OCD: General Discussion Thread

David Nelson74 said:It’s not exactly an essay, but you know how I used to feel like I had to repeat every single sentence five times just to be sure. Honestly, I'm kidding—I don't have the energy for that anymore. Between everything else going on, I just can't find the time, and besides, what’s the point of this forum if we aren't actually talking? There’s no reason for us to be shy about it. It’s a relatively common disorder.

Look, listen to me. Just send me that email. If you're hesitating because you think something catastrophic will happen once you hit send, let me assure you—it won't. And for heaven's sake, stop obsessing over the order of your words, going back to erase a syllable, or swapping words around just to feel right. Stop all that nonsense. Just write freely. Nothing bad is going to happen. These are just mental hurdles that are much easier to clear than you think—believe me. I used to deal with excessive hand-washing and constant cleaning, too. No more repeating things, no more seeking symmetry, none of that crap. Nothing bad ever happened to me, even when my brain was screaming that I had to redo a task or else everything would fall apart. It didn't. So, just drop the act and send me a detailed description of what you're dealing with, and I'll do the same for you. We're in this together. Best.

Look at all those "horrors" you’ve listed up there. I don't have any of that anymore. I don't worry about sentence order or repeating myself constantly... I went to see a decent doctor who put me on Prozac, and those symptoms almost completely vanished. If I hadn't stopped taking it, they probably would have disappeared entirely. I still deal with some minor annoyances here and there, but it isn't even close to how things felt five, six, seven, or eight years ago. How old are you anyway? You're saying you don't want to take pills? Why not—it isn't such a big deal to just take a tablet in the morning and one at night. If you take Prozac for six months, you'll be fine.
🙂

David Nelson74 said:Look at all those "horrors" you’ve listed up there. I don't have any of that anymore. I don't worry about sentence order or repeating myself constantly... I went to see a decent doctor who put me on Prozac, and those symptoms almost completely vanished. If I hadn't stopped taking it, they probably would have disappeared entirely. I still deal with some minor annoyances here and there, but it isn't even close to how things felt five, six, seven, or eight years ago. How old are you anyway? You're saying you don't want to take pills? Why not—it isn't such a big deal to just take a tablet in the morning and one at night. If you take Prozac for six months, you'll be fine.
🙂

I was on Zoloft for a while before I decided to quit.
Now I'm taking St. John's Wort, and I think the effects are actually decent.
I'm not going to get into my age or anything like that here.
Clearly, nothing came of that email. 🙂

Christian Castillo60 said:I was on Zoloft for a while before I decided to quit.
Now I'm taking St. John's Wort, and I think the effects are actually decent.
I'm not going to get into my age or anything like that here.
Clearly, nothing came of that email. 🙂

I'm not quite sure what to say to you... You should probably take a step back and think about why you started these rituals in the first place. In my experience, there's usually a heavy link to anxiety. If you aren't comfortable sharing your age, maybe you could at least mention what diagnoses you're dealing with? (Assuming there's more to the story than just OCD)

And, naturally, a little smiley face for good measure 🙂

David Nelson74 said:I'm not quite sure what to say to you... You should probably take a step back and think about why you started these rituals in the first place. In my experience, there's usually a heavy link to anxiety. If you aren't comfortable sharing your age, maybe you could at least mention what diagnoses you're dealing with? (Assuming there's more to the story than just OCD)

And, naturally, a little smiley face for good measure 🙂

Good grief, you really have a sense of humor with those diagnoses, don't you? Let’s get one thing straight—I don't have any "condition" other than this one. I used to struggle quite a bit with depression in the past, and obviously, this disorder is tied directly to that anxiety and depression. It’s all connected.
I don't really bother with rituals anymore. As soon as I catch even a tiny hint of an obsession creeping in, I just tell myself, "It's just OCD," and I refuse to give in to whatever impulse pops into my head. It’s a discipline thing—you have to shut it down immediately. Honestly, it happens very, very rarely these days. Aside from the occasional hand washing, I've managed to stay on top of it, and frankly, that's enough for me. 😢

Do you live near the coast? Have you ever had one of those days where you can't even step foot in the ocean because of all the "pollution" floating around?

David Nelson74 said:Do you live near the coast? Have you ever had one of those days where you can't even step foot in the ocean because of all the "pollution" floating around?

I live by the coast. Personally, I’ve never dealt with that. As if that’s exactly what my life was missing. 🙂
I don't have any sort of phobia regarding the ocean—even if I see it looks a bit murky. The ocean currents clear things out pretty quickly on their own. Besides, the spots I hit for swimming are always pristine; the water there is crystal clear. It’s pure bliss, and honestly, I can't wait for summer to get here.

George, did you actually go in asking for Prozac, or was it something your doctor prescribed? How long were you on it—and what kind of side effects hit you then versus how you're feeling now that you've stopped? I assume you’ve probably covered this in an earlier post, but honestly, I can't be bothered to dig through everything from the beginning; it's just easier if you give me the short version.
Best,

Christian Castillo60 said:George, did you actually go in asking for Prozac, or was it something your doctor prescribed? How long were you on it—and what kind of side effects hit you then versus how you're feeling now that you've stopped? I assume you’ve probably covered this in an earlier post, but honestly, I can't be bothered to dig through everything from the beginning; it's just easier if you give me the short version.
Best,

My doctor prescribed it to me; I didn't specifically ask for it. I was on it for about six months. Side effects? Mostly just some mild fatigue, a bit of increased appetite, and a pretty significant drop in libido—there were stretches of a week where nothing would happen, no matter how much porn or erotica I watched, just zero response. But honestly, you shouldn't sweat it too much; whenever I was actually with a beautiful woman, things always seemed to work out fine enough.😁

So, I'm dusting this thread off a little bit...

My "disorder" 🙂 isn't really about doing compulsive stuff, more like these obsessive thoughts. I guess I've noticed things too, like how when I'm hanging laundry, I feel like both clothespins on one item need to be the same color, or maybe two matching socks need identical clips, but I haven't really gone that far with actual compulsions. 🙂 Or maybe I just wasn't paying attention, and I'm only just starting to realize some things I was totally oblivious to before.

The real issue is that a few months back, I met some people online, and I chatted with them so much that I basically became obsessed with the whole relationship thing. I kind of neglected my actual life at home—my husband, my friends... even my work stuff was just being done super fast and superficially, just enough to get by. And then later, I’d feel so guilty about it, even though I’d just keep doing the exact same thing over and over.

I just lived inside these little worlds I built up with those two guys. I was living in my head, you know? Mentally, I was always there with them instead of being on "solid ground" here with my husband. He described me as living "like a shell," which is honestly such a perfect way to put it. He was totally right.

Eventually, both of those "relationships" fell apart (after quite a while), and it hurt like crazy, leaving me with a million questions in my head.
Looking back at myself during that time, I can't even believe what I was doing. It’s like it wasn't even me. But something was pulling me toward them; I was just completely consumed by those chats, that closeness, that connection... I felt like I *had* to hear from them, otherwise I’d spiral into a panic attack or anxiety, or I don't even know what else to call it. I went through depressions, and honestly, even now, I find myself crying at least five times a day, and the thoughts of them still haunt me. I mean, I got so close to them and built up these entire worlds, I surrendered myself emotionally to it all (this reminds me of that "inner world" someone mentioned in a previous post), so even now that I've come out the other side, the thoughts just keep flooding in and won't leave me alone...

Sorry for the massive wall of text, but this is probably the shortest version I could pull together from everything that's been happening.

I've always had an "addictive personality," I don't smoke or gamble 🙂, but once I get hooked on something, it just grabs me and eats up all my time and energy. It's not even like I want it to happen, it's just that I can't find any peace until I see it through to the end.

From everything I've read from you guys so far, it feels like this isn't going anywhere without meds or therapy... Any ideas....?

Brandon White4 said:So, I'm dusting this thread off a little bit...

My "disorder" 🙂 isn't really about doing compulsive stuff, more like these obsessive thoughts. I guess I've noticed things too, like how when I'm hanging laundry, I feel like both clothespins on one item need to be the same color, or maybe two matching socks need identical clips, but I haven't really gone that far with actual compulsions. 🙂 Or maybe I just wasn't paying attention, and I'm only just starting to realize some things I was totally oblivious to before.

The real issue is that a few months back, I met some people online, and I chatted with them so much that I basically became obsessed with the whole relationship thing. I kind of neglected my actual life at home—my husband, my friends... even my work stuff was just being done super fast and superficially, just enough to get by. And then later, I’d feel so guilty about it, even though I’d just keep doing the exact same thing over and over.

I just lived inside these little worlds I built up with those two guys. I was living in my head, you know? Mentally, I was always there with them instead of being on "solid ground" here with my husband. He described me as living "like a shell," which is honestly such a perfect way to put it. He was totally right.

Eventually, both of those "relationships" fell apart (after quite a while), and it hurt like crazy, leaving me with a million questions in my head.
Looking back at myself during that time, I can't even believe what I was doing. It’s like it wasn't even me. But something was pulling me toward them; I was just completely consumed by those chats, that closeness, that connection... I felt like I *had* to hear from them, otherwise I’d spiral into a panic attack or anxiety, or I don't even know what else to call it. I went through depressions, and honestly, even now, I find myself crying at least five times a day, and the thoughts of them still haunt me. I mean, I got so close to them and built up these entire worlds, I surrendered myself emotionally to it all (this reminds me of that "inner world" someone mentioned in a previous post), so even now that I've come out the other side, the thoughts just keep flooding in and won't leave me alone...

Sorry for the massive wall of text, but this is probably the shortest version I could pull together from everything that's been happening.

I've always had an "addictive personality," I don't smoke or gamble 🙂, but once I get hooked on something, it just grabs me and eats up all my time and energy. It's not even like I want it to happen, it's just that I can't find any peace until I see it through to the end.

From everything I've read from you guys so far, it feels like this isn't going anywhere without meds or therapy... Any ideas....?

It’s a shame that even when people realize they’re struggling, they won't go to a psychiatrist because of the stigma or just plain fear. My therapist actually told me a little story once to help break down my resistance to meds and therapy.

(I used to deal with OCD and social phobia, and pills were never an option for me.)

She said: imagine a lumberjack working alone in the woods. Suddenly, an accident happens and a tree falls on him, crushing his leg. What would his diagnosis be? Probably a crushed limb or a broken bone. That’s a relatively "simple" injury to treat, and after a year, he could fully recover. But what’s the real problem? The real problem is the massive log pinned against that broken leg—something weighing a ton that requires outside strength and assistance to move before the injury itself can even start to heal. See, the injury isn't the biggest hurdle; it's that heavy log (which represents our skepticism toward doctors and medication) that keeps us stuck. If you don't move the log, the whole situation turns toxic and spreads.

I don't know if that little story would be enough to convince you to go see a psychiatrist, but I know it didn't make me regret my own decision to stay away.

David Nelson74 said:It’s a shame that even when people realize they’re struggling, they won't go to a psychiatrist because of the stigma or just plain fear. My therapist actually told me a little story once to help break down my resistance to meds and therapy.

(I used to deal with OCD and social phobia, and pills were never an option for me.)

She said: imagine a lumberjack working alone in the woods. Suddenly, an accident happens and a tree falls on him, crushing his leg. What would his diagnosis be? Probably a crushed limb or a broken bone. That’s a relatively "simple" injury to treat, and after a year, he could fully recover. But what’s the real problem? The real problem is the massive log pinned against that broken leg—something weighing a ton that requires outside strength and assistance to move before the injury itself can even start to heal. See, the injury isn't the biggest hurdle; it's that heavy log (which represents our skepticism toward doctors and medication) that keeps us stuck. If you don't move the log, the whole situation turns toxic and spreads.

I don't know if that little story would be enough to convince you to go see a psychiatrist, but I know it didn't make me regret my own decision to stay away.

To be totally honest, I just went to see that "famous" psychiatrist, you know? It wasn't even like I was scared or anything. Once I realized how much this whole situation was messing with my life, I just went for it—zero shame involved, really. And honestly, if she’d told me I needed to start taking some meds, I probably would've been okay with it too. I mean, maybe I'd hesitate a little, but I guess a woman knows what's best for herself, right? I wouldn't have spent too much time overthinking it.

I don't know... I kind of feel like even my psychiatrist is totally lost when it comes to me. Like, I show up and start talking, and she’s supposedly "listening," but sometimes I catch her staring off into space like she’s just completely checked out. Maybe she’s got her own stuff going on, I guess. Probably my problems don't even seem that big to her. Or maybe she's just wondering if she should grab takeout or cook something for dinner tonight. Who knows, really.

I mean, I can't say my sessions with her haven't helped at all. Like, through all those deep dives, I’ve definitely realized a ton of stuff about myself, which is cool and all. But honestly? I was kind of hoping for some actual directions or, I don't know, concrete advice I could actually use in my daily life. Instead, she just sits there listening, and then we basically end up concluding things like, "You just need to be more assertive," or "Stand up for yourself more," or "Learn how to be okay being alone," and so on and so forth. But, I guess if I already knew how to be okay by myself, I probably wouldn't even be sitting there in the first place, right? It's just... I'm wondering what I'm actually supposed to *do* when a panic attack hits and I realize there isn't anyone around me. Like, what am I supposed to say to myself? How am I even supposed to help...?

Maybe I’m being a little naive here, and maybe I shouldn't be expecting this kind of thing from her, but I just don't see how just sitting around talking about it is actually going to help anything. Like, everyone keeps telling me, "You just need to be more confident." As if I haven't already thought of that, you know? Or, "You need to learn how to be alone." Sure, I'd love to. I really would. It's just... how does one actually *do* that? I guess there's no manual for it or something.

Ugh, I’m such a handful sometimes, sorry for making things so complicated. I guess I just overthink everything way too much. I spend so much time trying to talk myself down, you know? Just trying to push away that paralyzing fear that hits me out of nowhere in certain situations and attempting to stay chill. Things feel a little better lately, I think, but there’s still a mountain of work to do. It feels like all this stuff from my childhood is finally catching up to me at once, and honestly, I don't even know where to start. I really regret not sitting down with a therapist sooner. Like, if I had actually wanted to face my issues back when I was in my early twenties, I probably would’ve sorted so much more by now. But nope, I just decided to ignore it all and hoped it would just… disappear? Yeah, I was pretty clueless about that. But hey, whatever. It’s never too late, right? Good luck to everyone else out there on their own healing journey! Sending you guys all the grit and courage you need...

Can someone please help me out with a quick question? Look, I know most people deal with some kind of mental tic or OCD-style loop, just usually way milder and barely even noticeable, but I’m trying to figure out where the actual line is when it comes to these "glitches" in your head. Like, at what point does having too many of them—to the point where they actually start messing with your day—mean you need to go see a doctor? And honestly, can you even fix this stuff just by trying to control yourself?
Thanks!

Brandon White4 said:So, I'm dusting this thread off a little bit...

My "disorder" 🙂 isn't really about doing compulsive stuff, more like these obsessive thoughts. I guess I've noticed things too, like how when I'm hanging laundry, I feel like both clothespins on one item need to be the same color, or maybe two matching socks need identical clips, but I haven't really gone that far with actual compulsions. 🙂 Or maybe I just wasn't paying attention, and I'm only just starting to realize some things I was totally oblivious to before.

The real issue is that a few months back, I met some people online, and I chatted with them so much that I basically became obsessed with the whole relationship thing. I kind of neglected my actual life at home—my husband, my friends... even my work stuff was just being done super fast and superficially, just enough to get by. And then later, I’d feel so guilty about it, even though I’d just keep doing the exact same thing over and over.

I just lived inside these little worlds I built up with those two guys. I was living in my head, you know? Mentally, I was always there with them instead of being on "solid ground" here with my husband. He described me as living "like a shell," which is honestly such a perfect way to put it. He was totally right.

Eventually, both of those "relationships" fell apart (after quite a while), and it hurt like crazy, leaving me with a million questions in my head.
Looking back at myself during that time, I can't even believe what I was doing. It’s like it wasn't even me. But something was pulling me toward them; I was just completely consumed by those chats, that closeness, that connection... I felt like I *had* to hear from them, otherwise I’d spiral into a panic attack or anxiety, or I don't even know what else to call it. I went through depressions, and honestly, even now, I find myself crying at least five times a day, and the thoughts of them still haunt me. I mean, I got so close to them and built up these entire worlds, I surrendered myself emotionally to it all (this reminds me of that "inner world" someone mentioned in a previous post), so even now that I've come out the other side, the thoughts just keep flooding in and won't leave me alone...

Sorry for the massive wall of text, but this is probably the shortest version I could pull together from everything that's been happening.

I've always had an "addictive personality," I don't smoke or gamble 🙂, but once I get hooked on something, it just grabs me and eats up all my time and energy. It's not even like I want it to happen, it's just that I can't find any peace until I see it through to the end.

From everything I've read from you guys so far, it feels like this isn't going anywhere without meds or therapy... Any ideas....?

Brandon White4, I found myself quite captivated by your recent post; there was something in your words that truly resonated with me, and I couldn't help but feel a certain sense of kinship with your perspective.
I don't suffer from OCD—well, okay, maybe I have my moments where I feel compelled to make sure two checkmarks are exactly the same shade of ink, haha, just like you, Brandon White4. 😁But honestly, that isn't even the most pressing issue—and mind you, I don't typically struggle with these kinds of setbacks—it’s just that I’ve found myself spiraling into this heavy cloud of depression and anxiety lately. It feels like I'm stuck in a fog that won't lift, much like how one might feel after a long, dreary stretch of rainy days in Seattle where the sun just refuses to show its face. And if I’m being truly candid, I have this nagging, persistent intuition that what we are both actually grappling with, beneath all those surface-level symptoms, is a profound sense of emotional dissatisfaction. It’s as if we are both wandering through a desert, searching for a bit of genuine connection or fulfillment that just seems to remain perpetually out of reach.

I’ve gone ahead and plucked out just those specific segments from your post—the ones that really seem to point toward the heart of the matter. You see, you didn't throw your entire soul and everything you are into these online "connections" because you were somehow broken, or struggling with depression, or battling some sort of obsessive compulsion; no, that isn't it at all. It’s much more fundamental than that. It was because you were being starved of emotional fulfillment, leaving you feeling utterly hollowed out, and most likely, you were navigating a profound sense of loneliness and disappointment in your everyday life.
And now you find yourself wading through this heavy sense of disappointment, struggling to make sense of everything you’ve endured and the heartache that continues to ripple through your life, because let’s be honest—those raw, jagged emotions aren't something you can just process overnight like a simple task on a to-do list; they demand much more from us than we often feel capable of giving.eTo truly live—to actually experience the fullness of life rather than just checking boxes off a to-do list—requires something we often try to rush: time. It’s much like tending to a sprawling garden in the suburbs; you can't simply plant a seed in the morning and expect a blooming rosebush by sunset, no matter how much you might desire that instant gratification. Everything worth having, from deep wisdom to meaningful relationships, demands patience and a slow, steady unfolding. You have to give yourself the grace to let things grow at their own pace.

You mentioned that even your husband remarked on how you felt like an empty shell, and honestly, there’s a very valid reason for that feeling; he likely bears at least some responsibility for it, much like how a gardener might be blamed when a plant withers despite its best efforts, simply because the soil was never given the nutrients it required to truly bloom.
If you find yourself wading through the heavy waters of an emotional letdown, please, understand that there is no express lane for healing. It simply doesn't work that way. You cannot force the clock forward or demand that your heart catch up to your head before it is ready; there is no shortcut, no high-speed rail through grief, and certainly nothing to be gained by rushing the process. Emotions, much like sediment settling at the bottom of a lake after a storm, require stillness and patience to gradually sink and stabilize. I have been navigating a similar landscape of disappointment myself lately. For a while, I tried to rationalize my sadness by pointing to various superficial triggers—telling myself I was just feeling down because of this minor inconvenience or that specific setback—as if I could trick my brain into believing the cause was shallow. In truth, I was avoiding the uncomfortable necessity of looking the situation directly in the eye. I didn't want to admit how profoundly this particular disappointment had actually shaken my very foundation. But now that I have finally stopped running and faced the cold, hard truth of the matter, I find that the weight feels somewhat more manageable. There is a certain lightness that comes from honesty, even when that honesty stings.

Well, I must say, it would truly warm my heart if you decided to grace us with your presence more frequently around here...

I must say, I am truly enjoying the way everyone is engaging in this particular discussion... there is such a wonderful, spirited flow to the conversation that reminds me of those lively debates you might stumble upon at a local coffee shop in Seattle or perhaps a cozy bookstore in Vermont, where ideas just seem to dance back and forth with such grace. It really is quite refreshing to see such thoughtful participation from everyone involved!David Nelson74You really are quite remarkable; you possess such an incredible wealth of knowledge, and I find myself constantly struck by how genuinely eager you are to lend a hand whenever someone is in a bind. 👍

Paul King8 said:Can someone please help me out with a quick question? Look, I know most people deal with some kind of mental tic or OCD-style loop, just usually way milder and barely even noticeable, but I’m trying to figure out where the actual line is when it comes to these "glitches" in your head. Like, at what point does having too many of them—to the point where they actually start messing with your day—mean you need to go see a doctor? And honestly, can you even fix this stuff just by trying to control yourself?
Thanks!

The answer might be buried right in your own question... specifically here: "At what point should you actually call a doctor because these 'glitches' are becoming too frequent or intrusive?" It really comes down to those last three words. The moment you notice they're starting to get in your way—like when you realize you spent an extra minute on a simple task just because of some "mandatory little ritual"—that's your signal.

So, what kind of glitches are we talking about?

It’s honestly just a million little stupid things, and what really burns me is how totally normal it all felt at first, you know? Like, I wasn't even paying attention to the pattern, I was just doing it on autopilot! We're talking about stuff like double or triple-checking if the front door is locked, or obsessively checking the stove, or repeating certain phrases over and over again... it's constant. There's so much of it, and once I started digging around online, I realized there's actually a name for this madness, and now I'm trying to fight back by forcing myself to only check the lock once before I leave—even if I have this nagging feeling everything is wide open, I refuse to turn around and go back in! But man, the mental loop never stops, I'm constantly patting my pockets to make sure my keys haven't vanished into thin air... it's a total disaster because I had absolutely no clue these tiny compulsions were tied to OCD! So now I'm wondering, can I actually beat this through sheer willpower? Because looking back at something that used to drive me insane ten years ago, I managed to crush it just by being stubborn—it was a massive struggle, but I did it!

I suspect I’m dealing with the same issue. While I can manage it for now, I worry that as the years go by, things might start to spiral out of control.
For instance, I have these rather silly little rituals where I insist on doing everything in a specific sequence. In the morning, it’s always bathroom first, then brushing my teeth, then washing my face, and so on. If I deviate from that order even slightly, I get this nagging feeling that something terrible is going to happen that day. It feels somewhat like a superstition, I suppose.

restlessskipper39 said:I suspect I’m dealing with the same issue. While I can manage it for now, I worry that as the years go by, things might start to spiral out of control.
For instance, I have these rather silly little rituals where I insist on doing everything in a specific sequence. In the morning, it’s always bathroom first, then brushing my teeth, then washing my face, and so on. If I deviate from that order even slightly, I get this nagging feeling that something terrible is going to happen that day. It feels somewhat like a superstition, I suppose.

It might be tied to anxiety or general dread... we distract ourselves with these patterns just to give the brain something else to chew on to keep the panic at bay. Maybe. Who knows.

Dove, where did you disappear to? Haven't seen you around the forums in ages.

IIIIIIIIIII??? Is there any way to actually beat this thing just by being stubborn and powering through on my own, without having to drag myself to some doctor's office?

Paul King8 said:IIIIIIIIIII??? Is there any way to actually beat this thing just by being stubborn and powering through on my own, without having to drag myself to some doctor's office?

Give it a shot. But what does that actually mean to you? Are we talking about avoiding a doctor entirely, or are you trying to dodge the medication too?

Hypnotherapy might be an option. I’m sure people like Ena and Sacreus could give you the rundown on how that works.