Person A or Person B?

I would appreciate some feedback from the group here.

Following a breakup, I ended up in a fairly intense rebound situation—it was mostly driven by loneliness and a lack of direction, and we really had nothing in common beyond physical chemistry. She is incredibly attractive, but there wasn't much substance there. I believe the feeling was mutual.

Under these circumstances, something unexpected happened with a woman I consider a true friend; she is someone I can talk to about absolutely anything, just a wonderful person. I genuinely care about her and have no desire to hurt her.

I assumed breaking things off with the first girl would be easy, but my perspective has shifted... she has become somewhat tolerable, and the fact remains that the physical attraction is significantly stronger... even though I know it won't last and I don't want it to go on too long, but...

So, I am faced with a choice between logic and friendship versus passion and impulse... and I'm starting to wonder—if making this decision feels this difficult, is it possible that neither one is actually the right choice?

If you're young and all you care about is chasing that first crush without wanting to deal with any commitment, I highly recommend Person A.

If you’re actually a bit older and have more than two brain cells to rub together, I don't think you'd even be debating between two girls. You'd just go with Option B—the one who's your friend.

My advice? Go with Person B. Friendship can turn into something more if you just give it enough time.

Hey there.
Kenneth Robinson5

I suppose I fall into the "older" demographic; a stable, low-drama relationship is precisely what I’ve been looking for and what I want. Hell, why is it so difficult to walk away from the first one?

She was a nightmare (although she was quite attractive), and my intention was merely a brief fling... however, I have recently realized she has endured some significant hardships in her life that, in my estimation, make her actions understandable...

young.but.dead said:When you see a notification pop up on your phone, who’s the first person you hope is texting you? Who’s that one name that immediately crosses your mind? If you know, you know. Good luck out there. 👍

🙏 🙏 🙏

If you’re feeling stuck, it usually means neither one is actually the right fit.

It’s like if you can't decide between an apple or a pear—just grab a strawberry instead.

Nobody wants to be the backup plan. Even Kenneth Robinson5 knows you’re interested in her—and honestly, I don't think you'd feel great about "testing the waters" with this first girl only to pivot to the second one later.
I mean, personally? I know I couldn't pull something like that off.

Person B, without a doubt, because she sounds like exactly what you actually need. Passion alone isn't a ticket to happiness—that's a guarantee. If you're looking at the long haul, you really ought to weigh which one would actually make you happier in the end.
Well, if you even care about the long term. You said you do, so just make a call.

As for the indecision... look, we've all been there. Everyone wants to have their cake and eat it too. It’s also entirely possible that you’re still a little (or maybe a lot...) hung up on your ex, and you realize that if you jump into things with your friend, those doors might close for good... which is probably not a comforting thought.

If the physical attraction to your ex is the only thing making this a dilemma, then it's a moot point. Physical attraction is largely driven by how we perceive someone—at least if we consider ourselves to be somewhat deep people. I can vouch for that firsthand; for me, physical attraction is way more tied to character than it is to breasts. To put it bluntly. 😁

Ronald Barrett4 said:... I recently realized she’s been through some heavy stuff, things that actually make her more understandable to me...

...that sounds like pity to me. Don't let yourself get tied to someone because of pity. Pity is never a valid foundation for a relationship. Passion is.

(I'm sure you wouldn't feel too great either if you suddenly found out someone was only with you because they felt sorry for you)

Ronald Barrett4 said:I guess she was kind of hot, but honestly, there wasn't much going on upstairs. It felt mutual, I suppose.

Wait, so you both were empty-headed? 😁

placidotter15 said:So, you both were just clueless? 😁

I suppose that’s about it—she just keeps droning on about her mindless shopping trips and how many guys she picks out outfits for every single day. We didn't touch on any other topics at all; I just sat there in silence, thinking, please just finish this story so we can be done with it 😁 and I can finally head home.

Ronald Barrett4 said:It’s pretty much like that—she just goes on and on, recounting every single detail of her mindless shopping trips and listing all the guys she manages to impress on a daily basis. We haven't touched on a single other topic; I just sit there in silence, thinking to myself, please just wrap this up so we can be done with it 😁 and I can finally get you home.

And you can actually stand being around her?😕

If she wasn't incredibly good in bed, I wouldn't be able to *shrug my shoulders*

Don't tell me you're actually torn because A happens to be attractive and nothing else... *shakes his head in disbelief* 🙄 😁

Just find someone who actually turns you on and can be a real friend, too.

Maybe try looking for a third 😳
because, honestly, neither one of them seems to be a perfect fit for you, wouldn't you agree?

Dana Allen3 said:Can you even be with someone like her?😕

If she isn't amazing in bed, I don't think I could handle it. *shrugs*

I guess if you haven't been in that situation, it's hard to really say.

Person A being great in bed can pretty much drive a guy crazy and give him everything he's ever wanted.
Plus, even those "pretty faces without much depth" can turn out to be decent people if you just accept them for who they are without judging.

Young or old, everyone wants good sex!
I’m voting for Person A.

Though, you might just get what's coming to you: she'll probably end up dumping you!

Looking at all the different takes floating around here, I’m reminded of that old, slightly blunt bit of wisdom... "If you try to please everyone, you can kiss your ass goodbye..."

The guy clearly has a massive dilemma on his hands. Honestly, don't listen to these folks. Just follow your heart. Or—better yet—follow my lead, since I actually know what I'm talking about. 😁
Problem solved. 😛

Look, Kafetin, sure, almost everyone is looking for great sex—nearly everyone, anyway—but maybe not at the expense of a solid relationship. I say: down with casual hookups! Raise the flags of romance! Viva la Amour!

hiddencanyon21 said:If you haven't been in a situation like that, you really can't speak on it.

Probably, yeah...
But honestly, if that's the case, I wouldn't call it a relationship—it feels more like just "friends with benefits," or maybe even just "benefits" without any of the friendship part, hmm... 😁

I wouldn't go so far as to say he didn't mention wanting a real connection or some sort of emotional bond...

Though, truth be told, he would most likely have gone for Person B if Person A wasn't quite so attractive...
It just strikes me that he isn't actually looking for anything serious, at least not in his own mind... I don't know...

Kate Anderson83 said:Friendship can turn into attraction if you just give it enough time.

That's a massive misconception.

Porcupine said:I recently realized she's gone through some really tough things in life that make her more understandable to me...

An even bigger misconception.