Possessiveness

So, I’m currently halfway through Joan Didion's "Accused." The book focuses heavily on abuse, but it also dives deep into those toxic, obsessive dynamics between men and women.
Since I went through my own phase of being way too possessive about a year and a half ago, I’ve been wondering: what actually drives people to show their darker side? Why is it so hard to let go? Why do we cling to impossible situations when walking away is clearly the better move? What is that impulse? In the novel, even after her ex-husband and current on-again, off-again boyfriend basically throw her aside, she still ends up crawling back and humiliating herself. Why do we get so possessive?

It’s probably just a massive lack of self-confidence—honestly, people like that are always hunting for someone to cling to, just someone who can constantly reassure them and tell them they actually matter.

Jesse Watson37 said:So, I’m currently halfway through Joan Didion's "Accused." The book focuses heavily on abuse, but it also dives deep into those toxic, obsessive dynamics between men and women.
Since I went through my own phase of being way too possessive about a year and a half ago, I’ve been wondering: what actually drives people to show their darker side? Why is it so hard to let go? Why do we cling to impossible situations when walking away is clearly the better move? What is that impulse? In the novel, even after her ex-husband and current on-again, off-again boyfriend basically throw her aside, she still ends up crawling back and humiliating herself. Why do we get so possessive?

It comes down to this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency
http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/co-dependency

..honestly, it's way more common than you'd think...

wanderingangler13 said:It comes down to this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency
http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/co-dependency

..honestly, it's way more common than you'd think...

Unfortunately, I have to agree... speaking from my own experience, and just looking at things as they are now, it seems this has become "normalized." It’s reached a point where when I try to voice a complaint about it, people don't even react as if there's anything problematic at all. 😵

Ah, evolution... here we go, bit by bit. 🤣

To me, truly possessive people are those who are "never at fault" for anything; they have this innate ability to shift the blame onto everyone else by default. They don't even realize they're doing it. These are individuals who move through life with such ease, simply reshaping the world around them to suit their narrative. Even if you try to hold them accountable by presenting the cold, hard facts, they’ll just spin a hundred different excuses to prove they’re the victim here.
Why do women chase after people like this? It usually comes down to a lack of self-confidence and not knowing any better.
I constantly find myself wondering why I even have to deal with these types and how to handle them. Well, the truth is, I don't have to! I deserve much better than that!

Bryan Sanders6 said:To me, truly possessive people are those who are "never at fault" for anything; they have this innate ability to shift the blame onto everyone else by default. They don't even realize they're doing it. These are individuals who move through life with such ease, simply reshaping the world around them to suit their narrative. Even if you try to hold them accountable by presenting the cold, hard facts, they’ll just spin a hundred different excuses to prove they’re the victim here.
Why do women chase after people like this? It usually comes down to a lack of self-confidence and not knowing any better.
I constantly find myself wondering why I even have to deal with these types and how to handle them. Well, the truth is, I don't have to! I deserve much better than that!

Where exactly are you going wrong here? 🙂

Why do women chase after people like that? I guess it's because they lack self-confidence and haven't learned any better.
I find myself constantly wondering why I even have to deal with such people, and how one might resolve it. Well, the truth is, I don't have to! I can certainly demand better for myself.

Are you even a woman?

Here is a song for all the ladies "It's Better Down Below" ... yeah, yeah... I'm sure you all can do better than that.👋

Jesse Watson37 said:So, I’m currently halfway through Joan Didion's "Accused." The book focuses heavily on abuse, but it also dives deep into those toxic, obsessive dynamics between men and women.
Since I went through my own phase of being way too possessive about a year and a half ago, I’ve been wondering: what actually drives people to show their darker side? Why is it so hard to let go? Why do we cling to impossible situations when walking away is clearly the better move? What is that impulse? In the novel, even after her ex-husband and current on-again, off-again boyfriend basically throw her aside, she still ends up crawling back and humiliating herself. Why do we get so possessive?

I honestly think being possessive is just part of our DNA, at least to a certain point. Think about kids—older siblings are always jealous of the new baby because they want their parents all to themselves. Even with pets, you’ll see them act totally jealous if you give attention to another dog. To me, it feels like an instinctual survival thing from when we were little; we needed someone to take care of us, so we naturally wanted that person exclusively.

As we grow up, though, we really should be working on letting go of that need to own people. We have to realize we can stand on our own two feet and make our own calls, treating the people in our lives as equals rather than things we depend on for everything.

Personally, I don't struggle with it much, but I've definitely dealt with possessive types before. Let me tell you, intense possessiveness and a healthy, fulfilling relationship—whether it's romantic, a friendship, or family—just don't mix. People can sense that clinginess and that constant need to be attached, and sooner or later, it starts to feel suffocating.

I stumbled upon this quote yesterday that hit me hard, and it felt so empowering that I just had to share it here. It might be exactly what anyone struggling with possessiveness needs to hear:

The best day of your life is the day you decide that your life belongs entirely to you.
No apologies needed, and no excuses.
No leaning on anyone else, no depending on anyone, and no pointing fingers at others for your own mistakes.
That day is yours.