Is this what we've all been looking for?

We all spend our lives chasing this one thing, and when we find it, we call it security. It’s that bedrock feeling we all crave... honestly, without it, life feels almost impossible to navigate.
Well, technically you *can* live without it, but you have to ask yourself: what kind of quality of life are you actually getting?

So, what is it that actually grants us that sense of trust and peace—whether that feeling is the real deal or just a comforting illusion?

I remember visiting this ancient stone fortress once—one of those historic sites out West that spent years under siege. Our guide was a total history buff and he painted such a vivid picture of what life was like back then... constant hunger, sickness, death lurking around every corner, and that crushing weight of uncertainty.

Now, I’m sitting here reading this book about life in the Middle Ages... it’s just a relentless cycle of disease, war, ignorance, poverty, and pure instability.

Even looking at modern conflicts, like civil wars in Africa... it's the same pattern: fighting, famine, illness, and constant insecurity.

Actually, if you look at American history, it's woven through with that very same sense of instability. When you're exposed to that for too long, it turns into chronic stress... and we all know how much damage that does.

Feeling secure is a psychological prerequisite for growth and socialization. Without it, you can't truly create anything because your whole existence is stuck in survival mode. Security supports us through every stage of life, shifting its focus as our priorities evolve from birth until the very end.
People naturally want to feel confident in themselves, in their surroundings, and in the circumstances that allow them to live life on their own terms.

What is it that provides that irreplaceable, deeply desired sense of safety?
It’s everything. It isn't just about money, family, a house, a job, or health... it's about that overarching inner peace.

Everyone builds their own mental blueprint of what that security would look like.
It’s something we desperately need for ourselves, and something we yearn to pass down to our children.

Security creates the space for progress and personal development... whereas insecurity leads to a broken life and perpetual tension.
Though, I suppose life isn't always that black and white.

People can build great things during hard times, and they can certainly fall apart during prosperous ones. Being "secure" doesn't automatically guarantee success; it just opens the door to the possibility.

Which means there's another variable in the equation... and that's the individual (or the community) and their mindset (including our collective consciousness as a society).

So, what does SECURITY mean to you? What is your personal "security factor"?
How aware are you of how easily that feeling can slip away, and how hard are you working to actually soak it up while you have it? How much of your security is grounded in reality, and how much is just a hollow illusion? Are you willing to take risks, or do you prefer sticking to the well-worn paths just to stay safe?

WHAT IS THAT FEELING OF SECURITY TO YOU?

wearyowl29 said:What we’re all chasing—and what we actually manage to stumble upon sometimes—is what we call security...

I don't know about you guys, but security isn't even on my radar.

Not everyone out there is looking for security.

Actually, you could argue that nobody looks for *only* security.

But let’s be real—there probably isn't a single soul alive who isn't looking for some level of stability, which is basically what this whole thread is built on.

restlesseagle15 said:Honestly, you could argue that nobody is just looking for safety.

But then again, there probably aren't any people out there—not really—who don't want security at all, which is basically what this whole thread is built on.

Here’s the real kicker: is that sense of security actually everyone's top priority, like how Nemesis represents it? Or is it the kind of thing that makes some people think of death—you know, like being buried six feet under? It’s something a lot of folks would happily run away from, choosing to dive headfirst into risk or total uncertainty instead.

Great topic. Though, I have to side with wearyowl29 here—security is one of the primary drivers for people. I mean, what else would paradise even be for?

Peeling back the layers.

Inner security.
The security of knowing other people actually have good intentions.
The security that the subway won't derail while you're riding it, or that a shark won't eat you, or that some random asteroid won't slam into Earth tomorrow and wipe us all out.
Security in the system—or rather, in the circumstances that allow you to live the life you want to live.
The security of landing exactly where you are, feeling that sense of destiny, like you’re right where you’re supposed to be. At home.
The security—or lack thereof—of realizing we’re just biology, considering colors don't even truly exist.
Security found through purpose. An individual's purpose right here and now, a mission on this planet, or some grander design involving God or whatever.
Security... there's so much to it. I lost my train of thought. This probably belongs on the philosophy forum.

Security is always an illusion, but then again, so is insecurity😉. 🍺

Calm down—insecurity is really just our fried neurons and neurotransmitters doing their thing, nothing more; brains in a bathtub😉. And everything is just the way it should be. But how do you actually live with that?

imitating Raymond Carver

Fear

Fear of a cop cruiser pulling into the driveway.
Fear of drifting off at night.
Fear of staying wide awake.
Fear of the past catching up.
Fear of the present slipping away.
Fear of the telephone ringing in the middle of the night.
Fear of thunderstorms.
Fear of the cleaning lady having a smudge on her face.
Fear of dogs.
Fear of anxiety.
Fear of identifying a dead friend.
Fear of going broke.
Fear of having too much—not that anyone would actually believe that.
Fear of psychological profiles.
Fear of being late and fear of arriving too early.
Fear of seeing my kids' handwriting on an envelope.
Fear of survivor's guilt.
Fear of looking after my mother in her old age, and then facing my own.
Fear of confusion.
Fear of a bad ending.
Fear of waking up to find you're gone.
Fear of not loving, and the fear of not loving enough.
Fear of harming loved ones.
Thanatophobia.
Fear of longevity.
Thanatophobia.

mistyfox812 said:The real question is: is that sense of security something everyone craves—the kind Nemesis represents—or is it something that some people associate with death (like being buried two meters underground)? It's the kind of thing many would gladly run away from, choosing to embrace any kind of risk or uncertainty instead.

Uh-huh, sure. Yeah, using a light switch metaphor in threads like this is a bad move—everything ends up being either on or off.

But there's a grain of truth in what's being said here. You just have to put things in parentheses about a hundred different times to make sense of it.

At the end of the day, there isn't much left to even say.
By the time everyone actually agrees on what they mean by one specific word or another, an entire eternity will have passed.

That's why I'm all for pretending things are a certain way, even when they aren't—just to make life easier. Honestly, that's how I maintain my own sense of security. I'm just slightly more aware of the illusion than most. 😉.

wearyowl29 said:What does "security" actually feel like to you guys?

Honestly, it sounds like you aren't talking about insecurity, just straight-up fear. 🤔 There's a massive difference.

shadowhound said:It feels to me like you aren't actually talking about insecurity, but straight-up fear. 🤔 Those two things are worlds apart.

Well, they might be different concepts, but fear often stems from that deep-seated insecurity we carry, or simply from a sudden drop in our sense of safety.
They’re totally intertwined.🙂

wearyowl29 said:They aren't the same thing, but fear mostly stems from that sense of insecurity or just feeling less safe.
It’s all connected, right?🙂

But what if someone actually likes being insecure? Look at all those adrenaline junkies jumping off bridges or hitting the slopes. It's all pretty subjective. Personally, I think focusing on fear of anxiety is more important than worrying about insecurity. But hey, that's just my take. 😁

shadowhound said:Well, some people actually thrive on uncertainty! Just look at all those adrenaline junkies out there base jumping off skyscrapers or shredding down mountainsides. It’s all pretty subjective, really. Personally, I feel like we should probably focus more on tackling our fears or anxiety rather than obsessing over uncertainty. But hey, that’s just my two cents. 😁

Oh, I'm not talking about those little rushes of adrenaline people chase just to spice up their lives... I mean the everyday things that provide us with a sense of stability—the stuff we lean on for security, or even the habits that slowly undermine it.

I guess nature didn't really design us to live in total safety.
Just look at animals out in the wild—that level of stress is intense, right?
When you're always safe, maybe the consequences of stress just catch up to you later since there's no immediate fight involved.
Safety feels kind of unnatural to me!

wearyowl29 said:Look, I’m not talking about those adrenaline rushes people chase just to feel alive. I mean the everyday stuff—the things that actually provide us with stability, or the habits we build that end up tearing that security right out from under us.

But isn't that the whole point? Adrenaline hits happen because there's risk and uncertainty involved. Anyway, doesn't matter.

I don't think we're all actually looking for security; maybe we're just trying to figure out how to deal with the uncertainty.

And I’m with Ogius on this one. Uncertainty is just part of life.

wearyowl29 said:Look, I’m not talking about those crazy adrenaline rushes people chase just to feel alive... I’m talking about the everyday stuff—the things that actually give us a sense of security, whether we’re building those habits or totally wrecking them.

To me, it feels like routine is what provides that safety net. We all have our own little habits that keep us grounded, right?
For me, my security comes from my expertise—knowing I can always hold my own professionally—and that gut confidence that I’ll figure it out. No matter what happens, whether it's a rough patch or a major setback, I know I can navigate through it.

masterblaster said:I honestly think we aren’t all actually hunting for security; maybe we’re just looking for a way to handle the uncertainty.

And I’ve gotta say, I’m right there with Ogius on this one. Uncertainty is just part of the deal.

I have to push back on the idea that uncertainty is "natural." To me, it actually stems from the very nature of material existence, which isn't our true natural state—if it were, we wouldn't even be here! Think about it: when we were tiny babies, someone was always looking out for us, making sure we were safe and sound. We didn't even realize it at the time, but that person knew exactly what we needed to thrive.

If uncertainty were truly the natural order, we’d all be living as isolated loners. In a truly wild, raw environment, individual survival chances would be basically zero. We’d probably be reproducing via spores instead of, you know, the usual way! Besides, sexual reproduction is fundamentally about joining two individuals together or living within a kin group. Every single process happening within us has one singular, driving purpose: survival.

So, seeking out security is actually a conscious choice we make to give ourselves a fighting chance at staying alive. That’s why people chase stability over chaos—because chaos offers absolutely no guarantees.
But then you look at civilization and culture. All those advancements create an individual who can actually exist on their own. Because of the social systems we've built and the safety nets they provide, we don't *have* to huddle together just to stay safe anymore. We can set our own priorities and find our own sense of security without needing to lean on a tribe for basic survival.

For me, true security means being loved and having someone to hold close... without that, I don't think there would be much point in going on at all.

Real security comes from believing in yourself, and you only get there by actually doing stuff—building something or just proving to yourself what you're capable of. We're talking about real self-confidence here. It’s built from every tiny little thing you tackle on your own and every time you actually engage with the world around you.
Sure, feeling loved and accepted helps—it makes life easier, obviously—but nothing beats that internal sense of stability. That kind of strength doesn't depend on anyone else. You build it by putting yourself out there, facing daily hurdles, learning from your mistakes, and just trying to get better at things every single day.
Just "being loved" isn't enough to sustain you. Because let's be real: when that love walks out the door, you're left standing there even more alone, empty, and shaky than you were before. 😉

Man, Walter Myers4, tell me about it. There are times when everything around you just goes to hell, and no amount of "self-belief" or "confidence" is going to save you. When the world is spiraling into mass violence, fear, or pure hatred, staying sane feels impossible. I honestly wonder how much "self-confidence" helps tsunami victims in the middle of all that chaos—when they don't even know if their families are alive or dead, or when they're forced to ditch every principle they ever held just to grab a sip of water or a scrap of bread.

Confidence isn't where security comes from. It’s the other way around—you can only build actual confidence once you're actually safe.

Dead Carrot said:Man, Walter Myers4, give me a break. There are times when everything around you is such a total disaster that no amount of "self-belief" or "confidence" can save you. There are moments filled with pure violence, terror, or hatred where it’s damn near impossible for an individual to hold onto their sanity. I really want to know how much confidence helps tsunami victims during a catastrophe like that—in all that chaos right after the wave hits, when they don't even know if their family is alive or dead, or if people are being sold into slavery, or when they're forced to betray every single principle they own just for a sip of clean water and a scrap of bread.

Confidence doesn't create security. It's the other way around—you can only build true confidence when you actually feel secure.

Look, I'm just speaking from personal experience here,🙂 plenty of people who didn't have a shred of stability growing up still turned out to be secure, confident adults. Honestly, I think we're all a little too spoiled. Even as grown adults, we're still constantly and desperately searching for that sense of security from OUTSIDE ourselves. That's all I was trying to say. 😉