Too many temporary fixes

Is it just me, or is life getting a little too heavy on the quick fixes?

Why does it feel like the good stuff is so rare, {while the half-measures or the real heartbreaks seem to stick around forever}?

I don’t know, I kind of get the feeling that by chasing all these tiny, temporary distractions, we end up hitting what people call—life saturation. Basically, we're just burnt out on this way of living.

It really hurts, honestly. That sense of emptiness in my love life... I'm not trying to be bitter, but sometimes it's hard not to feel a bit envious.

How do you actually go about finding lasting goals {instead of just settling for temporary comforts}?

It isn't that good experiences are rare; rather, we tend to dwell on the bad much longer than the good, often taking our blessings for granted. If you meet ten people and nine treat you with kindness, but one treats you poorly, it’s that single negative encounter that lingers in your mind. You might even dismiss those nine kind souls as just "the norm" while feeling completely defeated by the one who was unkind. If you fall into this mindset, you end up accumulating a heavy weight of negative memories, eventually drowning in self-pity and the belief that life is fundamentally unfair. We have to constantly retrain ourselves to de-emphasize the setbacks and place far greater value on the wins.

I am not quite sure what you mean by "temporary comforts" versus "lasting goals." 🤔

When it comes to romance, it's a mix of pure luck and being honest about what you truly want and whether you can actually achieve it. Most people suffer because there is a gap between their desires and their reality.

Carl Rivera43 said:Is it just me, or is life getting a little too heavy on the quick fixes?

Why does it feel like the good stuff is so rare, {while the half-measures or the real heartbreaks seem to stick around forever}?

I don’t know, I kind of get the feeling that by chasing all these tiny, temporary distractions, we end up hitting what people call—life saturation. Basically, we're just burnt out on this way of living.

It really hurts, honestly. That sense of emptiness in my love life... I'm not trying to be bitter, but sometimes it's hard not to feel a bit envious.

How do you actually go about finding lasting goals {instead of just settling for temporary comforts}?

Human evolution is wired this way—it’s just how we function.
Every once in a while, someone might rise above the general baseline, but that baseline is essentially defined by three specific energy centers—the ego level. In those realms, things like your "temporary fixes," "life burnout," "envy," and "romantic emptiness" (along with plenty of other thought-emotions) exist.
Your first "lasting goal" could be ruthless introspection—really identifying your own evolutionary stage, specifically your emotional-mental-energetic makeup.

A second "lasting goal" would be raising your energy or consciousness to at least the heart level.
Your motivation can go one of two ways: either pure desperation from being sick of your current life, or a burst of momentum and joy because you caught a glimpse of something beautiful or felt love for a moment.

There are endless techniques and paths; there's no single recipe. And despite the general consensus on this forum that everything is an illusion—that we're all already enlightened and don't need anything except realizing we're already "there"—I'd still suggest sticking to classic self-development paths (like yoga). It requires long-term, gritty work—which is usually where all the theorists and spiritual seekers trip up. If you show up here in a few years and nothing has changed, then you're part of the majority.

Carl Rivera43 said:Is it just me, or is life getting a little too heavy on the quick fixes?

Why does it feel like the good stuff is so rare, {while the half-measures or the real heartbreaks seem to stick around forever}?

I don’t know, I kind of get the feeling that by chasing all these tiny, temporary distractions, we end up hitting what people call—life saturation. Basically, we're just burnt out on this way of living.

It really hurts, honestly. That sense of emptiness in my love life... I'm not trying to be bitter, but sometimes it's hard not to feel a bit envious.

How do you actually go about finding lasting goals {instead of just settling for temporary comforts}?

You are looking only at the negative side of things, even though none exists. You're intoxicated. 🙂 We find ourselves surrounded by life's fleeting moments—appearances that are, by their very nature, transient. Why settle for the ephemeral? One ought to direct their attention toward that which possesses the potential for permanence.
Regarding what you truly are... What you see there is nothing more than your own projection on a screen—a search for a version of yourself that doesn't actually exist. That is the only constant. Only that remains. Peace, joy, love, and even the primordial essence that exists before those concepts can even be defined. There is something prior to all of them, without which nothing else can manifest. You are constant. You are not some fleeting, temporary thing. Everything transient merely surfaces within you. You are searching for yourself... but honestly, you are far too preoccupied with the temporary. You cling to it like a man obsessed with a beautiful mistress, convinced that if she were gone, he would simply cease to exist.

Once you finally grasp the core concept, everything else will naturally begin to fall into place.

Carl Rivera43 said:Is it just me, or is life getting a little too heavy on the quick fixes?

Why does it feel like the good stuff is so rare, {while the half-measures or the real heartbreaks seem to stick around forever}?

I don’t know, I kind of get the feeling that by chasing all these tiny, temporary distractions, we end up hitting what people call—life saturation. Basically, we're just burnt out on this way of living.

It really hurts, honestly. That sense of emptiness in my love life... I'm not trying to be bitter, but sometimes it's hard not to feel a bit envious.

How do you actually go about finding lasting goals {instead of just settling for temporary comforts}?

I’ll try to answer your questions from my own perspective.

When you go through painful experiences, that energy stays tethered to those core events in your subconscious. That's why you often find yourself lacking the drive or the will to set and reach for actual goals.
We tell ourselves it's in the past and that we're moving on, but it doesn't really work that way. It works exactly how I described above.
That reservoir of suppressed emotions—sadness, pain, fear, disappointment, shame, guilt—can act as a massive brake on your progress and your zest for life until it’s finally resolved. It’s a huge reason why anxiety and depression are so prevalent.

Some people find their way through yoga (as > mentioned), others make a conscious effort to pivot toward the positive (like > suggested), and some seek out a therapist to help process those repressed feelings so they can finally move forward freely.

Every significant painful event leaves a mark. Unfortunately, if it isn't processed, life tends to pull similar patterns back toward you, almost as if trying to force you to resolve the underlying consequences.

This is why many people struggle to build successful relationships even when they want to; there are internal brakes from the past that haven't been "fixed" yet.

Those temporary comforts aren't much more than attempts by the body and nervous system to soothe the turmoil boiling beneath the surface of the subconscious.

Setting a long-term goal isn't even the hard part. The difficulty lies in the fact that memories from the past can drain the willpower needed to pursue them and stay consistent.

Dealing with complex trauma or PTSD often requires professional help; we can't always do it alone. Once those traumas are resolved, we are finally free to live the life we've always wanted.

Short-term fixes? That’s stuff like grabbing drinks with friends, hitting the mall, or catching a concert. Then there are those weird, paradoxical comforts—like the anticipation of meeting someone new, or that little hope that I might finally connect with a woman who actually gets what I need.

Long-term goals are pretty standard: career stability, if that happens; a steady relationship, if not; or just finding peace within myself. And probably having more real friends—you know, actually seeing who wants to be there and who doesn't.

My love life? Well, like I said, the paradox is in the anticipation of meeting someone. It feels a bit like playing the lottery, honestly. But sometimes I feel this pang of guilt because I do it that way, or because my criteria for meeting people are way too broad, or because I’m just not sure if I can truly show up as myself in a serious relationship.

I’m not a hateful person—and I don't think I deserve to be hated—which actually hurts a bit because I’m not sure if that’s a good thing. I mean, I don't hate people, though I do feel contempt sometimes, but I haven't felt true hatred in ages. Still, I've made mistakes, and maybe the reason I'm not sure if I deserve kindness is because of them. Maybe some resentment from others is just a signal for me, a way to see where I need to pay attention. It’s hard to sit with emptiness, and it’s hard to accept that certain things aren't coming back. Sometimes I feel like I’m not grateful enough, and that stings.

Falling in love doesn't happen for me very often. Probably because of old wounds, or just this feeling that life hasn't really flowed through me. Like I’ve spent too much time being a background character instead of the lead, or an object rather than a person with agency.

Has my past weighed on me? Absolutely. For instance, I finally landed a decent job a few weeks ago, but getting there was brutal—nearly two and a half months of grinding through almost 20 different interviews. That whole stretch really took a toll on my confidence. As for being persistent? Sometimes I am, usually when job hunting, though I can get a little too intense about it at times.
Unfortunately, I tend to fixate on the negatives. I try to rationalize why things are bad, but I often get lost in all the flaws of even the best ideas.

And yeah, my goals are often blurry. It’s like I’m trying to make up for everything that was lacking in my past. I’ll be turning 32 soon, but part of me feels like I’m in my early 20s—I hang out with people that age, and even people in their late 20s act like they're 22, so I feel like I'm 23. But then, walking down quiet streets on a cold winter night, I suddenly feel like I’m nearing retirement. Like I’m 50 with five failed marriages behind me. It’s as if everything I’ve heard, seen, and felt has piled up so heavily that I’m just trying to make sense of a life that feels too massive to grasp right now.

So, regarding reaching those milestones... that's the thing. There are these mental brakes. Sometimes I think I’ve outgrown them, but the truth is, a lot of things from my younger years were left unfinished.

Oh, and the subconscious is incredibly powerful in hindsight. It brings up so many extra questions, and let's face it, you can't really run away from yourself.
Also, my willpower has taken a hit. It’s not gone, but when I can't even reach the lower expectations I keep setting for myself month after month... well, that really slows me down.

Where’s the spiritual element in all this?

Look, I’ll let the opening questions slide, because honestly, people ask all sorts of random things. But the responses? They really ought to be framed within a spiritual context.

Drew Moore5 said:Where’s the spiritual element in all this?

Look, I’ll let the opening questions slide, because honestly, people ask all sorts of random things. But the responses? They really ought to be framed within a spiritual context.

Look, I don't know much about spirituality myself. I'm really just curious to hear what people who actually know their stuff think. What's your take?

Isn't it a good thing if we can help someone out, even just a little bit?

Carl Rivera43 said:Look, I don't know much about spirituality myself. I'm really just curious to hear what people who actually know their stuff think. What's your take?

Isn't it a good thing if we can help someone out, even just a little bit?

Sure, but you have to consider whether you're actually helping, making things worse, or just doing nothing at all.
Personally, before I'd offer advice, I’d have to feel capable of giving it—and even then, I'd do it humbly. I'm not going to give you some cliché instruction like "grab your left ear, take a deep breath, and exhale."

The questions you're asking are perfectly legitimate, though they hit on very fundamental issues. I'm not offering advice so much as an invitation to reflect, because the fact that you're asking is likely the first step itself. Anything that comes from a place of genuine life experience is positive. Ultimately, it's up to you whether you decide to really lean into these questions. I could hand you a direct answer, but you wouldn't truly grasp or accept it.

Generally speaking, humans are multi-layered beings shaped by countless different factors. We wouldn't survive a single moment on this planet if other beings weren't constantly providing us with support. Otherwise, you'd just bump your head and mistake the whole thing for a miracle.

Often, the major decisions we make in life happen without us even realizing it. Sometimes we act logically based on our circumstances, and other times we act against all reason. But if you look back ten years later, you realize that a specific moment shifted your entire life path in a direction you didn't expect—and usually, it turns out to be for the better. Everything in life has a cause; it's just that the cause isn't always immediately visible. A lot of it depends on your individual temperament and mental disposition.

In life, there’s something massive about being able to make peace with destiny—and actually knowing how to do it. It isn’t about sitting back and being passive; quite the opposite. It’s about accepting life as your own personal path at a much deeper level.

By the way, those questions you're asking? They're pretty classic for someone with a melancholic temperament.

You hit the nail on the head. It’s definitely that melancholy vibe, sometimes even feeling a bit phlegmatic.

To be honest, I find it way easier to go along with what everyone else wants than to chase my own goals. {I guess because I've dealt with so many setbacks lately, I've just scaled back my expectations, and then it hurts even more when even the little things don't pan out.}

A few years back, life was moving at a much faster pace for me. But looking back, I realized I spent way too much time complaining about everything, almost out of habit. Now? I just end up dealing with this irrational sense of guilt all too often.

By the way, it’s much easier to handle melancholy when you can recognize that same kind of life-weariness in others.
I’m guessing you can’t stand seeing that "managerial" ego in people, especially when they get all choleric about it.

Anyway, I’ve got some news for you: every sane person suffers; the only real question is whether they’re aware of it or not. We aren't some "finished product" because evolution implies constant development. Humans are still going to change significantly, just as we already have. Even if you look at the ancient Greeks, for instance—Roman historians suggest they actually perceived colors differently than we do. So, we undergo changes even on a physical level over relatively short spans of time.
That's one of those subtle forms of suffering most people overlook, but it’s the fundamental reason why people are drawn to spirituality.

Evil actually teaches you something; it can be quite refining if you look at it right. It’s all about finding that sweet spot of balance.
You can't have the light without the dark.

Big thanks to that guy for the assist!

Can I spot when people are struggling? Maybe. Honestly, I just want everyone around me to be happy. It genuinely makes my day when good things happen to them, and it sucks when they hit a rough patch. I try to step in and help whenever I can. Sometimes it might look like I’m looking for something in return, but most of the time, that’s just not the case at all.

When someone is going through it, I do my best to lend a hand. Some days I manage to make a difference, and other days? Not so much.

Dealing with bossy types? Yeah, I’m not really a fan. They aren't exactly my circle of friends. Occasionally, they end up being buddies with my friends or acquaintances, so I find myself stuck in their orbit every now and then. And honestly, it's usually a bunch of guys; I actually have way more women in my life as friends or acquaintances. I usually grab coffee two or three times a week, and I much prefer one-on-one chats or small groups of maybe four or five. Anything bigger than that? Rarely happens for me. I’m pretty flexible with everyone else's schedules, though. For instance, I work from home and plan to keep it that way—it's a huge perk, especially since I don't have to deal with looking directly at the bosses or middle management all day.

Oh, and one more thing... I want to grow. I truly believe I can.

You’re a melancholic, though other temperaments are always present to some degree. You did mention phlegmatics earlier.

Most people today lean toward being phlegmatic. It’s their dominant trait, which also makes it the "most desirable" temperament to have. But within any category, there are higher and lower types. Just like in general human nature—I won't bore you by quoting Goethe, but even modern science and psychology agree—there are higher and lower iterations. So, being phlegmatic isn't an absolute, fixed state.

Temperament is essentially the balance between what is eternal and what is fleeting within a person. You have the personality you were born with, and then you have your parental heritage and bloodline. Those two forces collide to shape your temperament.

Since you're a melancholic, the physical body tends to dominate your other faculties. The body resists that internal sense of well-being that is supposed to come from within. That’s where the pain and the depression stem from. This might not apply specifically to you, but as a general rule: you don't hold your head up high, and your gait is more sluggish than decisive, even if it remains steady.

It is almost certain that your attempts at logic and distraction are both futile and unnecessary. You're wasting your time.

There are objective opportunities in this world to witness suffering, and noticing them is vital. You’ve become quite accustomed to your own suffering; therefore, it is a significant thing if you can objectively recognize the suffering existing in the world around you.

The keyword for melancholics is compassion. Through that, you shift the focus away from your own suffering and toward the suffering of the world or others.

Given that you've mentioned twice how much you help others, I'm "not worried" about you.

I’m currently navigating some pretty heavy waters myself... but I’m just passing through. I don't live here.
And I have to go through it.
Don't let fear take hold. Everything follows its own course, so try to find some peace.
Trust me, I get it—I’ve had my share of restless nights and crushing anxiety lately too. I’m far from perfect. But sometimes, you just need one hour of stillness to process the chaos of the last few days and realize you're going to be okay.

Feeling unfulfilled?
Unhappy?
Dissatisfied?

If that's where you are, then that is your reality. Now, start forcing a change. Act immediately to stop being that person.
If you keep running the same life patterns and walking the exact same paths, don't expect anything different to happen. You have to push yourself to break the cycle.

Everyone possesses their own version of the truth. And even then, they might walk along, under the mistaken impression that they actually believe in someone else's.

Man, luck and people...

Carl Rivera43 said:Is it just me, or is life getting a little too heavy on the quick fixes?

Why does it feel like the good stuff is so rare, {while the half-measures or the real heartbreaks seem to stick around forever}?

I don’t know, I kind of get the feeling that by chasing all these tiny, temporary distractions, we end up hitting what people call—life saturation. Basically, we're just burnt out on this way of living.

It really hurts, honestly. That sense of emptiness in my love life... I'm not trying to be bitter, but sometimes it's hard not to feel a bit envious.

How do you actually go about finding lasting goals {instead of just settling for temporary comforts}?

I don't follow. What does "too many fleeting comforts" even mean? What kind of comfort, from what source, and how much is too much?

Carl Rivera43 said:Is it just me, or is life getting a little too heavy on the quick fixes?

Why does it feel like the good stuff is so rare, {while the half-measures or the real heartbreaks seem to stick around forever}?

I don’t know, I kind of get the feeling that by chasing all these tiny, temporary distractions, we end up hitting what people call—life saturation. Basically, we're just burnt out on this way of living.

It really hurts, honestly. That sense of emptiness in my love life... I'm not trying to be bitter, but sometimes it's hard not to feel a bit envious.

How do you actually go about finding lasting goals {instead of just settling for temporary comforts}?

That is entirely subjective.

If you are talking about memories rather than actual events, it's because the brain files away pleasant memories neatly, whereas bad ones just linger and wander. Too many of those wandering thoughts, and you end up dealing with trauma.

Carl Rivera43 said:Is it just me, or is life getting a little too heavy on the quick fixes?

Why does it feel like the good stuff is so rare, {while the half-measures or the real heartbreaks seem to stick around forever}?

I don’t know, I kind of get the feeling that by chasing all these tiny, temporary distractions, we end up hitting what people call—life saturation. Basically, we're just burnt out on this way of living.

It really hurts, honestly. That sense of emptiness in my love life... I'm not trying to be bitter, but sometimes it's hard not to feel a bit envious.

How do you actually go about finding lasting goals {instead of just settling for temporary comforts}?

Every success is temporary.

So change something. If you aren't sure where to start, go see a professional and figure it out together.

Carl Rivera43 said:Is it just me, or is life getting a little too heavy on the quick fixes?

Why does it feel like the good stuff is so rare, {while the half-measures or the real heartbreaks seem to stick around forever}?

I don’t know, I kind of get the feeling that by chasing all these tiny, temporary distractions, we end up hitting what people call—life saturation. Basically, we're just burnt out on this way of living.

It really hurts, honestly. That sense of emptiness in my love life... I'm not trying to be bitter, but sometimes it's hard not to feel a bit envious.

How do you actually go about finding lasting goals {instead of just settling for temporary comforts}?

If you want that to change, ask yourself what parts of your own behavior you can adjust regarding the situation.

Carl Rivera43 said:Is it just me, or is life getting a little too heavy on the quick fixes?

Why does it feel like the good stuff is so rare, {while the half-measures or the real heartbreaks seem to stick around forever}?

I don’t know, I kind of get the feeling that by chasing all these tiny, temporary distractions, we end up hitting what people call—life saturation. Basically, we're just burnt out on this way of living.

It really hurts, honestly. That sense of emptiness in my love life... I'm not trying to be bitter, but sometimes it's hard not to feel a bit envious.

How do you actually go about finding lasting goals {instead of just settling for temporary comforts}?

Through grit and hard work.