Obsession...

I’m honestly a little hesitant to even be posting this here.🤦
Here’s how it all went down. About ten months ago, I stumbled upon this girl on Facebook and sent her a friend request, mostly just because I saw she was a huge fan of Gunse, just like me. She accepted the next day and reached out immediately. She was genuinely cool—really pretty, too—and we ended up messaging almost every single day. We had this great rapport for about two and a half months before the moment finally came where we actually met in person. It wasn't even planned; I never expected us to cross paths like that. She was supposed to go to a Gunse concert with her boyfriend, who’s originally from the Midwest (she’s studying in Chicago but grew up in California), but something came up for him, so she asked if I could tag along so she wouldn't have to go alone.
Ever since that one encounter, I’ve just been completely lost. To be blunt, the meeting itself didn't exactly go smoothly, but that didn't stop me from being drawn to her. It’s not like she’s the first girl I’ve ever liked, but I’ve never become this sensitive or worked myself up like this before, and now I don't know what to do with myself. I am absolutely crazy about her; I haven't been able to get her out of my head since that day. In the beginning, our conversations were wonderful, but ever since we met, she hasn't really wanted to talk because I started acting obsessive. I simply couldn't help myself from reaching out to her constantly. I kept projecting all these heavy, sad emotions onto her, which clearly bothered her. Then things turned sour; I started being rude, and she started being rude back regarding certain things. When she wouldn't talk to me, I’d get frustrated and say stupid things to her. I turned into someone I never thought I would be. Eventually, she blocked me because of how I was acting. We didn't speak for about three weeks—honestly, I don't know how I endured it—and then I practically begged for her forgiveness, promising her I’d act normal if she’d let me back in. After days of pleading, she finally gave me a chance, but only on MSN. Honestly, it’s been worse.
She claims she’s moved past everything. I’m not so sure about that.
Now, I’m not even allowed to mention her name. Why? Because she says it makes her uncomfortable when someone she doesn't personally know calls her by her name, 🤷
The bottom line is, I still come across as obsessed. I begged her to add me back on Facebook, but she refused. Instead, she’s started being incredibly harsh toward me. She hurts me, mocks my feelings, and calls me an emo🤦 and tells me I’m not normal or that I’ve lost my mind.
Then, out of pure spite, I’ll call her by her name, and she threatens to block me again if I do it one more time. Who’s the crazy one here?🤷
It’s fine if she wants to insult me, but if I say her name, she threatens to cut me off entirely??
I have apologized to her for everything I’ve done, but she never apologizes to me. There are things that happened—things I won't even go into—that really hurt me, but she couldn't care less. It seems like it's just impossible for her to say sorry.
There have been several times where I’ve done favors for her, but whenever I ask her for something, I get nothing in return. When she needs something, I’m the helpful guy, but as soon as it’s over, she starts making fun of me.
Regardless, all I want is to be her friend, though that feels impossible while I'm in this state of mind. This has been dragging on for seven or eight months now, and it feels so foolish because I don't even truly know her. Nothing can shake my interest in her. I just can't seem to cool off. I know I need to get out more and stop moping over some girl who doesn't care about me and whom I’ve only seen once. I'm sure it isn't a pleasant feeling to be obsessed over. I told her I fell in love with her, and she just said you can't fall for someone you don't know. I honestly don't know if she's right. But yeah, I'm a fool, as is clearly evident, and it’s honestly pathetic that I’ve ended up here.
I feel embarrassed even writing this (there’s plenty more I’ve left out), so if anyone has any advice, please let me hear it...
I just hope you guys don't start mocking me too.

Jerry Williams10 said:I’m honestly a little hesitant to even be posting this here.🤦
Here’s how it all went down. About ten months ago, I stumbled upon this girl on Facebook and sent her a friend request, mostly just because I saw she was a huge fan of Gunse, just like me. She accepted the next day and reached out immediately. She was genuinely cool—really pretty, too—and we ended up messaging almost every single day. We had this great rapport for about two and a half months before the moment finally came where we actually met in person. It wasn't even planned; I never expected us to cross paths like that. She was supposed to go to a Gunse concert with her boyfriend, who’s originally from the Midwest (she’s studying in Chicago but grew up in California), but something came up for him, so she asked if I could tag along so she wouldn't have to go alone.
Ever since that one encounter, I’ve just been completely lost. To be blunt, the meeting itself didn't exactly go smoothly, but that didn't stop me from being drawn to her. It’s not like she’s the first girl I’ve ever liked, but I’ve never become this sensitive or worked myself up like this before, and now I don't know what to do with myself. I am absolutely crazy about her; I haven't been able to get her out of my head since that day. In the beginning, our conversations were wonderful, but ever since we met, she hasn't really wanted to talk because I started acting obsessive. I simply couldn't help myself from reaching out to her constantly. I kept projecting all these heavy, sad emotions onto her, which clearly bothered her. Then things turned sour; I started being rude, and she started being rude back regarding certain things. When she wouldn't talk to me, I’d get frustrated and say stupid things to her. I turned into someone I never thought I would be. Eventually, she blocked me because of how I was acting. We didn't speak for about three weeks—honestly, I don't know how I endured it—and then I practically begged for her forgiveness, promising her I’d act normal if she’d let me back in. After days of pleading, she finally gave me a chance, but only on MSN. Honestly, it’s been worse.
She claims she’s moved past everything. I’m not so sure about that.
Now, I’m not even allowed to mention her name. Why? Because she says it makes her uncomfortable when someone she doesn't personally know calls her by her name, 🤷
The bottom line is, I still come across as obsessed. I begged her to add me back on Facebook, but she refused. Instead, she’s started being incredibly harsh toward me. She hurts me, mocks my feelings, and calls me an emo🤦 and tells me I’m not normal or that I’ve lost my mind.
Then, out of pure spite, I’ll call her by her name, and she threatens to block me again if I do it one more time. Who’s the crazy one here?🤷
It’s fine if she wants to insult me, but if I say her name, she threatens to cut me off entirely??
I have apologized to her for everything I’ve done, but she never apologizes to me. There are things that happened—things I won't even go into—that really hurt me, but she couldn't care less. It seems like it's just impossible for her to say sorry.
There have been several times where I’ve done favors for her, but whenever I ask her for something, I get nothing in return. When she needs something, I’m the helpful guy, but as soon as it’s over, she starts making fun of me.
Regardless, all I want is to be her friend, though that feels impossible while I'm in this state of mind. This has been dragging on for seven or eight months now, and it feels so foolish because I don't even truly know her. Nothing can shake my interest in her. I just can't seem to cool off. I know I need to get out more and stop moping over some girl who doesn't care about me and whom I’ve only seen once. I'm sure it isn't a pleasant feeling to be obsessed over. I told her I fell in love with her, and she just said you can't fall for someone you don't know. I honestly don't know if she's right. But yeah, I'm a fool, as is clearly evident, and it’s honestly pathetic that I’ve ended up here.
I feel embarrassed even writing this (there’s plenty more I’ve left out), so if anyone has any advice, please let me hear it...
I just hope you guys don't start mocking me too.

You bet I am... 😵

And you think you know how to escape that madness... I know I need to get out more. I can't keep moping around over some girl who doesn't give a damn about me—especially when we've only met once.

Gather all your strength and just do what I quoted from the opening post. Don't you dare turn around, kid! 😬

Ronald Rogers27

Ronald Rogers27 said:You bet I am... 😵

And you think you know how to escape that madness... I know I need to get out more. I can't keep moping around over some girl who doesn't give a damn about me—especially when we've only met once.

Gather all your strength and just do what I quoted from the opening post. Don't you dare turn around, kid! 😬

Ronald Rogers27

The thing is, I just don't have that kind of strength right now, and that's the whole issue.

It is obvious she is playing you and has no serious intentions. Cut all ties on Facebook and Messenger—basically, disconnect from everywhere you can reach her.

I’ve never actually told her I wanted anything more than what we have. I know deep down there’s zero chance of that ever happening, but I’m just completely head over heels for her.
Like I mentioned before, my goal is for us to be friends, but honestly, I need to stop reaching out to her until I can get my head straight, because this whole thing is just doing me no favors.

Good grief🙄
I didn't anticipate you'd pin so much of this on her, mostly because I left out a few earlier details and just decided to take the fall for everything myself.
A handful of people I’ve vented to have already pointed out that she’s acting completely irrational.🤷
I’m 22 and haven't been in a relationship yet, though I suppose that's beside the point.
I’m going to try my best to keep my distance, but saying I’ll never speak to her again feels like a stretch.
Truth be told, if I stayed silent for long enough, she’d likely reach out to me anyway; I just need to let go of that little illusion.
Part of me really wants to give her a piece of my mind and go after her properly, but I’m just not that kind of person.

@Jerry Williams10, you clearly see the whole picture and might even be sensing the solution yourself, yet somehow you keep circling back to the same spot without ever breaking free. If this girl is turning you down—especially if she’s already seeing someone else—you really have to just let her go and move on, because there isn't any other way forward. You've already admitted that you can't quite wrap your head around why you're so fixated on her, but isn't it possible that the issue isn't actually her? You don't truly know her, so isn't it more likely that you've just built up this perfect version of her in your mind and you're actually falling for a fictional character? It's time to move forward... maybe step away from Facebook and everything else online for a bit, because in the real world, there are plenty of amazing women out there waiting for you 👍

coppertiger12 said:@Jerry Williams10, you clearly see the whole picture and might even be sensing the solution yourself, yet somehow you keep circling back to the same spot without ever breaking free. If this girl is turning you down—especially if she’s already seeing someone else—you really have to just let her go and move on, because there isn't any other way forward. You've already admitted that you can't quite wrap your head around why you're so fixated on her, but isn't it possible that the issue isn't actually her? You don't truly know her, so isn't it more likely that you've just built up this perfect version of her in your mind and you're actually falling for a fictional character? It's time to move forward... maybe step away from Facebook and everything else online for a bit, because in the real world, there are plenty of amazing women out there waiting for you 👍

You hit the nail on the head with everything except maybe the part about there being plenty of good women out there for me.
That’s the crux of the issue, though—I just can't seem to find my footing and move forward. It doesn't matter how cold she acts toward me; one day she might just give me a chance, and then I'm right back at square one, reaching out again. I can't seem to break the cycle. I'm done hunting for strangers on social media, anyway. Honestly, I haven't even been active on my profiles lately because since she's gone, I just don't feel like being there anymore.

You’ve discovered a shared passion with her, perhaps that mutual appreciation for the same kind of music, but you have to realize there are plenty of other girls out there who also enjoy gunse. At this point, your only real path forward is to keep searching until you find the right person. Is it possible that this intense obsession is surfacing simply because you haven't been in a committed relationship until now, causing your emotions to surge more powerfully than they perhaps should? Almost everyone experiences this at some point in their lives—that whirlwind, irrational infatuation that bears little resemblance to true love or the realities of actual life. 🤷

coppertiger12 said:You’ve discovered a shared passion with her, perhaps that mutual appreciation for the same kind of music, but you have to realize there are plenty of other girls out there who also enjoy gunse. At this point, your only real path forward is to keep searching until you find the right person. Is it possible that this intense obsession is surfacing simply because you haven't been in a committed relationship until now, causing your emotions to surge more powerfully than they perhaps should? Almost everyone experiences this at some point in their lives—that whirlwind, irrational infatuation that bears little resemblance to true love or the realities of actual life. 🤷

It wasn't the gunse that made me lose my mind over her.😁
But maybe he's right about the lack of experience, because I feel completely lost. I keep asking myself what on earth is wrong with me. I've become incredibly childish, and whenever she gets harsh and hurts my feelings, I end up a total wreck—yet she couldn't care less. And the kicker? Even that doesn't turn me off.
What a mess I am.🤦

Oh, don't be so hard on yourself 🙂 It’s all designed with people in mind, after all 😉

Yeah, I guess I am. Just making a fool of myself here.

There have been moments where I found myself spinning in circles, fully aware of the issue at hand and certain of the best way to fix it, yet somehow unable to break free... it was more of a different kind of obsession. My husband—back when we were just dating—remarked to me, "I don't think I've ever met anyone who understands their own struggles so clearly and can rationalize them so perfectly, yet remains trapped in this endless loop instead of finding a way out." I tried using autosuggestion, which offered some relief occasionally, but it wasn't until I actually stepped away from the source of that stress and consciously redirected my thoughts toward something else that I truly found my footing. I'm not sure if I was being clear enough 🤷 or if I've just left you feeling even more confused 😕

So, I think you’re suggesting I just go out and hunt for some random hobby to act as a sort of mental distraction, a way to stop overthinking things. But since my schedule is basically an empty void right now—and finding a decent job in this economy feels like chasing a ghost—it all just boils down to spinning my wheels in place, exactly like you said.

I suspect you might be the only person truly capable of helping yourself here; you understand the core of the issue, even if you can't quite wrap your head around why you've become so fixated, or why it has to be her specifically. 🤷
Well, I’m certainly no expert... but when I take a moment to reflect, a specific situation within my circle of friends comes to mind that could easily be described as an obsession. This guy is a bit older than you, and this whole ordeal has been dragging on for years—I really hope I'm not scaring you off, and I sincerely hope you find a way to break free from your own fixation before it goes this far. 😉 To give you some context, this man has spent years fruitlessly pursuing the same woman; they actually tried dating a couple of times, but it just never clicked, yet he refuses to let go. During those brief periods they were together, she felt completely suffocated, and he wasn't truly happy either, but still, he won't move on. Even though they aren't together anymore, he simply cannot seem to walk away; he constantly circles back to her and tries again, only to end up insulting her through his erratic behavior, acting almost as if he's lost his mind, despite being a genuinely wonderful and kindhearted person most of the time. He lacks experience with long-term commitment since their time together was so fleeting, but regardless of the outcome, he persists... It honestly sounds like a textbook case of obsession.

Even if it might feel like the chapter has already closed, I truly believe the story is still unfolding... I certainly hope you don't find yourself stuck in this same position...

coppertiger12 said:I suspect you might be the only person truly capable of helping yourself here; you understand the core of the issue, even if you can't quite wrap your head around why you've become so fixated, or why it has to be her specifically. 🤷
Well, I’m certainly no expert... but when I take a moment to reflect, a specific situation within my circle of friends comes to mind that could easily be described as an obsession. This guy is a bit older than you, and this whole ordeal has been dragging on for years—I really hope I'm not scaring you off, and I sincerely hope you find a way to break free from your own fixation before it goes this far. 😉 To give you some context, this man has spent years fruitlessly pursuing the same woman; they actually tried dating a couple of times, but it just never clicked, yet he refuses to let go. During those brief periods they were together, she felt completely suffocated, and he wasn't truly happy either, but still, he won't move on. Even though they aren't together anymore, he simply cannot seem to walk away; he constantly circles back to her and tries again, only to end up insulting her through his erratic behavior, acting almost as if he's lost his mind, despite being a genuinely wonderful and kindhearted person most of the time. He lacks experience with long-term commitment since their time together was so fleeting, but regardless of the outcome, he persists... It honestly sounds like a textbook case of obsession.

And she tells me she can't even breathe when I'm around. 😢
There’s something else I haven't mentioned yet. I ended up having a conversation with her boyfriend the other day. I was venting to her about why she acts this way, how much she hurts me, and how she doesn't seem to care, and she ended up telling him everything, which led to him reaching out to me. I handled it calmly; I didn't want a confrontation because that's just not who I am. He gave me a polite request on her behalf to just leave her alone. I told him I would, but deep down, I feel like I'm lying to him. I don't know if I'll be able to hold back.
That friend of yours sounds exactly like me. I act so strangely toward her, even though I know I'm not a bad person—I've never even gotten into a fight with anyone in my life.
But there it is; I've come across looking like an obsessed man.

coppertiger12 said:Even if it might feel like the chapter has already closed, I truly believe the story is still unfolding... I certainly hope you don't find yourself stuck in this same position...

Man, I’m right there with you. It’s been eight months of this...

I truly wish you nothing but the best, and I sincerely hope you can move past this chapter quickly so you might find an amazing woman who truly appreciates you for who you are. 👍