Inner Growth

urbannomad12 said:.
Every single time I used to feel an ounce of insecurity creeping in, I’d just drift back to those moments where I was absolutely bursting with self-confidence... and over time, that mental image of my more certain self has basically swallowed up the insecure version whole.
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👍

I actually met this guy during one of those mindfulness retreats who really struggled with social interaction. He was pretty rattled, easily triggered, and tended to just shut down and withdraw from everyone...
Circumstances forced him to take a summer job waiting tables, and he was genuinely terrified about how he'd handle it—you know, dealing with demanding customers and all the nonsense people spout when they're being difficult...

When we crossed paths again in the fall, he told me everything went flawlessly because he’d developed this little trick: he trained himself to view every single customer as nothing more than a pig's head. Since you can't exactly offend or irritate a pig, he found it incredibly easy to just smile at them, and none of their attitude could get under his skin...

I’m not saying that’s the gold standard for life, obviously, but it helped him power through those two months, and the patrons all thought he was this incredibly polite, perpetually cheerful guy (well, it's easy to be happy when you're looking at a bunch of swine 😁 ), and he realized he could actually conquer these internal states that used to mess with his head and keep him isolated from the rest of the world...

I suppose there is some merit in self-analysis—examining one's own emotions and immediate reactions—but only if that introspection serves a constructive purpose, or what one might call "personal growth." If the thoughts being dissected are purely negative, then perhaps it is better to forgo the analysis entirely, or at least attempt to pivot them toward something more positive. Negative ruminations are quite draining; they sap your energy, leave you feeling depleted, and ultimately lead nowhere but down. Though, I must admit, there are moments when such a transformation from negative to positive feels almost impossible. It seems to me that those caught in a cycle of negativity are denied any real opportunity for advancement—they are essentially stalled before they even get a chance to move forward.

restlessmarlin6 said:What about the other way around? 😁
Look, I think there's actual value in focusing on yourself to flip the negatives into positives. You know, optimism. Avoiding those deep, dark ruts. Or at least minimizing them, 🙂

I don't do "negativity." Read my entire post again and you'll see what I mean. 😉
Trying to work on yourself just to reach some impossible standard of perfection is a losing battle from the start.
I'm perfectly content with where things stand right now.
If I felt this desperate need to change everything, it would imply I’m unfulfilled—that something is broken or that I'm shackled to flaws and bad habits... get what I'm saying?
It doesn't mean I won't strive for better things, but I'm living in the *now*. I'm not suffering because that "better" version hasn't arrived yet, and I'm not sitting here imagining life should be different than it actually is. To me, perfection is simply accepting my life exactly as it is.
🙂

restlessmarlin6 said:Yeah, I stay on top of my game. Constant growth is the only way forward. I don't think I'll ever reach a point where I can just say, "Okay, I've finally made it."

So, basically, you've already decided you're going to die imperfect and perpetually unsatisfied.😁

The whole point is about continuous growth, not just reaching some final destination.😉
I honestly can't stand that kind of mindset.

Harold Adams5 said:It’s not that I’m being negative. Just read my whole post again and you’ll see what I mean.😉
Obsessing over some impossible standard of perfection is a losing battle before it even starts.
I’m perfectly happy with things exactly as they are right now.
If I felt this desperate need to change everything, it would imply I’m unfulfilled or that something is broken—that I’m somehow shackled to flaws or bad habits... you get me?
That doesn't mean I won't strive for better things down the road, it just means I’m actually enjoying life RIGHT NOW. I’m not suffering because that "better version" isn't here at this moment, and I’m not deluding myself into thinking things *should* be different than they are. To me, true perfection is just accepting my life for what it is.
🙂

Are we talking about life in general or internal changes? In my head, they're pretty much the same thing, but let's go...

For instance, I feel like I can be pretty stagnant sometimes when it comes to getting stuff done. Like, I fall into this pattern of just coasting through life. So what then? Do I just accept that's who I am, or do I work to fix it, especially since it messes with my headspace and keeps me from hitting my goals?

In a way, that struggle is my own private war, and winning it makes me stronger every single time. It’s kind of the "engine" that pushes me forward and turns me into a more capable person. As far back as I can remember, that’s how I’ve operated, and honestly, I feel better and better every day because of it.

The world is basically a battlefield, but most of the fighting is just people battling themselves. And when you win those internal fights, that's when you actually move forward.

Hey restlessmarlin6, I totally get where you're coming from.

Since I've had way too much free time over the last month—seriously, an absurd amount—I managed to fly through about a whole library shelf's worth of reading.
Mostly stuff on finance, business, and psychology. It turns out they're all deeply intertwined, more than I ever realized. Honestly, most of these books hit the exact same note: WE BECOME WHAT WE THINK.

Over time, a person develops these dominant thoughts that basically build their entire worldview and drive how they act. When a new chapter of life starts, new ideas might take center stage, but those old ones don't just vanish—they just retreat into the subconscious.
Along those lines, true human creativity really shines when someone focused on a specific goal hits that sudden breakthrough—you know, the "eureka!" moment—by tapping into that subconscious layer.

When we want something, we set it as a goal. Eventually, that goal evolves into a deep-seated craving, and we start subconsciously driving actions to satisfy that hunger. To make it happen, we soak up any knowledge that might give us an edge. Suddenly, opportunities start popping up everywhere—chances we would have completely missed before because we weren't looking at the world through this "new" lens.

No successful person in America has ever made it without first envisioning it in their mind.

So, honestly, how can anyone argue against the need to master our own thoughts and emotions?
If I had to find one flaw in all this logic, it's this: what happens to the people who miss the mark? Some swap one goal for another and still succeed, while others just get bitter and blame the whole world.
Then there's the third group—the worst kind, in my opinion—the people who actually "make it" but remain miserable. Think of those wealthy folks living in constant fear of losing everything, or people who never know when enough is enough, chasing extremes until they lose it all. Even urbannomad12 realized that was the core of the problem...

Hmm. Let me say I agree with you on that. Though, if you ask me, everyone is essentially the architect of their own reality. You’ve got to maintain control over that. Don't feed those dark thoughts—if you start petting them like little pets, they’re just going to grow out of control and then everything goes south 😁
I feel like some of those definitions from psychology textbooks are just a bit too shallow 😉

Regarding failure—I think those people have their focus all wrong. They aren't acting out of willpower or true commitment; they're operating out of fear. They procrastinate, they overthink, they calculate every move. It's a choice 🙂

Then there are the Jews 🤣 🙂
Obsessed with hoarding cash, even though being attached to material stuff is pretty common among people. Especially as folks get older. I mean, obviously, you need a financial foundation, but getting hyper-fixated solely on wealth is a problem. That mindset, combined with fear, leads exactly to the situation you're describing

Anyway, are you actually thinking about amassing a fortune? 😉 Even Siddhartha was wealthy before he became an ascetic 😁

In business, there really isn't any other metric for success besides the bottom line. That said, I’m not obsessed with it—I just view it as a game where you try to rack up as many points as possible.

urbannomad12 was an ascetic first and a wealthy man second. In that sense, I suppose I can relate to him a bit more. 🙂

I guess I should probably start by saying that I’ve been sitting here for twenty minutes just staring at my screen, trying to figure out how to even begin explaining this mess. It’s honestly ridiculous. Maybe I’m overthinking it, or maybe I’m just the only one seeing the absolute chaos unfolding right now, but it feels like everything is just... off. I don't know. It’s like when you’re driving through Chicago during rush hour and you realize the entire transit system has just completely given up on life—that sense of total, unmitigated frustration where nothing makes sense anymore. That’s where my head is at. I mean, seriously, does anyone else feel like we're just spinning our wheels? I’ve been watching these discussions for a while, and it feels like everyone is just shouting into a void without actually listening to anything. And then you have people like restlessmarlin6 jumping in with these takes that just... they just don't land. I don't want to be harsh, but it's hard to stay neutral when things are this blatant. And don't even get me started on what Harold Adams5 was saying earlier. It’s just one thing after another. I guess I'm just venting, but it feels necessary. It feels like if we don't address the underlying issues here, we're all just wasting our time. It's exhausting, truly. kaže:
Look, I’ll just say it because someone has to: there really isn't any other real metric for success in business besides cold, hard cash. I mean, people love to talk about "passion," "company culture," or "making an impact," but honestly? It’s all just fluff if the bank account isn't growing. At the end of the day, if you aren't seeing the profit, you aren't succeeding. Period. Everything else is just noise used to make people feel better about not being profitable.I mean, look, I wouldn’t say I’m totally obsessed or anything, but I guess I just see it as a game where the whole point is to rack up as much as you can.

Sidartha was a monk first and a billionaire second. I guess that makes me a bit more like him than most people would realize. 🙂

I mean, look, if you actually like what you do, fine. But if you’re dragging your feet to work like you’re being forced to report for mandatory military training or something, then honestly... why even bother? 😁 If you aren't splitting your week up... I don't know, maybe you just aren't getting anything done? It feels like if you don't have some kind of structure, the whole thing just slips through your fingers. I guess it’s easy to say "just wing it," but honestly, that usually leads to a massive headache by Friday afternoon. Maybe I'm being too intense about it, but I feel like without a plan, you're just spinning your wheels. 👋 So, I was thinking about this whole weekend thing... honestly, it’s kind of a mess. I guess maybe I’m just overthinking it, but everything feels so scattered lately. It’s like you try to plan one thing, and then everything just falls apart, you know? I don't know. Just one of those things where nothing quite sticks. 🙂 Back at it again. Another Monday, another grueling work week ahead of us.

Let’s be real—you need cash. There’s just no way around it; nothing moves without it. 🙂 It really comes down to how much you actually need, I guess. And honestly? It all depends on how you choose to handle what you've got. Having wealth doesn't ruin a person if you're actually putting that money back into growth and development instead of just blowing it all on mindless consumption. Just my two cents, anyway. 😉

restlessmarlin6 said:Are we talking about life in general, or specifically the internal shifts? Personally, I can't really separate the two.

Making changes just to live a more fulfilling life... because at the end of the day, you're the only one responsible for your own happiness, right? You have to actually stop and appreciate what's happening.
I used to be such a perfectionist. 😁 I’d basically put myself under siege, creating this high-pressure environment just to hit these arbitrary goals I set for myself.
The weird part? Even when I actually managed to cross them off the list, there was zero satisfaction. Why? Because my brain was already obsessing over the next five things on the agenda.
Now, I've learned to be a little kinder to myself. It turns out, being less of a drill sergeant makes enjoying life a lot easier. 😉

Harold Adams5 said:If they show up, great. If not, even better.
😬

But isn't that technically a creative opinion?😉>

It makes me think of that old saying: a dog doesn't bark for the sake of the neighborhood, it barks because it’s just being itself...
Then I immediately connect that to another idea: people usually get annoyed by what they actually want to change about themselves, or they try to convince everyone else of something just so they can finally believe it themselves.
It feels like all these little observations are actually profound truths when you sit with them for a while...
And honestly, I think it’s a good thing to keep trying to convince ourselves of things, especially if it's in a positive way, because that's how you actually allow yourself to grow internally.
Sometimes I'll have some massive problem and decide to just leave it for the morning, thinking maybe sleeping on it will make me smarter than I was the night before, but then I wake up with those same messy thoughts, feeling just as frazzled and uncertain about what to do next...
But then, I remember this one life-saving way out! (I read it in a book once) and I find myself asking: what would Love do right now?
A thought flashes through my mind, this wave of calm just washes over me, and suddenly I know exactly what needs to be done. And it turns out it isn't just the right move for me, but for everyone involved too. 🙂
And it seems to me that this is the right path toward that inner growth which, if I believe correctly, never truly stops for as long as we live.