The Philosophy Crew

Inspired by that classic sketch from Saturday Night Live—http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ur5fGSBsfq8—I found myself wondering if we could actually assemble the ultimate philosophical soccer squad. 😲

Here’s my starting lineup:

1. Bertrand Russell
2. Ludwig Wittgenstein
3. David Hume
4. Karl Popper
5. Empedocles
6. Daniel Dennett
7. W.V.O. Quine
8. Friedrich Nietzsche
9. Rudolf Carnap
10. John Dewey
11. Albert Camus

Running a 3-3-3-1 formation here:

Heraclitus is guarding the goal (that's it, end of story)

Plato is our last man up in defense—once you get past him, there’s nothing left but the net.

Sitting right in front of him, we've got Wolfgang Pauli and Ludwig Wittgenstein—one is super solid and grounded, while the other just cuts through everything; nobody's getting past that duo.

Then the midfield trio: Hans-Georg Gadamer, David Bohm, and Karl Jaspers. They’re the engine room, connecting everyone perfectly. Great movement too—quick short passes, long balls, real penetration. Plus, they defend like crazy, keeping things clean. Gadamer is a bit classy but relentless, subtle yet everywhere at once. David Bohm is defensive perfection, pulling off those double-dialogue passes and unpredictable long balls. And Jaspers? He’s all over the pitch, great positioning, holds his ground well.

On the right wing, we have Martin Heidegger—totally elusive, plays right on the edge of a foul sometimes, and definitely makes some loud moves.😁

The central midfielder is Bela Hamvas: total playmaker, pure creativity.

On the left wing, Peter Sloterdijk—a real dribbler, can shoot from absolutely anywhere.

And the striker, obviously, Friedrich Nietzsche (he’s got a high football IQ, as Branimir Štulić would say😉). He's lethal with both feet, a ruthless finisher who scores, dribbles, and never misses when the defense slips up.

🙂

[edit: alright, making a few last-minute tweaks because if I'm gonna write nonsense, might as well make it fit my personal taste; swapped out some classics for my favorites: 👋 Wolfgang Pauli, David Bohm, Karl Jaspers, and Bela Hamvas (Max Scheler stays on the bench)😢]

🤣 Honestly, that’s hilarious.
We need way more people like this in the philosophy scene, so I am totally here for it.
Seriously, what’s even the point of tackling life's deepest mysteries if you can't crack a joke about them once in a while?
It reminds me of what old man Frederick used to say:
"I live in my own place,
never copied anybody else,
and to any master who lacks
the grace to laugh at himself - I laugh!"

.................................................. .Thomas Aquinas........................................

.................................................. ..Wittgenstein.................................... ....

.................................Popper........... .......................Leibniz................... .....

.......Heidegger.................................. ...Kant.................................Plato.... ..

.................................................. .Feyerabend....................................... .....

..............................Nietzsche........... .................................................. .......
.................................................. .....................Mill......................... ..........

@Emily Thomas3

I'm honestly struggling to see how Nietzsche and Mill could possibly be considered allies in this particular offensive. 🙂

In the interest of maintaining some semblance of intellectual variety, I decided to throw in Empedocles, Camus, and Nietzsche. As for everyone else, they’re leaning much more toward that analytical vibe. 🙂

Honestly, my team would be a total disaster in the locker room, I'll give you that. But on the field? Their disagreements actually make them unstoppable. 😬 I feel like Popper and Feyerabend would be at each other's throats before the game even started.

Emily Thomas3 said:Honestly, my team would be a total disaster in the locker room, I'll give you that. But on the field? Their disagreements actually make them unstoppable. 😬 I feel like Popper and Feyerabend would be at each other's throats before the game even started.

And what about Heidegger and Wittgenstein? Honestly, Wittgenstein would probably take him out just for his absolute misuse of language. 🙂

Too many headaches... I definitely need a solid coach to keep everything in check.

Emily Thomas3 said:Too many headaches... I definitely need a solid coach to keep everything in check.

Maybe Habermas could take the reins... he's a bit too fond of finding middle ground, so he’d probably just calm everyone down and build some team spirit (even if it's just through political correctness)... though Sloterdijk would probably end up stuck in the bleachers in that scenario.😬

Yeah, honestly? Nietzsche would probably get a red card within the first ten minutes... you’d have to toss him out immediately just so we aren't playing shorthanded by the end of the first half... instead, maybe pull Aristotle off the bench to bring some much-needed balance to the middle ground... 😍

Donna Campbell6 said:Yeah, honestly? Nietzsche would probably get a red card within the first ten minutes... you’d have to toss him out immediately just so we aren't playing shorthanded by the end of the first half... instead, maybe pull Aristotle off the bench to bring some much-needed balance to the middle ground... 😍

In that classic Monty Python sketch, Nietzsche ends up getting a red card because he tries to convince the judge—who is playing Confucius—that free will simply doesn't exist. 😁

So, really, bringing Nietzsche into the mix is a bad idea, even if there are a few merits to his perspective. 👍

Please keep in mind that playing a three-card monte game—in this day and age—is completely out of touch. 😁

Emily Thomas3 said:.................................................. .Thomas Aquinas........................................

.................................................. ..Wittgenstein.................................... ....

.................................Popper........... .......................Leibniz................... .....

.......Heidegger.................................. ...Kant.................................Plato.... ..

.................................................. .Feyerabend....................................... .....

..............................Nietzsche........... .................................................. .......
.................................................. .....................Mill......................... ..........

So who actually got the red card here? Bertrand Russell?
I mean, I could never see him playing dirty. He’s too clean for that.😬

Gary Hernandez6 said:Please keep in mind that playing a three-card monte game—in this day and age—is completely out of touch. 😁

Yeah, sure, but then you've got Heidegger coming back around—trying to find his "authenticity" or whatever😕—and helping the defense. And honestly, Kant isn't making much headway either... he never really even left Cambridge...

Emily Thomas3 said:.................................................. .Thomas Aquinas........................................

.................................................. ..Wittgenstein.................................... ....

.................................Popper........... .......................Leibniz................... .....

.......Heidegger.................................. ...Kant.................................Plato.... ..

.................................................. .Feyerabend....................................... .....

..............................Nietzsche........... .................................................. .......
.................................................. .....................Mill......................... ..........

You’re missing one defender for a 4-4-2 formation—maybe Spinoza? 🙂

Gary Hernandez6 said:You’re missing one defender for a 4-4-2 formation—maybe Spinoza? 🙂

At the end of the day, Parmenides essentially proved that nothing actually exists. Or did he? 😬

ironmarlin1 said:At the end of the day, Parmenides essentially proved that nothing actually exists. Or did he? 😬

I'm heading off to watch some soccer on my tablet.🙂 😁

@Donna Campbell6 and everyone else—take care.

Gary Hernandez6 said:I'm heading off to watch some soccer on my tablet.🙂 😁

@Donna Campbell6 and everyone else—take care.

Smart move if you ask me.😍 You get way more action and actual excitement than sitting through this boring stuff, right?
It's honestly enough to make the whole graveyard turn upside down!😍

ironmarlin1 said:And what about Heidegger and Wittgenstein? Honestly, Wittgenstein would probably take him out just for his absolute misuse of language. 🙂

Hmmmmmmmmmmm, that's a pretty controversial take 😁.

P.S. This is a really lovely thread, though I've never been much of a football fan myself🙂. :heretic:
And that Python sketch is such a classic.

Nemanja: Soccer 🙏