Caught completely off guard

He’s in such a dark place—some days he even messages me saying he just wants to be erased, to simply cease existing. He’s craving nonexistence. He’s been on this deep journey of awakening for years now, soaking up all kinds of literature and life experiences... and now? He just can't find any meaning in anything. He says he hasn't found a single thing that gives him hope that we’re here for any reason other than being food.
He honestly views this whole world as a flawed piece of work—like something went wrong during the Creation. He thinks we're just programmed, living in some kind of matrix where entities stomp all over us like we're characters in a video game with zero free will. He doesn't find any joy in life; he's just deeply, profoundly unhappy. He can't stand the injustice and the sheer pain of this dimension. I can feel his sadness... and it makes me so sad just being around it. He’s one of those truly good, gentle souls... how am I even supposed to help him?

Morgan Peterson6 said:He’s in such a dark place—some days he even messages me saying he just wants to be erased, to simply cease existing. He’s craving nonexistence. He’s been on this deep journey of awakening for years now, soaking up all kinds of literature and life experiences... and now? He just can't find any meaning in anything. He says he hasn't found a single thing that gives him hope that we’re here for any reason other than being food.
He honestly views this whole world as a flawed piece of work—like something went wrong during the Creation. He thinks we're just programmed, living in some kind of matrix where entities stomp all over us like we're characters in a video game with zero free will. He doesn't find any joy in life; he's just deeply, profoundly unhappy. He can't stand the injustice and the sheer pain of this dimension. I can feel his sadness... and it makes me so sad just being around it. He’s one of those truly good, gentle souls... how am I even supposed to help him?

This sounds like a clinical case. Please, try to get him some professional psychiatric help.

Quincy:

The world seems convinced we’re just some minor deity’s side project. They think something went sideways during the initial Creation, that we’ve all been hardwired into some kind of matrix. It’s wild! People act like we're just NPCs in a video game being toyed with by higher powers, totally stripped of any actual free will.

He isn't the only one thinking this way.

Morgan Peterson6 said:He’s in such a dark place—some days he even messages me saying he just wants to be erased, to simply cease existing. He’s craving nonexistence. He’s been on this deep journey of awakening for years now, soaking up all kinds of literature and life experiences... and now? He just can't find any meaning in anything. He says he hasn't found a single thing that gives him hope that we’re here for any reason other than being food.
He honestly views this whole world as a flawed piece of work—like something went wrong during the Creation. He thinks we're just programmed, living in some kind of matrix where entities stomp all over us like we're characters in a video game with zero free will. He doesn't find any joy in life; he's just deeply, profoundly unhappy. He can't stand the injustice and the sheer pain of this dimension. I can feel his sadness... and it makes me so sad just being around it. He’s one of those truly good, gentle souls... how am I even supposed to help him?

It really boils down to two choices, like a fork in the road:

You could ask him something like

"Do you want me to be honest with you? It might sting right now, but it'll be better for you in the long run,"

or

"Would you rather I tell you what you want to hear? It'll feel good immediately, but it'll cause more trouble down the line."

Well, if he decides to face the truth and its consequences, go ahead and tell him exactly that—and let him know it came straight from hiddenpuma75...

Tell him he’s incredibly sharp and perceptive, having grasped certain realities, but he’s also remarkably foolish and blind despite having perfectly good eyes.

Explain to him that he’s almost as smart as hiddenpuma75 because he’s managed to decipher one half of the equation: the fact that this world and life itself are overflowing with lies, false values, suffering, filth, sludge, injustice, terrible TV shows, awful people, and even bad moderators.

But then, point out his stupidity: he’s fixated solely on that one half of existence, completely ignoring the glaringly obvious fact that this world also holds a billion and one beautiful things.🙂 👍

If he continues—as we might expect—to whine about how he can't see those beautiful things, or how the bad stuff bothers him more than the wonderful stuff brings him joy, then give him the finishing blow...

Tell him he’s officially become a philosopher, and remind him that Camus once said the only truly serious philosophical question is whether or not one should commit suicide.

So, basically, tell him to finally grow up and embrace existence as it is, or to stop talking and actually follow through by ending it all—which would be his most consistent and final critique of life, the universe, and the number 42.😲

gentlelynx11 said:This sounds like a clinical case. Please, try to get him some professional psychiatric help.

He’s definitely depressed, that much is clear—
but I don't think he's necessarily "unstable" or anything? One of the ladies on the forum mentioned she doesn't see it as loneliness either... it’s more like his search led him straight to that point, and honestly, it's the only scenario he feels he's actually lived through.
He’s got a wife and a kid, and he loves that little one so much.
It doesn't even matter when I try to tell him to just hold on—it's like I'm talking to a wall. :-(

hiddenpuma75 said:Well, if he decides to face the truth and its consequences, go ahead and tell him exactly that—and let him know it came straight from hiddenpuma75...

Tell him he’s incredibly sharp and perceptive, having grasped certain realities, but he’s also remarkably foolish and blind despite having perfectly good eyes.

Explain to him that he’s almost as smart as hiddenpuma75 because he’s managed to decipher one half of the equation: the fact that this world and life itself are overflowing with lies, false values, suffering, filth, sludge, injustice, terrible TV shows, awful people, and even bad moderators.

But then, point out his stupidity: he’s fixated solely on that one half of existence, completely ignoring the glaringly obvious fact that this world also holds a billion and one beautiful things.🙂 👍

If he continues—as we might expect—to whine about how he can't see those beautiful things, or how the bad stuff bothers him more than the wonderful stuff brings him joy, then give him the finishing blow...

Tell him he’s officially become a philosopher, and remind him that Camus once said the only truly serious philosophical question is whether or not one should commit suicide.

So, basically, tell him to finally grow up and embrace existence as it is, or to stop talking and actually follow through by ending it all—which would be his most consistent and final critique of life, the universe, and the number 42.😲

He won't kill himself—he's too afraid of karma, honestly; he's scared of where that might catapult him, and he doesn't see death as a solution.
He just wants to be erased :-(
I've actually said much of this to him myself—he's only 40, after all, and has so many years left ahead of him.
I feel terrible—really, I do—because I care about him, but I just can't bring myself to point out the bright side of our existence to him.
He lives a normal life—goes to work, listens to music, that's pretty much his only source of happiness.
But he's just living. Then again, he's a spiritual person—there's real potential there.

The chicken or the egg—does spirituality lead people toward depression, or does a predisposition toward depression drive them toward spirituality?

It really depends on what’s actually causing it:
a psychiatrist prescribing an SSRI,
or
a psychiatrist recommending psychotherapy.

Then there's the physical side. Hit the gym and grab some supplements when your testosterone starts to dip, and that might help too.😁

bluemason3 said:The chicken or the egg—does spirituality lead people toward depression, or does a predisposition toward depression drive them toward spirituality?

It really depends on what’s actually causing it:
a psychiatrist prescribing an SSRI,
or
a psychiatrist recommending psychotherapy.

Then there's the physical side. Hit the gym and grab some supplements when your testosterone starts to dip, and that might help too.😁

And back to the psychiatrist again :-(
I can't even suggest that to him—he's just totally skeptical about psychiatry.

Morgan Peterson6 said:And back to the psychiatrist again :-(
I can't even suggest that to him—he's just totally skeptical about psychiatry.

It seems Beljki is right there with me in my own ignorance on this one. Beljki also has a real distaste for psychiatry.🤣

He just tends to use those fancy linguistic structures, throwing in terms like "cognitive" just to make things sound more academic than they actually are.😁

As for me, I’ve never stepped foot in a psychiatrist's office because, honestly, it always seemed like a total waste of time.

Between the high costs and being pumped full of meds that just give you a temporary illusion of feeling better, it's a lot.

Besides, it’s an open secret that people have the capacity—and the responsibility—to help themselves.

Just look at the classic movie One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. A much better remedy than any shrink is finding community, staying active through sports, getting out into the mountains, or even just having a pet. Those are the true cures for all those imaginary ailments we obsess over.

MOTIKA 👍

The bottom line:

When a person finally learns to stop obsessing over themselves and lets their mind wander freely, the problems tend to fade away.😉

Would you turn down a gastroenterologist for diabetes, a cast for a broken bone, glasses for vision issues, or wound care after an amputation?

There isn't really a fundamental difference when it comes to psychiatry and medication.

If anything, the issue is that at our current stage of development, diagnosing neurotransmitter imbalances is incredibly difficult. For instance, the only way I know to actually measure serotonin levels—which is used in some research settings—is through spinal fluid sampling. That’s far too invasive and impractical for routine diagnosis.
As a result, most treatments currently rely on symptomatic assessment followed by trial and error. This leaves a lot of room for mistakes and long waiting periods before finding the right approach.

Still, there isn't a better alternative, and principle-wise, I don't see a specific problem here. If there is one, I’d say it’s the irrational resistance and the unfounded attempt to separate psychological processes from physiological ones.

If someone refuses treatment, I don't see how listening to people rambling on a forum—people who don't know them and lack any expertise to offer advice—is going to help. Just deal with it.
To be clear, I'm not implying that pharmacotherapy is the absolute best solution in this specific case, but none of us here can actually know or assess that. A decent psychiatrist will send a patient through a battery of tests—medical ones to rule out organic causes like thyroid issues, plus psychological testing and interviews—and then they'll likely adjust the medication over time. I don't see how laypeople on a forum can speculate about what's happening based on just a few sentences in an opening post.

One could potentially take a roundabout route by seeing a psychiatrist who also practices psychotherapy in a direction that aligns with their worldview (there are quite a few who flirt with philosophy and spirituality, and much of New Age spirituality actually stems from humanistic schools of psychotherapy)), and who won't jump straight to medication (which is sometimes prescribed unnecessarily), to suggest therapy instead. However, you won't get that covered by Medicare.

Morgan Peterson6 said:He’s in such a dark place—some days he even messages me saying he just wants to be erased, to simply cease existing. He’s craving nonexistence. He’s been on this deep journey of awakening for years now, soaking up all kinds of literature and life experiences... and now? He just can't find any meaning in anything. He says he hasn't found a single thing that gives him hope that we’re here for any reason other than being food.
He honestly views this whole world as a flawed piece of work—like something went wrong during the Creation. He thinks we're just programmed, living in some kind of matrix where entities stomp all over us like we're characters in a video game with zero free will. He doesn't find any joy in life; he's just deeply, profoundly unhappy. He can't stand the injustice and the sheer pain of this dimension. I can feel his sadness... and it makes me so sad just being around it. He’s one of those truly good, gentle souls... how am I even supposed to help him?

The world functions perfectly.

When an individual like your loved one rebels against this "Creation," there are only two outcomes: destruction or illness.

He should focus on adaptation first, then on himself.

A victim mentality drains immense amounts of energy and produces nothing positive. He needs to make peace with the world before he can make peace with himself.

If he is not a believer, he should start searching for faith.

Morgan Peterson6 said:He’s definitely depressed, that much is clear—
but I don't think he's necessarily "unstable" or anything? One of the ladies on the forum mentioned she doesn't see it as loneliness either... it’s more like his search led him straight to that point, and honestly, it's the only scenario he feels he's actually lived through.
He’s got a wife and a kid, and he loves that little one so much.
It doesn't even matter when I try to tell him to just hold on—it's like I'm talking to a wall. :-(

It might largely be a matter of a midlife crisis...

bluemason3 said:The chicken or the egg—does spirituality lead people toward depression, or does a predisposition toward depression drive them toward spirituality?

It really depends on what’s actually causing it:
a psychiatrist prescribing an SSRI,
or
a psychiatrist recommending psychotherapy.

Then there's the physical side. Hit the gym and grab some supplements when your testosterone starts to dip, and that might help too.😁

I believe testosterone replacement therapy is an option as well. 🤔

In any case, it is worth looking into. 🙂

Morgan Peterson6 said:He’s in such a dark place—some days he even messages me saying he just wants to be erased, to simply cease existing. He’s craving nonexistence. He’s been on this deep journey of awakening for years now, soaking up all kinds of literature and life experiences... and now? He just can't find any meaning in anything. He says he hasn't found a single thing that gives him hope that we’re here for any reason other than being food.
He honestly views this whole world as a flawed piece of work—like something went wrong during the Creation. He thinks we're just programmed, living in some kind of matrix where entities stomp all over us like we're characters in a video game with zero free will. He doesn't find any joy in life; he's just deeply, profoundly unhappy. He can't stand the injustice and the sheer pain of this dimension. I can feel his sadness... and it makes me so sad just being around it. He’s one of those truly good, gentle souls... how am I even supposed to help him?

Get him professional help immediately. If he refuses, you need to distance yourself before his darkness starts pulling you under too. Try hitting him with pure optimism and laughter to shock the system, but honestly? He might just run away from you because he’s addicted to his own misery. He loves her too much... and now he's trapped in that loop. There are just as many reasons to be a pessimist as there are to be an optimist. Just choose life.

Anthony Perez9 said:Get him professional help immediately. If he refuses, you need to distance yourself before his darkness starts pulling you under too. Try hitting him with pure optimism and laughter to shock the system, but honestly? He might just run away from you because he’s addicted to his own misery. He loves her too much... and now he's trapped in that loop. There are just as many reasons to be a pessimist as there are to be an optimist. Just choose life.

I have to admit, that gave me a lot to think about—he really knows how to throw me for a loop.
He isn't "depressed" in the traditional sense, though; he talks to me about it constantly. If his friends heard him, they'd be totally shocked because, on the surface, he functions just fine.
I'm an optimist through and through, and I try with everything I have to show him a different perspective, but nothing works.
I didn't mean to bring this up in the psychology thread, but I really think the root of his struggle is that he hasn't found anything meaningful in his spiritual search.

He keeps telling me there *has* to be something—some higher purpose for why we're even here—but he just can't see it.

The other day we were talking about birds—I absolutely love them! I was telling him how incredible it is that such tiny brains possess that kind of intelligence, like how they navigate perfectly... how the creator designed everything so flawlessly. But to him? It's all just "programming," blah blah blah.
He's obsessed with this idea of programming and how we aren't truly free...

James Miller2 said:The world functions perfectly.

When an individual like your loved one rebels against this "Creation," there are only two outcomes: destruction or illness.

He should focus on adaptation first, then on himself.

A victim mentality drains immense amounts of energy and produces nothing positive. He needs to make peace with the world before he can make peace with himself.

If he is not a believer, he should start searching for faith.

They are a believer—they believe in the Creator, the Source—not necessarily some biblical god.

Just thinking about it...
humanity is just broken,
and honestly? I feel sick right along with it.
It hurts—really hurts.
I can't even fix myself,
so how am I supposed to heal the rest of the world?

The tears are already starting to fall—it’s heavy.

Morgan Peterson6 said:They are a believer—they believe in the Creator, the Source—not necessarily some biblical god.

The Biblical God and a "creator" or "source" are not the same thing.

One can only reach the Biblical God through Jesus. When a person prays to a vague "Source," they don't actually know who or what they are praying to.

Someone should start reading testimonies from people who escaped deep depression, the occult, or drug addiction through Jesus. Perhaps that would open their eyes.

The Biblical God requires humility—living by the Ten Commandments and the two commandments of love—as well as forgiveness toward oneself and others. Above all, He requires love.

A person with weak energy cannot move forward. However, when a person helps others and gives, they receive energy and find healing.

I will recount the story of the dying sheep and the lamb (a true event).
A sheep gave birth to a dead lamb. She was dying of grief. She refused to eat and lost her will to live.
After a few days, they placed another small lamb in front of her. She began to lick it, nurse it, and nuzzle it. Within a day or two, she was completely healed. Caring for another heals the soul.

Based on sound logic, losing the will to live is a sin.
Life is a gift. Rejecting that gift or failing to cooperate with it brings nothing good to us.

James Miller2 said:The Biblical God and a "creator" or "source" are not the same thing.

One can only reach the Biblical God through Jesus. When a person prays to a vague "Source," they don't actually know who or what they are praying to.

Someone should start reading testimonies from people who escaped deep depression, the occult, or drug addiction through Jesus. Perhaps that would open their eyes.

The Biblical God requires humility—living by the Ten Commandments and the two commandments of love—as well as forgiveness toward oneself and others. Above all, He requires love.

A person with weak energy cannot move forward. However, when a person helps others and gives, they receive energy and find healing.

I will recount the story of the dying sheep and the lamb (a true event).
A sheep gave birth to a dead lamb. She was dying of grief. She refused to eat and lost her will to live.
After a few days, they placed another small lamb in front of her. She began to lick it, nurse it, and nuzzle it. Within a day or two, she was completely healed. Caring for another heals the soul.

Based on sound logic, losing the will to live is a sin.
Life is a gift. Rejecting that gift or failing to cooperate with it brings nothing good to us.

That definitely isn't the way to go—I know that path too well.
Thanks for the suggestion! <3

Morgan Peterson6 said:That definitely isn't the way to go—I know that path too well.
Thanks for the suggestion! <3

Maybe try reading Antidote by Oliver Bukeman?

The author discusses the pitfalls found in positive thinking literature. He covers everything from those New Age titles (like The Secret, books by Eckhart Tolle, and similar works) that ultimately damage your mental health by pushing unrealistic expectations.