposite manner; they ask the questions, allowing the patient to lead the narrative. A proficient professional—whether a psychiatrist or a psychologist—subtly guides the patient through the session without being overbearing. They must also ensure that the conversation doesn't dwell too long on a single subject, because there is such a thing as a formal thought disorder, even if thoughts themselves lack a physical shape. This manifests as an overly expansive, viscous way of thinking. While a patient might wander endlessly through a single topic with a chaotic web of associations, a talented therapist uses skillful guidance to steer them back toward a structured and healthy flow of thought.

Nicole Barrett76 said:A truly skilled psychiatrist actually functions in the opposite manner; they ask the questions, allowing the patient to lead the narrative. A proficient professional—whether a psychiatrist or a psychologist—subtly guides the patient through the session without being overbearing. They must also ensure that the conversation doesn't dwell too long on a single subject, because there is such a thing as a formal thought disorder, even if thoughts themselves lack a physical shape. This manifests as an overly expansive, viscous way of thinking. While a patient might wander endlessly through a single topic with a chaotic web of associations, a talented therapist uses skillful guidance to steer them back toward a structured and healthy flow of thought.

I saw a state-employed psychologist five times. Mostly, I did all the talking while he just listened, followed by silence—both of us sitting there for a minute or two. Then he’d drop a conclusion: you need to accept yourself, that there's a conflict between who you are and who you think you ought to be. After five sessions, he told me he couldn't see me under my insurance anymore; we’d have to switch to private practice. He offered a discount $83 per session. I couldn't stomach that.
Then I went to a day clinic. There were fifteen of us, packed tightly around a table. First, a doctor comes in, reviews everyone's files, checks their medications, and gives instructions—do this, don't do that. Then we have "psychotherapy" led by a nurse. It's mostly nonsense—everyone just blurts out whatever pops into their heads and trades advice.
That's what they call a support group. It shows you how many people share your diagnosis and maybe helps you make some acquaintances.
Ultimately, for actual psychotherapy—and there are a hundred different schools, psychodynamic, psychoanalytic, Jungian, Gestalt, cybernetic, etc.—you have to go private and pay out of pocket. You won't find solutions in a single session. An individual session with a private psychiatrist costs at least $100. If you go twice a month, that's $600. And you realistically need to go for at least a year. Those are massive expenses.

What the government covers through public health is just medication, hospital stays, and those support groups in the day clinics.

I don't have any personal connection to schizophrenia myself, but I’ve been curious about the genetics of it lately. Is it always something passed down through the family tree? I'm wondering if anyone here has dealt with a classic progressive case without having any close or even distant relatives who struggled with it. Basically, does it ever just strike out of nowhere? And if it does appear completely out of the blue, would we still technically call it schizophrenia, or is it more likely just an acute episode of psychosis?

Raymond Walker5 said:I don't have any personal connection to schizophrenia myself, but I’ve been curious about the genetics of it lately. Is it always something passed down through the family tree? I'm wondering if anyone here has dealt with a classic progressive case without having any close or even distant relatives who struggled with it. Basically, does it ever just strike out of nowhere? And if it does appear completely out of the blue, would we still technically call it schizophrenia, or is it more likely just an acute episode of psychosis?

No one in my immediate or extended family has ever suffered from schizophrenia or psychosis. I developed it out of thin air. Well, not exactly out of thin air—it was more gradual. It started with intense anxiety, social phobia, and a fear of people lasting several years—and then suddenly, the voices and auditory hallucinations arrived. Regarding schizophrenia, hallucinations are the primary symptom, along with disorganized speech. But psychiatric diagnoses aren't like an MRI or a blood test. Multiple psychiatrists can change the diagnosis for a single patient. One will say it is schizophrenia, while another will claim it isn't. There was actually a recent trial involving someone who committed murder under the influence of voices. They conducted a forensic psychiatric evaluation.
Psychiatrists fought among themselves. One expert testified that he had diminished capacity; another insisted he didn't. Ultimately, that individual received 25 years in prison for murder.
They simply lack a definitive instrument for assessment. Most of what they learn comes from what the patient tells them and what the surrounding environment reveals about their behavior. They observe things through conversation with the patient—how they speak, how they think. The whole thing is built on shaky ground.
You could walk into a psychiatrist's office and tell them you suffer from depression, that you can't get out of bed, that you hear voices, and that you want to end your life. They will hand you a diagnosis of severe depressive episode with psychotic symptoms. And a pile of medication. You don't have to take them. You could repeat that you are suffering from depression for ten years straight and apply for Social Security disability benefits. They have no way to measure depression or verify whether the medication is actually working.

Richard White8 said:No one in my immediate or extended family has ever suffered from schizophrenia or psychosis. I developed it out of thin air. Well, not exactly out of thin air—it was more gradual. It started with intense anxiety, social phobia, and a fear of people lasting several years—and then suddenly, the voices and auditory hallucinations arrived. Regarding schizophrenia, hallucinations are the primary symptom, along with disorganized speech. But psychiatric diagnoses aren't like an MRI or a blood test. Multiple psychiatrists can change the diagnosis for a single patient. One will say it is schizophrenia, while another will claim it isn't. There was actually a recent trial involving someone who committed murder under the influence of voices. They conducted a forensic psychiatric evaluation.
Psychiatrists fought among themselves. One expert testified that he had diminished capacity; another insisted he didn't. Ultimately, that individual received 25 years in prison for murder.
They simply lack a definitive instrument for assessment. Most of what they learn comes from what the patient tells them and what the surrounding environment reveals about their behavior. They observe things through conversation with the patient—how they speak, how they think. The whole thing is built on shaky ground.
You could walk into a psychiatrist's office and tell them you suffer from depression, that you can't get out of bed, that you hear voices, and that you want to end your life. They will hand you a diagnosis of severe depressive episode with psychotic symptoms. And a pile of medication. You don't have to take them. You could repeat that you are suffering from depression for ten years straight and apply for Social Security disability benefits. They have no way to measure depression or verify whether the medication is actually working.

That's really interesting. Given everything you now know about schizophrenia, regardless of what doctors officially label it, how would you characterize your own condition? Is it truly that, or something else entirely?
To me, it seems like schizophrenia should be strictly hereditary, considering it's a genuine disease that physically alters the brain at an organic level, which means it should be passed down through genetics.
Personally, I've never heard of anyone developing schizophrenia just because of anxiety or social phobia. Is it possible you were on some medications that triggered the hallucinations? Or perhaps it was a brief psychotic episode? Were you aware the hallucinations were happening, or did they feel completely real to you?
I realize I sound like I'm interrogating you like a psychiatrist, but I'm just genuinely curious.

I mean, the guy probably started this page before he spent four years in a psych ward—so if you just step back one beat, you'll see how incredibly detailed his post actually is.

Raymond Walker5 said:That's really interesting. Given everything you now know about schizophrenia, regardless of what doctors officially label it, how would you characterize your own condition? Is it truly that, or something else entirely?
To me, it seems like schizophrenia should be strictly hereditary, considering it's a genuine disease that physically alters the brain at an organic level, which means it should be passed down through genetics.
Personally, I've never heard of anyone developing schizophrenia just because of anxiety or social phobia. Is it possible you were on some medications that triggered the hallucinations? Or perhaps it was a brief psychotic episode? Were you aware the hallucinations were happening, or did they feel completely real to you?
I realize I sound like I'm interrogating you like a psychiatrist, but I'm just genuinely curious.

I haven't been diagnosed with schizophrenia, even though that is how I describe it. They gave me F23.2—an acute psychotic disorder, similar to schizophrenia.
According to international classification standards, those acute psychotic disorders are meant for episodes lasting about a month, yet mine lasted four years!!
The reality is that I believed the voices were real and lived according to their commands—I did whatever they told me to do. It wasn't some fleeting thing. For four years, I lived in constant conversation and conflict with those voices. Why didn't they diagnose me with paranoid schizophrenia? I was dealing with a sensation of a snake inside me that was persecuting me. I have no idea.
I walked into the psychiatric emergency room myself, explained everything, and stated that this had been going on for four years. A resident was the one who made the diagnosis. Since then, my outpatient psychiatrist accepted his finding and hasn't changed it. I don't understand how they arrive at these diagnoses. A friend of mine suffers from paranoia—specifically persecutory delusions—and is constantly in the hospital. Yet, he has never been diagnosed with schizophrenia because he doesn't experience auditory hallucinations. He is labeled with F29—unspecified non-organic psychosis.
I don't know what force drove me to psychiatry—I sent myself there after four years of this. It made no sense to me; the voices kept telling me that God was healing me from a curse, yet it hadn't passed after four years. They told me I had partial insight into my condition and let me go home simply because I didn't have supplemental insurance. Otherwise, they would have kept me hospitalized.
So, this wasn't a short episode lasting a single month; it was four years long, and they still slapped me with "acute psychotic disorder."
If I had been in the hospital and spent every single day telling the doctors during rounds that there was a snake inside me, or that Satan was talking to me non-stop, perhaps they would have finally changed the diagnosis to actual schizophrenia.

Richard White8 said:I haven't been diagnosed with schizophrenia, even though that is how I describe it. They gave me F23.2—an acute psychotic disorder, similar to schizophrenia.
According to international classification standards, those acute psychotic disorders are meant for episodes lasting about a month, yet mine lasted four years!!
The reality is that I believed the voices were real and lived according to their commands—I did whatever they told me to do. It wasn't some fleeting thing. For four years, I lived in constant conversation and conflict with those voices. Why didn't they diagnose me with paranoid schizophrenia? I was dealing with a sensation of a snake inside me that was persecuting me. I have no idea.
I walked into the psychiatric emergency room myself, explained everything, and stated that this had been going on for four years. A resident was the one who made the diagnosis. Since then, my outpatient psychiatrist accepted his finding and hasn't changed it. I don't understand how they arrive at these diagnoses. A friend of mine suffers from paranoia—specifically persecutory delusions—and is constantly in the hospital. Yet, he has never been diagnosed with schizophrenia because he doesn't experience auditory hallucinations. He is labeled with F29—unspecified non-organic psychosis.
I don't know what force drove me to psychiatry—I sent myself there after four years of this. It made no sense to me; the voices kept telling me that God was healing me from a curse, yet it hadn't passed after four years. They told me I had partial insight into my condition and let me go home simply because I didn't have supplemental insurance. Otherwise, they would have kept me hospitalized.
So, this wasn't a short episode lasting a single month; it was four years long, and they still slapped me with "acute psychotic disorder."
If I had been in the hospital and spent every single day telling the doctors during rounds that there was a snake inside me, or that Satan was talking to me non-stop, perhaps they would have finally changed the diagnosis to actual schizophrenia.

Is there any explanation for what might have triggered this, especially since it seems like there's no history of schizophrenia in your family? I assume you don't know for sure, but can you speculate if there was a specific trigger... maybe a head injury, some kind of toxicity, major emotional trauma, or anything like that?
I know that people dealing with intense anxiety can feel like they are losing their minds. Especially those of us who struggle with derealization or depersonalization often fear we are developing schizophrenia or psychosis, but in practice, that rarely actually happens. That's why cases like yours feel a bit different, so to speak.
I know a girl who slipped into derealization twice after just one hit of marijuana, which triggered terrible paranoia and made her think she was going insane. The derealization eventually cleared up, but she ended up struggling with OCD and intrusive thoughts later on—constatingly berating herself and feeling like she was losing it—but she never actually developed full-blown psychosis through all of that.

Raymond Walker5 said:Is there any explanation for what might have triggered this, especially since it seems like there's no history of schizophrenia in your family? I assume you don't know for sure, but can you speculate if there was a specific trigger... maybe a head injury, some kind of toxicity, major emotional trauma, or anything like that?
I know that people dealing with intense anxiety can feel like they are losing their minds. Especially those of us who struggle with derealization or depersonalization often fear we are developing schizophrenia or psychosis, but in practice, that rarely actually happens. That's why cases like yours feel a bit different, so to speak.
I know a girl who slipped into derealization twice after just one hit of marijuana, which triggered terrible paranoia and made her think she was going insane. The derealization eventually cleared up, but she ended up struggling with OCD and intrusive thoughts later on—constatingly berating herself and feeling like she was losing it—but she never actually developed full-blown psychosis through all of that.

My psychiatrist explained that the trigger was an overwhelming overload of stress mechanisms. There is a threshold for how much stress the brain can handle; once you cross it, in some cases, it develops into psychosis.
For years, I was a firm believer in global conspiracies—the Masons and the Illuminati. I was convinced we were all going to be microchipped to fulfill the New Testament prophecies from the Book of Revelation—the Mark of the Beast. Haha. I even had validation for these beliefs from my college professor, who became a close family friend; he was totally on board with it, so I figured if he believed it, it had to be true. Yet, he remained mentally stable. My brother listened to the exact same stories, and he stayed sane too.
I have always been deeply spiritual and believed that God guides my life. And yes, I started getting these stinging sensations in my hand—right where the chip would be implanted. Those stings were signs to me that God was communicating who would be chipped and telling me how to act in certain situations. During this time, I functioned normally, working and socializing—all while feeling those constant stings in my hands regarding the chips. Then, the first voice started: "You will live forever." I told myself God was speaking. Then the Lord would kiss me. I thought, "How wonderful—I am chosen by God and I am eternal." Then, unfortunately, my work contract ended, I moved, and suddenly, within just a few days, the voices began. Then they came every other day, then more frequently and intensely. Eventually, they came every single day—and the rest is history. Four years of my life spent enslaved to voices. Did I smoke marijuana in college and afterward? Yes, but not constantly; there were periods of years where I wouldn't touch it. I don't think it was the marijuana. If that were the case, there would be hundreds of thousands of psychotic people in America; plenty of people smoke marijuana and nothing happens to them. Besides, it's become medicine; it's legal now, except in places like the Netherlands or Colorado, USA. In my view, the theory that marijuana causes schizophrenia remains unproven.

Right, I neglected to mention that I dealt with depersonalization. That lasted about five or six years before the psychosis set in. I would essentially become whoever impressed me most. It felt as though that person was actually me—as if my face, my body, and my very movements belonged to them. I felt like them, both internally and externally. It was incredibly disruptive. I used to beat myself up, thinking I was just some poser imitating others, but I wasn't imitating anyone; I truly felt like they were me. I couldn't even take public transit—like riding the subway—because I felt everyone was staring at me. I couldn't meet anyone's eyes; I could only stare at the floor or a single spot. Eventually, the sensation of being watched on a bus became unbearable, so I started taking Ubers instead. It’s a terrifying feeling—everyone staring at you, knowing exactly what you're thinking. This went on for years prior to the actual psychotic break.
So, looking back, it was all pre-psychotic. It was just a cumulative buildup. And here is another diagnostic surprise: I spent two years living with auditory hallucinations, behaving aggressively but without any compulsions. Then, in the third year of hearing voices, I started arranging everything symmetrically—left to right, front to back. I would go back into the bathroom twenty-five times just to check if the shampoo bottle was positioned left, right, or centered. It drove me insane, worse than the voices themselves. The problem was that the voices eventually began commanding me to perform these actions. When that happened, a snake-like rage would boil up inside me, and I would start punching myself in the face. My face would be bruised and swollen every few days. I even cracked two dental fillings from the impact. I endured all of this simply because I didn't realize I was in a state of psychosis.

Perhaps if I had started on anxiolytics or certain antidepressants earlier, I might have avoided this. Instead, it had to be handled with heavy-duty antipsychotics.