Feeling completely hopeless

Jerry Martinez5 said:You didn't give us enough detail to figure out what's actually going on with you.🤷

Depression? Are you absolutely certain there isn't even a single genuine emotion left? Maybe, I don't know, during your morning coffee when you see the fruit trees in bloom or catch a glimpse of a river that actually looks nice?

Or maybe an occasional urge to dance when a good song comes on?

Check out the threads on Depression, Anxiety, and similar stuff.

Jerry Martinez5 said:You mentioned feeling "despair and low spirits" regarding love:
Are you just unlucky in love? When was the last time you actually had a "normal" relationship?

As for your goals: what kind of goals are we talking about here? That's a pretty broad statement. Is it a lack of self-confidence? How are you doing with setting small, manageable goals—things you can actually wrap up within a week?

swiftotter95 said:How can I start helping myself? Deep down, there’s this heavy sense of despair and listlessness that I feel like I’ve been tripping over my own feet over for my entire life... Every single time I face a new experience, holding onto this tiny flicker of hope that I might finally encounter something truly authentic, something liberating and joyful, I just seem to stumble at the very first hurdle, as if this profound state of being is woven into the very fabric of who I am.
Has anyone else here, dealing with a similar internal struggle, actually managed to find their way out of this darkness???

Jerry Martinez5 said:You mentioned feeling "despair and low spirits" regarding love:
Are you just unlucky in love? When was the last time you actually had a "normal" relationship?

As for your goals: what kind of goals are we talking about here? That's a pretty broad statement. Is it a lack of self-confidence? How are you doing with setting small, manageable goals—things you can actually wrap up within a week?

lonegardener said:Well... not yet. 😬

Maybe I never will, who knows. You sort of just adapt and keep moving, though maybe at a significantly reduced capacity... kind of like a bear going into hibernation. For me, it’s tied to this profound sense of existential emptiness—something I felt even back when I was just a kid. I wouldn't even call it a byproduct of how I live my life; it feels more "deeply rooted" than that. Maybe it's a lack of faith or something else entirely. I've spent time observing how other atheists live, trying to grasp what "purpose" actually means to them, but I haven't cracked the code. To me, both believers and atheists remain an enigma.

swiftotter95 said:When I truly lock in and give it my absolute all, the results I see are honestly way above average...
The problem is, I tend to drift, just sort of lingering in this sort of aimless limbo where I lose all my drive...

swiftotter95 said:I definitely recognize that feeling of hibernation. But for me, it isn't about a lack of meaning. It’s more of a deep, aching hunger for love—the sheer joy of it. Connecting with art and beauty provides me with this sense of radiance and transcendence that fills me up in certain moments... though connecting with people is a much harder road to travel.

swiftotter95 said:I appreciate the interest from Jerry Martinez5, we happen to be the same gender.
And yes, my self-confidence is definitely lacking.
It’s mostly when I’m out in social settings... there’s this nagging sensation that I’m being judged by everyone around me, a feeling I just can't seem to shake while it's happening, though I can process it better later on...
As for love, well, when it comes to love, I feel like a child who just wants to cling desperately to the one they care about. Instead of being guided by a healthy, balanced affection, that desperate need to hold on too tight comes out of me like some sort of vampire... And it always ends up the same way, I become overly serious, paralyzed by fear, and the outcome is all too predictable...

swiftotter95 said:When I truly lock in and give it my absolute all, the results I see are honestly way above average...
The problem is, I tend to drift, just sort of lingering in this sort of aimless limbo where I lose all my drive...

swiftotter95 said:I definitely recognize that feeling of hibernation. But for me, it isn't about a lack of meaning. It’s more of a deep, aching hunger for love—the sheer joy of it. Connecting with art and beauty provides me with this sense of radiance and transcendence that fills me up in certain moments... though connecting with people is a much harder road to travel.

Jerry Martinez5 said:Great. 👍👍

Look, it works. That’s vital. Here’s another practical tip: set smaller goals. Or better yet, just break your main goal down into bite-sized pieces. For instance, if you're aiming to graduate from medical school, that can feel like an impossibly distant, overwhelming mountain to climb—let's face it, med school is brutal. But if you instead celebrate passing the entrance exams, or find some small win in every single exam you clear... it changes things. Usually, we just end up killing ourselves with goals that are set way too high, which leads to total despair because we assume we're incapable before we even start. 😢

I find myself bragging every single time I actually tidy up my apartment. Or when I finally settle the utility bills. Even if I force myself to grab coffee with someone when I’d much rather just stay curled up on the couch at home. 😉

How do you feel about that approach—shorter goals and giving yourself a pat on the back?

Jerry Martinez5;20103780 said:👍👍👍

No, I don't think you're dealing with an extreme case here 🙂

It just seems like you have this overwhelming craving for validation and affection from everyone around you... and yeah, I know exactly how that story ends 😢

I can only really offer you that one cliché everyone repeats: you aren't going to find genuine love from anyone else until you actually learn to love yourself first

So, dear, I have to wonder... is there some sort of manual out there? A book or a guide on how to actually cultivate self-respect and self-love, while still staying open to the world without being so vulnerable to every little blow...
I realize that, at its core, everything basically boils down to a collection of learned patterns—bad habits formed by a lifetime of various traumas and living through difficult circumstances. And it makes me wonder, how much time does it truly take for a person to move from that initial moment of realizing the cause and effect of their behavior... to the actual stage where those new, healthier habits finally become second nature?

swiftotter95 said:How can I start helping myself? Deep down, there’s this heavy sense of despair and listlessness that I feel like I’ve been tripping over my own feet over for my entire life... Every single time I face a new experience, holding onto this tiny flicker of hope that I might finally encounter something truly authentic, something liberating and joyful, I just seem to stumble at the very first hurdle, as if this profound state of being is woven into the very fabric of who I am.
Has anyone else here, dealing with a similar internal struggle, actually managed to find their way out of this darkness???

wearyhawk83 said:Honestly, I think you just perfectly described what it's like to live life with a much deeper perspective on things.
I really feel like the sticking point is that word "hope" in your sentence—to me, that’s the secret to breaking free. You just have to focus on taking action a bit more and spending a little less time stuck in your own head. 🙂

swiftotter95 said:Look, is there actually a book or some manual out there on how to learn self-respect and self-love? To be open, yet resilient enough to handle the hits.
I suppose everything really just boils down to a collection of bad patterns—habits formed by trauma or just living in toxic environments. And how long does it actually take for someone to move from just being aware of those causes and effects to actually adopting new habits???

Jerry Martinez5 said:You can find piles of self-help books on the subject, but I don't really buy into the idea that reading helps much. Our issue isn't intelligence; it's emotions and behavioral patterns, and those aren't going to change just because you had a new intellectual epiphany.😢

I've been working through this via psychotherapy for a few years now. I'm finally in a relationship. And trust me, it’s anything but easy.

But when it feels like change takes forever: what exactly does forever mean? Compared to the rest of your life. For people who didn't experience love when they should have—in early childhood—learning it as an adult is brutal. It's like being discovered in a cave at twenty and suddenly having to learn how to speak, read, write, and even hold your head up.😢

It's happening, though. Slowly, but it's happening.🙂

swiftotter95 said:I was just sitting here thinking about what lonegardener mentioned earlier... it really does make you wonder how much we overlook in our daily routines, doesn't it? It's like that feeling you get when you're driving down a quiet stretch of highway in the Midwest, just watching the landscape shift, and suddenly you realize how much noise we usually carry around with us... anyway, I suppose my point is that there's a certain weight to these observations that most people just breeze right past without a second thought...
Well, I find myself in the exact same boat... 😍 But Ali—does it never weigh on you, even just a little bit, that what you’re chasing might simply be an illusion... that maybe this ideal version of things doesn't actually exist in the real world? I can't help but wonder if it’s just a beautiful dream we tell ourselves, one that we eventually have to let go of, sooner or later... 🤷

I can't help but feel that all this nihilism and cynicism you’ve been leaning into is really just a bit of a mask... though I suppose we all have our ways of shielding ourselves from the world, don't we?
You wouldn't happen to be here, would you... if you were truly, absolutely, one hundred percent certain about that...

swiftotter95 said:🙂 Is this getting closer to what I was aiming for??? I'm happy to try, but I always seem to trip over my own feet regardless of how much effort I put into it...

swiftotter95 said:That’s exactly what I’m curious about—that lived experience. This process of peeling back the layers, figuring out how much effort it takes to shed your old self just to experience a non-neurotic version of giving and loving... if such a thing is even possible at all...