Schizophrenia - General Discussion

Harold Anderson3 said:My dad actually helped me quite a lot over the last year or two, even back when my mom was still with us, and he ended up covering the entire cost of her funeral.
It’s certainly not his obligation to bail me out, as I’ve been an adult for a long time now. My employer was actually ready to bring me on board, and I've been working for him for three weeks already, right up until he saw the occupational health report stating I don't meet the physical requirements for the role. Then there's the bank, which is insisting on getting its cut—basically demanding I pay off my mom's loans because the inheritance value exceeds the debt. As for friends... honestly, that's a strange question to ask, because I don't think anyone looks for friends specifically to have them pay off their debts, do they?
I feel pretty miserable, abandoned, and mostly just angry at the doctors and the bank, though I've already explained the details of that mess above.
I was there for my mom until her very last breath, yet now I'm left feeling like I'd rather just end it all to find some peace, because it feels like you're only considered valuable as long as you're productive—as if you don't deserve to exist if you can't work.

They aren't going to wipe those debts for you, and honestly, you'd have to be crazy to co-sign for anyone these days... might be better to just find some under-the-table work until things settle down...

Man, @Harold Anderson3, you’re really going through it. It’s such a shame to have to cut this short—I hate even talking about it—but we're dealing with these sharks over at JP Morgan trying to snatch our apartment away. They jacked up the interest rates on the utility debts until it was impossible, and all we had to work with for years was the absolute minimum pension... just us four, then three

The whole goal now is just to pay off these old vultures while we've still got some life left in us, just so we can actually keep this place

silvereagle7 said:They aren't going to wipe those debts for you, and honestly, you'd have to be crazy to co-sign for anyone these days... might be better to just find some under-the-table work until things settle down...

I don't really see the point in working under the table if I can't even get the benefits of being officially employed.

Carol Barrett2 said:Man, @Harold Anderson3, you’re really going through it. It’s such a shame to have to cut this short—I hate even talking about it—but we're dealing with these sharks over at JP Morgan trying to snatch our apartment away. They jacked up the interest rates on the utility debts until it was impossible, and all we had to work with for years was the absolute minimum pension... just us four, then three

The whole goal now is just to pay off these old vultures while we've still got some life left in us, just so we can actually keep this place

Can you believe it? When Grandma passed away, she was only about eighty-three, so it felt inevitable that Mom would follow pretty soon given her health. Now that Mom is gone, I feel like I'm just waiting for my own turn to go, one way or another... I honestly don't have the heart for anything anymore.

Harold Anderson3 said:I don't really see the point in working under the table if I can't even get the benefits of being officially employed.

I know plenty of folks who pick up side gigs in greenhouses or doing cleaning jobs strictly under the radar... basically just cash under the table since they can't land anything official right now, but since you're out in the Midwest at the moment, I'm not entirely sure what the local landscape looks like over there... You've been through way too much and you're honestly such a powerhouse to be throwing in the towel now... The system is just the way it is, we're living in a capitalist society after all, so I figured you were just doing whatever you had to do to get by if things weren't going quite the way they should...

Harold Anderson3 said:Can you believe it? When Grandma passed away, she was only about eighty-three, so it felt inevitable that Mom would follow pretty soon given her health. Now that Mom is gone, I feel like I'm just waiting for my own turn to go, one way or another... I honestly don't have the heart for anything anymore.

Hang in there, take care of yourself. 🙂

silvereagle7 said:I know plenty of folks who pick up side gigs in greenhouses or doing cleaning jobs strictly under the radar... basically just cash under the table since they can't land anything official right now, but since you're out in the Midwest at the moment, I'm not entirely sure what the local landscape looks like over there... You've been through way too much and you're honestly such a powerhouse to be throwing in the towel now... The system is just the way it is, we're living in a capitalist society after all, so I figured you were just doing whatever you had to do to get by if things weren't going quite the way they should...

But look, it’s a bit of a catch-22. I manage to land a job, my employer is actually really happy with my performance, and then suddenly, three weeks in, a doctor hands me a report saying I’m unfit for duty because I’m strictly forbidden from working at heights—which is exactly what this job requires. They’re being kind enough to cover all my necessary medications for free, but let's face it, you can't pay your mortgage or buy groceries with a handful of pills.
It’s like they want to support my ability to work, yet they tell me I can't go up high, I can't work night shifts, and I can't operate heavy machinery or vehicles. At this point, I think employers are starting to wonder what I *am* actually allowed to do. 😕

Harold Anderson3 said:But look, it’s a bit of a catch-22. I manage to land a job, my employer is actually really happy with my performance, and then suddenly, three weeks in, a doctor hands me a report saying I’m unfit for duty because I’m strictly forbidden from working at heights—which is exactly what this job requires. They’re being kind enough to cover all my necessary medications for free, but let's face it, you can't pay your mortgage or buy groceries with a handful of pills.
It’s like they want to support my ability to work, yet they tell me I can't go up high, I can't work night shifts, and I can't operate heavy machinery or vehicles. At this point, I think employers are starting to wonder what I *am* actually allowed to do. 😕

I get where you're coming from, man... having an illness really narrows down your options, which feels totally unfair... you've got the drive and the hustle, and your boss thinks you're solid, but the system just won't let you be...

Have you thought about moving back to Washington, D.C.? You might have more luck there, especially since you mentioned you used to pull decent paychecks and felt more connected to people back in the capital... maybe there are better openings waiting for you in Washington, D.C.?

silvereagle7 said:I get where you're coming from, man... having an illness really narrows down your options, which feels totally unfair... you've got the drive and the hustle, and your boss thinks you're solid, but the system just won't let you be...

Have you thought about moving back to Washington, D.C.? You might have more luck there, especially since you mentioned you used to pull decent paychecks and felt more connected to people back in the capital... maybe there are better openings waiting for you in Washington, D.C.?

For me, it was a two-year stretch
(2018–2020) when I was installing pre-fabricated steel buildings for an Austrian firm, working across the US and even heading over to Canada, Mexico, and Germany a couple of times. I wasn't allowed to work at heights, either—though I actually went up anyway. It’s not that I’m afraid of heights, but because of the medication I’m on, I'm technically prohibited from it, which feels completely nonsensical to me. I can wrap my head around not being allowed to drive, since you need quick reflexes on the road and those meds could cause an accident, but banning me from working at heights makes zero sense and just narrows down my already limited job prospects. Honestly, I don't think my doctor realizes how much he's made things harder for me by declaring me unfit for the role. He's just trying to cover his own tracks, but in doing so, he's created a mess for me. Instead of worrying about falling off a roof—which could happen to anyone, whether they're on medication or not—I'm instead spiraling into these dark mental crises where I contemplate suicide, all because the profession is so enslaved to rigid official regulations.
I'd love nothing more than to hand him the warning notice I just received from the bank because I missed two months of payments on my mother's loans.
And yeah, I'll probably have to go back to Washington, D.C., because what else can I do? I'm trying to make it work here, but it's just not happening. I'm far too young to just withdraw from the world and surrender to sickness and poverty. I need money, and the only way for me to get it is to work. If I can't work, I won't even be able to afford the basic necessities of life, let alone anything more.

Harold Anderson3 said:For me, it was a two-year stretch
(2018–2020) when I was installing pre-fabricated steel buildings for an Austrian firm, working across the US and even heading over to Canada, Mexico, and Germany a couple of times. I wasn't allowed to work at heights, either—though I actually went up anyway. It’s not that I’m afraid of heights, but because of the medication I’m on, I'm technically prohibited from it, which feels completely nonsensical to me. I can wrap my head around not being allowed to drive, since you need quick reflexes on the road and those meds could cause an accident, but banning me from working at heights makes zero sense and just narrows down my already limited job prospects. Honestly, I don't think my doctor realizes how much he's made things harder for me by declaring me unfit for the role. He's just trying to cover his own tracks, but in doing so, he's created a mess for me. Instead of worrying about falling off a roof—which could happen to anyone, whether they're on medication or not—I'm instead spiraling into these dark mental crises where I contemplate suicide, all because the profession is so enslaved to rigid official regulations.
I'd love nothing more than to hand him the warning notice I just received from the bank because I missed two months of payments on my mother's loans.
And yeah, I'll probably have to go back to Washington, D.C., because what else can I do? I'm trying to make it work here, but it's just not happening. I'm far too young to just withdraw from the world and surrender to sickness and poverty. I need money, and the only way for me to get it is to work. If I can't work, I won't even be able to afford the basic necessities of life, let alone anything more.

Mad respect to you... given everything you're battling with that illness... 🙂It’s not even about being afraid of heights... I wouldn't step foot on a ladder unless someone was literally holding a gun to my head... I just can't do it... you're out here trying everything, chasing every single thing... though all those meds probably have you moving in slow motion anyway... massive respect to you... 👍

I honestly love following your posts, just waiting for that next hit of positivity from you... especially seeing how your grit and drive always seem to outrun those "official regulations" in the end. You’ve proven you can beat the system more times than I can count, Harold Anderson3, and I really hope you keep doing exactly that... 🙂

Here’s a little bit of good news for once... There might be an opening at my dad's company, and he's thinking about bringing me on board.

His business mainly deals with grains, corn, sunflowers, and all that—things like silos, seed supplies, and custom animal feed blends. That’s where this specific position just opened up. I actually spent some time working there about two years back.
I think I’m going to go for it. I’d love to have something steady under my belt, but since things haven't quite worked out that way yet, I’m just taking whatever opportunities come my way. Honestly, sitting around feeling sorry for myself because life has been a bit rough and my health hasn't been great doesn't really get me anywhere. Sure, I deal with my fair share of struggles, but wallowing in self-pity isn't going to fix anything. If I can work, at least I'll have a way to make a living and stay on top of my bills. I know disability benefits are always an option down the road, but I don't think it's time for that just yet. As long as there’s a chance to pull my weight and hold down a job, I’m going to take it.

Harold Anderson3 said:Here’s a little bit of good news for once... There might be an opening at my dad's company, and he's thinking about bringing me on board.

His business mainly deals with grains, corn, sunflowers, and all that—things like silos, seed supplies, and custom animal feed blends. That’s where this specific position just opened up. I actually spent some time working there about two years back.
I think I’m going to go for it. I’d love to have something steady under my belt, but since things haven't quite worked out that way yet, I’m just taking whatever opportunities come my way. Honestly, sitting around feeling sorry for myself because life has been a bit rough and my health hasn't been great doesn't really get me anywhere. Sure, I deal with my fair share of struggles, but wallowing in self-pity isn't going to fix anything. If I can work, at least I'll have a way to make a living and stay on top of my bills. I know disability benefits are always an option down the road, but I don't think it's time for that just yet. As long as there’s a chance to pull my weight and hold down a job, I’m going to take it.

Forza Diego 🙂

Harold Anderson3 said:Here’s a little bit of good news for once... There might be an opening at my dad's company, and he's thinking about bringing me on board.

His business mainly deals with grains, corn, sunflowers, and all that—things like silos, seed supplies, and custom animal feed blends. That’s where this specific position just opened up. I actually spent some time working there about two years back.
I think I’m going to go for it. I’d love to have something steady under my belt, but since things haven't quite worked out that way yet, I’m just taking whatever opportunities come my way. Honestly, sitting around feeling sorry for myself because life has been a bit rough and my health hasn't been great doesn't really get me anywhere. Sure, I deal with my fair share of struggles, but wallowing in self-pity isn't going to fix anything. If I can work, at least I'll have a way to make a living and stay on top of my bills. I know disability benefits are always an option down the road, but I don't think it's time for that just yet. As long as there’s a chance to pull my weight and hold down a job, I’m going to take it.

👍

It looks like things aren't panning out with the job at the plant, or any other openings around here. I’m probably going to have to head to Washington, D.C., though I wouldn't rule out moving anywhere else in the States if they offer a position along with housing.

Honestly, I just feel like I'm struggling through life so much harder than everyone else seems to. I feel like I'm just drifting aimlessly from one job to the next, constantly battling this illness and trying to manage all these medications. The banks don't care about my situation, and I'm stuck just dealing with the grind. There are moments when it feels easier to just take two entire boxes of Lexapro and go to sleep forever. But then again, if that doesn't actually work and I just end up in a coma, that would be an absolute nightmare. If I were ever serious about ending it, I'd have to find a way that actually works, rather than relying on pills. I don't own a gun, but I do have a rope. I wonder if there are any tutorials on YouTube showing how to tie a noose🤣🤣 I haven't searched for it yet, and I doubt anyone would actually post something like that, though I suppose anything is possible on the internet.

I realize I'm just talking like this because the depression is hitting me hard right now, but I don't actually intend to take my own life. 😲 It isn't the answer, and it certainly isn't a smart way to handle things.
I'd much rather endure whatever struggles come my way until the end of my days and pass away naturally, rather than choosing something violent and self-inflicted.🙂 🙂 🙂

Hey Diego, aren't you entitled to your mom's Social Security benefits?
Have you even looked into that yet?

Emily Cook8 said:Hey Diego, aren't you entitled to your mom's Social Security benefits?
Have you even looked into that yet?

She was receiving a pension from somewhere like $600, and back when she passed away, I was still working, so I never really bothered to look into whether I could claim anything. At the time, my salary was hovering around $1400 +/-$100. Since then, things have changed—I finished up my job about five months ago, but she actually passed seven and a half months ago.

Harold Anderson3 said:She was receiving a pension from somewhere like $600, and back when she passed away, I was still working, so I never really bothered to look into whether I could claim anything. At the time, my salary was hovering around $1400 +/-$100. Since then, things have changed—I finished up my job about five months ago, but she actually passed seven and a half months ago.

Man, please go look into it.
Could that at least cover your mortgage payments?

I’m still a little confused about how she managed all those loans; she was paying $280 every single month. That amount is way higher than the one-third limit the law usually sets based on her Social Security benefits—it’s creeping closer to half. I'm planning to spend some time this week trying to sort through everything regarding her disability claims and social services to see if we can get it all straightened out.

Hey, give us a heads-up once in a while so we actually know what's going on.

I mean, what happens when the government starts overstepping? Sometimes they demand too much, and honestly, I think there comes a point where you just have to take matters into your own hands.