People who are choosing to be childfree

Hello there.
There’s one thing I just can't wrap my head around lately. Why does our society react with such intense hostility whenever someone dares to mention they don't want children? I brought this up recently during a dinner with some older folks and their circle of friends, and one gentleman looked absolutely horrified, as if I’d admitted to a felony. I mean, how am I even supposed to explain it—that I simply don't want them? (Though, apparently, if you aren't eager to be a parent, you're just being willfully ignorant.)
Personally, I don't see what all the fuss is about. Every time I hear those tired clichés, like "I spent all morning feeding my son with a spoon just to make sure he actually swallowed his food... kids are life's greatest treasure," I feel a physical urge to recoil. To be perfectly honest—though I try not to let the disgust show publicly—I tell people straight up that I value my freedom, that I want to focus on my career, and that I plan to travel with a partner, only to immediately be condescended to with comments like, "Oh, you just don't understand yet..." 🤦
The sheer audacity of it.
What do you all think? Is it really considered "abnormal" to not want to spend your life cleaning up after someone, feeding them smelly mush, and sitting through endless school meetings? Am I asking for too much comfort by choosing not to spend the next twenty years constantly worrying about someone else or draining my bank account on ballet lessons, English tutors, and soccer camps? Am I truly that selfish if I'd rather come home to a tidy apartment, sink into the couch, and enjoy a quiet moment after a long day at work, instead of cooking massive family meals and stepping on Lego bricks every five minutes? 🤣
I don't know what's going on with America lately, but people seem to have completely lost their minds.😵

Why? Because they want kids themselves, or they’ve convinced themselves that everyone else should, too. It’s that classic "if I'm doing it, everyone has to" mentality—so naturally, they’re going to take issue if you dare to have a different take.
If you actually stop to think about it, you'll see this exact same pattern playing out in pretty much every debate out there—not just when it comes to having children. 😁

Anyway, regarding your question—honestly, both sides are valid. Some people want them, some don't. It's just that people with opposing views tend to clash more often. Don't sweat it. 😁

Look, don't get me wrong, I have absolutely nothing against other people's kids; I’ll play with them here and there without any issue. But when it comes to my own? Not a chance. And I suppose I should mention—though I completely blanked on it earlier—how the old man insisted during dinner that having a family is "the absolute pinnacle of a woman's life." Honestly, the sheer irony of it all... hahahah. 🤦🤦😵

I suppose you’ll end up seeing things a bit differently once you actually meet the person you're meant to be with. 😬

Personally, I don't have any desire to have kids either. And honestly, I couldn't care less about all that mindless drama people make out of it.

crimsonhound4 said:I suppose you’ll end up seeing things a bit differently once you actually meet the person you're meant to be with. 😬

Personally, I don't have any desire to have kids either. And honestly, I couldn't care less about all that mindless drama people make out of it.

Well, I actually met him. And he doesn't want them either. My grandmother used to lecture me with that same tired rhetoric, so I can safely say her opinion holds zero weight with me now.😁

quietpilot87 said:Why? Because they want kids themselves, or they’ve convinced themselves that everyone else should, too. It’s that classic "if I'm doing it, everyone has to" mentality—so naturally, they’re going to take issue if you dare to have a different take.
If you actually stop to think about it, you'll see this exact same pattern playing out in pretty much every debate out there—not just when it comes to having children. 😁

Anyway, regarding your question—honestly, both sides are valid. Some people want them, some don't. It's just that people with opposing views tend to clash more often. Don't sweat it. 😁

👍

One reason why talking to people feels less and less necessary to me lately. If we agree, I feel like I'm just talking to myself. If we disagree, it actually hurts—like physically hitting my head against a wall. And if I just bite my tongue and give some fake little smile just to keep the peace, then what's the point? It feels like a massive waste of time to pretend.
It's pretty rare to find someone who hits that perfect middle ground on everything.

But, back to the topic...
The other day I was watching this documentary about folks from a small town in Texas. When an Imotian was describing this single guy who traveled halfway around the world and started his own business, he ended up adding that the guy had no wife or kids. "See? Nothing there." 🙏
Then, when he talked about one of his neighbors' marriages, he went, "They have five kids, so clearly the marriage works." Sure, maybe the husband gets aggressive after a few beers, or maybe they can barely afford to feed the kids, but apparently, "if there are five of them, everything is just fine." 🙏

redscout46 said:Hello there.
There’s one thing I just can't wrap my head around lately. Why does our society react with such intense hostility whenever someone dares to mention they don't want children? I brought this up recently during a dinner with some older folks and their circle of friends, and one gentleman looked absolutely horrified, as if I’d admitted to a felony. I mean, how am I even supposed to explain it—that I simply don't want them? (Though, apparently, if you aren't eager to be a parent, you're just being willfully ignorant.)
Personally, I don't see what all the fuss is about. Every time I hear those tired clichés, like "I spent all morning feeding my son with a spoon just to make sure he actually swallowed his food... kids are life's greatest treasure," I feel a physical urge to recoil. To be perfectly honest—though I try not to let the disgust show publicly—I tell people straight up that I value my freedom, that I want to focus on my career, and that I plan to travel with a partner, only to immediately be condescended to with comments like, "Oh, you just don't understand yet..." 🤦
The sheer audacity of it.
What do you all think? Is it really considered "abnormal" to not want to spend your life cleaning up after someone, feeding them smelly mush, and sitting through endless school meetings? Am I asking for too much comfort by choosing not to spend the next twenty years constantly worrying about someone else or draining my bank account on ballet lessons, English tutors, and soccer camps? Am I truly that selfish if I'd rather come home to a tidy apartment, sink into the couch, and enjoy a quiet moment after a long day at work, instead of cooking massive family meals and stepping on Lego bricks every five minutes? 🤣
I don't know what's going on with America lately, but people seem to have completely lost their minds.😵

🤣
First off, you actually cracked me up with those descriptions and all that stuff about kids...

Why did I bold that part? Well, I think kids *are* a treasure, but if I tried to argue that specific point, this post would be way too long...

All I'll say is that when we talk about "treasure"—not everything holds the same value for everyone by default. We all carve out our own paths and hunt for whatever we personally deem most valuable. But, there are also certain treasures that take on a totally different meaning as we pick up—or lose—wisdom over the years.

To answer your question: No! It isn't crazy or stupid to not want kids. It’s quite simply a choice that every single person has the right to make. Period. Without all the labeling or accusations that you're somehow a "lesser" person because of it.

Unfortunately, society as a whole just can't seem to go through a reality check where they realize their worldview isn't some universal manual everyone else is required to follow. It's way easier to just blend into the majority's "accepted" lifestyle. Being different, having actual personal stances, or just being yourself—that falls outside the rules of what's considered "normal" behavior.

It's twisted and backwards, whatever. 🙂

P.S. It's not just an American thing, either. The rest of the world deals with this crap too. It's just that here, the culture is so fertile for these kinds of issues that they pop up to the surface almost instantly.

You aren't the only one who feels this way about not wanting children. I don't want them either, personally. I suppose the world is just fundamentally broken, so why bring kids into such a chaotic mess where they’ll mostly endure misery? They might experience a few fleeting good moments, but those will likely be forgotten or relegated to mere dreams, while most of their lives are spent watching everything crumble around them without any sense of understanding. Not to mention the constant vigilance required; the world is crawling with idiots, and some complete moron could easily ruin a child's entire existence. It honestly worries me how society views people who choose to live solo—without a spouse or kids—as if there's this idiotic premise that choosing a life free of obligations makes you some kind of social freak. There seems to be this unspoken rule that someone without a family is somehow less valuable. If everyone simply followed the crowd and had children, we wouldn't be any different from rats. In fact, that's exactly what the world is becoming: a rat race, because the planet is getting too crowded and resources are becoming prohibitively expensive. I suspect that anyone bringing children into the world right now isn't entirely thinking clearly. If they have every aspect of their lives perfectly in order, then I guess that's a blessing to them, but those who have kids just because they think it's "what you do," without being stable or rational, are actually doing more harm than good.
Besides, those of you judging her for not wanting kids are probably the idiots in question.
As for me, I certainly wouldn't have a child—thank you very much, but absolutely not. No chance at all.

It’s one thing for the OP to be stubborn about her stance, but she fails to see that cleaning up after kids is actually more productive than smoking. Besides, baby food smells a whole lot better than the cigarette smoke she proudly carries home from work every day. Honestly, I’d much rather have a kid than spend my life smelling like an ashtray; wouldn't that make life a lot more interesting?

ruggedtinker9 is a king among men. 👍 We honestly need more people with your kind of perspective out there in the world.

As for me, I found myself sitting there, staring at all this, and ended up lighting up a cigarette just to deal with the weight of it all. Because, let’s be honest, if we’re truly going to embrace the radical side of things, I suppose even the scent of a toddler's mess might smell better than this smoke. MMMM 🤦

redscout46 said:ruggedtinker9 is a king among men. 👍 We honestly need more people with your kind of perspective out there in the world.

As for me, I found myself sitting there, staring at all this, and ended up lighting up a cigarette just to deal with the weight of it all. Because, let’s be honest, if we’re truly going to embrace the radical side of things, I suppose even the scent of a toddler's mess might smell better than this smoke. MMMM 🤦

Sure, let's go radical. You have to wash your backside and scrub your hands because, let's face it, we deal with crap quite often. But showering up just to smell like a pack of Marlboros fifteen minutes later? That’s a pretty funny way to define freedom. It would be much easier if some secret government agency watched over us to make sure we all smelled like a floral arrangement instead.

Alexander Adams94 said:Sure, let's go radical. You have to wash your backside and scrub your hands because, let's face it, we deal with crap quite often. But showering up just to smell like a pack of Marlboros fifteen minutes later? That’s a pretty funny way to define freedom. It would be much easier if some secret government agency watched over us to make sure we all smelled like a floral arrangement instead.

There is also flavored tobacco out there that actually helps mask the stench of cigarettes quite a bit. Besides, the law is already pretty much working in favor of non-smokers since you can't smoke inside cafes or restaurants anymore anyway. If the smell bothers you at home, you just send the smokers out onto the sidewalk... honestly, this whole idea of a "secret army" policing our scents feels entirely unnecessary. 😁

You can't even discipline children with a firm hand anymore; you have to sit them down and "explain" why certain behaviors are unacceptable. They start getting hooked on tablets, computers, and smartphones by the age of one, consuming all sorts of mindless cartoons that essentially rot their brains. Then they throw tantrums and scream because they want everything immediately. Sure, kids are just wonderful, aren't they? And then they grow up, struggle to find decent employment, and blame you for bringing them into such a broken world—only to end up moving overseas to work themselves into the ground for pennies. Honestly, I think I’d rather just light up a cigarette and stare at the ceiling than deal with the burden of raising a child. I don't even smoke, but I'm just saying 🙂

Isn't there something incredibly intimate about those quiet moments? You watch the baby settle into the crib, then you pull your partner close to you, catching that faint scent of coconut in the air. Then the baby stirs, she gets up to soothe them, and when she finally climbs back into bed, you're just left with the lingering scent of her hair against your chest.

Alexander Adams94 said:Isn't there something incredibly intimate about those quiet moments? You watch the baby settle into the crib, then you pull your partner close to you, catching that faint scent of coconut in the air. Then the baby stirs, she gets up to soothe them, and when she finally climbs back into bed, you're just left with the lingering scent of her hair against your chest.

If I’m being perfectly honest, my preference leans toward a much simpler scenario: being able to lose myself in someone who smells like coconut and actually enjoying some uninterrupted, god-given intimacy without having to pause for a crying infant or resort to burying my face in a pillow to keep quiet. 😉

I’d much rather bury my head in a pillow to drown out a screaming kid than have to deal with the empty rhetoric on TV and the endless shouting matches from the idiots over at The New York Times.

redscout46 said:Hello there.
There’s one thing I just can't wrap my head around lately. Why does our society react with such intense hostility whenever someone dares to mention they don't want children? I brought this up recently during a dinner with some older folks and their circle of friends, and one gentleman looked absolutely horrified, as if I’d admitted to a felony. I mean, how am I even supposed to explain it—that I simply don't want them? (Though, apparently, if you aren't eager to be a parent, you're just being willfully ignorant.)
Personally, I don't see what all the fuss is about. Every time I hear those tired clichés, like "I spent all morning feeding my son with a spoon just to make sure he actually swallowed his food... kids are life's greatest treasure," I feel a physical urge to recoil. To be perfectly honest—though I try not to let the disgust show publicly—I tell people straight up that I value my freedom, that I want to focus on my career, and that I plan to travel with a partner, only to immediately be condescended to with comments like, "Oh, you just don't understand yet..." 🤦
The sheer audacity of it.
What do you all think? Is it really considered "abnormal" to not want to spend your life cleaning up after someone, feeding them smelly mush, and sitting through endless school meetings? Am I asking for too much comfort by choosing not to spend the next twenty years constantly worrying about someone else or draining my bank account on ballet lessons, English tutors, and soccer camps? Am I truly that selfish if I'd rather come home to a tidy apartment, sink into the couch, and enjoy a quiet moment after a long day at work, instead of cooking massive family meals and stepping on Lego bricks every five minutes? 🤣
I don't know what's going on with America lately, but people seem to have completely lost their minds.😵

I'm with you 100%, especially after seeing what my brother's wife went through during her pregnancy. Then my best friend... man, 🙂 it was brutal. She’s bleeding, she’s leaking milk, she can’t even shower properly. They had to do surgery on her, she has stitches, it hurts just to go to the bathroom, and her stomach looks like it was hit by a steamroller. Some people will claim, "Oh, it's all natural." Sure, it is. But if you're going to brag about it, then go ahead and give me the kid; I won't complain. Except now everything is stretched out, and there's zero sleep because the little thing is constantly screaming for something. Give me a break. What she said about needing three different types of diapers—one for the baby, one for herself, and one for when she's leaking... it's ridiculous. And when she handed me the baby to hold? I looked at it and couldn't understand what people find so precious. "Aww, so cute." Not me. It's just spit and mess, and babies don't even smell good; they smell like undeveloped tissue. I'll stick to cats. When I see five or six kittens stumbling around blindly looking for warmth, am I crazy? God, I hate people. 😁

Uninformed people tend to cling blindly to outdated traditions
that is essentially your answer

everyone seems to have this preconceived notion that young people should just rush through life, get their footing, and start building families immediately...

brightviper22 said:I'm with you 100%, especially after seeing what my brother's wife went through during her pregnancy. Then my best friend... man, 🙂 it was brutal. She’s bleeding, she’s leaking milk, she can’t even shower properly. They had to do surgery on her, she has stitches, it hurts just to go to the bathroom, and her stomach looks like it was hit by a steamroller. Some people will claim, "Oh, it's all natural." Sure, it is. But if you're going to brag about it, then go ahead and give me the kid; I won't complain. Except now everything is stretched out, and there's zero sleep because the little thing is constantly screaming for something. Give me a break. What she said about needing three different types of diapers—one for the baby, one for herself, and one for when she's leaking... it's ridiculous. And when she handed me the baby to hold? I looked at it and couldn't understand what people find so precious. "Aww, so cute." Not me. It's just spit and mess, and babies don't even smell good; they smell like undeveloped tissue. I'll stick to cats. When I see five or six kittens stumbling around blindly looking for warmth, am I crazy? God, I hate people. 😁

Well, obviously women have to suffer for it. Unlike someone like Alexander Adams94, who probably just stuffs his head under a pillow whenever the kid starts wailing. That’s exactly why everyone is so entitled and arrogant these days.
But then again, there really is nothing more beautiful in this life than one's own comfort.

I once ended up with some tiny kittens that had just been born. I didn't even realize my cat was pregnant; one morning she was just meowing under my duvet, and by the end of the day, she’d had four kittens. I also spent some time pushing a baby around in a stroller—not mine, obviously—and it felt pretty good. I actually got along better with that baby than I do with all these adult complications.