Sadness, or something more?

cosmicridge5 said:That’s not really true (if I recall correctly). NOBODY—and I mean absolutely nobody—can get used to pain... or this kind of sadness. Not one person.

I guess you could say I've become "used to" bad things always happening to me, or to crying every single night. But once you have to go through that whole "process" all over again and relive that specific pain... it never gets easier.

But what did I actually mean by "getting used to it"?

I wasn't suggesting you get used to it to the point where it doesn't affect you anymore... I just meant you get used to the idea that it doesn't paralyze you. You learn to live alongside it.😁

To me, "getting over it" would mean becoming indifferent to it, in a way. Getting used to it, though, means it's still there, it's just that instead of having its hands around your throat, maybe it's just, I don't know, sitting on your shoulders.

cosmicridge5 said:To me, 'getting over it' means becoming indifferent... Getting used to it just means she’s still there, but instead of choking you, she’s just sitting on your shoulders.

Or she's still got you by the throat just as tight, and you just learn how to breathe through your gills.

crimsongull20 said:Or maybe life just keeps its foot on your neck, and you eventually just learn how to breathe through your gills.

Well, bravo. 👍 😁

cosmicridge5 said:And what exactly did I mean by "getting used to it"?

I didn't mean you get used to it until it stops hurting... It's more like you get used to it so it doesn't paralyze you anymore. You learn to live alongside it. 😁

To me, "getting over it" would basically mean becoming indifferent toward the pain. But "getting used to it"? That means the weight is still there—it just isn't choking you anymore. It’s less like a hand around your throat and more like, say, a heavy backpack you've learned to carry.

Honestly, I doubt anyone ever truly gets "used to" something like this...

Getting over it... yeah, I'm with you on that. But you have to actually move through the process. It's like any major loss in America; there are four distinct stages everyone has to navigate. But what if you get stuck on stage three? You haven't moved on, and you're just spinning your wheels. You're stuck in neutral!

Jamie Scott2 said:I doubt anyone ever actually gets used to it...

Getting over it... I guess I agree with you, but you have to realize there’s a process. There are four stages everyone goes through when dealing with loss. But what happens if you get stuck on the third one? If you don't move past it, you're basically just standing still. Does that count as nothing?

It’s either you adapt or you just spiral.😁 (I mean, sure, some things pass, but those are just the small stuff. In my book, the big things never really go away.)

Maybe it's a mix of both—partially adapting while partially spiraling.🤣

But how would you describe the progression then, if you don't see it my way? You think it's strictly one or the other, right?😁

Jamie Scott2 said:I don't think anyone ever actually gets used to that kind of thing...

Sure they do.

nataniel said:Sure.

No way!

Nature Lover said:It’s either you adapt to it or you let it consume you. 😁 (Sure, some things pass, but those are just "little things." Big life events? You never truly get over them—at least not by my definition of "getting over" something.)

It could be a mix of both—adapting a little while still letting it take its toll. 🤣

But wait, if you don't agree with me, how would you describe the process? Do you think it’s strictly an "all or nothing" deal between moving on or being crushed by it? 😁

The sadness stays, but how can I even put it into words? It's like a quiet sorrow—just finding that inner peace and nothing else!
You move forward without ever forgetting. You can't forget things like that!
We carry the memory, we remember what happened, but we don't cry about it anymore. No more asking "why," no more agonizing. Just acceptance without the suffering!