Schizophrenia - General Discussion

The psychologist I saw confirmed my diagnosis after several tests and therapy sessions. To be honest, though... I’ve always been skeptical of psychology. In my view, it isn't a true science, and I don't think it should even be classified as one. It's certainly significant and necessary, but since it lacks exactitude, I wouldn't call it a hard science. However, two different psychiatrists have given me this same diagnosis, and psychiatry is firmly established as a branch of medicine.
This condition leaves its mark on you, and then you begin a lifelong treatment process. You cycle through stages of acceptance, denial, and everything in between. On top of that, dealing with psychosis means navigating periods of remission where you convince yourself it was all just a bad dream—right before it hits you again. Sometimes it's triggered by intense stress, and other times, it just happens out of nowhere.

Rebecca Rivera3 said:The psychologist I saw confirmed my diagnosis after several tests and therapy sessions. To be honest, though... I’ve always been skeptical of psychology. In my view, it isn't a true science, and I don't think it should even be classified as one. It's certainly significant and necessary, but since it lacks exactitude, I wouldn't call it a hard science. However, two different psychiatrists have given me this same diagnosis, and psychiatry is firmly established as a branch of medicine.
This condition leaves its mark on you, and then you begin a lifelong treatment process. You cycle through stages of acceptance, denial, and everything in between. On top of that, dealing with psychosis means navigating periods of remission where you convince yourself it was all just a bad dream—right before it hits you again. Sometimes it's triggered by intense stress, and other times, it just happens out of nowhere.

Oh, believe me, I've been marked. But since it's already done—and since I'm struggling both physically and mentally—I just want to actually achieve something. I want to be able to receive help, but right now I have nothing, which only makes me lose my mind more because I can't even treat myself to the small, basic things.

Steve Jobs... I didn't realize back then, but now I get it.
Ty and your vision have always been a bit of a struggle, haven't they, if I remember correctly?

Rebecca Rivera3 said:Steve Jobs... I didn't realize back then, but now I get it.
Ty and your vision have always been a bit of a struggle, haven't they, if I remember correctly?

Yeah, well, I've got plenty of other health issues to deal with too. Most of them just pop up out of nowhere. I guess that's just my luck. 😢

Carol Barrett2 said:Yeah, well, I've got plenty of other health issues to deal with too. Most of them just pop up out of nowhere. I guess that's just my luck. 😢

Steve Jobs, I don't think complaining really helps much if you aren't actually doing anything about it, or if you've just decided to let your surroundings fall apart. My family has been struggling financially for decades, and I made a conscious choice to break that cycle, even though I'm dealing with schizophrenia and a handful of other struggles myself. That’s why I push myself so hard and stay so focused on my studies at college. To be fair, I usually have people around me who offer support—it isn't always constant, but if one person lets me down, there's almost always someone else ready to step up. Still, at the end of the day, I know the weight falls on my shoulders; most of this is really up to me.

I’m sorry if I came off a little harsh in my last post; that wasn't my intention at all. I truly hope you're doing alright on the basics, like having enough food and staying warm. To be honest, I'm not quite sure if I should suggest moving somewhere else, because trying to find your footing in a completely different country can be such an uphill battle, especially if you're already struggling with your mental health. I don't really have a clear picture of what your day-to-day life looks like or how you're actually holding up mentally, other than knowing things have been tough for you and hearing you express that struggle.

Harold Anderson3 said:Steve Jobs, I don't think complaining really helps much if you aren't actually doing anything about it, or if you've just decided to let your surroundings fall apart. My family has been struggling financially for decades, and I made a conscious choice to break that cycle, even though I'm dealing with schizophrenia and a handful of other struggles myself. That’s why I push myself so hard and stay so focused on my studies at college. To be fair, I usually have people around me who offer support—it isn't always constant, but if one person lets me down, there's almost always someone else ready to step up. Still, at the end of the day, I know the weight falls on my shoulders; most of this is really up to me.

Man, I wish I could actually try to pull myself out of this, but I realize I might be whining too much—though, honestly, life just keeps piling it on. There’s no cushion here to soften the blow when things go south. You can't find decent work in these circumstances, and those specialized jobs for people with disabilities? Forget it. Even government-funded retraining programs—the kind they actually have in Germany—are non-existent for me. I don't have the cash to just go pay for a career pivot.

It would be a hell of a lot easier if I could get some help, whether it's social services or disability benefits, but unfortunately, that’s not an option here either. It's all just endless bureaucratic stalling; you can spend years waiting just for a claim to be processed.

The whole system seems to be slowly falling apart because I'm definitely not the only one drowning. Even people with steady jobs and a regular paycheck are finding themselves in a tighter and tighter spot.

I'm basically trapped in this cycle, and I don't even know how to break free—or if I can't escape entirely, how to at least dampen the impact so I don't sink any deeper.

Harold Anderson3 said:I’m sorry if I came off a little harsh in my last post; that wasn't my intention at all. I truly hope you're doing alright on the basics, like having enough food and staying warm. To be honest, I'm not quite sure if I should suggest moving somewhere else, because trying to find your footing in a completely different country can be such an uphill battle, especially if you're already struggling with your mental health. I don't really have a clear picture of what your day-to-day life looks like or how you're actually holding up mentally, other than knowing things have been tough for you and hearing you express that struggle.

Don't sweat it. I'm not the type to hold a grudge—if I get annoyed, I vent and then move on before I even remember what the fight was about.

I've got the essentials, so thank God for that. I have a roof over my head—it's nothing fancy, but it's there—food every day, and heat, though my family is actually drowning in debt because of the utility bills, and our income just keeps shrinking. I realize I actually have plenty compared to people around the world who have absolutely nothing and are starving or dying from things I can't even imagine. I know I'm not even that sick compared to some people out there who are fighting terminal illnesses while I'm just over here hanging in there with my own set of issues.

As for changing my environment? That's probably not happening. I'm pretty bad at navigating life on my own, and I don't exactly have the resources or the means to just pack up and leave.

I wouldn't say I'm super prone to mental health struggles, though I do feel like my headspace is getting a bit darker lately.

Life is a struggle, sure, but I know there are people out there facing much harder hands than mine. And yeah, maybe I have started complaining a bit too much. Whatever—sometimes you just need to blow off steam, and the internet is basically the only place I can do that.

I mentioned this a long time ago, but things used to be better—like back before the recession and all that. Now, everything is just sliding downhill, and it isn't just me; it's everyone in the US and across the whole country.

I look, I don't want people thinking I'm just some endless fountain of misery. It’s not quite like that—my entire existence doesn't just revolve around complaining, believe me. I actually have plenty of other things going on, like tinkering with my own ideas to fix stuff or build something new, not to mention just having some actual fun every now and then.

Sure, I know I can come across as a total Debbie Downer sometimes, but it's really not that extreme.

The side effects are absolutely killing me... I’m sleeping way too much, my appetite is all over the place, and my period is completely out of whack now. My doctor told me this is all just part of the process, but honestly, the brain fog and lethargy are unbearable. People have even started noticing. It feels like my whole functionality has taken a hit, but even with all these issues, I still feel better overall than I did before.

Steve Jobs, I don't think you're just complaining; I think things are genuinely tough for you. This forum exists so people can share their struggles, too.

I’m honestly not sure if these side effects are actually from the meds or what. I definitely notice that when I take them together—especially when my anxiety is spiking or I'm feeling totally wound up—it hits me hard. It makes me feel depressed, suicidal... heck, sometimes I even get flashes of anger. The label says you shouldn't mix them, but I end up taking them at the same time just to try and settle down or kill the anxiety, and it does work after a few hours. The problem is, I can't really take them separately because they make me sleep through half the day, so there isn't much of a difference in how I feel either way. But yeah, I've been taking them together on my own whim sometimes.

My doctor has me on Metatron in the morning and Apurin at night, which is how I usually do it, but like I said, sometimes I just combine them to deal with the anxiety and all the stress. In fact, I occasionally double up on the Apurin since I've ended up with extra boxes from my pharmacy a couple of times and they're just sitting there.

As for any other side effects, I haven't really noticed, and I don't even know if this stuff counts as a side effect.

Honestly, I need to go back to the CDC and talk to my psychiatrist. I might just head over there tomorrow without an appointment since I was feeling pretty terrible today. I need to figure out what's going on and what to do. If I need something else added to the mix or a different prescription entirely, I need to find out—maybe even get referred to a medical board or something. Because seriously, I am not doing well, mentally or physically, and everything just seems to be getting worse.

I’m doing my best to stay well and make sure no one looks at me like I’m some kind of invalid. I just want everyone around me to feel as comfortable as possible... sometimes more so, sometimes less... but I'm trying.
During these holidays, I've mostly just been sleeping... my therapy makes me incredibly drowsy. I was prescribed stronger doses due to psychosis, so I sleep a lot, but mentally, I feel much better.

Rebecca Rivera3 said:I’m doing my best to stay well and make sure no one looks at me like I’m some kind of invalid. I just want everyone around me to feel as comfortable as possible... sometimes more so, sometimes less... but I'm trying.
During these holidays, I've mostly just been sleeping... my therapy makes me incredibly drowsy. I was prescribed stronger doses due to psychosis, so I sleep a lot, but mentally, I feel much better.

Same here—I've been sleeping way more than usual these last two days. And usually, I’m already sleeping half the day. I'm completely wiped out, and honestly, a little while ago, I was almost at the point where I just wanted to get dressed, walk out the door, and throw myself off a bridge into a river or out into traffic. Between the constant fighting with my family and these flashbacks from my screaming fits, it's been rough.

I didn't actually make it to the psychiatrist. My folks just went to pick up my prescriptions. Even though I really wanted to go—I even got up to leave—they kept telling me, "Don't bother going right now in the middle of winter to fight for rights or deal with labs and tests; wait until you can start psychotherapy and then see what the doctor says about everything."

And then once it gets warm enough, they'll probably tell me, "Don't go now, it's too hot out." 😵

I honestly don't know what they're thinking. It’s always "don't do this because it's too cold" or "don't do that because it's too hot." Meanwhile, my whole world is just falling apart. I actually got kicked out of the house twice recently—it's been a mess. It came so close to me either ending it all or just never coming back... though, if I'm being honest, I'm not even sure which one would have happened first. It felt like some higher power forced me back home, only for them to kick me right back out from the hospital security desk, even after I told them straight up that I wanted to check into psych.

Uthakan has me trapped in a loop, and frankly, I've got them right where I want them.

Feeling a bit more human today. Apurin actually seems to be doing its thing—definitely lifting my mood, at least for me. Though, I’ll admit, one particular thread over on the Canadian Forum got me a little worked up, so now I'd better go deal with the lawyers before things get messy. 🙂

Carol Barrett2 said:Feeling a bit more human today. Apurin actually seems to be doing its thing—definitely lifting my mood, at least for me. Though, I’ll admit, one particular thread over on the Canadian Forum got me a little worked up, so now I'd better go deal with the lawyers before things get messy. 🙂

Well, if you're busy washing dishes, you've got it easy! As for me, I've been taking Vaira for three months straight since I was discharged from the hospital, and honestly, it’s helping. I get hit with this wave of sleepiness in the middle of the day sometimes, though it isn't a daily thing. I can't tell if it's the medication or if it's just the weather acting up. Still, the medicine suits me; it has this calming effect. The tricky part is the risk of developing diabetes within a year, so I'll eventually have to switch things up. Back when I was in the hospital, I was on Apurin for about 20 days.

Steve Jobs, were you hospitalized over the holidays?
Taking Apaurin for 20 days isn't exactly a crisis... unfortunately, I've been taking my Xanax daily for years now.
I'm glad they finally found a medication that works for you. It might make you feel pretty drowsy, though. My own treatment makes me incredibly sleepy; I end up napping almost every single afternoon, which I'd love to avoid, but it is what it is. As long as I'm relatively functional despite the insomnia, that's what matters. Most importantly, I feel much better since starting this new regimen—emotionally stable and mentally clearer.
The only downside is that I've put on some weight, so I'll be starting a diet soon.

Rebecca Rivera3 said:Steve Jobs, were you hospitalized over the holidays?
Taking Apaurin for 20 days isn't exactly a crisis... unfortunately, I've been taking my Xanax daily for years now.
I'm glad they finally found a medication that works for you. It might make you feel pretty drowsy, though. My own treatment makes me incredibly sleepy; I end up napping almost every single afternoon, which I'd love to avoid, but it is what it is. As long as I'm relatively functional despite the insomnia, that's what matters. Most importantly, I feel much better since starting this new regimen—emotionally stable and mentally clearer.
The only downside is that I've put on some weight, so I'll be starting a diet soon.

Hmm. Actually, I was the one who wrote that, not Visionary. Not sure if you caught that.

What’s the absolute craziest, most nonsensical thing you’ve ever done during a psychotic episode?
For me, I decided I was just going to walk from Washington, D.C., all the way to the coast, wearing nothing but a T-shirt and shorts.
I genuinely thought to myself, "Hey, I'll be at the beach in maybe three days tops."
The girl I was doing all this for, well, she turned me down, naturally. ☕
I'm being completely honest about everything I wrote here.

The absolute craziest thing I ever did while I was going through a psychotic break was actually checking myself into the hospital 😁 (the local psychiatric ward)