HELP PLEASE - constant binge eating...

I am at my breaking point... I really am, and I’m honestly just desperate for some kind of help...
Look, my weight isn't actually the main issue—I’m 15, about 5'8", and weigh around 135 lbs... I guess I might be a little on the heavier side, but nothing extreme... The real nightmare is something else entirely... A year ago, I was hospitalized for anorexia—back then, I was barely 88 lbs. Ever since I got discharged, I haven't been able to stop bingeing. It's like I can't turn it off. I hit 155 lbs at one point, but I managed to pull myself together and get disciplined for a while, though it was an absolute struggle... But now? Now it’s even harder. I just can't stop myself—the second I get near food, I just lose control and gorge myself endlessly. Please, someone, help me!!!!

I just want to feel thin again. I want to get back down to maybe 110 lbs as soon as possible because I feel terrible. I'm depressed, and I am honestly terrified...

Please, if anyone has any advice, I'm begging you!!!!

Shut your mouth🙏

If you’ve done the labs and your thyroid levels—TSH, T3, T4—are looking fine (you can always hit up a private lab like Quest Diagnostics for about $30 per hormone), maybe try keeping a food diary? Just watch what you’re actually eating and try to avoid mindless snacking. I’m just spitballing here, but if you usually end up grazing in front of the TV at night, maybe swap that out for a walk around the neighborhood instead. Honestly, it might even be worth chatting with a therapist. At 173 cm and 61 kg, calling yourself "a little overweight" is a stretch—by any standard, you're right in the sweet spot, and 50 kg sounds pretty terrifying to me.

If you were hospitalized for anorexia just a year ago, you're definitely supposed to be under medical supervision or checking in with a doctor regularly. You’ve dealt with an eating disorder before—and clearly, it's back... Just tell your parents you need to see a specialist ASAP!!!

My parents have pretty much run out of patience with all of this, though honestly, who could blame them? I’m actually really angry at myself. I try so hard—I really do—but nothing seems to stick. Physically, I can still push through, even when it feels impossible, but mentally? I’m just broken. It’s like I starved myself for so long that now there’s no end in sight, and then I end up forcing myself to purge—which is just the bulimia talking.

Thank you. I’ll give the neighborhood walks a shot. I know hitting 50 pounds is going to be an uphill battle, but it’s truly what I want... I know I’m sick, I’m fully aware of that, but I can’t help feeling like I’m just a lost cause. My body image is completely distorted; I see myself as being so much heavier than I am. Everyone tells me I'm not, but that's just how I see myself.

Does anyone have any advice or maybe a meal plan that helps with actually eating without overdoing it, while still managing to lose some weight? Anything at all would be a massive help...

Thanks so much, everyone! =)

I doubt a meal plan is actually going to help you. Your issue is clearly psychological—honestly, I’ve been through my own hell with food issues before.
My best advice? Find something to keep you busy so you aren't constantly obsessing over eating. Stop going grocery shopping alone, and tell your family to keep the junk in the house to an absolute minimum.

I actually went out and got myself a dog, thinking it might help, but honestly? It hasn't done a thing—it’s not taking my mind off this at all...=(

If you can't get a complete grip on your appetite, then at least make sure you actually use what you consume. Get some physical activity in every single day.

Yeah. It’s a mess.

Start working out and grab some magnesium. It honestly works wonders.

Whether you're snacking because you're bored or because you're feeling down and unfulfilled,

either way, my best advice is to get moving! Find a sport or some kind of active hobby so your mind isn't constantly drifting toward food. Get out of the house and hang with friends—but skip the fast food joints and coffee shops. Try riding bikes around the neighborhood instead.

At home, ask your parents to stop stocking up on candy bars, sweets, chips, and processed spreads. It helps if most of the food requires actual prep work, like cooking from scratch or peeling things like peanuts or seeds. It slows you down.

Also, definitely check in with your primary care doctor. Ask them for a referral to a therapist to talk things through, and have them run some blood work or hormone tests just to be safe.
If your parents aren't being supportive, or if it feels like you're just getting on their nerves, that’s going to make everything harder. Try talking to them openly about it, but if that doesn't work, stick to the guidance from your school counselor or your therapist.

Good luck!

Maybe this will help too:

http://www.hope.org
The "Nancy" Association
New York City
10002

Hey, I’m heading into New York City; they're holding some open meetings there. 😉
I started doing the same thing around 3 PM, except back then I just stopped eating altogether. Now? I'm in this phase where I overeat for a month straight, then go two months barely touching food. You know you'll be fighting this your whole life, but hey, at least we aren't alone. 😉

At home, just ask your parents to stop buying all that junk—candy, chips, processed spreads, whatever. Make the bulk of what you eat stuff you actually have to prep, cook, or peel yourself. Like raw peanuts or seeds. Real food requires work.

For sure. I told my mom to stop bringing Nutella and all that crap into the house, and honestly? It’s been awesome since we cleared it out. I was never really a big snacker anyway, but I have a massive weakness for dried figs and Peanut M&M's... which nobody buys anymore because they know once I start, I can't stop. You need your friends and family to have your back on this stuff.

Thank you all so much... when I first started typing this all out, I honestly didn't expect to find this much support here—thank you, truly! =)
So, I actually took some initiative... I handed my mom her Disney card and told her to just destroy it and get it away from me... and she actually did it!
As for me, I'm hanging in there... It’s been incredibly tough, but I'm making progress—one tiny step at a time. Day by day, I'm eating less, and the vomiting is starting to subside... I also met a guy; I'm not in love with him yet (it's hard to fall for someone when you feel like this, you know?), but he's okay... anyway, that's not really the point right now... I've been spending time with him, going to belly dance classes (which I've been doing for a year now), hiking, cycling, and studying... I'm trying my best to stop obsessing over food... I'm working hard, even if it feels like two steps forward, one step back... then two steps forward and one back again...

Thanks again everyone, especially my dear Olivia Diaz34... =) A huge, heartfelt thank you to you!!!!!!!