Self-locking mechanisms

What actually drives a person into total self-delusion? Like, what messes with your head so much that you don't even recognize yourself anymore?
I'm just sitting here, totally stunned. What is wrong with me???
He cheated on me—and I knew. I knew everything, yet I still sat there swallowing every single lie he fed me, especially the ones I was feeding myself... if the truth had actually come out, it would have been over, but I just wasn't ready to let go.
It felt like it was slipping through my fingers... like trying to grab a fish that just slides away, and after you've fought, fallen, and refused to quit, you just end up standing there like an idiot wondering what the hell you were even doing.
I played his game perfectly. I’d leave and come back whenever he wanted, and if I ever tried to pull away too far, he always found a way to reel me back in. We kept going like that until I finally snapped and walked out without saying a word. Honestly, I don't think he's even sure why I left—though it feels like that might have been exactly what he wanted all along.
But wait, it gets worse. Even more than a year later, I know I’d jump right back in with him if I knew he actually wanted me. Am I insane???
That's why I don't reach out... and I pray to God I don't run into him somewhere. I have no clue what he wants. Maybe an explanation, maybe just to clear his conscience, who knows... but it would absolutely break me. Just thinking about him being with her makes my chest tighten.
What is wrong with me? I've never been this person, and right now, I can't tell if I'm more pissed at myself or at him.
I don't see us living in some white-picket-fence dream house together, but for God's sake, how am I supposed to get past any of this???... the manipulation, the lies, the secrecy... I don't even know if it was physical, but it doesn't matter... the intent was obvious. His heart was somewhere else entirely.
And when he crosses my mind, I don't think about the mess—I think about the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled, his touch, his kiss... and then I just get so mad at myself because I could never control how I felt when he was around. I'd be fuming in my head, but the second he showed up, I'd melt and everything would vanish... what on earth is he supposed to do to make me stay in my lane??? If anyone had told me I'd end up like this, I wouldn't have believed them...

As Merlin says: I didn't know which God I knew when grapes turned into iron.

I catch myself being a little self-delusional every now and then just to make things easier in the moment. I used to do it way less often, though, which is actually why I ended up becoming such a massive introvert. I'm trying to work on that lately, but honestly? I'm still feeling a bit unsettled because so many things just don't seem clear anymore.

Sometimes I definitely overrate myself. But you know what? I think that might actually be an improvement. At least I’ve cut down on the constant self-doubt that really ate at me for a year or two.

Still, I know it’s all about finding that middle ground. I’m just hoping I can keep making progress and eventually get where I want to be.

So, yeah. In my book, using a little bit of self-deception in moderation does more good than harm.

Chris Cruz3 said:What actually drives a person into total self-delusion? Like, what messes with your head so much that you don't even recognize yourself anymore?
I'm just sitting here, totally stunned. What is wrong with me???
He cheated on me—and I knew. I knew everything, yet I still sat there swallowing every single lie he fed me, especially the ones I was feeding myself... if the truth had actually come out, it would have been over, but I just wasn't ready to let go.
It felt like it was slipping through my fingers... like trying to grab a fish that just slides away, and after you've fought, fallen, and refused to quit, you just end up standing there like an idiot wondering what the hell you were even doing.
I played his game perfectly. I’d leave and come back whenever he wanted, and if I ever tried to pull away too far, he always found a way to reel me back in. We kept going like that until I finally snapped and walked out without saying a word. Honestly, I don't think he's even sure why I left—though it feels like that might have been exactly what he wanted all along.
But wait, it gets worse. Even more than a year later, I know I’d jump right back in with him if I knew he actually wanted me. Am I insane???
That's why I don't reach out... and I pray to God I don't run into him somewhere. I have no clue what he wants. Maybe an explanation, maybe just to clear his conscience, who knows... but it would absolutely break me. Just thinking about him being with her makes my chest tighten.
What is wrong with me? I've never been this person, and right now, I can't tell if I'm more pissed at myself or at him.
I don't see us living in some white-picket-fence dream house together, but for God's sake, how am I supposed to get past any of this???... the manipulation, the lies, the secrecy... I don't even know if it was physical, but it doesn't matter... the intent was obvious. His heart was somewhere else entirely.
And when he crosses my mind, I don't think about the mess—I think about the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled, his touch, his kiss... and then I just get so mad at myself because I could never control how I felt when he was around. I'd be fuming in my head, but the second he showed up, I'd melt and everything would vanish... what on earth is he supposed to do to make me stay in my lane??? If anyone had told me I'd end up like this, I wouldn't have believed them...

It is because you love him, dear.
You tolerated the behavior while hoping you might eventually win against the competition, but you didn't—and that is why it hurts so much right now. Hang in there; if nothing else, you were brave enough to fight.
Sometimes, you simply have to run while you still can.
If you didn't lose everything in the process, then you haven't lost anything at all. It happened, and now it is in the past.

He’s playing mind games with you because he knows exactly what makes you tick, and honestly, seeing you crumble under that martyr complex just fuels his ego. He feeds on it. He knows he’s got you on a leash, keeping you at arm's length like a puppet on a string just so he can maintain total control without ever losing his grip. It’s all a game to him.

Look, what happened, happened. You gave it everything you had—every single ounce—but it just wasn't being received. It’s easy to lose yourself when you’re pouring all that energy into someone else, and honestly, most people fall into that trap at some point. Just take the lesson, tuck it away, and start moving forward, one small step at a time. It’s going to take a while to really get past this—healing isn't exactly a sprint—but you will get there. Trust me on that.

Either she doesn't give a damn about you, or you're just straight-up delusional and making the whole thing up in your head.

Self-deception, if you ask me, is exactly the same neurological mess you see when an addict’s brain completely shorts out, making them genuinely believe it’s perfectly fine to rob their parents, screw over their friends, or sell out their own kid—whatever the sin is. To my mind, lying to yourself is just a byproduct of those same addiction mechanisms kicking in. If you want to dig deeper into the academic side of it, look up codependency; psychology has already spent plenty of time dissecting that particular rabbit hole.

From where I’m sitting, becoming dependent on someone else—regardless of how "decent" that person might seem—eventually pushes the other party into this bizarre state of self-defense. It almost inevitably spirals into what looks like straight-up sadistic attacks against the dependent person. Now, I’m just speaking from observation here, not claiming I know exactly what went down in your specific situation. It’s entirely possible your case was different because of some unique factor involving the other person. But I’d argue that "playing by their tune" is a textbook demonstration of dependency, which ultimately triggers that sadism on the flip side. Essentially, the music they’re playing just gets more and more demanding. I’m not going to play judge and jury over who’s responsible for the "tension" in the relationship, but in my book, the person who finally realizes what's happening is the one at fault for not walking away.

Falling in love... man, what a joke. It’ll pass eventually. Just go find some other guy...

Who's at fault? Honestly, both. It's just action and reaction—I don't even know anymore.
What really eats at me is this feeling that nothing ever changes. Despite everything, I still have this desperate urge to be back in his arms. Would I end up hating myself if I went back? How do you even forgive yourself for that?
I can't just move on to someone else like it's nothing.
I'm addicted... but to what? It's gotten to the point where I can't tell right from wrong... I don't know if I actually need him or if I should just let it go.
It’s hard to believe that I can't even face him because I'm terrified of myself, though maybe facing it is exactly what I need to finally close this chapter. But no, I went ahead and blocked him everywhere. Still, I'm so curious... what is he even thinking???
I've lost who I am—I don't even remember when it happened. People love to say time heals all wounds, but they're wrong. How do you even break out of a cycle like this???

Honestly, most of this crap happens simply because nobody bothers to actually talk to each other...

Chris Cruz3 said:Who's at fault? Honestly, both. It's just action and reaction—I don't even know anymore.
What really eats at me is this feeling that nothing ever changes. Despite everything, I still have this desperate urge to be back in his arms. Would I end up hating myself if I went back? How do you even forgive yourself for that?
I can't just move on to someone else like it's nothing.
I'm addicted... but to what? It's gotten to the point where I can't tell right from wrong... I don't know if I actually need him or if I should just let it go.
It’s hard to believe that I can't even face him because I'm terrified of myself, though maybe facing it is exactly what I need to finally close this chapter. But no, I went ahead and blocked him everywhere. Still, I'm so curious... what is he even thinking???
I've lost who I am—I don't even remember when it happened. People love to say time heals all wounds, but they're wrong. How do you even break out of a cycle like this???

Look, give yourself some breathing room to forgive both him and yourself—but for the love of God, do not go back to that relationship. It doesn't matter what his intentions are right now; what matters is what kind of life YOU want to live. Based on what you're saying, you seriously need to keep that distance.

Just focus on the little things that make you happy and put all that energy back into yourself. That is literally the most important thing you can do right now.

Chris Cruz3 said:What actually drives a person into total self-delusion? Like, what messes with your head so much that you don't even recognize yourself anymore?
I'm just sitting here, totally stunned. What is wrong with me???
He cheated on me—and I knew. I knew everything, yet I still sat there swallowing every single lie he fed me, especially the ones I was feeding myself... if the truth had actually come out, it would have been over, but I just wasn't ready to let go.
It felt like it was slipping through my fingers... like trying to grab a fish that just slides away, and after you've fought, fallen, and refused to quit, you just end up standing there like an idiot wondering what the hell you were even doing.
I played his game perfectly. I’d leave and come back whenever he wanted, and if I ever tried to pull away too far, he always found a way to reel me back in. We kept going like that until I finally snapped and walked out without saying a word. Honestly, I don't think he's even sure why I left—though it feels like that might have been exactly what he wanted all along.
But wait, it gets worse. Even more than a year later, I know I’d jump right back in with him if I knew he actually wanted me. Am I insane???
That's why I don't reach out... and I pray to God I don't run into him somewhere. I have no clue what he wants. Maybe an explanation, maybe just to clear his conscience, who knows... but it would absolutely break me. Just thinking about him being with her makes my chest tighten.
What is wrong with me? I've never been this person, and right now, I can't tell if I'm more pissed at myself or at him.
I don't see us living in some white-picket-fence dream house together, but for God's sake, how am I supposed to get past any of this???... the manipulation, the lies, the secrecy... I don't even know if it was physical, but it doesn't matter... the intent was obvious. His heart was somewhere else entirely.
And when he crosses my mind, I don't think about the mess—I think about the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled, his touch, his kiss... and then I just get so mad at myself because I could never control how I felt when he was around. I'd be fuming in my head, but the second he showed up, I'd melt and everything would vanish... what on earth is he supposed to do to make me stay in my lane??? If anyone had told me I'd end up like this, I wouldn't have believed them...

You fell head over heels... chemistry is a brutal thing. When those hormones hit, they basically rewire your brain, and suddenly you're an addict. He became your drug, your fix, your whole world...
It's a mess when he doesn't feel the same way... and he doesn't. In that case, you're just a ship in a storm, completely exposed to his influence and his games... he knows exactly how to play it, and honestly, the more you react, the more it feeds his ego..
The only cure for any addiction is to cut all ties. Burn the bridges behind you. Cut off any chance of revisiting the past or dwelling on memories... time heals everything, you just have to stay disciplined and give other people, new hobbies, and new goals a chance to fill up your life again. In a few months, this will just be a memory, nothing more, and you'll come out of it knowing so much more about yourself... good luck...😁

Let’s be real—women are absolute masters of self-delusion. It’s just an undeniable fact at this point. Now, don't get me wrong, plenty of guys fall into this trap too—there are definitely men who live in their own little fantasy worlds—but when it comes to outsmarting ourselves, women take the crown hands down.

"He hits me, but he really loves me deep down... it's my fault for making him angry over nothing, you know? He's just my little sweetheart."

"He isn't cheating, he truly cares about me! So what if I caught him in bed with someone else? They were just... massaging each other! All my friends warning me that he's unfaithful are just lying because they're jealous of our connection and want to tear us apart—blah, blah, blah!"

You see where I'm going with this.

The most intense part of this whole self-deception thing is when they talk about how much they want a "good guy"—someone respectful, loving, kind, etcetera, etcetera—you know what I mean? And yet, they almost always end up with some massive, selfish jerk who belittles them, walks all over them, cheats on them, uses them, and treats them like garbage... only for them to end up begging him on their knees to come back.

So, basically, the female logical brain says, "I want a nice, sweet guy who buys me flowers and treats me right," but then there's a completely different reality regarding what actually triggers that attraction and draws them in. Honestly, I've seen it happen way too many times to count.😁

Total psycho games. Not everyone is wired the same way, and we don't all need these "healthy" relationship standards forced down our throats. Maybe if you stopped making such a huge deal out of everything, you wouldn't be so miserable.

You want to know how to hook someone and make them yours forever? Just feed their subconscious what it’s actually craving... toss in some drama, a little thrill, maybe a bit of a plot twist. Eventually, you'll just look back and realize how ridiculous the whole thing is—there's really no point in taking any of it seriously.

Nicholas Barnes52, come on, man, quit playing—what's the deal with this quote: "A flirt's job is to charm every lady he meets, while staying faithful to absolutely none of them."

ambercrane722 said:Nicholas Barnes52, come on, man, quit playing—what's the deal with this quote: "A flirt's job is to charm every lady he meets, while staying faithful to absolutely none of them."

Oh, you know exactly what it means.

haha I know, obviously :-) I'm like that all the time

"As long as there is love, there is forgiveness." That’s how I see it—though I should clarify that this applies when you're actually in love, which is a much higher state of being than just liking someone. Naturally, when you're head over heels, you tend to swallow your pride and endure things you shouldn't... and you'll likely keep doing so until you eventually hit that wall of total indifference. Only then can you truly turn the page on your romantic life. 😳 ☕

Hey Dyadoama, just curious—how old are you actually?