Some weird "society

Greetings, everyone. 🙂
To provide some context, I am seventeen years old and currently navigating high school. I would not characterize myself as overly withdrawn or socially awkward; my interpersonal skills are perfectly functional, and I certainly do not consider myself a loner, but...
Lately, my classmates have begun behaving quite strangely toward me—though, to be fair, this shift isn't limited strictly to my experience, as many others are facing similar treatment. There are individuals I used to be close with—people I stood by when no one else bothered to—who now treat me as if I were some sort of fool. One particular former close friend, who used to speak only to me, has since gravitated toward a different crowd and now treats me with utter indifference. 🙂
I find myself questioning whether the issue lies within my own character or theirs. Interestingly, I maintain an older circle of friends who feel more like family than anything else; because my interactions with them remain perfectly normal, it suggests the friction is likely localized to my school environment. Furthermore, my life outside of these hallways is quite fulfilling; I excel in both athletics and music, which has earned me significant praise from my teachers. Yet, curiously, ever since the faculty began to take notice of my achievements, my peers seem to have lost their respect for me. What is your assessment of this situation? Should I attempt to alter my persona, or is there another course of action worth considering? 😕

Don't sweat it. Stop bending over backward just to fit in with everyone else. When the time comes that you actually need them, give them exactly what they gave you.
Make sure they know why you deserve respect.

redbear2 said:Don't sweat it. Stop bending over backward just to fit in with everyone else. When the time comes that you actually need them, give them exactly what they gave you.
Make sure they know why you deserve respect.

'nuff said.

They’re likely just acting out of pure envy. I wouldn't give them any more of your headspace than they deserve. 😳 😵

Why would you even bother conforming to their standards? Just go find your own crowd—people who actually care about the same music or sports as you do. You mentioned you've got talent, so use it. They’re just bitter. 😉

17 years old😁
Back when I was your age, I felt like I was switching up my entire social circle every single month—just constantly hunting for where I fit in.

Honestly, though? The older you get, the more you start to realize exactly what kind of people actually deserve a spot in your life. It all starts to crystallize eventually.

What exactly constitutes a society?
It is merely a collection of individuals..
One ought to conduct oneself as if dealing with an individual..

Those folks above actually gave you some solid advice if you ask me. Don't go changing who you are just to fit in with the crowd—I mean, sure, maybe tweak things just enough so they don't completely ghost you and keep the lines of communication open, but once they come crawling back needing something from you, aren't you going to give them a taste of their own medicine?

stormypilot72 said:Greetings, everyone. 🙂
To provide some context, I am seventeen years old and currently navigating high school. I would not characterize myself as overly withdrawn or socially awkward; my interpersonal skills are perfectly functional, and I certainly do not consider myself a loner, but...
Lately, my classmates have begun behaving quite strangely toward me—though, to be fair, this shift isn't limited strictly to my experience, as many others are facing similar treatment. There are individuals I used to be close with—people I stood by when no one else bothered to—who now treat me as if I were some sort of fool. One particular former close friend, who used to speak only to me, has since gravitated toward a different crowd and now treats me with utter indifference. 🙂
I find myself questioning whether the issue lies within my own character or theirs. Interestingly, I maintain an older circle of friends who feel more like family than anything else; because my interactions with them remain perfectly normal, it suggests the friction is likely localized to my school environment. Furthermore, my life outside of these hallways is quite fulfilling; I excel in both athletics and music, which has earned me significant praise from my teachers. Yet, curiously, ever since the faculty began to take notice of my achievements, my peers seem to have lost their respect for me. What is your assessment of this situation? Should I attempt to alter my persona, or is there another course of action worth considering? 😕

There you go. That’s how it starts. Give it a year or two and those elementary school friendships start falling away. Then comes the drift from your high school crowd and that stretch of total isolation if you don't manage to meet anyone new. By the time you hit 23, even your closest high school bonds will be gone, and every new "friendship" you make will just last less and less time... Cheers! 😉

urbanmoose2 said:There you go. That’s how it starts. Give it a year or two and those elementary school friendships start falling away. Then comes the drift from your high school crowd and that stretch of total isolation if you don't manage to meet anyone new. By the time you hit 23, even your closest high school bonds will be gone, and every new "friendship" you make will just last less and less time... Cheers! 😉

Just because it happened to you doesn't mean it's his destiny. Besides, we gave him some advice; if he actually follows it, he'll be fine.

redbear2 said:Just because it happened to you doesn't mean it's his destiny. Besides, we gave him some advice; if he actually follows it, he'll be fine.

The advice you gave him is exactly what I did. I never tried to fit in; I just gave people back exactly what they gave me. Now I've realized my only real friends are my mom and my PC. Not even joking...

urbanmoose2 said:The advice you gave him is exactly what I did. I never tried to fit in; I just gave people back exactly what they gave me. Now I've realized my only real friends are my mom and my PC. Not even joking...

Are you sure about that?

Since you've been through the exact same ringer, maybe there’s a better way to guide him?

redbear2 said:Are you sure about that?

Since you've been through the exact same ringer, maybe there’s a better way to guide him?

I can't help him if I don't even know what actually works.

I tried everything—pretending to be a total party animal, joining a local CrossFit gym, trying to hang out with more low-key crowds. Nothing worked. Some might say that was just me trying too hard to fit in, but once I realized I wasn't being accepted, I just moved on. Didn't want to waste my energy chasing people who weren't interested...

It didn't work when I acted like a tough guy, it didn't work when I acted like I didn't care that I had no one to talk to, and it didn't work when I played the sympathetic listener...

Call it karma. I don't have any other explanation...

All I can tell the kid is that I hope he doesn't end up in the same spot.

urbanmoose2 said:I can't help him if I don't even know what actually works.

I tried everything—pretending to be a total party animal, joining a local CrossFit gym, trying to hang out with more low-key crowds. Nothing worked. Some might say that was just me trying too hard to fit in, but once I realized I wasn't being accepted, I just moved on. Didn't want to waste my energy chasing people who weren't interested...

It didn't work when I acted like a tough guy, it didn't work when I acted like I didn't care that I had no one to talk to, and it didn't work when I played the sympathetic listener...

Call it karma. I don't have any other explanation...

All I can tell the kid is that I hope he doesn't end up in the same spot.

First you claim you weren't trying to adapt to anyone, then you admit you were faking it the whole time?
Or are you saying you started acting a certain way only after losing all your friends by refusing to adapt?

redbear2 said:First you claim you weren't trying to adapt to anyone, then you admit you were faking it the whole time?
Or are you saying you started acting a certain way only after losing all your friends by refusing to adapt?

Let’s put it this way—first I didn't try to fit in, and that failed. Then I tried following patterns I saw in other people, and that didn't work either...

Maybe the issue is you’re just trying too hard to follow these patterns you think people want to see. Honestly—and I’m no expert here—I think being totally open and authentic is the way to go. That’s what I value in others, and I try to live by it myself! These social scripts can feel so stiff and rigid sometimes. It also helps to hang out where the people are actually into the same stuff you are. If you aren't in college, maybe join a local club or try a hobby you've never touched before. You don't need to be best friends with everyone, obviously, but just being around similar people makes everything click 🙂

I certainly never claimed to be without friends. I maintain close ties with my childhood companions from elementary school, and throughout every social circle I have inhabited—past or present—I have consistently maintained cordial relations with everyone, right up to the very end. It does not cause me any distress that I am no longer on intimate terms with certain individuals; rather, I find myself curious as to why one specific group chooses to treat me with such distinct hostility when my conduct toward them has been identical to my conduct toward all others. To be clear, I have plenty of friends and am by no means a lonely person. 🙂

stormypilot72 said:I certainly never claimed to be without friends. I maintain close ties with my childhood companions from elementary school, and throughout every social circle I have inhabited—past or present—I have consistently maintained cordial relations with everyone, right up to the very end. It does not cause me any distress that I am no longer on intimate terms with certain individuals; rather, I find myself curious as to why one specific group chooses to treat me with such distinct hostility when my conduct toward them has been identical to my conduct toward all others. To be clear, I have plenty of friends and am by no means a lonely person. 🙂

Assuming two different groups will react to you the same way just because you treat them all the same is a flawed premise.
Those two groups are different entities. Treating them identically doesn't guarantee an identical result.

If one extends respect, offers assistance, and conducts oneself with genuine kindness toward another, it seems rather unreasonable to expect anything less than reciprocal decency, rather than being treated like a fool.

stormypilot72 said:If one extends respect, offers assistance, and conducts oneself with genuine kindness toward another, it seems rather unreasonable to expect anything less than reciprocal decency, rather than being treated like a fool.

Well... Matthew White2, I’ve been asking myself this very same question my entire life...🙂
Or rather, I’m just trying to wrap my head around why people treat those who play by the rules like they’re some kind of joke—and why it seems like the ones who give everything they have to everyone else always end up being the ones left out in the cold... It’s as if the very people constantly showing up for others are the last ones anyone thinks to show up for in return—if they ever do at all...🙄 To be honest, I don’t think I have a definitive answer to that question just yet. Or maybe I do—and if I do, it’s a pretty blunt one—life is simply unfair... and you really have to keep that in mind. You eventually get used to it, though. Believe me... 🥳

Regarding your initial post... look, if you want my honest take—it’s just not worth pretending to be someone you aren't. Trying to mold yourself just to fit in with the crowd usually leads nowhere... you end up wandering aimlessly, searching for a version of yourself that doesn't actually exist...😕 I’m speaking from experience here—because those who actually want you in their circle will accept you exactly as you are... while those who won't? Well, that’s just a tragedy in the making... I suppose I’m ready... I’m pretty sure you already know this one... but honestly, I'd take a handful of genuine, ride-or-die friends over a massive crowd of people who just don't get you any day of the week.🥳

So, look—just be yourself and stick with the people who actually value you... though, in your case, I suppose that might just mean your old elementary school crew...? 🤔 ...and just leave those idiots to their own devices... They just don't see it...You’ve still got that crew from elementary school—that core group you’ve known forever... I never really had anything like that.🙂
Best of luck...