Hard on herself and overly sensitive

Hey everyone.

I’m not entirely sure if this is the right place for this kind of thing, so please feel free to point me toward a better sub or just offer some guidance if you can.

After wasting a lot of energy on a past relationship and dealing with a pretty brutal breakup, I’ve undergone this massive shift—and honestly, I thought it was an upward trajectory. I won't bore you guys with the details of my ex or the relationship itself, but let's just say I've basically been tearing myself apart here in the States. 😉

Basically, I’ve moved on. I cried all I needed to cry, processed the loss, and eventually got over him... or so I thought. But as a person, I've changed in ways that feel unsettling. I've become incredibly self-critical and hyper-sensitive; I carry this crushing weight of guilt regardless of what I actually do. I'm constantly picking myself apart, and I just can't seem to relax. Not to mention, my sense of ego and self-esteem—which I used to have—seems to have vanished into thin air. 🤷 Who knows where they went?

On paper, life is fine. I work, I hang out with friends, I have good people in my corner, I exercise, I travel... things are okay. But the second anything goes wrong—even if it’s something minor—I immediately turn the blame inward. It triggers this flood of dark thoughts that spin into these elaborate, terrible narratives in my head. It spirals until I've convinced myself that everyone hates me, that everyone is gossiping about me, and that everything is my fault because I'm just a horrible person. Isn't that just wonderful?

Has anyone else dealt with something similar? How does one even start to help themselves through this?

Thanks...

Dennis Wilson9 said:Hey everyone.

I’m not entirely sure if this is the right place for this kind of thing, so please feel free to point me toward a better sub or just offer some guidance if you can.

After wasting a lot of energy on a past relationship and dealing with a pretty brutal breakup, I’ve undergone this massive shift—and honestly, I thought it was an upward trajectory. I won't bore you guys with the details of my ex or the relationship itself, but let's just say I've basically been tearing myself apart here in the States. 😉

Basically, I’ve moved on. I cried all I needed to cry, processed the loss, and eventually got over him... or so I thought. But as a person, I've changed in ways that feel unsettling. I've become incredibly self-critical and hyper-sensitive; I carry this crushing weight of guilt regardless of what I actually do. I'm constantly picking myself apart, and I just can't seem to relax. Not to mention, my sense of ego and self-esteem—which I used to have—seems to have vanished into thin air. 🤷 Who knows where they went?

On paper, life is fine. I work, I hang out with friends, I have good people in my corner, I exercise, I travel... things are okay. But the second anything goes wrong—even if it’s something minor—I immediately turn the blame inward. It triggers this flood of dark thoughts that spin into these elaborate, terrible narratives in my head. It spirals until I've convinced myself that everyone hates me, that everyone is gossiping about me, and that everything is my fault because I'm just a horrible person. Isn't that just wonderful?

Has anyone else dealt with something similar? How does one even start to help themselves through this?

Thanks...

Hehe, how sweet. 🙂

Just let me ask you one thing... why do you think you're a "terrible person"? Did something happen in your past that made you label yourself this way? Have you made enough mistakes in life that you've decided they define who you are?

I’m asking because that would be the starting point for fixing this, though I doubt you'll be able to pull yourself out of it alone.

Actually, no—nothing truly terrible or ugly ever happened to me in the past. My life was actually pretty great, everything was just fine... and things always seemed to go smoothly, too. It was almost like this pattern where I’d try hard, stay a good person, act with integrity, and eventually get what I deserved. Everything was fine until that relationship and that one specific thing that just... completely broke me.

I honestly feel like a horrible person because I can't stop thinking that I'm the center of the universe and that I'm responsible for everything. For all the bad stuff, basically 🙂. I just find myself spiraling into these thoughts—that I should have done this, or that if I had been more of this or that... I should emphasize that lately, this has been happening more often than not...

So, I went looking for some professional help, and they actually had the nerve to tell me I'm just spoiled 🙂🙂

I am absolutely refusing any kind of "help" like that ☕

Anyway, does anyone actually have a recommendation for a different kind of support?

Dennis Wilson9 said:Actually, no—nothing truly terrible or ugly ever happened to me in the past. My life was actually pretty great, everything was just fine... and things always seemed to go smoothly, too. It was almost like this pattern where I’d try hard, stay a good person, act with integrity, and eventually get what I deserved. Everything was fine until that relationship and that one specific thing that just... completely broke me.

I honestly feel like a horrible person because I can't stop thinking that I'm the center of the universe and that I'm responsible for everything. For all the bad stuff, basically 🙂. I just find myself spiraling into these thoughts—that I should have done this, or that if I had been more of this or that... I should emphasize that lately, this has been happening more often than not...

So, I went looking for some professional help, and they actually had the nerve to tell me I'm just spoiled 🙂🙂

I am absolutely refusing any kind of "help" like that ☕

Anyway, does anyone actually have a recommendation for a different kind of support?

Yeah, sounds pretty awful, doesn't it? 🙂

Dennis Wilson9 said:Actually, no—nothing truly terrible or ugly ever happened to me in the past. My life was actually pretty great, everything was just fine... and things always seemed to go smoothly, too. It was almost like this pattern where I’d try hard, stay a good person, act with integrity, and eventually get what I deserved. Everything was fine until that relationship and that one specific thing that just... completely broke me.

I honestly feel like a horrible person because I can't stop thinking that I'm the center of the universe and that I'm responsible for everything. For all the bad stuff, basically 🙂. I just find myself spiraling into these thoughts—that I should have done this, or that if I had been more of this or that... I should emphasize that lately, this has been happening more often than not...

So, I went looking for some professional help, and they actually had the nerve to tell me I'm just spoiled 🙂🙂

I am absolutely refusing any kind of "help" like that ☕

Anyway, does anyone actually have a recommendation for a different kind of support?

I guess I could listen to a pro a little bit... you know... but not too much. 🙂

I wasn't talking about *that* kind of help. But hey, if you keep trying to "advise" yourself like this, who knows where you'll end up. You can't do everything alone. 🙂 All those "life is great" vibes won't pull you out of this. Let it go. haha.

And yeah. You need a friend. A good one. Got anyone? 🙂 Someone who can sit down with you over coffee at some quiet little diner and gently tell you that maybe things aren't quite how you're spinning them—and then just give you a nudge or a smile to make you laugh. Like, "Look, this all happened after that disappointment, and it doesn't mean anything." That's what they should say.

Actually, you need... 5 element 🙂

ps: So, tell us about this guy who broke things off with you. What was it about him that makes it hard for you to even look for someone else? To just be yourself again? It's dead between you two, huh? You mentioned back in the States that you used to drive everyone crazy with this stuff... 😕

Um, as weird as it sounds, sometimes it's better when a sunny day ends with rain, especially if the nights are boring.

I have friends—some of them are really close—and of course, I’ve talked to them about all of this, and they’ve been a huge help. I’m genuinely grateful for them because, honestly, I don't know where I'd be without them. When I'm hanging out with them or just talking, I feel alright; they encourage me and help pull me back when my thoughts start drifting off in the wrong direction🙂 Quincy I'm not in constant contact with them, though... And when I'm not... everything just reverts to how it was before. My thoughts, all of it...

Maybe enough time hasn't actually passed yet for me to fully recover🤷

But I'm posting here and looking for advice because I'm terrified that I might never actually get better😢

Anyway, my ex—who I happen to work with now🙂—we were together for about two years, and the whole relationship was just... a mess. He has his "issues" and a pretty chaotic life, and I was right there by his side, trying to help him, pushing him to fix things, trying to make everything okay so we could move forward... But we didn't. In the end, he just stopped reaching out. So I'm left feeling disappointed. It's not even that I'm angry because I lost the love of my life or whatever cliché stuff people say, it's just pure disappointment... I put in all that effort for nothing; it feels like such a waste of time...

And now, I'm fine, I guess. I'm not crying, I'm not whining, I'm not depressed, but nothing just seems to have any point anymore... Don't get me wrong, it's not that life lacks meaning without him😂, it's more that I can't find the motivation to try at anything, like it's as if nothing I do will ever actually matter properly...

Dennis Wilson9 said:I have friends—some of them are really close—and of course, I’ve talked to them about all of this, and they’ve been a huge help. I’m genuinely grateful for them because, honestly, I don't know where I'd be without them. When I'm hanging out with them or just talking, I feel alright; they encourage me and help pull me back when my thoughts start drifting off in the wrong direction🙂 Quincy I'm not in constant contact with them, though... And when I'm not... everything just reverts to how it was before. My thoughts, all of it...

Maybe enough time hasn't actually passed yet for me to fully recover🤷

But I'm posting here and looking for advice because I'm terrified that I might never actually get better😢

Anyway, my ex—who I happen to work with now🙂—we were together for about two years, and the whole relationship was just... a mess. He has his "issues" and a pretty chaotic life, and I was right there by his side, trying to help him, pushing him to fix things, trying to make everything okay so we could move forward... But we didn't. In the end, he just stopped reaching out. So I'm left feeling disappointed. It's not even that I'm angry because I lost the love of my life or whatever cliché stuff people say, it's just pure disappointment... I put in all that effort for nothing; it feels like such a waste of time...

And now, I'm fine, I guess. I'm not crying, I'm not whining, I'm not depressed, but nothing just seems to have any point anymore... Don't get me wrong, it's not that life lacks meaning without him😂, it's more that I can't find the motivation to try at anything, like it's as if nothing I do will ever actually matter properly...

People always say time heals all wounds, but when you're pushing 30, time usually does more damage than good. So yeah, it's smart that you're worried. Honestly, the fact that you even care shows you're a solid person who looks out for herself. Stay that way.🙂 What's the point of playing these games with an ex? Are you supposed to feel like a failure because of it? Like you're... worthless? Just because one guy out of three billion didn't say, "Please, stay with me?"

Haha, please. You had zero impact on how things went down. If I'm reading the situation right, his own issues swallowed him whole. And they swallowed the relationship too. That's just how it goes, kid. I know, sounds a bit heavy, but that's just part of life—just like happiness. God, you could write books about it.😁 But whatever.

That relationship might just be a lesson... that it takes a hell of a lot of courage and risk to love someone who's struggling. Sad, I know.

Anyway, I think you're pretty great. If you're letting one mistake—one where you had absolutely no control, despite how much effort and time you poured into it—turn into some massive complex, well, it's kind of ridiculous. But it also proves how high-quality and considerate you are. That's the most feminine thing about it.🙂

You're a good person. One of those rare ones who should seek advice specifically so she can learn to respect herself, because that's what she deserves. You have to remember that sometimes... we actually matter.

And the people who truly try are the ones who understand that best, even if it feels useless right now.😂

Look, maybe it's time to stop looking back and start looking at yourself. You'll probably deny that you haven't moved on from the experience, but looking at this thread, I can tell you haven't.

Let it go. It's over anyway, and even if it isn't, you're just spinning your wheels.🙂 Ah, it's finally over!

ps: The silver lining of being played is that you finally figure out who you're actually dealing with. It's actually a good thing. Better safe than sorry.🙂

Well, you strike me as an intelligent individual,

Is the issue perhaps a struggle to accept that total control is an illusion? Could you try to relax just a little? Life shouldn't be taken quite so solemnly.

One more thing: life is fleeting. Your youth will slip away before you know it. If you spend your days retreating into a corner and blaming yourself for everything, you won't truly live. It is a simple truth.

Therefore, keep your chin up and move forward with optimism. 🙂))

Amy Castillo8 said:Well, you strike me as an intelligent individual,

Is the issue perhaps a struggle to accept that total control is an illusion? Could you try to relax just a little? Life shouldn't be taken quite so solemnly.

One more thing: life is fleeting. Your youth will slip away before you know it. If you spend your days retreating into a corner and blaming yourself for everything, you won't truly live. It is a simple truth.

Therefore, keep your chin up and move forward with optimism. 🙂))

I know exactly what the problem is! I honestly can't seem to relax or accept that certain things are just out of my hands. But, I guess, I am working on myself, so maybe it'll click eventually.. 🙂
What actually worries me more is that I wasn't even like this before—I've changed so much, though I suppose it's probably normal... Just one of those phases you go through in life..