Fear of my own thoughts

Sometimes I just end up holding my tongue instead of saying what’s actually on my mind. If I do speak up, there's this underlying layer of anxiety hanging over everything.
Does anyone have any advice on how to just... chill out? I feel like I'm constantly worrying about what people are going to say or think about me. Why can't I just let go and stop caring so much about everyone else's opinion?

I can relax occasionally, but it really depends on the crowd I'm with.
I know, I'm a complicated one!

We aren't going to be able to help you here. I can suggest adopting a "don't give a damn" attitude, but if you can't bring yourself to do that—if you're too afraid to just let go—then this whole discussion is a dead end.

Either way, my advice remains the same: just stop caring.

So, here’s a little piece of solid, straightforward advice coming all the way from Italy 😬 😬

Donna Fox said:Look, there isn't much we can actually do for you here. I can suggest adopting a certain "I couldn't care less" attitude—if you will—but if you aren't willing to embrace that, or if the very idea terrifies you, then this whole discussion is essentially a dead end.

Regardless, that "not giving a damn" approach remains the only real option on the table.

Well, even that doesn't always work—truth be told. I try to maintain that mindset most of the time, but honestly, I struggle with the exact same anxieties this girl is facing. I just can't seem to unwind; I’m constantly spiraling, obsessing over what everyone else thinks of me...

To be honest, I don't quite understand myself—sometimes it feels like I truly couldn't care less about anything at all, yet other moments, I feel like a total coward who might end up hurting everyone around me. Why can't I just... I don't know, unify these conflicting sides of my personality?

As for finding some peace of mind—perhaps you need to accept the reality that you aren't meant to be perfectly comfortable with everyone you cross paths with. It’s a simple equation, really: those who naturally make you feel at ease are the ones you should spend your energy on, while those who leave you feeling tense, foolish, or just generally unsettled... well, you should probably steer clear of them. There is no sense in forcing a connection or trying to bend someone to your will through sheer effort; all that does is leave you frustrated and feeling miserable. I’m certain there are people out there who make you feel truly seen and comfortable—and if you haven't found many yet, believe me, they'll start appearing. Best regards, 😘

Hey there.
I totally get you—honestly, I feel pretty much the same way most of the time. But look, if there's one thing I've picked up, it's that you shouldn't try to build an identity based on what everyone else thinks of you. Instead, you need to develop your own perspective first and then just project that out to the world. Your internal sense of self has to be "on that level" if you want other people to actually see you that way. Unfortunately, we’re usually dealing with deep-seated complexes and a lack of confidence here. What might actually help is just convincing yourself—slowly, at first—that you're "competent" compared to the people who make you feel anxious. You can chip away at that fear by finding something you actually care about, getting informed, and basically using knowledge to offset that dread. It sounds almost cliché, I know, but seriously—engage with the world around you. Don't let yourself get mentally lazy. Find a niche where you can become the expert, because I truly believe that kind of mastery can give you a much needed boost in self-belief. "Knowledge is power," 😉 or whatever they say. Personally, I think too many people struggle with that old adage, but in this day and age, information isn't some exclusive privilege anymore; it's more like a basic necessity.
And just to be clear, I'm talking about using knowledge to improve how you view yourself, not to go around flaunting it in people's faces—don't take that the wrong way. But if you gain that inner confidence, you'll find you spend way less time obsessing over what others are doing. You've got to find the sweet spot. Right now, you're at one extreme of self-awareness—insecure—and the other extreme is being completely full of yourself. Maybe try helping yourself lean a little more toward the latter? Just a thought, and I could be totally wrong. 😕 Plus, it really depends on where you are in life—maybe it doesn't even matter if you've already settled into a career, or a marriage, or have kids, blah blah blah. Who knows. 🙂

Yeah, I totally agree that "knowledge is power."
I’m doing my best to stay proactive in that regard—learning new languages and working toward finishing up my degree. I'm 23 right now. I’m really hoping that this anxiety eventually fades as I get older and that I’ll just feel more and more secure in myself over time. It’s definitely uncomfortable, having to constantly second-guess everything and dig through all those little insecurities.
There are periods where I’m just completely chill about everything, but then sometimes... grrr... I just have those days where everything feels off.

redviper113 said:Yeah, I definitely agree that "knowledge is power."
I’m trying to stay on top of things—learning languages, finishing up my degree... I'm 23. I just hope this constant anxiety fades as I get older and that I eventually start feeling more solid in my own skin. It’s exhausting, honestly, constantly overthinking every little thing.
There are days where I feel totally chill about everything, and then there are those other days where... ugh... everything just feels off.

Whatever, just be brave.😉 You can't really get anywhere without putting in the work, and let's be real—changing yourself is probably the hardest thing you'll ever do. But hey, it's the only way forward. It all comes down to that mental loop you run in your head—your subconscious listens to whatever movie you're playing on repeat, so I'd suggest telling yourself something like "every day, in every way, I am getting better and better" or some similar mantra. 😉 Might actually work, right? Nothing to lose. Besides, you could always pick up some Louise Hay if you're interested... she talks about this stuff quite a bit.

I haven't actually read the specific book mentioned. Instead, I’ve been focusing on practicing the power of the mind, tapping into spiritual strength, and simply following my heart.
I am definitely interested in finding more books that dive into those kinds of themes.
Could you please provide a bit more detail regarding that author and their work?
Thanks so much!

redviper113 said:I haven't read those specific ones. I've mostly stuck to stuff about mind power, spiritual strength, and following your heart.
I'm interested in books along those lines.
Could you give me a little more info on the author and the book?
Thanks!

Honestly, I don't know a ton—I did pick up her "You Can Heal Your Life," and I think it's worth a read regardless, though I guess you have to stumble upon the right book at just the right moment for it to actually click. But, hey, since you're asking, maybe you're already in that headspace. 🙂 I know she had a rough childhood and managed to pull herself through all that mess just by using positive thinking, visualization, and all that jazz. There's a whole library of stuff out there on the subject, but Louise Hay is probably the big name everyone knows. Maybe I'll dig around a bit and get back to you with some actual thoughts. Besides, I'm sure there are plenty of other folks on this forum who know their way around this stuff.
I once had this moment where, thanks to some forced optimism—which felt a bit fake at the time—I hit this weird streak of inexplicable luck and peace. 😎 It didn't last longer than a week, but hey, it's worth a shot. 🙂
The main idea is how your subconscious basically takes everything you tell it as gospel, so you really shouldn't be constantly telling yourself things like, "I'm so stupid," or "I'm such a klutz." Better to just push back against those thoughts—even if you don't fully believe the positive stuff yet—because eventually, your brain starts listening...

Cool. Thanks for the heads-up. I'll try to track this down at the local library.
It sounds pretty interesting to me.
I'm a fan of this whole positive repetition concept. I've actually tried something similar before, though I occasionally lose my way and slip back into my old habits.

man, don't even get me started on reading that Louise Hay stuff... seriously.
look, if you're 23 and finishing up college, just keep training your brain and your body and you'll be fine.
the biggest thing is just not constantly comparing yourself to everyone else. people always think the grass is greener on the other side, but all that does is make you try to fit into some shallow bullshit where nobody actually knows what's really going on.
if you get that, then all that fear and insecurity should pretty much vanish
nobody is ever 100% open or 100% closed off... everyone's got a little bit of everything, more or less, and neither way is better than the other
good luck to ya

vividpilot3 said:Ugh, please—don't let me read any of that Louise Hay stuff, seriously!

I guess I'll just add my two cents here... nothing you read can actually hurt you, especially if this kind of literature is what she's interested in right now. When I was reading it back in the day, I didn't find it particularly useful either—felt like it wasn't helping at all, you know? But honestly, it’s all about belief. I don't really feel that way anymore, even though I haven't picked up her books in ages, because I know it actually worked for some people. If redviper113 finds comfort in Louise Hay, then good for her... she's on the right track if that's what works.

You should definitely dive into books on positive thinking. It really can't hurt... 🙂

It’s also worth adopting that famous "I don't give a damn" attitude. But when you've spent your whole life living in fear and uncertainty, you often don't even realize how much you're limiting your own voice and actions. It becomes an automatic reflex. At the end of the day, you need to pause and reflect. Why did I do that? Could things have gone differently? Why was I too afraid to say this or that... For me, there are times when something unexpected or funny happens, and I just freeze up. Then, twenty seconds later, the perfect witty comeback hits me—something so hilarious everyone would be rolling on the floor. By then, it's too late, and I'm just left looking speechless for the hundredth time. If I were more liberated and free of complexes, I would have just said it right then and there, regardless of the consequences...

Honestly, I feel the exact same way. I’ll get hit with a great, positive thought a hundred times, but it always seems to show up way too late. It's so frustrating...
But hey, it doesn't really matter. It's fine. I'm just trying to roll with it as much as possible and push away all those insecurities and negative vibes.
And you can always count on me when it comes to books—I'm down for pretty much anything, regardless of the topic.

I’ll just add this one point: why on earth would any of it bother you...

Louise Hay's "You Can Heal Your Life" is honestly the one book that just... it completely shifted my entire perspective on everything, you know? It totally opened my eyes to how much my mindset actually dictates my reality, and looking back, it really was the foundation for every single good thing that’s happened in my life since I first picked it up. It's basically my Bible... I can't recommend it enough. 👍

is... just a great book