Selectivity on Staples

Whoever decided to go ahead and wipe my posts from this thread... look, if you're gonna play judge and jury on what counts as off-topic—which, let's be real, I totally disagree with here—then at least have the guts to be consistent and scrub all the other nonsense too, instead of just being weirdly selective about it.

I honestly don't even know which mod nuked my stuff, so I figured I’d just lay it all out right here.
Can we maybe get a straight answer for once on what actually qualifies as off-topic? Because right now, the rules feel incredibly murky.

I’ve got another thing on my mind here: what’s actually the difference between suggesting a non-material way to evaluate a specific situation—which is basically what my post was about—versus suggesting we just settle the whole thing with a round of drinks (like that other post in this thread)?
And if there's a distinction, why on earth was mine flagged as off-topic?

If that wasn't off-topic, then what the hell counts as off-topic?

And how can something be considered off-topic when it's literally addressing the subject at hand? Was I really expected to just spit out a few sterile, cookie-cutter sentences that perfectly mirror the prompt without any actual substance?

Well, I'm looking forward to seeing what kind of answers I get for these.

I deleted them because I figured (and still think) they were just offtopic stuff.

She asked what to get for graduation. You respond:

As someone who already has a degree: nothing.

Gifts for this, gifts for that, gifts for tomorrow, gifts for some random Friday, etc. Instead of fueling consumerism and these mindless traditions, try thinking instead: "Why am I celebrating an event by buying an object?" "Why is my first instinct to celebrate by spending money?" "What actual value does this item provide?"

Yeah, and then when people bring up how shopping malls create jobs—great. More simplicity for simple minds.
Like George Carlin would say: "I leave symbols to the symbol-minded."

Why the eye roll... you already thanked us for the answers, whether they were 'good' or 'bad.' Maybe don't be so quick to praise things next time...

Adding to the thread....
There's a correlation with certain people who feel their college experience was harder than others. Basically, they look for a gift that matches how much they struggled. The bigger the better.

So, here’s a fact—you actually have to think if you want this to become a habit.

After she replied to your post (which I consider offtopic since she asked what to buy, not for opinions on the "trend" of graduation or prom gifting), you reply:

Who are you if not part of society? By saying that, you're admitting you impose these rules on yourself and can't fight them. Not a great apology...
Besides, if someone calls you a jerk, it doesn't define you—it just shows where they're coming from. They're just projecting.

Regarding the second part, isn't it better to just ask the person what they actually want rather than guessing with a gift they might hate?
If they love surprises, then whatever. I'm not really into the whole gift-giving thing.

Now explain to me how that's ontopic. Where in your reply did you actually suggest a gift? You could have just said she shouldn't buy anything at all.
The founder didn't ask for your opinion on the concept of gifting; she asked for suggestions on what to buy.

So, go ahead and explain to me how this is even on-topic, because where exactly in your reply did you actually suggest what she should buy? You could have just said "don't buy her anything" and called it a day.

Look, I said don't buy anything, and then I had to explain my reasoning behind that stance. I mean, if a girl is asking for gift ideas, she’s inherently looking for the rationale behind why someone thinks a specific item fits the occasion. If she just wanted a mindless list, she could've just Googled a list herself, which honestly doesn't even accomplish much.

As someone who already holds one degree. Nothing.

Honestly, if I had just stopped there, I would've looked pathetic. Worse, it would've come off as a total provocation or just some really bad attempt at humor. That's why I took the route of actually laying out my thought process.

The founder wasn't asking for your opinion on the concept of gifting; she specifically asked for suggestions on what to purchase.

Actually, if she's asking for my suggestion on a purchase, I'm operating under the assumption that she also cares about the *why*—why that specific thing makes sense for this particular situation. Since a suggestion is fundamentally an opinion, she's essentially asking for my take.

From her first post, it was pretty obvious the girl didn't want to think for herself; she just wanted to follow the standard consumerist tradition. So, I'm playing along, and in the second half of my second post, I even threw in some "alternatives" for what she could do:
-just ask the person directly what they want,
-if the person loves surprises, then tell them you have no clue what to get because you don't do gifts.
See, even in that second post, it's pretty clear that everything I'm saying stays strictly on-topic.

So, I really don't get how this can be considered off-topic or somehow "invalid."

Especially when you compare my approach—which is different and therefore requires an explanation—to that typical "buy them booze" approach that everyone considers "normal" and never bothers to justify... how can my posts be labeled as off-topic or illegitimate? This is exactly why I titled this thread "Selective."

I wouldn't have deleted your first post if it hadn't dragged the whole thread into off-topic territory.

Btw, it’s pretty obvious even the founder thought it was off-topic, since she later wrote:

"geez, what are you guys on? we're talking about a brother/sister/best friend here. this is just how things are done, I don't know how it is elsewhere. when someone close to you graduates and you go to their party (or better yet, if they're hosting at their place), you buy them something. it'd be totally weird to show up empty-handed because that's what people expect. that's what I meant by social norms.
but whatever, I'll figure something out. I thought there'd be some sharper people here who could actually give advice."

It's pretty clear she wasn't looking for your take on gifting trends.

As for the suggestion to buy alcohol, I don't see why that's off-topic. The founder asked for gift ideas, and then this user chimed in:

"Chivas Regal or Jack Daniel's. That's what I'd go with."

We could argue about whether that's a good gift or not, but he was just giving his suggestion.

Bottom line: if your post hadn't derailed the topic, I wouldn't have touched it. But since it pushed everything off-topic, I had to pull it. There. 🙂

As far as I'm concerned, feel free to lock it. 🙂

If I’m reading this right—and maybe my brain just works differently because I didn't immediately click with what the OP was getting at—you want those few posts to just 'vanish' so we can pretend there isn't any disagreement about what the 'unified' direction should be. Like, if we don't delete the dissent, we haven't achieved total consensus, right?
I mean, seriously, since when is anything that isn't an explicit request from the author considered off-topic? Even if the OP doesn't quite know what they're looking for or how to frame the question, how is it wrong for a new line of reasoning to emerge inductively from within the same thread? Isn't the whole point of a discussion to gain insight, even if the original topic ends up being just a jumping-off point due to the usual way conversations drift?

And regarding that comparison to alcohol... I've asked once and I'll ask again—how is it okay to have a totally legitimate post promoting booze, but suddenly a post celebrating something non-material becomes the problem?
If you think that first post was fine, then why on earth didn't you just leave it alone?

Peter Phillips32 said:If you think the first post was fine, why didn't you just leave it alone?

Like I told you already; I would've left it if it hadn't veered off into off-topic territory.

Look, you’re still dodging the question about why you’ve got such insanely rigid lines drawn between on-topic and off-topic, and why you won't just let a conversation actually breathe. These threads are supposed to be discussions, not just some dry, mindless lists of facts. Honestly, from where I'm sitting, you aren't acting like a moderator; you're acting like a dictator. Since I can't stand being suffocated like this in a chat, I'll probably just stick to the subforums where people are actually allowed to talk, because constant, pointless listing without any actual critique just kills the whole vibe.

Sweet! 👍

Locking this thread. 🙂

Fine by me, actually go ahead and lock this thread. There’s zero point in keeping it open when there isn't even an actual conversation happening here.
What's the point of having moderators who just deliver monologues anyway? :rhetorical question, since I'm clearly asking for the lock:

Also, I’ve got a suggestion for whoever's running the show around here—if you're actually listening. Can we maybe establish a standard procedure? Instead of having one person act as the prosecutor, the judge, and the sole member of the appeals board all at once, could we maybe bring in at least one other person to the review board? Someone impartial, obviously.
It honestly feels like because only one side showed up to weigh in, everyone else is either feeling the same way or they just haven't bothered to get involved. And frankly, silence doesn't mean much on a platform that's supposed to be a forum.