Is this depression, or something else? Help!

I don't display emotions—not the current mood you can usually read through someone's facial expressions, body language, or reactions. I am essentially a robot; I maintain a permanent poker face. When I hear something shocking, I remain indifferent. If I’m incredibly happy or deeply saddened, you wouldn't know by looking at me—it’s always the same expression. Honestly, I suspect people could tell me my entire neighborhood was wiped out, and I'd react the exact same way as if they told me someone stubbed their toe—it just "happens," and that's that. For two years now, nothing has been funny to me; I’m always that guy in the group who doesn't laugh, even when someone tells a joke that should be side-splitting. Nothing can terrify me, either—if they announced a full-scale war tomorrow, I’d act like it was just another Tuesday. I've become cold-blooded toward everything. The people I encounter and the stories I hear simply aren't interesting anymore. My communication with others is strictly transactional; I avoid my neighbors, nothing surprises me, and nothing can sadden or particularly gladden me. If I won the Powerball jackpot, knowing myself, I’d probably just say "cool" and go back to watching TV. Everything bores me within ten minutes. I’m constantly switching jobs, too—what is wrong with me? It’s as if I dropped in from Mars. I've noticed my communication skills have deteriorated; I can't concentrate because my attention span is shot, or I find myself giving nothing but one-word "yes" or "no" answers. I keep cutting off friendships as they develop—even though I don't actually want to. I want to change, but it just isn't happening.

Did anything hit you particularly hard emotionally right before that happened?

It’s pretty obvious there’s some underlying resentment or just a deep sense of being unfulfilled driving this, isn't there?
Are you actually getting out there—you know, hitting the gym, hiking through some national park, or just doing anything physical to shake off that stagnant feeling and get your energy back up?

James Mitchell11 said:Did anything hit you particularly hard emotionally right before that happened?

I am disappointed in everything—including myself. Looking back, I had a decent childhood; I never really faced the kind of struggles you see in blue-collar families, so this persistent dissatisfaction just keeps crawling back. I’ve always tried to push myself through it alone—I never sought out a therapist or asked for advice because I have this nagging suspicion that nobody actually cares about me, and besides, what good would their words do? I’ve felt this deep-seated discontent with myself, with people, with everything I see around me. There are moments when I genuinely hate the entire world from sunrise to sunset. It isn't even that I'm struggling to get by—my life is objectively good—but I can't explain it. I know plenty of people who support me and whom I could actually get along with, yet I find them completely uninteresting. I always look like I've lost everything, even though I can't pinpoint why. So, I just try to keep my head up. I feel this void—this sense that something is missing—but I have no idea what it is. Sometimes, I am honestly terrified of myself and the decisions I make, because it feels like every single one of them is wrong.

neonhawk16 said:It’s pretty obvious there’s some underlying resentment or just a deep sense of being unfulfilled driving this, isn't there?
Are you actually getting out there—you know, hitting the gym, hiking through some national park, or just doing anything physical to shake off that stagnant feeling and get your energy back up?

No... I work, then I head straight home to grab a drink, catch some sports, and maybe hit up the local pub if I’m feeling social—otherwise, I’m just glued to my PC. As for work? I hate it. There is zero motivation there. Every morning, I drag myself to the office like I’m heading to a prison cell. To put it bluntly: I hate everything about my current setup, and this environment is absolutely draining me. I know I need a change—I crave something new—but I am completely lost on where to even start. Sometimes, I get this overwhelming sensation that I don't belong anywhere—that there isn't a single place on this planet where I can actually find genuine inner peace or any sense of fulfillment. When I look around, I see people who seem genuinely content—people who are constantly positive and radiating this upbeat energy. It’s good to see them, and in a way, it should be motivating, but honestly? It just makes me feel like I’ll never find a real reason to be happy like they are.

Lethargy. Or maybe just total apathy.

I feel like I’m hitting some of the same walls you are. It might be a certain kind of depression, honestly.
I’ve been doing a bit of digging into it myself—I’ve got symptoms of bipolar disorder, but I also think there’s a term for it that doesn't quite have a direct translation, though I believe an Englishman would just call it unipolar, or major depression.

Best,

Honestly, if someone just handed me a billion bucks right now, I don't think I'd even know what to do with myself—though, let's be real, I'd definitely be a lot happier.

I'd probably feel pretty much the same way about all this stuff too.

Carol Barrett2 said:Lethargy. Or maybe just total apathy.

I feel like I’m hitting some of the same walls you are. It might be a certain kind of depression, honestly.
I’ve been doing a bit of digging into it myself—I’ve got symptoms of bipolar disorder, but I also think there’s a term for it that doesn't quite have a direct translation, though I believe an Englishman would just call it unipolar, or major depression.

Best,

I wouldn't go so far as to say I have a clinical disorder—I've always functioned perfectly fine within society—though, admittedly, I can't be certain. As a kid, I went through various behavioral shifts, but as I got older, those phases just seemed to pass. I've read about all sorts of psychological conditions where you can find bits and pieces of yourself in a few lines, yet nothing fits perfectly—so much so that I'm honestly not sure which category I would even fall into if I were.😁 But, as long as my mind stays sharp—and thank God, it does—I intend to stay grounded. Back in elementary school, I was significantly more high-strung than my classmates, which actually led my principal to refer me to a specialist, where they mentioned ADHD.

Carol Barrett2 said:Honestly, if someone just handed me a billion bucks right now, I don't think I'd even know what to do with myself—though, let's be real, I'd definitely be a lot happier.

I'd probably feel pretty much the same way about all this stuff too.

Then again, I might be happy—because, let's face it, it's better to be depressed on a superyacht than in a cramped apartment.

Try to tap back into what actually used to get you fired up. Was it playing guitar, getting lost in a good book, dancing, or maybe hitting the pool hall? Think back to those big dreams you had when you were a kid.
Give them another shot.
That’s usually the best way to find your spark again.
Just take it one step at a time and don't throw in the towel.

Joseph Kim said:I wouldn't go so far as to say I have a clinical disorder—I've always functioned perfectly fine within society—though, admittedly, I can't be certain. As a kid, I went through various behavioral shifts, but as I got older, those phases just seemed to pass. I've read about all sorts of psychological conditions where you can find bits and pieces of yourself in a few lines, yet nothing fits perfectly—so much so that I'm honestly not sure which category I would even fall into if I were.😁 But, as long as my mind stays sharp—and thank God, it does—I intend to stay grounded. Back in elementary school, I was significantly more high-strung than my classmates, which actually led my principal to refer me to a specialist, where they mentioned ADHD.

Then again, I might be happy—because, let's face it, it's better to be depressed on a superyacht than in a cramped apartment.

Honestly, it’d be way more tolerable, no question about it.
But then again, things could go sideways pretty fast—you might spiral, or maybe you wouldn't. Who knows? Maybe you'd just get a sudden wake-up call and snap out of it.

That's just a "whatever happens, happens" kind of situation, I guess.

James Mitchell11 said:Try to tap back into what actually used to get you fired up. Was it playing guitar, getting lost in a good book, dancing, or maybe hitting the pool hall? Think back to those big dreams you had when you were a kid.
Give them another shot.
That’s usually the best way to find your spark again.
Just take it one step at a time and don't throw in the towel.

I do have passions and goals, but I’m moving way too slowly—time is slipping through my fingers and my surroundings feel incredibly stagnant. I’m stuck in jobs that drive me insane; every time I finally clear one hurdle, another one pops up right in its place. I’ve thought about packing up and changing my entire environment, but there are people here I can't easily walk away from—and if I did, I'd be starting from absolute zero.

Carol Barrett2 said:Honestly, it’d be way more tolerable, no question about it.
But then again, things could go sideways pretty fast—you might spiral, or maybe you wouldn't. Who knows? Maybe you'd just get a sudden wake-up call and snap out of it.

That's just a "whatever happens, happens" kind of situation, I guess.

He wouldn't "snap back" by doing that. Suicide isn't a solution to problems.

Joseph Kim said:I do have passions and goals, but I’m moving way too slowly—time is slipping through my fingers and my surroundings feel incredibly stagnant. I’m stuck in jobs that drive me insane; every time I finally clear one hurdle, another one pops up right in its place. I’ve thought about packing up and changing my entire environment, but there are people here I can't easily walk away from—and if I did, I'd be starting from absolute zero.

He wouldn't "snap back" by doing that. Suicide isn't a solution to problems.

Yeah, I get it. Maybe I wouldn't either.

If you weren't in IT, maybe things would be different—because let's face it, in tech, there's always another fire to put out.

Maybe your work is something like math or accounting—it's just repetitive, and after a while, the monotony starts to eat at you.

And we humans? We crave the thrill, the new stuff, the challenge. We absolutely hate being bored out of our minds.

Have you thought about picking up a side hustle or a second job if you can swing it? Like, keep doing what you're doing part-time, but find something actually interesting—something that makes you feel alive.

As for the whole "starting from zero" thing and leaving people behind... yeah, you're right. That’s incredibly tough. No doubt about it.

Carol Barrett2 said:Yeah, I get it. Maybe I wouldn't either.

If you weren't in IT, maybe things would be different—because let's face it, in tech, there's always another fire to put out.

Maybe your work is something like math or accounting—it's just repetitive, and after a while, the monotony starts to eat at you.

And we humans? We crave the thrill, the new stuff, the challenge. We absolutely hate being bored out of our minds.

Have you thought about picking up a side hustle or a second job if you can swing it? Like, keep doing what you're doing part-time, but find something actually interesting—something that makes you feel alive.

As for the whole "starting from zero" thing and leaving people behind... yeah, you're right. That’s incredibly tough. No doubt about it.

I'm not in Tech. But honestly, everything bores me pretty quickly—though, I suppose I wouldn't get bored if I were doing something I actually loved. A "dream job," if you will—but that's a different conversation entirely. You have to take the opportunities presented to you; that's the only way to actually move forward. If I spend my whole life dodging responsibility just to avoid boredom, I'll end up absolutely nowhere.

Two jobs? Please. I can barely handle the stress I have now—adding more would give me a legitimate reason to check out early.

I feel like you’ve hit a bit of a rut lately, maybe even some burnout.
You really need to shake things up to get that spark back—do something that actually gets your adrenaline pumping!

Think paragliding, riding a motorcycle through the desert, or a massive cross-country road trip... something like that.

Perhaps you’ve just let routine get the better of you.
There are plenty of us in the same boat.😉

Joseph Kim said:I'm not in Tech. But honestly, everything bores me pretty quickly—though, I suppose I wouldn't get bored if I were doing something I actually loved. A "dream job," if you will—but that's a different conversation entirely. You have to take the opportunities presented to you; that's the only way to actually move forward. If I spend my whole life dodging responsibility just to avoid boredom, I'll end up absolutely nowhere.

Two jobs? Please. I can barely handle the stress I have now—adding more would give me a legitimate reason to check out early.

I guess I didn't word that very well, so you missed my point entirely.

What I actually meant was—think of it as a bridge. Like, a transition phase. You take this current gig you're stuck in and start scaling back—either by cutting hours or just coasting through it—while you hunt for something that actually makes you happy. Once you land that dream role, you ramp up there and slowly phase out the old job that's currently making you miserable.

So, yeah... just two jobs for a little while, acting as a temporary buffer until you can finally ditch the one that's draining your soul.

But hey, what do I know? I'm clearly not exactly winning any awards for life coaching.

Later.

Nicole Booth25 said:Perhaps you’ve just let routine get the better of you.
There are plenty of us in the same boat.😉

Honestly, what keeps me going right now is this whole project I'm working on. Though, if I'm being real, it's getting harder to stay focused because life—you know, everything else—keeps pulling my attention away from the screen.

But yeah, you're not wrong; a repetitive routine can absolutely wreck a person. It did the same thing to me with math back in the day—and I was actually pretty gifted at it when I was a kid.

James Mitchell11 said:I feel like you’ve hit a bit of a rut lately, maybe even some burnout.
You really need to shake things up to get that spark back—do something that actually gets your adrenaline pumping!

Think paragliding, riding a motorcycle through the desert, or a massive cross-country road trip... something like that.

An adventure trip sounds tempting—really. But I can't just drop everything for 10 days a year to be completely off the grid, and honestly, when I finally *do* have free time, I don't have the energy to travel—so I just spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family. Plus, I’m usually saving up for specific long-term goals, so there isn't much left over for spontaneous trips.

Nicole Booth25 said:Perhaps you’ve just let routine get the better of you.
There are plenty of us in the same boat.😉

probably ☕

Carol Barrett2 said:I guess I didn't word that very well, so you missed my point entirely.

What I actually meant was—think of it as a bridge. Like, a transition phase. You take this current gig you're stuck in and start scaling back—either by cutting hours or just coasting through it—while you hunt for something that actually makes you happy. Once you land that dream role, you ramp up there and slowly phase out the old job that's currently making you miserable.

So, yeah... just two jobs for a little while, acting as a temporary buffer until you can finally ditch the one that's draining your soul.

But hey, what do I know? I'm clearly not exactly winning any awards for life coaching.

Later.

That was just a misunderstanding on my part. What can I say? A job that would actually make me happy... I’m afraid that won't happen anytime soon. I have to take whatever work is offered to me. People tell me, "Be grateful you even have a job," so I have to pretend to be happy. I've been thinking about moving away from America for a long time, but I'm terrified of change, and it's certainly not a simple decision.

Professional diagnosis > an authorized expert..

The users here are regularly cautioned, penalized, or even banned when they attempt to issue (do) diagnoses ☕

Depression is a far more serious condition, so perhaps it wouldn't be such a bad idea to actually trust the medical institutions that are meant to be doing their jobs 😬 Let them do a little work on you for once 🙂

Good luck 👍

Lawrence Bailey77 said:Professional diagnosis > an authorized expert..

The users here are regularly cautioned, penalized, or even banned when they attempt to issue (do) diagnoses ☕

Depression is a far more serious condition, so perhaps it wouldn't be such a bad idea to actually trust the medical institutions that are meant to be doing their jobs 😬 Let them do a little work on you for once 🙂

Good luck 👍

You need a reality check 😁

Lawrence Bailey77 said:Professional diagnosis > an authorized expert..

The users here are regularly cautioned, penalized, or even banned when they attempt to issue (do) diagnoses ☕

Depression is a far more serious condition, so perhaps it wouldn't be such a bad idea to actually trust the medical institutions that are meant to be doing their jobs 😬 Let them do a little work on you for once 🙂

Good luck 👍

Joseph Kim said:You need a reality check 😁

Let them experiment on me, since they're already experimenting on everyone else anyway.

What they’re telling you about work—they aren't entirely wrong, but then again, they aren't entirely right either. If you're miserable, burnt out, or just plain unhappy with your job... yeah, you should probably find a new one.

It seems like we humans are always chasing something better.