How do I stop procrastinating?! Help!

So, here’s the situation: I started dating this girl about two months ago, but we were actually close friends for quite a while before that. Everything in our relationship feels like a perfect ten, except for one major thing, and that’s her social life.
The issue is basically this:

When we both head out separately, I find it impossible to actually have a good time because my mind just drifts to where she is and what she’s up to... 😵
Most of the friction comes from the fact that she isn't originally from Chicago; she's just here for college. Lately, she's been hanging out exclusively with this one "friend" who is basically a total bad influence—the kind of person who is constantly dragging her into these wild parties or ragers with random groups of guys she met out of nowhere.

What am I supposed to do at this point? It feels wrong to tell her that it bothers me when she goes out with this girl, especially since she doesn't really have many other friends to hang out with, but staying silent feels just as bad because I know I'm eventually going to hit a breaking point. Where does that leave us?

Has anyone else dealt with something like this?
How can I keep her close without becoming the controlling boyfriend?
🙏

Let her go out. If you start acting possessive and suffocating, she’ll leave you anyway—it's practically a guarantee.

Is there actually some concrete reason to believe she’d cheat, or are you just overthinking things?

hollowhawk15 said:How am I supposed to keep her around without being a complete pushover?
🙏

Maybe try breaking her knees... might work better than talking. 😁

placidranger said:Just let her go out. If you start getting too possessive and won't give her any breathing room, she’s just going to leave you sooner.

Is there actually some specific reason why you don't trust her not to cheat on you?

I haven't even brought up how much this bothers me yet because I honestly thought it would just blow over on its own, but it really hasn't...

The thing is, the reason I'm worried is because of how her friend acts—she goes out specifically to hook up with guys, which involves drinking with a bunch of dudes and hitting up clubs or private parties with them... and since my girlfriend is always right there with her... isn't it strange how I can stop and realize that I'm being irrational and that I shouldn't be feeling this fear, yet I still can't seem to shake it? 😕

placidranger said:Just let the girl go out. Honestly, she’ll leave you sooner if you start acting possessive and won't give her any breathing room.

Everything that needs to be said has been said. 👍
There's really nothing left to type here.😁

hollowhawk15 said:But here’s the kicker—whenever I stop to actually think about it, I realize my logic is flawed. I know deep down I shouldn't be feeling this fear, yet there it is. It won't go away. Why? 😕

Yeah...
Maybe consider why you don't trust her enough to begin with...

hollowhawk15 said:So, here’s the situation: I started dating this girl about two months ago. We were actually close friends for a long time before we made things official. Everything in the relationship feels great—really solid—except for one thing: our social lives.
The real issue is this:

Whenever we go out separately, I just can't seem to enjoy myself. My mind is constantly racing, wondering where she is or what she’s up to... it's tough.😵
A big part of why this hits me so hard is that she isn't originally from here; she’s just in town for college. Lately, she’s been hanging out almost exclusively with this one "friend" who is basically a bad influence. This girl is always dragging her to these wild parties or house gatherings with all these random groups of guys she meets everywhere... which, honestly, is exactly why I get so anxious.

So, what am I supposed to do? It feels stupid to tell her that it bothers me when she goes out with this friend, especially since she doesn't really have many other people to hang out with. But at the same time, staying quiet feels wrong because I feel like I’m eventually going to snap, and then I'm the bad guy.

Has anyone dealt with something like this?
How can I keep her close without being a total control freak?
🙏

Hey, I might have a solution for you! Just snap a photo of that "bad influence" friend and let me know which parties they usually hit up. I’ll make sure to track them down at every single party and have a little chat with her. And don't worry, I'll keep an eye on your girlfriend too, provided she lets me. I might even try wearing some disguises a few times, though after five or ten parties, they'll probably figure out it's me. So, what do you think?

Mark White932 said:Maybe try breaking her knees... might get her attention. 😁

Kind of like that movie Boxing Helena... you know, where the guy chops off all her limbs just to keep her at home..😁

Jokes aside.. if she wants to hook up with someone, she’ll make it happen regardless of those outings. Don't sweat it, just enjoy yourself.

When I first started this thread, I honestly thought you were struggling with the guilt of sneaking out to see guys. Boy, was I wrong. It turns out the issue is once again rooted in men. 😁

What can I even say? Aside from being incredibly relieved that I don't have to deal with people like that anymore. 😁

And let’s be real: if her friend messes up, yours will follow suit immediately.

Besides, I’m sure that friend is perfectly fine and nothing like how you're describing her.

hollowhawk15 said:I haven't actually told her yet that it bothers me—I figured she’d just grow out of it eventually, but nope... still happening.

The real kicker is her friend... she goes out to "make amends" with guys, which basically means moping around a crowd of dudes and then hitting up after-parties, whether they're private or not. And since my girl is always with her... I don't know. When I stop and think about it, I realize I'm being irrational and shouldn't be feeling this way, but man, the anxiety is still there. How does that even happen? 😕

I think you should say: Just talk to her. 😁 😁 😁

Seriously, just have a conversation, man. Tell her what's eating at you—just like you did here. She might not change her social life entirely, but maybe she can reassure you that she isn't looking for trouble like her friend is. We all deal with stupid anxieties, right? A solid relationship is built on being open. Be the tough guy here on the forum if you have to, but at home? It's okay to feel vulnerable and just vent.

I'm worried about you, man. Being honest about feeling foolish is usually how real conversations start. Just share... sharing is caring. 😁 😁

Honestly, my friend, I’m starting to think you’re just bored out of your mind... You know, maybe find a little hobby? Or even better, grab a weekend gig at a local construction site or a quarry... You’d be so wiped out by Sunday night that the only thing on your mind would be crashing into bed.

They say nothing beats some hard manual labor to keep a man grounded...

😍 😵

Why not just let her go out? If it really bothers you that much, why not just sit down and talk it through instead of staying silent and letting yourself stew? You’ll only end up giving yourself an ulcer, and there’s really no point in that. Don't you think it might be better to just have a little more faith in her? 😳

Harold Gomez65 said:...... I honestly feel like you just need to have a little more faith in your partner 😳

The thing is, I really do trust her, and deep down I know she isn't going to cheat on me, but I’ve been burned before, and once you've been hurt like that, it stays with you and makes you second-guess everything when it comes to women... man 😢

Ava Ador:
...... And yeah, if her friend is unfaithful, yours is probably going to do the same thing with someone else pretty soon too...

Besides, that friend is likely perfectly fine, not at all the type of person you're making her out to be...

Just so you know, this is already the seventh (yes, SEVENTH) weekend in a row where this "friend" has slept with a different guy, and if I didn't mention it earlier, about four or five weeks ago, she was sleeping with two different guys she met on the same night at a club.
👋

...and in the end, everyone lived happily ever after...

So, I finally got my happy ending. This past weekend, they were supposed to head out together again, and instead of making a scene, I just decided to let her do whatever she wanted—which means she has no clue I’m actually pretty hurt about her hanging out with that crowd. And guess what happens? At 2:00 in the morning, she calls me up saying this whole situation isn't right anymore and that she's officially done hanging out with that friend of hers...😁 Why? Well, before they even left, there was this little pre-game party at her friend's place with drinks and everything, and when it was time to hit the town, everyone else headed out, but my girl, her friend, and two guys stayed behind. Of course, it turned out her friend was trying to set her up with one of the guys, even though she knows perfectly well she's in a relationship (though apparently, that doesn't mean much to Alice) and they ended up getting into a huge argument... haha 👍 ...and honestly, it doesn't even matter, but for Alice's sake, that same friend messed up again by hooking up with some guy from her college circle👋

So, Alice, how "normal" is all of this to you now? Are you also sleeping around with your buddies from campus, or have you just lost your mind?👋 👋