Fed up with everything

It took me a long time to write this. It’s hard to admit these things to myself, let alone put them on paper.

I’ve always been fiercely independent. My dad was an old alcoholic living on minimum wage, while my mom was this successful, driven entrepreneur who never gave a damn about his insecurities or how he felt. She’s been cheating on him since I was two.
I was basically raised by my grandma, or just by hanging out with my friends on the neighborhood streets.

I formed my own opinions, my own values, my own style. I never had anyone stepping in to say, "Hey, maybe think about this or that..."

I truly believe I'm a high-quality person. I actually have something worth saying.
My intuition is sharp and I can read people instantly 👍. I’m usually the one friends call when they're in a crisis because I always find a way out...

Except when it comes to myself. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work.
I've put on some weight. You can really see it in my legs.
I wouldn't call myself fat, not by a long shot, but I am incredibly insecure about my legs.
Honestly, I'm furious with my physique, but the worst part is that I don't do anything to change it.
Part of the blame lies with my parents. Whenever I fit into a standard size—say, a US size 4 to 8—I deal with constant humiliation from them. My mom will throw these "compliments" at me that are actually insults, calling me chubby or a little donut, or whatever else comes to mind.
If it happened once a year, I could handle it. But it happens almost every day. It drains my will to do anything.

I'm so close to qualifying for that merit scholarship, yet I'm doing nothing about it.
I don't have any hobbies—no swimming, no basketball, no theater—even though there's so much I want to try. I don't know if I'm afraid of something new or if I'm just lazy. I have no idea.

I've started pushing people away. People I'm jealous of.
For example, my boyfriend has a best friend whose life is just perfect. And so is his girlfriend's.
She's incredibly thin, has been dancing since she was a toddler, lives in a fancy upscale suburb, drives the latest car she bought herself, has a full academic scholarship, and shows up on TV and at major fashion events...
Her life is literally flawless.

But I wouldn't be this jealous or insecure if she wasn't such a snob. She acts like she's better than everyone else.
Of course I don't feel good standing next to her. Not at all.

I don't want to be some insecure idiot sitting at home alone, crying over my life.

I want to make something of myself, but I don't even know where to start....😳

Go find yourself a great guy and get married! 🙂

Walter Ramirez3, I honestly think you're a great person. Seriously. 😘

What you need to do isn't hard—it’s actually pretty simple. Just walk away from people who make you feel like crap.

It isn't your job to judge them or fix them. Even worse? Don't let yourself get bogged down by jealousy or envy.

Maybe you have things in common, but if you're truly this unhappy, they aren't your people. You just need to see that clearly and have the guts to admit it.

Now, if I'm wrong—and there's a chance I am—and you're actually just trying to be someone you're not, then raging at people more successful than you is just a vicious cycle. But I don't think that's the case.

You can't change your parents or just cut them out of your life, but you can try to accept them for who they are. You only have one set of parents. Believe in yourself and stop letting trivial nonsense get under your skin.

If you love dancing, go dance. If you love swimming, go swim. Do the stuff that fills you up, not the stuff that drags you down. 😉

Well, you mentioned earlier that you have a boyfriend... so I guess things aren't looking quite so bleak after all, right?

So... hmmm... look, just pick up a hobby, right? Find something that actually lifts you up, something you genuinely enjoy doing, and you'll start feeling a hell of a lot better...
I mean, look, the hardest part is always just taking that first step, but damn... you just gotta take it one step at a time.
It’s not that you’re lazy, it’s more like you're just wary of people, or maybe the unknown, or whatever else is weighing on you.

And regarding this whole thing—this "perfect life" concept.
Man, I don't buy into that idea that having a mountain of cash and being gorgeous equals perfection. That's just an illusion, honestly.
If a woman is just putting on a massive act to stay on top, she definitely isn't perfect...
But hey, if you don't want to hang out with people like that, fair enough. Nobody would want to.
I can tell you've got a strong character, too—it shows in how you talk and everything else. And if you've already navigated through all that shit and basically raised yourself into who you are today, then damn... you deserve some freaking luck.
Don't go ruining it for yourself! Seriously, if you were able to pull all that off and build yourself into such a solid person, then you aren't actually that far off... just a little more effort and you'll find that satisfaction and happiness.
Just take that first step.
And please, stop looking at everyone else. Comparing yourself to others just breeds insecurities, and frankly, screw that.
But look, if your version of a happy, perfect life involves having a killer car, or getting ripped, or whatever else, then go ahead and put in the work to get it. Whatever works for you, man; everyone has their own set of ideals.

It seems to me that you are subconsciously orchestrating your own social isolation, almost as if you’re performing a silent act of compliance to satisfy your parents by remaining unsuccessful. It is a curious psychological loop; nobody is actually forcing you to opt out of swimming or any other communal activity, yet you retreat as if under duress. I suspect this stems from an unconscious desire to appease them, fearing that if you were to truly flourish, you might face their rejection. But, if we look at the reality of the situation, they have already cast you aside quite decisively. Therefore, perhaps it would be more beneficial for your own sanity to simply learn to accept yourself for who you are. I mean that with the utmost sincerity.

Stay away from people who make you feel inadequate. I’ve been doing exactly that lately.
Of course, there will always be an employer or a coworker you have to tolerate, but for anyone you aren't required to interact with constantly, just cut them out of your circle.

Regarding parents, we can't change them, but I believe you are already on the right path toward "mentally detaching" yourself. When you hear a comment that hurts, try thinking, "That says everything about her character and nothing about my worth." I have also started ignoring provocations and simply not responding; sometimes I even pretend to agree, which seems to get them to move on faster so their annoying or malicious comments don't bother me anymore.

As for hobbies, I think it’s mostly just a matter of laziness. Sometimes I literally have to force myself to sign up for something, and then it starts to flow naturally. I also applied for a scholarship this year; I came very close to getting it, but it doesn't matter, at least I tried.

You are a great person. You just think too much. Many of us who are considered "lucky" often find ourselves feeling dissatisfied, perhaps even greedy or desperate for more happiness, more success, or greater satisfaction.

In reality, you have almost everything.
Keep yourself busy with various activities, just so you don't have too much time to overthink things.🙂
Best,

Walter Ramirez3, you’re honestly such a selfless person. Maybe that’s why you have so much to give—because you were robbed of that basic sense of security you usually get from having solid parents. From what you're saying, your folks are way too wrapped up in themselves to ever actually be your biggest cheerleaders or offer any real encouragement. It makes total sense why you feel so exposed around selfish people; you're basically dealing with a carbon copy of your home life, where everyone is obsessed with themselves instead of looking out for you.
Right now, it feels like you're caught in a tug-of-war between your dad's weaknesses and your mom's strength. You clearly see the path forward, but actually taking that step feels impossible even though the opportunities are right there in front of you.
You strike me as a powerhouse, but man, that internal brake holding you back is just as strong. You need to look closely at that brake—it's living inside you, not in the people around you.

Look... I don't want to start a whole new thread, so I'll just post here...

So, I've been working at it for the last few weeks... and it's happening... I started getting active, just for myself, not for anyone else...

I've distanced myself from certain people, and honestly, it feels great...

I have friends who love me exactly as I am, and they all say such kind things... because clearly, I try to make up for my own insecurities through how I act...🙂

And now... in three weeks, I'm heading to the coast... with my boyfriend, and with all these physically perfect people, which is just overwhelming...

It’s two girls and about five or six guys... those two girls are, you know... former college volleyball players, they've been dancing since they were toddlers, they perform at every major car show every year... blah blah...

And then there's me, dealing with all these hang-ups on top of everything...😳

But I don't even know how to describe these complexes... It's not that I'm insecure or weak or can't stand up for myself... oh, definitely not... when it comes to words, I'm actually quite... tough. It's not like I'm extra chubby or overweight right now. Not even close...
I have a perfect waist, but my legs... well, they're a bit heavy, though I don't mean fat or anything... they're just covered in stretch marks, which isn't pretty...

And I don't know... I'm looking forward to being with my guy for ten days... but when I think about the rest of them...🙂

I don't know... this insecurity and these pointless hang-ups are killing me...😳

Oh, Walter Ramirez3, I can certainly relate to what you're going through... when it comes to "body image" issues. Personally, I don't really struggle with my legs or my backside; my battle is always with my midsection, which just refuses to budge no matter how much I complain about it—though, if I'm being honest, I haven't actually been trying to change anything lately! As for stretch marks, there isn't a magic wand to make them vanish completely, but you can definitely make them less noticeable. Maybe try hitting up a tanning salon? I know they won't disappear entirely, but it helps. Honestly, I think the best thing you can do is try to embrace them as just another part of who you are, because they're a permanent part of your story. Once you truly accept yourself exactly as you are, you'll find you stop caring so much about those ultra-skinny models who look like they might snap in half at any moment. 😬

I realize it’s easy for me to say this from the sidelines, and believe me, I’d probably be feeling the exact same way if I were in your shoes, but please just try telling yourself that you are beautiful exactly as you are, imperfections and all. 😘

What am I even supposed to say to you?

The issue isn't that they're "perfect"—it’s that you're making way too much of it. 😉

Honestly, sounds like you've got way too much time on your hands to be overthinking this stuff. It's good you finally found something to do, though. 👍

Man, stop making problems where there aren't any.
Figure out what you actually want and just go for it.
Sports are always the move—just find the one you love.👍

If your intuition is as sharp as you claim, then you already know the answer!

Stop obsessing over everyone else's wins and focus on your own game.

I used to know this girl I thought was absolutely flawless. It wasn't even jealousy, I just genuinely admired how perfect she seemed. Then she got diagnosed with a brain tumor and I haven't seen her since.
Nobody in this world is truly perfect, period. Unless you're a saint, nobody is.
Besides, perfection isn't a destination.
It's more like a journey you take toward becoming your best self.🤣
The real challenge for all of us is trying to live up to the most epic version of ourselves.🤣

Mish, it isn’t about your legs. Even if you lost all the weight, you'd still be dealing with something else...

But what you’re feeling? That actually can be fixed. First, you have to admit to yourself that you’re worthy—which you truly are—that you have a great boyfriend, and just let it be...

It’s just hurt feelings

...thanks everyone...really...

You have no idea how much this means to me. 😳 🙂

Judging by your username, you seem like a pretty resilient person. As for your legs... I don't really see why it's an issue if you have a boyfriend. Given the circumstances you're dealing with—living around seniors and stuff like that—having a partner is probably your biggest asset. You should hold onto him and just enjoy being together. I say this from experience: when everything else in life fails you, the best thing you can do is find someone you love that you can actually turn to whenever you need to. So, I don't see why you're stressing over your legs. Besides, if it really bothers you, maybe just go for a run every day and you'll end up with great legs 🙂 good luck, Mish! 😘

Look, you are a wonderful person—talented, kind, and honestly, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Forget about those complexes. If you feel them, it’s because people are shoving them down your throat, including your mother and that "perfect girl" archetype. And let me tell you, those "perfect" types are rarely what they seem; usually, there’s something pretty nasty hidden beneath that polished surface. Just be happy. Find your own purpose. Those standards of size you're worried about? They aren't even XXXL, and even if they were... well, that's hardly a metric for a person's worth, right? Your actual character is far more significant than some number on a scale, unlike someone who spends their days starving themselves in a room alone, probably lost in their own delusions. Look, Walter Ramirez3, if we've all told you that you're great, then believe us. Hold onto that. That's the truth. Good luck.👍

Walter Ramirez3 said:Look... I don't want to start a whole new thread, so I'll just post here...

So, I've been working at it for the last few weeks... and it's happening... I started getting active, just for myself, not for anyone else...

I've distanced myself from certain people, and honestly, it feels great...

I have friends who love me exactly as I am, and they all say such kind things... because clearly, I try to make up for my own insecurities through how I act...🙂

And now... in three weeks, I'm heading to the coast... with my boyfriend, and with all these physically perfect people, which is just overwhelming...

It’s two girls and about five or six guys... those two girls are, you know... former college volleyball players, they've been dancing since they were toddlers, they perform at every major car show every year... blah blah...

And then there's me, dealing with all these hang-ups on top of everything...😳

But I don't even know how to describe these complexes... It's not that I'm insecure or weak or can't stand up for myself... oh, definitely not... when it comes to words, I'm actually quite... tough. It's not like I'm extra chubby or overweight right now. Not even close...
I have a perfect waist, but my legs... well, they're a bit heavy, though I don't mean fat or anything... they're just covered in stretch marks, which isn't pretty...

And I don't know... I'm looking forward to being with my guy for ten days... but when I think about the rest of them...🙂

I don't know... this insecurity and these pointless hang-ups are killing me...😳

Personally, I think stretch marks are great because they create a pattern. 😬 And no, I'm being dead serious. 😁>

Hey there, sweetie. Honestly, don't sweat those legs so much. It’s really all about your posture, how you carry yourself, and that inner confidence you project to the world.
Stretch marks aren't some huge deal either; they can be managed, and I highly doubt they'd ever make you any less attractive to someone worth your time.
And like you mentioned—you don't feel comfortable around a girl who seems like "perfection," right? Well, who would? It feels forced.
When people see that you're just a real, relatable human being, they actually find it easier to connect with you. With a personality as lovely and warm as yours, I think anyone would much rather spend their time with you than with some untouchable "superwoman."
Perfection just creates this awkward tension...
So please, don't worry about a thing. Sending love! Bye!

mistypanther said:Personally, I think stretch marks are great because they create a pattern. 😬 And no, I'm being dead serious. 😁>

What kind of logic 🤣
Total glass half-empty vibes 😁