Giving up is just easier...

Not sure if it’s just me, but whenever I start something and it doesn't go perfectly right out of the gate, I just... quit. Total meltdown ensues. Here’s the breakdown...
- trying to find a job
Look, I get it—finding work is a nightmare for everyone and people are grinding away at it, but after a few failed attempts, I’m just done. Who knows when I'll actually have the drive to try again? Plus, the idea of being stuck somewhere all day sounds exhausting, even though with the way things are, I obviously need the paycheck...

- I was actually planning to move away from the people and the environment that are bringing me down. I was literally in the middle of apartment hunting, but then my anxiety spiked and I bailed. I'm terrified of failing, and honestly, living under my parents' roof with zero independence in my 20s... it sucks.

I lose steam incredibly fast. Some days I don't even have the will to get out of bed, and instead of taking steps forward, every new opportunity just feels like a push in the wrong direction.

I can't deal with complexity—too much stuff just creates chaos for me. It’s funny because, in the end, I’m the one who ends up being labeled "complicated." 🙄

If something doesn't turn out exactly how I envisioned, I either stop trying entirely or I lose my mind. It’s the little things... like, I’d rather just whip up some pancakes than attempt a complex cake with fifty ingredients, mostly because my brain turns to mush before I even start. (Imagine what would happen if I tried to mess around with something like baking bread from scratch 🤦 )

Another thing that drives me crazy—and this is huge for me—is that my hair and makeup HAVE to be perfect. If they aren't, I'm basically canceling all plans and staying home.🙂

I mean, seriously, what is actually wrong with me?

In my view, it’s because you aren't actually pursuing your own objectives. Instead, you're just chasing the goals other people have forced upon you.

You’re thinking about this very logically, and I think those nagging questions are bubbling up because you’re feeling stuck. Maybe it's just the environment? You mentioned wanting to get some distance from certain people, and honestly, I get that.

Your surroundings can be pretty toxic sometimes, which makes staying true to yourself such a massive challenge. Bad experiences tend to leave a mark, don't they? And things feel even heavier when you finally see a bit of success, only to have things take a turn for the worse. It makes everything feel way more overwhelming than it actually is.

Just stay brave and keep being you. Try to speak your truth as often as you can. People who actually care and want to understand you will make the effort. Time and circumstances usually have a way of proving who's really in your corner.

It feels like you’re just following the path of least resistance, which is probably why you aren't hitting those goals you set for yourself. Honestly, if you want to actually land any major life milestone, you have to be willing to put in way more grit and make some real sacrifices because let's be real, the lucky few who stumble into success without breaking a sweat are basically non-existent.
If tackling everything at once feels impossible, maybe just start with the smaller wins that are easier to grab onto since that might actually spark some momentum and show you what else is out there.
You just gotta find that drive somewhere!

You’re just throwing in the towel because you clearly have some kind of safety net catching you, right? It feels like if things actually got serious—like if this were your actual career or something where someone was counting on you to pay the bills—you wouldn't be so quick to walk away...
You’re quitting because, let’s be honest, you don't really *have* to do any of this, so it's just easier to sit around being bored than it is to actually go all in on something...
Look, just start Googling jobs in a different city or even moving across the country; once you land one, then you hunt for an apartment, and once that's settled, you start looking for furniture and meeting new people at work... everything will just fall into place perfectly, you know? Because at that point, it becomes something you absolutely HAVE to do, since there's no fallback plan waiting for you...

Raymond Taylor8 said:It feels like you’re just following the path of least resistance, which is probably why you aren't hitting those goals you set for yourself. Honestly, if you want to actually land any major life milestone, you have to be willing to put in way more grit and make some real sacrifices because let's be real, the lucky few who stumble into success without breaking a sweat are basically non-existent.
If tackling everything at once feels impossible, maybe just start with the smaller wins that are easier to grab onto since that might actually spark some momentum and show you what else is out there.
You just gotta find that drive somewhere!

Honestly, this method works. Since I started doing this, my motivation issues have basically vanished. I always kick things off with something incredibly easy—like, ridiculously simple. Because it doesn't feel like a massive chore, my brain doesn't fight me on it. Once I nail that tiny win, the momentum builds, and suddenly I’m ready to take a slightly bigger step, then an even bigger one, and so on. It’s like building a snowball.

Now, I don't necessarily agree with the whole "sacrifice everything" bit. Sure, you need determination and a bit of sweat equity, but you can't treat life like it's some grim, heavy-duty mission. You don't need to have every single answer figured out by tomorrow morning, and you definitely don't need to conquer the world all at once.

That crushing pressure—that feeling that you absolutely *must* land a job right this second or become fully independent by next week—is exactly what breaks people. That's what kills your willpower and makes you want to throw in the towel. Isn't it way better to just jump at an opportunity when you see one, rather than spending days overthinking it and psyching yourself out?

Giving up on a specific desire for someone else can feel like a massive sacrifice to one person, but to someone else it might honestly just be nothing at all, because it really all comes down to an individual's mindset and how their brain is wired.
In my experience, people who are willing to be more self-sacrificing and take more risks always seem to have a much better shot at succeeding compared to those who aren't.

Try building some character, one small step at a time. Pick one tiny thing to deny yourself—something slightly uncomfortable to do. Gradually raise the stakes over time. You’ll be surprised by the results 😉

Man, you’re such a total perfectionist, at least from what I can tell by your posts.
You could probably dodge that whole chaotic brain-dump mess by just jotting stuff down in a notebook or keeping a journal or something.
Honestly, I’ve already tossed a mountain of scrap paper in the trash. When I write things out, I feel like I’m just spilling a bunch of useless junk onto the page, so tossing it later feels like this massive weight off my shoulders—kind of like how you feel when you finally give up on something.
It's like starting from zero every single time.
okp

Worst part is, I have zero clue how to deal with this constant fear of failing. My boyfriend and I were planning on moving in together, but once it was actually time to pull the trigger, I just froze and told him I wasn't ready yet... There's always something holding me back. Honestly, what even category does this fall under?

crimsonpuma23 said:Man, you’re such a total perfectionist, at least from what I can tell by your posts.
You could probably dodge that whole chaotic brain-dump mess by just jotting stuff down in a notebook or keeping a journal or something.
Honestly, I’ve already tossed a mountain of scrap paper in the trash. When I write things out, I feel like I’m just spilling a bunch of useless junk onto the page, so tossing it later feels like this massive weight off my shoulders—kind of like how you feel when you finally give up on something.
It's like starting from zero every single time.
okp

Yeah, I am. Everything has to be exactly how I pictured it—if it doesn't work out, the whole thing just falls apart and nothing makes sense anymore.

David Ross3 said:Worst part is, I have zero clue how to deal with this constant fear of failing. My boyfriend and I were planning on moving in together, but once it was actually time to pull the trigger, I just froze and told him I wasn't ready yet... There's always something holding me back. Honestly, what even category does this fall under?

Like I told you before: take it one step at a time. The situation with your boyfriend is a different beast entirely. Moving in together is a massive move. Maybe deep down, you aren't actually sure yet. If there’s no rush, don't rush it.

From what I can tell, you're a perfectionist. You need to learn to love who you are and give yourself permission to be imperfect every once in a while.😉

🙂

David Ross3 said:Worst part is, I have zero clue how to deal with this constant fear of failing. My boyfriend and I were planning on moving in together, but once it was actually time to pull the trigger, I just froze and told him I wasn't ready yet... There's always something holding me back. Honestly, what even category does this fall under?

It could be anything from being terrified of shaking up your routine or leaving your comfort zone to being way too tied to your parents or family. Maybe it's just that kid-like worldview where you haven't quite found that drive to go solo yet, or maybe your confidence is just bottoming out. Could be financial stuff, too. Or whatever.
You've gotta look inward and figure out what's actually driving this.
Think about it—when you were a toddler learning to walk, you were terrified of wiping out on the floor. Back then, hopefully, your folks were right there to catch you. Fear is baked into our DNA. Now you're facing a different version of it, but maybe you don't feel like you have that safety net anymore. If things aren't solid enough with your guy, you might not feel like you can lean on him.
At the end of the day, you need to learn how to stand on your own two feet. And if you aren't feeling steady enough to do that yet, find someone who can provide that stability for you.
And seriously, try some self-reflection—journal it out or just sit with your thoughts and really dig deep. 🙂 😉

First off—fear is actually a good thing, in and of itself. You aren't afraid of a specific situation, or a specific person. You’re afraid of the fear itself—that raw sensation. You're afraid of being afraid.
But fear is just a message saying, "Hey, look here; you need to take action." It’s a signal, a guide, a tool. It isn't something you should let paralyze you.

Separate the feeling from the situation. How? By leaning into it completely. Notice the fear. Pay attention to it. Feel the physical sensation of terror, accept that you are scared, and feel it shamelessly. Surrender to it—let it tremble, let it hurt, let it crush you. Stop trying to run or build defenses against your own emotions (not against life or circumstances).

Be vulnerable. And keep moving forward. Fear is calling you toward life. Don't you see that?
And then maybe you'll realize that "fear" isn't even the right word for it.

Honestly, some of this stuff actually scares me 😬 But I totally get where you're coming from.

Let fear take hold. Lean into it. Scared out of your mind? Good. Double down on that anxiety.

.. then you might actually learn something.

Andrew Price3 said:Let fear take hold. Lean into it. Scared out of your mind? Good. Double down on that anxiety.

.. then you might actually learn something.

Respect. 👍

The only thing that actually works in this game is a kind of fanatical, manic persistence.


... though, let's be real, you aren't going to achieve that overnight...

Sure, it’s not like you just "get" it—but how do you actually stay gritty and keep that momentum going?😬
Man, that’s a tough one... seriously...

David Ross3 said:Sure, it’s not like you just "get" it—but how do you actually stay gritty and keep that momentum going?😬
Man, that’s a tough one... seriously...

Giving up is way easier, right? 😬

Look, plenty of people are "persistent" about being persistent. It’s like being stubbornly stupid—you're just working overtime to stay clueless, you know what I mean? Just giving an example so we're on the same page.
Don't force it.
Honestly, I tried pushing this whole "persistence" thing for a week and then I totally gave up on being persistent itself.
But hey, lately I've been super persistent about listening to this one song over and over... 😁