#1 ·
Here’s the situation. I was in a relationship for three years; he’s 26 and I’m 21. For the most part, he was incredible to me, standing by my side through every rough patch, just like I did for him. We clicked perfectly, spent almost all our time together, and there was never a dull moment—honestly, he felt like my soulmate. Our physical connection was just okay, but that’s never been a huge priority for me in a relationship. But about six months ago, he turned into a completely different person. He started snapping at me, constantly criticizing me, yelling, complaining... I took it at first, thinking he was just going through a hard time, so I tried to be even better, more supportive, stepping aside whenever he got moody, swallowing his insults. And predictably, he started using that against me, basically walking all over me. We talked about it a thousand times, and he always promised things would change, saying life was just heavy right now but it would get better. And it would... for a week or two, and then we were right back where we started. Then, three weeks ago, he said something to me that cut so deep I never expected it from him, and I just stood up and walked out. That was it for me; the final straw. I couldn't take any more. We didn't speak for about ten days, and everyone told me I was better off without him, which honestly felt true because I felt this massive weight lifted off my shoulders.
But then, about seven days ago, he called me asking to meet up and talk. So I went. And of course, the whole routine started—the begging, the crying, the apologies. I realized what I was losing, telling him I wasn't coming back, that if he ever acted like that again, it would be over for good, promising him I'd be the girl he fell in love with again. And that day, he really was that guy, the one I actually wanted to spend my time with...
However... a few days before that, I hopped online just because I was bored. I started talking to this guy, we swapped info... and obviously, there was a spark. Since then, we've been chatting for five or six hours a day, texting constantly in between🙄 The time I spend with him is amazing; we’re always laughing, and we’ve even started talking about those "butterflies" in the stomach feeling, which you might laugh at, but it’s real😍 > called me to meet up. I agreed, but I was honest with him—I told him I don't know what to do about my ex, so he should decide if he wants to move forward because I can't promise him anything. He still agreed to see me.
I know I'm not being smart here. My ex shouldn't find out about this, and there’s no reason he should anyway; we aren't together. I told him I want to go out with this new guy to see who he is and if things work out, and only *after* I see if he’s changed will I consider getting back together. Though, from what I can tell, he thinks we're still in a relationship. We've gone out twice since then and it was nice, but I’m still terrified this is just a temporary phase.
On the other hand, I really want to see this guy from the internet, and given how much I feel those butterflies, I have a feeling something could actually happen. But I'm stuck wondering if I should throw away everything beautiful we had—which is rare to find these days—just for a feeling, and jump into something totally unknown if my ex actually does change...
It’s a long post, I know, but I’d really appreciate your thoughts because I’m lost... Is it cheating if there’s kissing and cuddling with the "new" guy? I don't think it is since I'm not technically with my ex, but after three years, it feels weird somehow🙂 Do you think it's smart to see this new guy and just see where it goes? Or do you have some other idea? Advice? Thanks a lot🙂
But then, about seven days ago, he called me asking to meet up and talk. So I went. And of course, the whole routine started—the begging, the crying, the apologies. I realized what I was losing, telling him I wasn't coming back, that if he ever acted like that again, it would be over for good, promising him I'd be the girl he fell in love with again. And that day, he really was that guy, the one I actually wanted to spend my time with...
However... a few days before that, I hopped online just because I was bored. I started talking to this guy, we swapped info... and obviously, there was a spark. Since then, we've been chatting for five or six hours a day, texting constantly in between🙄 The time I spend with him is amazing; we’re always laughing, and we’ve even started talking about those "butterflies" in the stomach feeling, which you might laugh at, but it’s real😍 > called me to meet up. I agreed, but I was honest with him—I told him I don't know what to do about my ex, so he should decide if he wants to move forward because I can't promise him anything. He still agreed to see me.
I know I'm not being smart here. My ex shouldn't find out about this, and there’s no reason he should anyway; we aren't together. I told him I want to go out with this new guy to see who he is and if things work out, and only *after* I see if he’s changed will I consider getting back together. Though, from what I can tell, he thinks we're still in a relationship. We've gone out twice since then and it was nice, but I’m still terrified this is just a temporary phase.
On the other hand, I really want to see this guy from the internet, and given how much I feel those butterflies, I have a feeling something could actually happen. But I'm stuck wondering if I should throw away everything beautiful we had—which is rare to find these days—just for a feeling, and jump into something totally unknown if my ex actually does change...
It’s a long post, I know, but I’d really appreciate your thoughts because I’m lost... Is it cheating if there’s kissing and cuddling with the "new" guy? I don't think it is since I'm not technically with my ex, but after three years, it feels weird somehow🙂 Do you think it's smart to see this new guy and just see where it goes? Or do you have some other idea? Advice? Thanks a lot🙂