How do I find myself?

Hey everyone.
Starting this thread because I could use some help, and maybe someone else feels the same way.
Basically, I’m not happy with how I’ve been acting lately. The catch? I don't even know how to fix it because I haven't figured out who I actually want to be yet. I want to work on my relationship with myself and how I treat people—and hopefully, get people to treat me better too, though we all know that's the hard part. I'm 16, so it's not like it's too late to turn things around and become someone worth being.
Anyone else in the same boat? Let me know.

Benjamin Lopez11 said:Hey everyone.
Starting this thread because I could use some help, and maybe someone else feels the same way.
Basically, I’m not happy with how I’ve been acting lately. The catch? I don't even know how to fix it because I haven't figured out who I actually want to be yet. I want to work on my relationship with myself and how I treat people—and hopefully, get people to treat me better too, though we all know that's the hard part. I'm 16, so it's not like it's too late to turn things around and become someone worth being.
Anyone else in the same boat? Let me know.

First off, you’ve gotta pinpoint exactly which behaviors are the ones messing things up. If you really sit down and think about it, I bet you can find specific moments where you went off the rails. Once you have those, try to visualize what a better reaction would have looked like—something where both you and the other person actually walk away feeling okay. Think more about leaning into your strengths rather than just beating yourself up, aim for productive conversations instead of those finger-pointing arguments, and start respecting boundaries, both yours and everyone else's...

One thing that’s definitely gonna happen pretty fast is that you'll see changes in yourself, mostly because you're still in those formative years where everything is shifting.
Whether you're young or we're getting older, we always have the choice to make smarter calls.
You’re a good person just as you are; we spend our whole lives just fine-tuning how we act.

Benjamin Lopez11 said:Hey everyone.
Starting this thread because I could use some help, and maybe someone else feels the same way.
Basically, I’m not happy with how I’ve been acting lately. The catch? I don't even know how to fix it because I haven't figured out who I actually want to be yet. I want to work on my relationship with myself and how I treat people—and hopefully, get people to treat me better too, though we all know that's the hard part. I'm 16, so it's not like it's too late to turn things around and become someone worth being.
Anyone else in the same boat? Let me know.

To get the ball rolling, can you actually explain what you mean by "how you're behaving" right now?

Benjamin Lopez11 said:Hey everyone.
Starting this thread because I could use some help, and maybe someone else feels the same way.
Basically, I’m not happy with how I’ve been acting lately. The catch? I don't even know how to fix it because I haven't figured out who I actually want to be yet. I want to work on my relationship with myself and how I treat people—and hopefully, get people to treat me better too, though we all know that's the hard part. I'm 16, so it's not like it's too late to turn things around and become someone worth being.
Anyone else in the same boat? Let me know.

Look, self-respect isn't just about what you know or what skills you have on your resume. It’s more fundamental than that. It's a baseline awareness of who you are as a person, regardless of your achievements. It's that internal sense that you actually matter to yourself. When someone hasn't made peace with themselves, they usually struggle to respect anyone else's needs or opinions, too. Generally speaking, people who have a healthy sense of self-worth tend to look at the world and the people in it through a more positive lens; they recognize their own value, which makes it easy for them to acknowledge the value in everyone else.

George Ward5 said:Look, self-respect isn't just about what you know or what skills you have on your resume. It’s more fundamental than that. It's a baseline awareness of who you are as a person, regardless of your achievements. It's that internal sense that you actually matter to yourself. When someone hasn't made peace with themselves, they usually struggle to respect anyone else's needs or opinions, too. Generally speaking, people who have a healthy sense of self-worth tend to look at the world and the people in it through a more positive lens; they recognize their own value, which makes it easy for them to acknowledge the value in everyone else.

Well, I guess there aren't really any limits. Unless they’re dealing with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. If it is that, then maybe there's no limit to how much damage they can do to those close to them.

George Ward5 said:Look, self-respect isn't just about what you know or what skills you have on your resume. It’s more fundamental than that. It's a baseline awareness of who you are as a person, regardless of your achievements. It's that internal sense that you actually matter to yourself. When someone hasn't made peace with themselves, they usually struggle to respect anyone else's needs or opinions, too. Generally speaking, people who have a healthy sense of self-worth tend to look at the world and the people in it through a more positive lens; they recognize their own value, which makes it easy for them to acknowledge the value in everyone else.

I have to disagree here; I don't think those two things are inherently linked. You can land on any of these four combinations: I’m good and others are good, I’m good but others aren't, I'm not good but others are, or neither I nor others are doing so well.

I guess you really find out who you are once you commit to that warrior mindset, because it means you actually stand for something—you have a code, some principles, a sense of honor and integrity. Those are basically the foundations for self-discovery, and then you just head into the fray of life and fight your way through. I suppose if you can hang in there, you'll eventually see what you're made of, and even if it feels like everyone thinks you're on your own, you probably won't be, and maybe being alone is actually where you end up finding your real strength.

Benjamin Lopez11 said:Hey everyone.
Starting this thread because I could use some help, and maybe someone else feels the same way.
Basically, I’m not happy with how I’ve been acting lately. The catch? I don't even know how to fix it because I haven't figured out who I actually want to be yet. I want to work on my relationship with myself and how I treat people—and hopefully, get people to treat me better too, though we all know that's the hard part. I'm 16, so it's not like it's too late to turn things around and become someone worth being.
Anyone else in the same boat? Let me know.

Now this is a great question, seriously, a really good one...

A lot of people hit this wall when they're already well into their 30s...

Honestly, you're still incredibly young, so keep that in mind—you're living under your parents' roof right now, they're influencing you, and you're basically on their dime since they're footing the bill... so yeah, you need to get moving, but you've got tons of time because you won't truly start shaping your own identity until you're fully independent, you know, once you move out and take full responsibility for your own life.

For a first step, try hitting up your local public library and heading straight for the self-help and modern psychology section... you'll find a ton of motivating stuff there.

Try to actually picture the version of yourself that you'd genuinely love to be—just let your imagination run wild... what kind of hobbies would you have? What sports? What kind of career? Where would you live, where would you travel, what car would you drive, what kind of girl would you be dating?... Once you see that, just start taking tiny steps to make it happen one day.

I’d say getting into sports is huge, not just for staying fit and in shape, but as an outlet for stress, building confidence, staying healthy, and looking good... I mean, if you want to attract a beautiful girl, you've gotta take care of your appearance... so find a way to stay active and just stick to it, every single day, no excuses.

Next, think about the things you actually enjoy doing, then look into careers that align with those interests... get involved in things related to that, like a summer camp, a hobby that leads there, a club... maybe a course, you can find everything online these days, just search Google and it'll pop up.
When you start diving into things you actually love, the time just flies by, and that's when your confidence starts to skyrocket.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter if you find the "perfect" thing immediately; what matters is that you start... and one thing will lead to another. For example, you might meet someone who tells you about something totally new, you get interested, and suddenly you're into it... it's all connected. You might even get bored of certain things, but that's how you discover yourself. You find yourself through trial and error. One day you'll realize, "Okay, I definitely hate this and that," and you'll have a list of a hundred things you don't like, but then you'll find that one thing you *do* love—and you wouldn't even know that unless you tried all the stuff that wasn't for you.

And talk to people! How others perceive you matters a lot because they can point out exactly what you still need to work on. Like, if you want to be a CEO one day, but you walk around slumping, giving up easily, struggling to lead a group, or jumping into conflicts constantly... you need to observe. Watch successful executives... they're decisive, they carry themselves with purpose, they're calm, they think fast, they stand their ground when necessary, and they're natural leaders. Work on yourself to build those specific traits.

Or, you might realize that whole path isn't for you at all, and you'd rather have a job with less responsibility, like being a freelancer or your own boss... maybe you just value freedom and flexibility more than anything.

You figure out who you are by trying to be someone you admire, and if you realize it's not a fit, you finally discover what actually clicks. That's how you become true to yourself and stay authentic.

So just go for it... start something... ask questions... give it a shot. Maybe you'll find your groove quickly, maybe not... but just keep moving and don't quit.

good luck