Recognizing emotional detachment

This is my own situation and my response to that question from Lowe's, though I figure it fits better here.

mila17 said:Not sure if this belongs in psychology, but felt like it fit best here.

I know this guy in his early thirties. He’s got it all together—looks good, decent height, solid build. He's educated, holds down a great job with a killer salary, and comes from a good family. But here's the thing: he has never, ever had a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Not once.

What could be going on in the middle of this?
thanks

Hard to give a straight answer. Could be a million different things. People with zero imagination will just jump to conclusions and assume he's gay or some other bullshit.

I’m the textbook definition of what you’re talking about. On paper, I look totally "normal." Appearance-wise? Not an athlete, but I look fine. Sexually? I'm straight, though I don't really care for the mainstream stuff. I’ve got solid opinions on most things—maybe they’re a bit unconventional, but nothing crazy. I’ve got the degree, I’ve got the job, and I pull my weight in society. I look out for my family and friends whenever I can. I wouldn't call myself super ambitious, but I don't see that as a flaw. Most people just burn out or end up bitter because their goals are too damn high. Quiet, chill, polite, and smarter than your average guy... yeah, sounds like a headline from a true crime show. I'm hitting my thirties soon.

I don't have anxiety, low self-esteem, or whatever. None of that. I’ve just always been withdrawn and detached from people. I can hang out and function fine enough, provided I have a specific role to play. It's easy when I'm just the coworker, the classmate, the brother, or the cousin. Honestly, everything is fine as long as there's emotional distance between me and the role I'm playing. Sometimes those roles are exhausting; sometimes they're actually chill. If you get what I mean—the role is part of my life, but it isn't who I am. I don't see any reason to get emotionally invested or attached beyond the surface level.

I always end up in awkward spots when things get emotional. It’s not like I don't feel anything; it’s just that my reactions aren't loud enough to perform like everyone else. I can laugh at a joke or offer support when someone's struggling, but even then, it feels fake. Like I'm acting. So I just avoid those situations whenever possible to skip the cringe. Most people's emotional displays seem way over the top to me. Hugging total strangers, crying over nonsense, jumping around because they're happy—I don't get it. My threshold for all that is probably lower. Sure, my throat gets tight during a sad movie or when I see something heavy happening, but I’m rarely going to show it, especially not in front of people. I prefer staying level. No massive highs, no deep lows. Both extremes are uncomfortable and distracting. I'm not saying I'm better than anyone else, but if you're asking if I think this is a good way to be? Definitely. Honestly, I'm at my best when my head and my heart are just sitting at a steady baseline. That's where I feel right.

I barely talk to strangers. I keep it to the absolute bare minimum. If I need something, I’ll ask—no shame in that—but trying to strike up some deep conversation with someone I don't know? Can't relate. Not interested. Even with people I've known for a while, I stay pretty detached. I keep things impersonal as much as possible. Even with old friends, I don't do the whole "sharing my life and feelings" thing. At least not mine. I can be friendly on a surface level. I get people, I like them, and if they need help, I'll step up. But honestly? There isn't anyone I couldn't live without. No one whose passing would actually move the needle for me. My biggest issue is performing those "expected" emotions when a situation calls for it. To be blunt, I don't really miss people when they're gone. They're more like background noise I've gotten used to rather than actual humans I have a soul-deep connection with. Probably just rationalize everything too much. Keeps the emotional response at zero.

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. Maybe I’m messed up, schizo, or whatever. Whatever you want to call it. There's definitely an issue with how I handle emotions and showing them. Though, honestly? I don't even see it as a real problem. I haven't always been this way—maybe I was just too sensitive as a kid and built up this massive defense mechanism that got stuck. Now I don't know any other way to be. Sometimes it lasts longer, sometimes shorter, but on the surface, I look different. I hate it when people breach my personal space. I rarely touch anyone and I dodge any unnecessary physical contact unless the situation forces it, like family stuff or birthdays. That's it.

Look, when it comes to finding a partner, I’m just not feeling the drive to hunt. Emotionally, I’m good on my own. I haven't felt that "falling in love" spark in forever—probably since middle school. Sure, I’ve been friendly with a few coworkers, and honestly, it feels pretty good when they show some interest or flirt a bit. It’s a nice ego boost. But I never felt the need to take it anywhere. I usually just play dumb and act like I didn't notice. Part of me also finds the whole thing awkward because of the pressure. People expect you to reciprocate, and if you can't or don't want to, it just gets weird. Who knows. 😁 Why even bother getting into something when you already know you aren't going all in? It feels selfish. If you know the other person wants more than you’re willing to give, why play along? Watching people around me get stuck in these shallow, immature relationships just makes me sick. It's pathetic. They talk big now, only to be trashing each other in a month or two. That’s how it always goes. Sure, there are those long-term connections that take years to build, but I don't have the patience for that. I’m definitely not interested in wasting time on that "honeymoon phase" everyone else seems so obsessed with.

I once caved and tried dating someone just because of social pressure and curiosity rather than actually wanting to. Honestly, I just ended up dragging her through it for no reason. She was trying to make it work, and I was just trying to "go with the flow," but it wasn't happening. Back then, I was in a phase where I was being super social, and she totally misread my vibe. I have this thing where I don't want anyone feeling left out when I'm around. I noticed she was struggling to connect with people, so I spent extra time with her just so she wouldn't feel isolated—you know how awkward that can be. She took it the wrong way and caught feelings. I told her straight up I saw her as a friend, but suggested we give it a shot anyway just to see. She started hitting me up constantly—way too much for my taste, though most people would probably think it was normal. I kept replying, mostly because it felt rude to ghost her since she was a decent person, but the replies were short. The whole situation started feeling like a leash around my neck. At points, I even had these paranoid thoughts about it. She had her own stuff going on, nothing major, but I kept stalling. Eventually, she realized it was going nowhere and lost interest. It was clumsy, weird, and honestly, I felt bad. But cutting her loose immediately would’ve been even worse; I figured it would’ve hit her harder if I’d just shut it down right away.

I think life would be easier if I actually had the biological drive to pass on my genes, but I don't. Don't ask how I know, but it's a fact. It lets me rationalize why I’m actively looking for a partner, even though I don't really have much of an emotional need for one anymore. Honestly, I'd rather just leave things as they are. Am I screwed compared to the average guy? Probably. But at the end of the day, I actually like who I am.

I used to drain all my emotional energy through dreams or just zoning out—daydreaming, whatever you want to call it. Honestly, I think that’s why I can function like this without breaking a sweat. Just recently, I felt this massive surge of emotion from an interaction with someone I didn't even see or hear. They just swapped one object for another at a spot I pass by all the time. Don't ask me why, but it actually hit me hard—seeing that one thing replaced by its equivalent.

p.s. honestly feels kinda weird even typing this out (not really, I actually enjoy digging through my head and remembering stuff). and look, I'm not looking for advice. I'm not seeing a shrink and I don't think I need one (I'd rather swallow battery acid than do that), and no, I'm not going to quit or whatever. I've got plenty of better things to do with my time... just wanted to share in case anyone else feels the same. always good to know you aren't the only one.

Honestly, they should just run an experiment where they lock you in a capsule with another person—ideally someone of the opposite sex—and frame it as a permanent situation. Or better yet, strip everything away: no job, no degree that actually matters, no family name, no friends, no hometown. Just drop you into a household with someone who’s at least somewhat attractive—or even just tolerable—where you’re completely dependent on them. If you try to walk away, you don't eat, you don't have a roof over your head, you simply don't survive. You'd be forced to see how you'd actually connect under those stakes...
Of course, this setup would need to last for years—long enough that you get so used to it you lose the urge to leave or pull away emotionally. It needs that perfect cocktail of positive reinforcement mixed with the absolute impossibility of physical or emotional separation. Because without that shared survival instinct, the whole thing falls apart.

If I were a scientist, this would be my go-to method for treating most people with schizoid tendencies...

...It feels like everything just hits you all at once... that sudden, overwhelming wave... and that's how so many women start feeling when they hit menopause...

It seems to me that you’re functioning on a somewhat schizophrenic wavelength. The Club. 🙂

What I fail to grasp, however, is this pervasive urge most people have to "fix" us. As long as this specific way of life suits our needs—and let’s be honest, it fits perfectly within the parameters of our supposed "disorders"—why should there be any necessity for treatment? 🙂

Most people are just like you; there’s nothing wrong with that. We’re all essentially playing parts, pretending more than we admit. There isn't always this profound depth of emotion or connection—some people are just better actors, making it seem real...
I have to say, you strike me as a deeply empathetic person 👍

And damn, 😠 reason and emotion aren't in some fundamental conflict. This society just forces that idea on us as if it were some absolute truth...

frozenpanther3 said:This is my own situation and my response to that question from Lowe's, though I figure it fits better here.

Hard to give a straight answer. Could be a million different things. People with zero imagination will just jump to conclusions and assume he's gay or some other bullshit.

I’m the textbook definition of what you’re talking about. On paper, I look totally "normal." Appearance-wise? Not an athlete, but I look fine. Sexually? I'm straight, though I don't really care for the mainstream stuff. I’ve got solid opinions on most things—maybe they’re a bit unconventional, but nothing crazy. I’ve got the degree, I’ve got the job, and I pull my weight in society. I look out for my family and friends whenever I can. I wouldn't call myself super ambitious, but I don't see that as a flaw. Most people just burn out or end up bitter because their goals are too damn high. Quiet, chill, polite, and smarter than your average guy... yeah, sounds like a headline from a true crime show. I'm hitting my thirties soon.

I don't have anxiety, low self-esteem, or whatever. None of that. I’ve just always been withdrawn and detached from people. I can hang out and function fine enough, provided I have a specific role to play. It's easy when I'm just the coworker, the classmate, the brother, or the cousin. Honestly, everything is fine as long as there's emotional distance between me and the role I'm playing. Sometimes those roles are exhausting; sometimes they're actually chill. If you get what I mean—the role is part of my life, but it isn't who I am. I don't see any reason to get emotionally invested or attached beyond the surface level.

I always end up in awkward spots when things get emotional. It’s not like I don't feel anything; it’s just that my reactions aren't loud enough to perform like everyone else. I can laugh at a joke or offer support when someone's struggling, but even then, it feels fake. Like I'm acting. So I just avoid those situations whenever possible to skip the cringe. Most people's emotional displays seem way over the top to me. Hugging total strangers, crying over nonsense, jumping around because they're happy—I don't get it. My threshold for all that is probably lower. Sure, my throat gets tight during a sad movie or when I see something heavy happening, but I’m rarely going to show it, especially not in front of people. I prefer staying level. No massive highs, no deep lows. Both extremes are uncomfortable and distracting. I'm not saying I'm better than anyone else, but if you're asking if I think this is a good way to be? Definitely. Honestly, I'm at my best when my head and my heart are just sitting at a steady baseline. That's where I feel right.

I barely talk to strangers. I keep it to the absolute bare minimum. If I need something, I’ll ask—no shame in that—but trying to strike up some deep conversation with someone I don't know? Can't relate. Not interested. Even with people I've known for a while, I stay pretty detached. I keep things impersonal as much as possible. Even with old friends, I don't do the whole "sharing my life and feelings" thing. At least not mine. I can be friendly on a surface level. I get people, I like them, and if they need help, I'll step up. But honestly? There isn't anyone I couldn't live without. No one whose passing would actually move the needle for me. My biggest issue is performing those "expected" emotions when a situation calls for it. To be blunt, I don't really miss people when they're gone. They're more like background noise I've gotten used to rather than actual humans I have a soul-deep connection with. Probably just rationalize everything too much. Keeps the emotional response at zero.

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. Maybe I’m messed up, schizo, or whatever. Whatever you want to call it. There's definitely an issue with how I handle emotions and showing them. Though, honestly? I don't even see it as a real problem. I haven't always been this way—maybe I was just too sensitive as a kid and built up this massive defense mechanism that got stuck. Now I don't know any other way to be. Sometimes it lasts longer, sometimes shorter, but on the surface, I look different. I hate it when people breach my personal space. I rarely touch anyone and I dodge any unnecessary physical contact unless the situation forces it, like family stuff or birthdays. That's it.

Look, when it comes to finding a partner, I’m just not feeling the drive to hunt. Emotionally, I’m good on my own. I haven't felt that "falling in love" spark in forever—probably since middle school. Sure, I’ve been friendly with a few coworkers, and honestly, it feels pretty good when they show some interest or flirt a bit. It’s a nice ego boost. But I never felt the need to take it anywhere. I usually just play dumb and act like I didn't notice. Part of me also finds the whole thing awkward because of the pressure. People expect you to reciprocate, and if you can't or don't want to, it just gets weird. Who knows. 😁 Why even bother getting into something when you already know you aren't going all in? It feels selfish. If you know the other person wants more than you’re willing to give, why play along? Watching people around me get stuck in these shallow, immature relationships just makes me sick. It's pathetic. They talk big now, only to be trashing each other in a month or two. That’s how it always goes. Sure, there are those long-term connections that take years to build, but I don't have the patience for that. I’m definitely not interested in wasting time on that "honeymoon phase" everyone else seems so obsessed with.

I once caved and tried dating someone just because of social pressure and curiosity rather than actually wanting to. Honestly, I just ended up dragging her through it for no reason. She was trying to make it work, and I was just trying to "go with the flow," but it wasn't happening. Back then, I was in a phase where I was being super social, and she totally misread my vibe. I have this thing where I don't want anyone feeling left out when I'm around. I noticed she was struggling to connect with people, so I spent extra time with her just so she wouldn't feel isolated—you know how awkward that can be. She took it the wrong way and caught feelings. I told her straight up I saw her as a friend, but suggested we give it a shot anyway just to see. She started hitting me up constantly—way too much for my taste, though most people would probably think it was normal. I kept replying, mostly because it felt rude to ghost her since she was a decent person, but the replies were short. The whole situation started feeling like a leash around my neck. At points, I even had these paranoid thoughts about it. She had her own stuff going on, nothing major, but I kept stalling. Eventually, she realized it was going nowhere and lost interest. It was clumsy, weird, and honestly, I felt bad. But cutting her loose immediately would’ve been even worse; I figured it would’ve hit her harder if I’d just shut it down right away.

I think life would be easier if I actually had the biological drive to pass on my genes, but I don't. Don't ask how I know, but it's a fact. It lets me rationalize why I’m actively looking for a partner, even though I don't really have much of an emotional need for one anymore. Honestly, I'd rather just leave things as they are. Am I screwed compared to the average guy? Probably. But at the end of the day, I actually like who I am.

I used to drain all my emotional energy through dreams or just zoning out—daydreaming, whatever you want to call it. Honestly, I think that’s why I can function like this without breaking a sweat. Just recently, I felt this massive surge of emotion from an interaction with someone I didn't even see or hear. They just swapped one object for another at a spot I pass by all the time. Don't ask me why, but it actually hit me hard—seeing that one thing replaced by its equivalent.

p.s. honestly feels kinda weird even typing this out (not really, I actually enjoy digging through my head and remembering stuff). and look, I'm not looking for advice. I'm not seeing a shrink and I don't think I need one (I'd rather swallow battery acid than do that), and no, I'm not going to quit or whatever. I've got plenty of better things to do with my time... just wanted to share in case anyone else feels the same. always good to know you aren't the only one.

And what about sex? Is that just a one-time thing for you too, given the handle—just a fleeting moment? Or do you even have those kinds of needs? (Are you at least practicing some Tibetan breathing exercises or something to keep it under control?😁)

Personally, I wouldn't dream of changing people like you. So what if you distance yourself emotionally? Honestly, there are much bigger issues out there than that. 🤷

crimsoncanyon2 said:Honestly, they should just run an experiment where they lock you in a capsule with another person—ideally someone of the opposite sex—and frame it as a permanent situation. Or better yet, strip everything away: no job, no degree that actually matters, no family name, no friends, no hometown. Just drop you into a household with someone who’s at least somewhat attractive—or even just tolerable—where you’re completely dependent on them. If you try to walk away, you don't eat, you don't have a roof over your head, you simply don't survive. You'd be forced to see how you'd actually connect under those stakes...
Of course, this setup would need to last for years—long enough that you get so used to it you lose the urge to leave or pull away emotionally. It needs that perfect cocktail of positive reinforcement mixed with the absolute impossibility of physical or emotional separation. Because without that shared survival instinct, the whole thing falls apart.

If I were a scientist, this would be my go-to method for treating most people with schizoid tendencies...

I'm flexible enough that it's never an issue. If the floor is set higher, I can usually roll with it. But once the demand drops, I instinctively scale back—sometimes on purpose, sometimes without even thinking about it.

Rebecca Scott3 said:...It feels like everything just hits you all at once... that sudden, overwhelming wave... and that's how so many women start feeling when they hit menopause...

You're talking nonsense. I know women going through menopause, and they aren't like that. A few might act out a bit, but mostly they just get more sensitive. Besides, my issue isn't hormonal—at least not regarding that stuff.

Anthony Lopez8 said:It seems to me that you’re functioning on a somewhat schizophrenic wavelength. The Club. 🙂

What I fail to grasp, however, is this pervasive urge most people have to "fix" us. As long as this specific way of life suits our needs—and let’s be honest, it fits perfectly within the parameters of our supposed "disorders"—why should there be any necessity for treatment? 🙂

🙂

Sarah Garcia84 said:Most people are just like you; there’s nothing wrong with that. We’re all essentially playing parts, pretending more than we admit. There isn't always this profound depth of emotion or connection—some people are just better actors, making it seem real...
I have to say, you strike me as a deeply empathetic person 👍

And damn, 😠 reason and emotion aren't in some fundamental conflict. This society just forces that idea on us as if it were some absolute truth...

I guess so. Most people are out there constantly hunting for social circles and partners. Not me. I’m not doing that just because society says I have to or because everyone else in my neck of the woods is obsessed with it. I don't feel the need for that intense emotional closeness with anyone. Honestly, I actually prefer the opposite.

Not saying I'm against it. But you can definitely dial back the emotions to a level that's actually tolerable.

Andrew Doyle said:And what about sex? Is that just a one-time thing for you too, given the handle—just a fleeting moment? Or do you even have those kinds of needs? (Are you at least practicing some Tibetan breathing exercises or something to keep it under control?😁)

Personally, I wouldn't dream of changing people like you. So what if you distance yourself emotionally? Honestly, there are much bigger issues out there than that. 🤷

First off, I don't buy that Eastern crap or "energy" nonsense. Second, asking me that is like asking if I poop regularly... obviously... 😁 I just don't see the point of having another person involved.

Sex for two is either emotional fulfillment or making babies—I don't need anyone else for either. Or maybe satisfying someone else, but that requires an emotional component just to feel like doing it in the first place.

If we're talking about sex just as recreation for self-pleasure, that's just not my style. I can't be that intimate with someone I barely know... besides, I can probably satisfy myself better and more completely anyway. Typical stuff doesn't really get me worked up, and to actually open up, I'd need some level of closeness that I just don't manage to achieve. Honestly, I'd rather just retreat into my own head. It's safer.

Agreed. I wouldn't change myself either. But other people see a need, or they want more in the moment than I'm willing or able to give, so we drift apart. I'd much rather keep things at a minimum level of interaction... unfortunately, others expect more. How do I put this? I prefer having someone nearby without needing any deep emotional exchange or action, and sometimes even zero interaction at all (and when the other side demands it, it drives me crazy).

I don't know if you get it, but ideally, I'd love to find a woman down for long-term, low-energy, slow-burn social interaction... but I don't know anyone like that. Forcing someone into something they don't want is torture and unfair to them, just like forcing myself into something demanding would be. I try to be fair to people as much as I can.

frozenpanther3 said:I'm flexible enough that it's never an issue. If the floor is set higher, I can usually roll with it. But once the demand drops, I instinctively scale back—sometimes on purpose, sometimes without even thinking about it.

You're talking nonsense. I know women going through menopause, and they aren't like that. A few might act out a bit, but mostly they just get more sensitive. Besides, my issue isn't hormonal—at least not regarding that stuff.

🙂

I guess so. Most people are out there constantly hunting for social circles and partners. Not me. I’m not doing that just because society says I have to or because everyone else in my neck of the woods is obsessed with it. I don't feel the need for that intense emotional closeness with anyone. Honestly, I actually prefer the opposite.

Not saying I'm against it. But you can definitely dial back the emotions to a level that's actually tolerable.

First off, I don't buy that Eastern crap or "energy" nonsense. Second, asking me that is like asking if I poop regularly... obviously... 😁 I just don't see the point of having another person involved.

Sex for two is either emotional fulfillment or making babies—I don't need anyone else for either. Or maybe satisfying someone else, but that requires an emotional component just to feel like doing it in the first place.

If we're talking about sex just as recreation for self-pleasure, that's just not my style. I can't be that intimate with someone I barely know... besides, I can probably satisfy myself better and more completely anyway. Typical stuff doesn't really get me worked up, and to actually open up, I'd need some level of closeness that I just don't manage to achieve. Honestly, I'd rather just retreat into my own head. It's safer.

Agreed. I wouldn't change myself either. But other people see a need, or they want more in the moment than I'm willing or able to give, so we drift apart. I'd much rather keep things at a minimum level of interaction... unfortunately, others expect more. How do I put this? I prefer having someone nearby without needing any deep emotional exchange or action, and sometimes even zero interaction at all (and when the other side demands it, it drives me crazy).

I don't know if you get it, but ideally, I'd love to find a woman down for long-term, low-energy, slow-burn social interaction... but I don't know anyone like that. Forcing someone into something they don't want is torture and unfair to them, just like forcing myself into something demanding would be. I try to be fair to people as much as I can.

....I didn't realize you were a woman....I thought you were a man....sorry.....
...and yeah......there are plenty of men who feel exactly like that during the later stages of menopause....when the hormones aren't wild,.....they just sort of dip.....
...but you aren't in that phase......your hormones are fine...
...maybe you weren't raised in a loving home.....growing up without affection and attention.....
...or maybe you're just spoiled, someone who was coddled and had everyone walking on eggshells around them.....
.....everything seems pretty normal for you.....so where's the catch.....is it just that people don't do exactly what and how much you want them to......well, that's true for everyone....it's hard to find someone who actually fits us perfectly.....

frozenpanther3 said:I'm flexible enough that it's never an issue. If the floor is set higher, I can usually roll with it. But once the demand drops, I instinctively scale back—sometimes on purpose, sometimes without even thinking about it.

You're talking nonsense. I know women going through menopause, and they aren't like that. A few might act out a bit, but mostly they just get more sensitive. Besides, my issue isn't hormonal—at least not regarding that stuff.

🙂

I guess so. Most people are out there constantly hunting for social circles and partners. Not me. I’m not doing that just because society says I have to or because everyone else in my neck of the woods is obsessed with it. I don't feel the need for that intense emotional closeness with anyone. Honestly, I actually prefer the opposite.

Not saying I'm against it. But you can definitely dial back the emotions to a level that's actually tolerable.

First off, I don't buy that Eastern crap or "energy" nonsense. Second, asking me that is like asking if I poop regularly... obviously... 😁 I just don't see the point of having another person involved.

Sex for two is either emotional fulfillment or making babies—I don't need anyone else for either. Or maybe satisfying someone else, but that requires an emotional component just to feel like doing it in the first place.

If we're talking about sex just as recreation for self-pleasure, that's just not my style. I can't be that intimate with someone I barely know... besides, I can probably satisfy myself better and more completely anyway. Typical stuff doesn't really get me worked up, and to actually open up, I'd need some level of closeness that I just don't manage to achieve. Honestly, I'd rather just retreat into my own head. It's safer.

Agreed. I wouldn't change myself either. But other people see a need, or they want more in the moment than I'm willing or able to give, so we drift apart. I'd much rather keep things at a minimum level of interaction... unfortunately, others expect more. How do I put this? I prefer having someone nearby without needing any deep emotional exchange or action, and sometimes even zero interaction at all (and when the other side demands it, it drives me crazy).

I don't know if you get it, but ideally, I'd love to find a woman down for long-term, low-energy, slow-burn social interaction... but I don't know anyone like that. Forcing someone into something they don't want is torture and unfair to them, just like forcing myself into something demanding would be. I try to be fair to people as much as I can.

Look, nobody is ever going to tell you whether a need exists or if it’s about to vanish... because you’re basically condemned to be stuck with someone in a shared space forever...
The reality is that you eventually start perceiving the other person as an extension of yourself, and yourself as an extension of them—especially once those two parts have become deeply acquainted. That’s when you can actually say there’s an emotional bond at play...
(just imagine being trapped in a capsule in deep space with a female astronaut colleague)
It’s called breaking down resistance. Even if you're completely independent and detached, eventually you’ll snap and find yourself desperate to shatter that isolation...
Another example would be locking two characters who lean toward psychopathic tendencies in a capsule or a single room without windows to the outside world—kind of like a non-commercial version of Big Brother with hidden cameras...
At first, they might just trade cold stares or keep strictly to their own sides. Later, they might start snapping at each other like they're tearing skin, but if they don't end up killing each other, they’ll eventually level out and adjust to one another. This means either teaming up intellectually to figure out how to escape, or
bonding emotionally by processing the situation (temporarily) and drawing closer through similarities in their own pasts... That connection is actually a form of adaptation, designed to make survival in an abnormal situation easier (making it more tolerable). Over time, people can merge so deeply into that adaptation that it literally becomes part of them. They start viewing the closeness with that person as "real," rather than just a functional factor of adaptation used to ease some hardship during a period they couldn't have predicted...
If a person doesn't have feelings left at their age, then they really need to be nudged back toward whatever last stage of life they were in when they still possessed them.

frozenpanther3 said:I'm flexible enough that it's never an issue. If the floor is set higher, I can usually roll with it. But once the demand drops, I instinctively scale back—sometimes on purpose, sometimes without even thinking about it.

You're talking nonsense. I know women going through menopause, and they aren't like that. A few might act out a bit, but mostly they just get more sensitive. Besides, my issue isn't hormonal—at least not regarding that stuff.

🙂

I guess so. Most people are out there constantly hunting for social circles and partners. Not me. I’m not doing that just because society says I have to or because everyone else in my neck of the woods is obsessed with it. I don't feel the need for that intense emotional closeness with anyone. Honestly, I actually prefer the opposite.

Not saying I'm against it. But you can definitely dial back the emotions to a level that's actually tolerable.

First off, I don't buy that Eastern crap or "energy" nonsense. Second, asking me that is like asking if I poop regularly... obviously... 😁 I just don't see the point of having another person involved.

Sex for two is either emotional fulfillment or making babies—I don't need anyone else for either. Or maybe satisfying someone else, but that requires an emotional component just to feel like doing it in the first place.

If we're talking about sex just as recreation for self-pleasure, that's just not my style. I can't be that intimate with someone I barely know... besides, I can probably satisfy myself better and more completely anyway. Typical stuff doesn't really get me worked up, and to actually open up, I'd need some level of closeness that I just don't manage to achieve. Honestly, I'd rather just retreat into my own head. It's safer.

Agreed. I wouldn't change myself either. But other people see a need, or they want more in the moment than I'm willing or able to give, so we drift apart. I'd much rather keep things at a minimum level of interaction... unfortunately, others expect more. How do I put this? I prefer having someone nearby without needing any deep emotional exchange or action, and sometimes even zero interaction at all (and when the other side demands it, it drives me crazy).

I don't know if you get it, but ideally, I'd love to find a woman down for long-term, low-energy, slow-burn social interaction... but I don't know anyone like that. Forcing someone into something they don't want is torture and unfair to them, just like forcing myself into something demanding would be. I try to be fair to people as much as I can.

That sounds like your ideal woman... someone similar to you with a tendency to gradually open up, or rather, build intimacy over time..

Seriously, there’s more of us out there... we don't need all this massive drama, nor do we need to be in pairs or constantly chewing on the same old tired topics.