Managing emotions and self-control

How much does self-control actually matter, and where does it sit in relation to our emotions?

Is having control over yourself more important than just reacting based on how you feel in the moment? Why do we sometimes end up doing things that make absolutely no sense? And honestly, how can we get better at staying focused on what’s right in front of us?

Goals, goals, goals—it’s all anyone ever talks about.

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But how do you stay fair to yourself while chasing all those goals—and being fair to everyone else, too?

For a long time, I thought controlling my own mind was an impossible feat. Then, I spent a long while knowing it was possible, yet failing to actually reach that state and feel it. Now, I can finally say I have experience communicating with my own mind. I wouldn't call it "control," though... it's more like observing your own mind.

Our minds are hardwired to build constructs, script scenarios, and manufacture emotions. Most often, these are just emotional patterns the body got used to from the past, regardless of whether they actually support us or hold us back. I’m sure everyone reading this has felt that moment where the mind simply refuses to stop racing through a topic. If you feel like you can't shut your mind down—like it’s somehow detached from you and just "playing its own movie"—that is the sign that you can observe it. The fundamental truth we have to grasp is that we are not our minds. Or rather, we aren't *just* our minds.

The well-known American author of "Quantum entrainment", Frank Kinslow, discovered a clever technique to help quiet your thoughts. Suppose you find yourself under siege by your own thinking. What you can do is consciously tell yourself: "Now I am waiting to see what my next thought will be." Then comes the next sentence: "Now I am waiting to see what shape my next thought will take?" Followed by: "Now I am waiting to see what color my next thought will be?" What you'll notice is that in the gap between waiting and the arrival of the new thought, a void emerges. That void is the thoughtless space. If you keep repeating those questions, that thoughtless space expands.

A second technique is more demanding; it involves letting thoughts arise while simultaneously watching them as if they were a separate part of you. Try framing it like this: "Let's see what my mind is producing now, what story it's trying to sell me. I won't believe it immediately; I'll just watch it for a start." In other words, you move yourself into a space where your awareness (your attention) observes your thoughts. In that moment, wisdom becomes your natural state. Because wisdom is precisely the refusal to be tethered to your own feelings and projections; wisdom is the ability to maintain "just-in-time" self-reflection and make decisions based on free choice rather than emotional turbulence.

In short, you can't control thoughts, but you can observe them and recreate them. Thoughts will come regardless because the space they emerge from is infinite and unknown to us. As a leader, you face thousands of stimuli daily that trigger specific thoughts and feelings. When that happens, just remember and ask yourself: "Whoa, what is my mind trying to create now? Are you being useful to me right now, mind, or are you not?" You'll see how the mere act of observation changes the content of your thoughts and your emotional reaction to them. Usually, the shift moves toward peace, strength, and a change in direction.

Donna Hill27 said:For a long time, I thought controlling my own mind was an impossible feat. Then, I spent a long while knowing it was possible, yet failing to actually reach that state and feel it. Now, I can finally say I have experience communicating with my own mind. I wouldn't call it "control," though... it's more like observing your own mind.

Our minds are hardwired to build constructs, script scenarios, and manufacture emotions. Most often, these are just emotional patterns the body got used to from the past, regardless of whether they actually support us or hold us back. I’m sure everyone reading this has felt that moment where the mind simply refuses to stop racing through a topic. If you feel like you can't shut your mind down—like it’s somehow detached from you and just "playing its own movie"—that is the sign that you can observe it. The fundamental truth we have to grasp is that we are not our minds. Or rather, we aren't *just* our minds.

The well-known American author of "Quantum entrainment", Frank Kinslow, discovered a clever technique to help quiet your thoughts. Suppose you find yourself under siege by your own thinking. What you can do is consciously tell yourself: "Now I am waiting to see what my next thought will be." Then comes the next sentence: "Now I am waiting to see what shape my next thought will take?" Followed by: "Now I am waiting to see what color my next thought will be?" What you'll notice is that in the gap between waiting and the arrival of the new thought, a void emerges. That void is the thoughtless space. If you keep repeating those questions, that thoughtless space expands.

A second technique is more demanding; it involves letting thoughts arise while simultaneously watching them as if they were a separate part of you. Try framing it like this: "Let's see what my mind is producing now, what story it's trying to sell me. I won't believe it immediately; I'll just watch it for a start." In other words, you move yourself into a space where your awareness (your attention) observes your thoughts. In that moment, wisdom becomes your natural state. Because wisdom is precisely the refusal to be tethered to your own feelings and projections; wisdom is the ability to maintain "just-in-time" self-reflection and make decisions based on free choice rather than emotional turbulence.

In short, you can't control thoughts, but you can observe them and recreate them. Thoughts will come regardless because the space they emerge from is infinite and unknown to us. As a leader, you face thousands of stimuli daily that trigger specific thoughts and feelings. When that happens, just remember and ask yourself: "Whoa, what is my mind trying to create now? Are you being useful to me right now, mind, or are you not?" You'll see how the mere act of observation changes the content of your thoughts and your emotional reaction to them. Usually, the shift moves toward peace, strength, and a change in direction.

I think Kinslow is great. It took me a little longer to really "get" it, though... the book didn't totally click for me, but his audio exercises are phenomenal. There's one specifically for negative emotions that I just listen to whenever. Lately, I haven't needed them as much because I've grasped the core principle and can apply it on my own. It's all about focusing on that "empty space" between two thoughts or emotions. You watch the thoughts or feelings pass by just to catch that gap that eventually opens up between them... and then you just observe that, along with the sense of peace that comes with the process.

Joseph Bailey41 said:I think Kinslow is great. It took me a little longer to really "get" it, though... the book didn't totally click for me, but his audio exercises are phenomenal. There's one specifically for negative emotions that I just listen to whenever. Lately, I haven't needed them as much because I've grasped the core principle and can apply it on my own. It's all about focusing on that "empty space" between two thoughts or emotions. You watch the thoughts or feelings pass by just to catch that gap that eventually opens up between them... and then you just observe that, along with the sense of peace that comes with the process.

👍Yeah, there's also this way of looking at it:

http://www.newlife.com/how-to-stop-ruminating-on-thoughts/

.
Or maybe this one: .. http://www.budjenjeduse.com/index.ph...tivnim-mislima

Carl Rivera43 said:How much does self-control actually matter, and where does it sit in relation to our emotions?

Is having control over yourself more important than just reacting based on how you feel in the moment? Why do we sometimes end up doing things that make absolutely no sense? And honestly, how can we get better at staying focused on what’s right in front of us?

Look, you can't just flip a switch and control your emotions—not unless you're basically made of steel, right?
The only way you're ever going to "control" how you feel is if those feelings aren't actually tied to anything meaningful in the first place.
If you ask me, self-control is huge, but let's be real—sometimes your emotions are just gonna win.
I mean, how can you honestly expect someone not to react when something hits them where it hurts? That feels like a mission impossible to me!